POV Eddard Stark

Ashara Dayne, Ned mused internally, it is one thing to hear that she is one of the most beautiful women in the Seven Kingdoms, the world even, it was another to see it, the woman was exquisite, beyond gorgeous and the word beautiful doesn't seem to cover it, by the gods old and new those curves, her purple purple eyes, that midnight dark hair, that elegant nose and that entrancing smile just at the edge of those luscious lips, the Gods themselves must have sculpted her to the last drops of sweat on her body, Ned just didn't care which ones, as though she is the proof of glory of their creation. Heh, didn't know I had heart of a poet.

All that, just at the edge of my fingertips, Ned knew Rhaegar will eagerly arrange a betrothal, even a swift marriage if Ned asked, even before Ned left for Essos and just declare the tour a honeymoon and a part of Ned wanted it, the woman invoked such desire in him, the intensity of it startled Ned, when did I become such a Robert that beauty of a woman was enough was move me so, but Ned knew this wasn't any woman, it was Ashara Dyane, her beauty beyond Neds wildest imagination, the first time he saw her, Ned drew on his bond with Ironeyes like never before, he drew so sharply and so much that he dragged the direwolf into himself, just for a second Ironeyes saw through Neds eyes like Ned does through Ironeyes when warging, he drew so much because Ned wanted to see her, only as he could, that seeing etched her form into Neds mind with such intensity Ned wondered if ever could forget her again even to his dying days, yet it was Ironeyes presence that so smoothly melded into his own that snapped Ned out of his longing, his spiralling lust and adoration and once again Eddard Stark is in control, he pushed the wolf out and his mask of dispassion is back on. Yet this time it was just a mask, Ned is practiced enough in his meditation and in control enough of his own emotions that his equanimity and dispassion are his true usual states. To be so moved by a woman is disquietening and Ned still wrestled with his agitated desires. Is this the Wolfsblood that Father spoke about? No wonder Bran and Lya do so much impulsive shit.

But no, I cannot let desire rule me, I just cannot, but why, I can be selfish this once, it can be one thing I can have for myself, nobody will deny me this, Father won't, you just have to take that opportunity it is just there within your reach, a part Ned railed. Just No, Dorne is too far, this alliance brings too little for the price to be paid. Fine, fiiiinnneee, just get into her bed atleast, ravish her, you won't ever find a greater beauty, I am sure of it, true, she is out of our league, but we did greater things before once we put our mind to it, we can do it, come onnn, the voice in his head wheedled and pleaded in a voice suspiciously like Rob's and Bran's. Shut up, enough, I say, Enough. The voice subsided with a discontented grumble.

Great, I am arguing with myself, the Woman is already driving me insane, Ned thought morbidly. However tempting the thought of Ashara Dayne in his bed was, it just wasn't possible, for one thing she isn't some object to sate his lusts, for another bedding any woman who isn't going to be his wife brings headaches he doesn't need. Ned knew himself and humans enough to know that sex was never just a purely physical thing, there will always be invisible strings, feelings and risks. Men get attached to even whores, why else so many men brag to their whores , why try to impress a whore, they will do what they were paid to regardless of how great you are with a sword or how important you are or how many tourneys you have won, Ned visited enough whorehouses in Roberts company, when he sneaked out with no guards to make sure he wasn't robbed blind or end with his throat slit in some ditch on his way back completely drunk and eavesdropped enough conversations between men and women before, during and after sex to know that sex brings out a vulnerability and intimacy Ned never imagined. Ned eavesdropped all the different iterations of braggadocio, secrets spilt and emotions shared when on the high of sex, and Ned has no need to fall into that thorny bush.

And there are risks of siring bastard, Ned knows honour settled into himself rigidly enough that if he ever sired a bastard on a lover he would offer to marry her, even if he didn't marry her he would at least raise the child with his trueborn children and he could already imagine the headaches he would have to bear to wrangle that scenario. It isn't just honour either, Ned just couldn't he see any child suffer, if said child is linked to him, either through bonds of blood or even affection he couldn't leave well enough alone.

After all Ned fought with Robert and Jon Arryn tooth and nail untill both of them agreed to bear the costs of having a dedicated nurse maid and suitable housing just outside Eyrie for little Mya Stone after her mother's death, Roberts firstborn, bastard daughter or not, the precious one and half year old little girl even calls him ' Unca Ed ' whenever she sees Ned. There are even plans in place to foster her at Moat Cailin with Ned and recieving same training of lady arts and martial pursuits as Lyanna if she wanted, once Ned returns from Essos, Robert even promised to set aside a respectable amount out of his own coffers to pay her Dowry if his Lord Father doesn't and Jon promised his help in looking for respectable marriage for Mya, when she comes of age. Ned offered the same thing for any future bastards of Robert, for boys martial training, a lords education and learning of a trade of their interest and for girls a lady's training and education and respectable marriage s. After all this time, Robert is Pack and any blood of Robert is Pack too.

So, no taking a risk of siring a bastard, then where does that leave me, with my cock in my hand and the image of Ashara Dyane in mind when lusts and lonely nights becomes too much. Ah, I HATE MYSELF sometimes.