Morning came for too quick. Elsie was awake before Levi started to shift on the couch. She listened to him fold his blanket and smack it on top of the pillow before heading to the bathroom, the shower turning on. She turned her back to the door and stared at the castle wall, void of emotion.
She concluded that her only option today was to act like a bad ass. Elsie had done the crying, the hysterics, probably made Levi want to admit her to a psych ward, and it had fixed nothing. So now, with literally her life on the line, she may as well make it difficult for him. Elsie wouldn't let him see her, not the way that Levi had. She refused to go down crying like a baby.
With no other choice she had to get ready for the day. By the time Levi opened the steaming bathroom door they were both dressed in their uniforms, Elsie clasping her cloak while Levi walked to grab his off the back of the door. He eyed her, silent until he went to grab the door handle.
"Are you going to be okay?"
Elsie knew that she would be. She'd figure it, she'd have too. But was there anything else she could do now? Anything that she could say?
"Levi, when all that stuff happens in the forest," His eyes cut to her, acknowledging that her. "The squad stays with you. We all stick together, no matter what. No separating."
"I can't coddle you about being on your own-"
"It's not about that! I have to worry about myself today, since I screwed up my attempt to be an assassin! But I know what happens in the forest, Levi, and we need to stick together. The squad needs you."
Levi was unimpressed, "They can handle themselves."
Elsie growled, chasing him down the steps and onto the yard of the castle. Already Levi Squad were leading their horses from the stable, hushed whispers in the crisp dawn. Birds fluttered from the trees, tweeting and playing in the wind, noticeably sticking together as they flew.
"Look, even the birds are listening to me," Elsie continued, staying close his shoulder as he stalked to the stable. Noir and Sunni had their heads over the door, hooded eyes batting slowly as they watched their riders approach fast. "I'm telling you, the plan you have now won't work, just keep the squad with you after the fem- Ah!"
Her hand flew to her throat, scalding pain. Sunni kicked the stall door, in a tizzy, and Levi spun to check on her. She waved him off, swallowing to subdue the pain.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," She stepped back, begging him to listen. "Please, can we stay together?"
"If it fucking means that much to you," Levi conceded and Elsie felt her shoulders relax, sagging. Her throat wasn't burned bad, as if knowing the words weren't purposeful, and she turned her back to saddle Sunni. "What were you trying to say?"
The mare sniffed her, curious, before finding the hay more interesting. Elsie busied her hands with the buckles, thinking.
"This expedition, we're trying to draw out the enemy, right? Well, one of them isn't with us, here, sh-" Once again the flames returned and she fell silent. Levi couldn't see her through the stall.
"It's a girl. The one with the A, right?" His deep voice drawled from the other side. "She's shows up, fucks shit, leaves, huh?"
Elsie closed her eyes, sighing, "Yeah."
"Fucking titan shit." She heard him grumble, the sound of the stable door opening as he led Noir out. Elsie finished shortly after and he was waiting at the grass edge, feeding the horse carrots out of his palm.
Elsie paused by him, "It's not a total fuck up. Armin figures out who it is, as soon as he sees. You should talk to him, he's really helpful. The next Erwin, I figure." The last sentence was dry, thinking of rooftops and drawn swords.
Levi was silent, staring at the group. Elsie followed his gaze, spotting Petra and Eld laughing as they checked their tanks. More Scouts were filtering out of the building, Mikasa, Eren, Armin, all of them so innocent. In a few short hours they would see the horror of Annie. It looked different in the anime, being told they were seventeen. But looking at them in the flesh, they looked barely over fifteen. Scrawny little children, and humanity hanging on Eren's small shoulders.
"I feel bad, for everyone. That you were born into this world," She said, suddenly. Elsie looked at Levi but he was still staring ahead. "I wish I could find a way to bring everyone back with me."
"Do you think you'll go back?"
"I don't know. Maybe. It was a one in a million chance that this could even happen, so who knows if it would happen again. All I remember was going to sleep in my bed that night, ready to go to work, and I wake up in an alley here. I have no idea what force brought me, but I figure the reason why is to help you. Help you back with me? Or help you reach the ocean here?"
"The ocean?"
She smiled, "Yeah. You find the ocean."
"Imagine that." Levi scoffed, finally looking at her.
Elsie shrugged, "Imagine that."
"Let's go, the rest are waking up. We have to meet Erwin at the wall." Levi walked ahead, somewhat more relaxed since the beginning of their conversation.
Elsie had her last chance to do this, in case things went bad today. But if Levi Squad stayed with Levi and Erwin after they shot the wires through Annie they would know that she had disappeared. They would all be together, and when they were there, Elsie could tell them to cut her jaw so she didn't scream.
It would work seamlessly together. This one thing couldn't go wrong.
"Levi, wait!" She jogged to his side once more and they stopped short of the squad. "I, uh, listen, this question has been on my mind a lot, actually a lot of people want to know-"
"Can you fucking talk-"
"Are you and Petra getting married?" Elsie blurted.
Levi blinked, stunned, and looked at Petra mounting her horse. Elsie caught sight of another blonde more interesting over her shoulder.
"Why would you ask me that?" Levi's voice had dropped, loosing all humor.
"It's just one of those things I know-"
"You know?"
"Well, it wasn't necessarily confirmed, you know what just forget that I even asked." Elsie said this as she was already walking away, nervously laughing and waving him off.
She faced forward, exhaling as she merged with the rest. Thankfully Gunther was a good distraction, having grabbed Elsie's gear and watching her strap it on. His arms were folded, eyebrows furrowed, concerned.
"You good?" She asked, finishing with buckling her straps and checking her oxygen tanks.
"Double check them. I don't think you tightened them enough. Let me." Gunther yanked her whole body with each tug, constricting her blood flow. She couldn't close her legs when he stepped back, proud of his work.
"Great, thanks," She choked out, trying to loosen the wedgie that had been made. "Hey guys, so we're sticking with Levi through it all. New order, he just told me."
"Shut your shitty mouth," Levi had joined them, overhearing. "You can't go a second without-"
"I was just telling them in case you forgot," Elsie said innocently, turning to mount Sunni. Under her breath she muttered, "Since you're so old."
"What did you say?"
Elsie feigned a 'who me?' look, "Nothing."
"Shit for brains. I have a fucking huge ass shit on my squad." Levi informed her.
"But I'm the-"
Petra sighed, shaking her head, "Don't finish that sentence. I tried and he turned it against me."
Elsie clamped her mouth shut. Hange had taken lead, trotting around the cadets and shouting for them to get a move on. They grumbled and mounted their horses, neighs taking over the sounds of birds. Eld's horse bumped into Sunni and the mare kicked, Elsie fumbling with her reigns.
Hange led the Scouts away from the castle. Elsie looked back one time, knowing it would be the last time they'd all be happy. But if things worked out - and they will - they could create more happy times. They could do this.
The ride was long. It went past Hange's hut which was all Elsie knew. This gate would be different from the last one she'd gone through. Levi rode ahead, which was fine because Elsie's attitude had plummeted once they'd left the castle. Oulou and Petra bickered, Eld told them to shut up multiple times, and when they kept going Gunther turned to throw something out of his sack towards them. Eren was short behind, talking to his friends, nervous.
Elsie slowed Sunni until she was matching their steps, her leg brushing Krista's.
"You guys nervous?"
"Could you tell?" Connie looked ready to puke, pale and shaky. Sasha looked no better to his right, her eyes wide and jittery.
"I threw up my first time. But once you're there, your instincts kick in," She smiled at Sasha and Connie. "And you guys have good reflexes, you'll be fine."
"She scares me." Sasha whispered, thinking Elsie couldn't hear.
Hadn't her smile been nice? Elsie looked forward, the group falling silent with her arrival, and she had no choice but to awkwardly quicken Sunni until she was back between Petra and Eld. They glanced at her, amused.
"How did that go?" Petra asked knowingly.
"I was just trying to make them feel better, sheesh. Sasha said I scared her."
"Which one is that? The food vampire?" Oulou turned to catch a glimpse.
"Yeah, the food vampire. They're rude. They said I scared them. How can I scare them?" She asked incredulously. "I'm the nicest out of us, I mean Petra might beat me, but I'm not scary."
"You talk like you know them. It's weird." Eld stated.
"What? I do not."
"There was that whole Eren thing, and one time you told that pretty little blonde it was okay to be herself, that would no one would care about her past in front of every one."
"Not my fault I thought no one else would be listening." Elsie grumbled. Didn't any one appreciate her trying to save their lives?
"Stop being scary." Petra teased, finding it all funny.
Elsie wasn't amused, "But really, out of all of us."
She would have rode ahead to join Levi, who looked like he needed an escape from Hange's loud chatter, but then she remembered her last conversation and decided to stay back. His look had been enough for her to regret ever asking.
They entered the town, people stopping in the streets to stare and point. Open eyes, disbelief, disgust. Some were shouting that they were on their way to their deaths. It jabbed at Elsie's heart knowing it was the truth. But didn't these people want to be free of the titans? Didn't they want to grow to Elsie's worlds potential?
Erwin had the other half of the Scout Regiment at the entrance, nervous chatter. Onlookers. Children darting between tip-toeing adults, hopping off of boxes to catch a better view. Someone was shouting that they were selling Scout flags buy them for a penny each. Elsie's fists twitched, the leather reign her best friend, her eyes taking in the crowd. This was the biggest turn out they had and it was all thanks to Eren.
"Elsie," Levi had came to her side, the horses brushing sides. His hood was pulled forward to keep the people from calling his name. "Stick close, keep your eyes peeled, and your feet loose to jump off at any second."
She nodded, exhaling, "Got it."
"Don't die, brat," He threatened. She felt sick, suddenly, his words making it all the more real. Could she really handle this? "And yes, there was a time that it seemed possible."
Elsie's neck snapped with how fast she turned to take him in. He met her eyes, briefly, a sort of vulnerability in his confession. She knew that it was him letting his walls down to tell her this, that it was something that no one knew. It was enough that he brought it up again and for that she was thankful enough to look forward, dropping the subject.
So, Petra had still loved Levi when she died. Still loves him. Elsie intended on keeping Petra alive to do that.
Erwin stood on his stirrups, "Elsie! With me!"
"What? Is he serious?" Gunther immediately hissed.
Petra was worried, "Captain, you can't let him take her."
"I want to stay with you! We're staying together!" Elsie confirmed, pleadingly looking at Levi.
His face gave nothing away, staring at the squad, "Elsie, with Erwin."
"Captain, are we sure-" Eld stopped at Levi's deadly look, the squad looking none to happy to have her out of their sight.
"Don't forget what you promised! You guys stick together!" She made sure Levi caught her eye before she left them, trotting to a stop beside Erwin at the front of the crowd.
Hange and Miche glanced at her, "Welcome to the front, kid."
"You can hear about my interesting new find-"
Erwin's bellow to start drowned out the rest of Hange's speech. The horses raced forward, cheers following them out of the gates. The same feeling returned from her first time leaving the safety of the walls, one that she knew would never leave. No matter how many times she did this, if she would keep doing this.
"Elsie!" Erwin didn't turn to face her as they rode, the slight wind saving her from dying of heat exhaustion. "I will save us the torture of small talk and get straight to the point. Captain Levi is too soft on you, he doesn't push you to talk like he should. I understand, he sees you as this innocent girl thrown into a blood bath, but the time for being soft is over."
Hange glanced at Miche, the two captains pretending like they couldn't hear. Elsie was too focused on the back of Erwin's head, noticing the way he styled his hair.
"You need to face the fact that you are now in a fight for not only your life but every single soldier behind you. You are the only one who can tell us how to defeat this enemy. Start talking."
Elsie started talking.