The kitchen was warm, the fire lit to her left, and a cup of steaming tea placed in front of her. Elsie slouched in the stool, her hands clasped in her lap with her shirt covering them from her sight, and her burning eyes locked on the cup. It was old, a fading green color, with a crack on the edge. She thought of her own mugs at home, a cat with a smiling face and one that had a cursive E on it that her mother had gotten her. She wished she was drinking out of them in her own kitchen. If she closed her eyes hard enough she could imagine herself back at her apartment, the TV on and cooking at the gas stove.

Elsie jumped when a hand gently clasped her shoulder. She turned her head to see Levi at her side, a wet rag in hand, and holding out his other so she could place her bloodied ones in his. Her bottom lip trembled when she pulled them out, the blood crusted on her right finger tips, and looked away when Levi began to rub it off. She couldn't believe it.

Levi said nothing after he finished, placing her hand in her lap and walking to dispose of the rag. He returned with own cup of tea, half drunk and probably cold, and sat beside her. They sat in silence for who knows how long, Levi sipping and Elsie staring at the steam disappear from her mug.

"I keep telling myself I saved lives." Elsie whispered, her throat rough from throwing up bile. She had kept going until there was nothing left in her stomach, and even then she continued to dry heave in panic until Levi calmed her enough to stand up.

"You did." Levi confirmed.

Elsie shook her head, "I didn't think it was going to be like that. I don't know, I just thought it would be easier if I knew what he was and what he's capable of. But, with him laying there, he looked like a c-child." She hiccuped on her last word, dissolving into a new round of sobs.

Levi wrapped his arm around her shoulders, roughly pulling her to his side. She clutched his shirt, wishing that she never had to kill again. Why did she take such a dramatic step? She should've told Erwin and let him arrest Reiner, they could've held him captive. Why hadn't she thought of that? Why hadn't Levi suggested it?

"Elsie, look at me," She raised her wet face to meet his, wanting to cry when she met his forgiving eyes. "Only you know what's coming for us. If you've seen how we've done it and it didn't work than you did the best you could tonight. Killing is... a disgusting thing that shouldn't be glorified and if you weren't crying right now I'd call Hange to come experiment on you."

She shook her head and let it drop back to his chest, just wanting to be held and told everything was going to be okay. She wished it was her dad hugging her and not Levi, wishing that she could her father tell her these things. She just wanted to go home.

"I was nine when I killed someone," Her eyes flashed open, feeling the way he took a shuddering breath. His arms tightened around her, his voice low and soft. "Where I'm from there is no civilization. We fought for food and clothes, for a home, were treated like animals by those who thought they were in charge. I was starving and stole a bread, something harmless. A woman came from no where, a knife in her hand, and she tried to kill me for the bread... I turned her own blade on her and the look on her face haunted me for years. It doesn't matter if you're killing to save your own life or to prevent something; it's..."

Elsie moved her arms from her side to hug his waist, "I'm sorry, Levi."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, brat," His insult didn't hold enough heat to feel like one. "Are you done with your tea?"

She sat straight and sniffled, rubbing her nose on her shirt. She could see Levi cringing but ignored him for her tea, holding the luke warm content to her lips and trying to swallow. It felt like knives going down her throat and heavy in her stomach. She thought she might throw up again but managed to hold it down. When she placed the empty cup on the table Levi grabbed it and cleaned up. Her skin tingled at the thought of going to her bed alone. She doubted she would sleep tonight, or anytime soon.

"Come on." Levi said from the doorway.

Elsie sniffed and slumped to his side, keeping her head down as they walked through the silent halls. She imagined Roman sleeping in his bed, unaware of a dead body across from him. She wrapped her hands around her chest, following Levi up the stairs. They reached the third floor, her door to her left, but instead of stopping there he led her further down the hall to the very edge. Tucked in the corner was a door that Elsie never paid attention to, hadn't realized it was there to be honest, and Levi opened it. She stepped in, taking in the perfectly made queen sized bed and couch pushed along the wall. Levi opened his closet and pulled out grey sweats and a long sleeved shirt, placing them in her frozen hands when she didn't make a move to take them from him.

"Change in the bathroom." He pointed to a door beside the bed.

Elsie's body burned as she undressed, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror as she changed. She left her uniform on the counter and creaked the door open, surprised to see Levi putting a blanket and pillow on the couch. There was a stack of papers that had appeared from no where on the arm of the couch, a candle lit and quill ready. Levi looked up when she came back, nodding towards the bed.

"Thank you, Levi." She breathed, relieved that she wasn't going to have to be alone.

She slid under the blankets, shoving her face into the pillow to hide. The bed smelled of Levi, musk and soap, and surrounded her in comfort. As she tried to sleep she heard the quill scratching on the paper, his silent breaths, the way the quill would stop and she wondered what he was doing. She peaked out of the blankets to see him already looking at her, impassive.

"I can't sleep." She whispered in the dark room.

Levi turned back to his work, "You won't."

Elsie laid on her back and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise.

"Wake up, shit head."

Elsie groaned and rolled onto her stomach, batting the rough hand that had shook her shoulder, "Five more minutes, dad."

The bed shook from a kick. Elsie squeaked and sat up, shocked to see Levi in uniform standing over her. Sun came from the windows and his blanket and paper work were folded nicely on the end of the couch. She rubbed her forehead, feeling a head ache coming, and her eyes crusty and swollen. She was shocked she managed to get any sleep, honestly, but she must've only dozed for a few minutes. She had been restless the entire night, tossing and turning, ignoring Levi's tuts from the couch as he worked. She wondered if he got any sleep either.

"Get the hell up." Levi shook his head, walking to his closet to grab his belt, the last piece of his outfit. Elsie sat up and watched him in silence, the way his back muscles pulled his shirt tighter when he moved, the way his fingers deftly clasped it in place. Elsie blinked and stood, stumbling to the bathroom to get her own clothes.

Her skin was sticky with nervous sweat as she dressed. She wouldn't doubt it if she was going to hurl before they left the room, the thought of Roman waking up and seeing Reiner dead making her shake. This was it, everyone would know he was dead, everyone would think there was a traitor amongst them. Bierthodlt would be on high alert but with the expedition tomorrow morning he wouldn't have time to disappear to inform anyone of Reiner's death. She wouldn't let him leave her sight today.

Levi waited at the door for her, impatiently rolling his eyes when she appeared. Elsie couldn't bring herself to say anything back and followed him down the empty hall, heading for the dining room like it was an ordinary morning. Her pulse quickened as they passed the cadet's rooms, noticing that people were awake and heading out as well. They walked in silence down the stairs with three others, Levi looking straight and heading for his seat. Elsie glumly sat beside him, grabbing a piece of bread to pick absently at. Her stomach couldn't handle anything and she wasn't willing to try.

Any second now Roman would come screaming down the stairs.

Petra and Gunther appeared, talking softly amongst each other as they gathered food. Yawning wide, Eld lumbered to his seat and poured himself coffee, the strong smell making Elsie want to gag. Levi was casual as he ate his fruit and toast, muttering to Eld about the plan for the day. It seemed they had nothing of importance to do, just check all was packed and let the cadets have a free day.

Elsie rubbed her eyes, if only for a second, and heard, "Reiner!"

She stared at the table, time slowing down. She could hear herself breathing, feel the air in her ears, and it seemed to get strikingly bright all the sudden. Her body stiffened, hands frozen over her bread. She turned slow, hoping her eyes weren't as wide as they felt, to watch as Reiner, perfectly alive, saunter into the dining hall. The titan had a large smile on his face, almost happier than she'd ever seen him. Bierthodlt waved him to his seat and clapped his back, chattering casually to his friend like nothing had happened the night before.

Elsie turned back and stared at the bread.

What the actual fuck? The only thing that made sense was that she hadn't cut him deep enough and he used his regeneration to keep alive. He must've used a lot of energy to do it in such a short time. But now, not only was the shit head alive, but he knew that someone in this castle had it out for him and knew his secret. He would be on high alert, most definitely focused on the Levi Squad since he never had an attack until he arrived here.

She couldn't breathe. It was so clear in her eyes; she made things ten hundred thousand times worse. Her chest was burning from lack of oxygen but she knew if she dared breathed she would dissolve into a panic attack. If he hadn't already seen her last night, her episode the moment he arrived in the dining hall would give her away. Fuck, what if he had seen her? She's so stupid, fuck.

"Elsie, I'd like to do more ODM practice today," Gunther said, sounding like he was underwater. She forced herself to look up, nodding hurriedly. He frowned. "You okay? You look like you didn't sleep last night."

"I had a dream of my family, couldn't sleep." Elsie said faintly, feeling like she was floating out of her body and watching this entire thing blow up.

"I'm sorry. You must miss them." Petra sympathized.

"Yeah, so much it hurts." Would she ever see them again? When was Reiner going to kill her? Elsie felt her hands begin to shake and placed them in her lap, choosing to keep her head down for the rest of the meal.

"Eren has been in a better mood," Gunther muttered over his mouth of oatmeal. "Thank the Heavens for that. I couldn't handle another tantrum from the kid."

"Yeah, he's definitely relaxed more. Good, we need him in a good mindset for this mission." Eld added.

Levi finished his plate, standing and tossing a napkin at Gunther, "Wash your face, you beast. Elsie, walk with me." He pushed his chair back and walked out of the room. Elsie was slower in moving, trying to walk normal, trying to not look at Reiner, trying to think he wasn't going to kill her tonight or tomorrow.

She managed to see Oluo winking and waggling his fingers at her and even that couldn't keep her mind off of the dead man walking. Levi walked back up the stairs and to his office, each step feeling like it was sending a jolt of panic in her chest. She couldn't believe it. She had failed.

The moment Levi closed his door, she fell to the ground and wheezed for air. Her eyes streamed with water, her hands on her chest, wishing for it to be over. Levi was saying something and holding her tight, squeezing so it felt like less air was getting to her, but at the same time it felt better. They sat there for what felt like hours, Elsie's first panic attack out to kill her.

"I didn't do it," She panted, holding her face as she spoke. Her eyes were wide and red, staring blankly at the door. "He regenerated, I didn't slice deep enough. I should've stayed. Levi, what if he saw me? I just made things worse!"

"Elsie-"

"I fucked up, I fucked up, fuck." She wheezed, her shaking hands digging into her hair and clenching her eyes shut. She rolled herself into as tight of a ball that she could but Levi was refusing to leave her alone. He wrapped his arms around her and sat on the floor, spreading his legs so that she was wedged between them. He shushed in her ear, his hands running down her hair in an effort to calm her.

"We'll figure it out," Levi said. Elsie shook her head in defiance, sold that her life would end in the next night, and Levi grabbed her by the cheeks to meet her eyes. "Listen to me, stop acting like a fucking child. You need to tell me who it is, I can fucking solve all of this if you would just open that damn mouth of yours."

"He's a titan, he messes up the expedition," She sobbed, eyes clenched as she waited for the pain to overtake her. Levi's fingers tightened on her cheeks, holding her still. "His name is- Ah," She clutched her throat, feeling the rash begin to form at even the chance of giving away the answer. "He's blonde, fuck, he's blonde. I'm so sorry Levi, I'm so sorry."

"You did it, you did fine." He pulled her back into his chest, letting her cry.

Elsie felt like she shouldn't have gotten out of bed. Eventually her tears subsided and her breathing returned to normal but she refused to move. Her throat hurt but it felt like an itch when she was in Levi's arms, comforted by his calm and comfort. Strangely enough, he said exactly what she needed to hear.

"I'm sorry." Elsie whispered, thinking of other things that she could've done.

"Stop apologizing, shit head," His chin rested on her head, uncomfortably jutting into her scalp, but she didn't mind. "You know, you remind me of someone."

"Eh?"

"Her name was Isobel. She always tried to do right, no matter the pain or consequence." His voice went soft talking about his comrade. Elsie saddened at the mention of his Underground friend who met her untimely death when they joined the Regiment.

She decided to tell the truth, "I know about Isobel and Farlan." She whispered.

Levi stiffened at their names and pulled back. His eyes were dark, unyielding of what he thought, "You do?"

"I know everything, Levi." Elsie sighed, resting her head back on his chest.

Eventually, Levi relaxed and Elsie fell into a restless nap.

Elsie woke up in Levi's room. She didn't recall how she got there, nor being moved, so she must've slept good. She sat up in his bed, pushing her untied hair back and looking out the window to see it dark outside. She slept the entire day? Elsie stumbled out of the sheets and headed for the door, shouting in pain when her knee knocked into the bed frame.

"Fuck, you're a disaster."

She squeaked and spun, shocked to see Levi standing in the bathroom doorway. His hair was wet and he was in grey sweats and a wife beater. She thought back to the day he and Eren had fought in the yard, and to see him again like that wasn't a disappointment.

"I-I slept all day?" She stuttered, leaning against the door, thoughts of leaving gone. "Why didn't you make me get up?"

"You had nothing to do, no one did, and you didn't sleep last night. Your lazy ass wasn't moving when I shook you anyway," Levi explained curtly, walking towards his closet and pulling out the blanket and pillow he had used last night. "And I wasn't going to leave you in your room alone."

"Oh." Right. Reiner.

"How do you feel? Your throat is in rashes again." Levi gestured to his own throat as he spoke, focused on making his bed on the couch.

Elsie grabbed it. She actually forgot about it, "Fine. What did you do?"

"After I carried your fat ass up here I went and surveyed the cadets. There's a couple blondes, but I have some in mind. Nothing out of the ordinary, the expedition is still on," He glanced at her. "What did you mean he messes up the expedition?"

"He leaves a message for someone." Elsie coasted around the subject, glad to give something.

Levi stopped for a second before finishing up. Elsie knew that she wouldn't be leaving so she headed back to the bed, sinking into the feather bed. Levi once more opened the closet and tossed sweats and a shirt for her to change into. When she came out of the bathroom Levi was laying on the couch, paper in his lap and quill already moving. Elsie slunk into the covers, pulling them up and watching Levi.

She broke the silence, "I'm scared for tomorrow."

He looked up, "We all are. Don't let it control you."

Elsie nodded, spending her night staring at Levi's concentrated face until she fell asleep, dreaming of dead eyes and bodies hanging from trees.