Disclaimer: If you are stupid enough to try any of the following suggestions (except the last one), you should probably be in a facility where you have round-the-clock supervision. Any and all suggestions in this rant are not to be taken literally and the author will not be held liable if some dribbling moron attempts anything suggested below. This are merely written for my amusement and all of the suggestions written below could have negative consequences of but not limited to: anal ripping, drowning, bathtub electrocution, eleven fingered children, prolonged hospital stays, mauling, concussion, rabies infection, sexually transmitted infections, drug addiction, many years of therapy, getting your ass kicked, being sold to a knacker and turned into glue, eaten by a velociraptor, having your soul consumed by Charles Lee Ray, prolonged exposure to the cruciatus, vomiting, having a tiny catfish swim up your urethra, having your soul sucked out through your mouth, electricity flowing up your urine stream, severe swelling or anaphylaxis localized in the genital region, and death by stupidity.

If you want to leave a snarky review on one of my stories but do not wish to enjoy my sarcastic rebuttal by either signing on as a guest or not allowing PM's on your signed-in account, then please perform one of the actions from the list below.

1. Go play in traffic.

2. Run with scissors.

3. Get in the windowless van driven by the stranger with the pencil-thin mustache and don't question why there is a tear-stained air mattress in the back.

4. Pick a fight with a biker gang and suggest they swap theirRoad-KingsforGoldwings.

5. Go fornicate with: yourself, your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, your dog, or any combination of the choices listed.

6. Walk up behind a horse and make a loud threatening noise.

7. Pet the dog that is 'smiling' at you with foam coming out of his mouth.

8. Take a bath with the radio on the edge of the tub.

9. Go swimming while wearing fishing waders.

10. Play a game of 'hide the soul' with the talking Good-Guy doll.

11. Let Wolverine give you a prostate exam/vaginal exam.

12. Make the Hulk... Angry.

13. Give Hagrid's mother a pap smear exam.

14. Feed the mogwai after midnight.

15. Saw on the branch you're sitting on.

16. Approach a hungry polar bear.

17. Run backward through a cornfield while naked.

18. Urinate while swimming in the Amazon.

19. Urinate on an electric fence.

20. Play the slobber blues on a 'meat whistle'.

21. Drop the soap in a prison shower room.

22. Cover your genitals in honey and sit on a fire ant mound.

23. Have dinner with Hannibal Lecter and talk about what's on your mind.

24. Trust Napoleon the pig when he tells you the van is taking you to the vet to heal your injuries.

25. Believe that nothing will go wrong on your vacation to Isla Nublar.

26. Join a cult and drink the Kool-Aid.

27. Fall headfirst into a wood chipper.

28. Go base jumping but let your worst enemy pack your parachute.

29. Say what's the worst that could happen right before you go base jumping after letting your worst enemy pack your parachute.

30. Get caught sniffing Bellatrix's panties.

31. Sniff Umbridge's panties.

32. Follow Gollum into the tunnel covered in spider webs.

33. Take a long walk off of a short pier.

34. Borrow money from the man wearing a sharp black suit with an Italian accent hanging out at the Vegas casino.

35. Switch places with Fred Weasley during the Battle of Hogwarts.

36. Say Chuck Norris' name in vain while in the state of Texas.

37. Tongue kiss a dementor.

38. Hang a steak around your neck and go wandering across the African Savannah.

39. Go back in time and join the Jacobite forces at the Battle of Culloden Moor.

40. Play with the baby bear you run across while hiking.

41. Go swimming with a hippopotamus.

42. Go on a canoeing trip in the deep south and paddle towards the banjo music while imitating a squealing pig.

43. Go swimming with a shark while bleeding.

44. Play hot potato with a de-pinned grenade.

45. Play golf during a lightning storm.

46. Try and lasso a twister.

47. Give an Elephant a handjob.

48. Go down on a twenty dollar prostitute.

49. Shove a pineapple up your ass fronds first while dressed as a French maid.

50. Or you could just fuck off and read something else instead of bitching about my story :)

AN: For the snarky reviewers, this list is directed toward, the correct suggestion is the last one on the list below. *