AN: Posted in two parts. This is another long section, so it will be posted in three parts (Parts 11a and 11b). Thanks for reading.
Part 11a of three parts
16:30
Saturday, May 20th, 2006
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Surgical ICU
Lucy Watson greeted the dayshift nurses with a smile. They'd been short staffed due to a recent influx of new patients after a carrier collided with a Norfolk dock while coming into port. The highest acuity patients had been transported to Bethesda after initial stabilization, and she'd come in early to help. It had been a nice change of pace last night to have Dr. Abrahms' patient, Colonel MacKenzie-Rabb, in the unit. She loved the constant activity of the ICU, but sometimes it was nice to take a break from post op complications and accident victims, to enjoy a family who was celebrating the beginning of a new life. She walked down the hall past patient rooms taking stock of each patient inside. She paused by Colonel Rabb's room and smiled. They really were a sweet couple. She had laughed at Dr. Abrahms' romantic musings yesterday, but as she took in the sight of the sleeping couple huddled together, she had to agree there was something different…special, about this pair. Nursing report had noted that the colonel was due to be moved back to the antepartum unit at anytime. She was going to miss having the colonel and her husband around; they'd been a nice distraction of sorts. She softly chuckled to herself as she moved on down the hall; she'd never admit to Doc Abrahms that he was right.
Harm shifted slightly in his sleep and pulled Mac closer. He continued to dream, while softly muttering, "Need to listen to my wife."
The next few months had been relatively uneventful. Maggie was settling into her new role as Sophie's protector, confidante and friend. The pair did seem to find trouble with a capital 'T' but both Harm and Mac found themselves crying from laughter more often than fear. Sophie had also gleefully accepted Charlie into her inner circle of favorite people. Charlie seemed to be the calm that balanced Sophie's brash. Neither was quite happy when the other was gone. Likewise Harm had quickly found a new friend in Charlie's dad, Cmdr. Bradley Michaelson. The new lawyer had proven to be a brilliant addition to JAG HQ, someone who could balance the right and the wrong of the law against that which was for the good of the whole. Bradley's input in legal affairs was on par with Bud's, always valuable and insightful. Harm had also discovered that Bradley had a passion for planes, and while he'd never flown for the Navy, flying in private life was a hobby that he enjoyed with abandon. He quickly became a member of the JAG inner circle of friends, as they offered him both the emotional and physical support that he needed to cope with his recent losses.
One morning in early April, the Rabb clan was scurrying around the house trying to get to Mac's ultrasound appointment on time. They'd rescheduled the ultrasound several times due to conflicts in either Harm or Mac's schedule. She was now 22 weeks into her pregnancy and all had been progressing according to plan. Dr. Abrahms had threatened to send out the guards if they missed yet another appointment. Their first scan at 9 weeks had confirmed a due date of August 6, 2008. This follow-up ultrasound was a Level II scan to assure that everything was normal.
"How much time do we have?" Harm yelled from the bathroom as he headed for the shower.
Mac turned to respond, when she was stopped in her tracks by a small voice, "One howr and tirty eigh minnes." She stared shocked at her 23-month old daughter as she consulted her own internal clock.
Harm peeked his head around the corner dazed. "Did she just do want I think she did?" he scoffed. Mac nodded in affirmation. "Was she right?" he asked stunned. Mac nodded again. "Darn, now I'm going to have two of you riding my six to be on time." He grumbled while ducking back into the bathroom.
Mac picked up Sophie and headed across the hall, "Come on my little Timex let's get you dressed." She began pulling out a shirt and pants from Sophie's dresser.
"NO NO NO!" yelled the toddler, "Dos don go togwer!"
"Sophie I don't have time for your theatrics this morning. These are just fine."
"Noooo," she screamed back and wiggled out of her mother's grasp running to the closet. Sophie had somehow become something of a clothes critic. Mac had learned early on not to buy clothes as 'an outfit' because then Sophie would refuse to mix and match insisting that shirt could only go with those pants. She also refused to wear anything that she deemed to be 'Boys Clothes,' which made accidents at Harriet's house an interesting endeavor.
"Alright Little Miss, we're running late what do you want to wear today?"
Sophie jumped up and down pointing in the closet, "Dwess!"
"Fine," Mac replied and grabbed Sophie's favorite pink dress and patent leather shoes. She turned back toward the bouncing toddler, "Did Daddy give you a bath this morning?"
"NO No," Sophie shook her head. "Sowie take souwer wiff Daddee!" and took off at top speed toward her parent's bathroom.
Mac sighed and followed the bundle of energy. As she walked into the bathroom, Sophie was already stripping off her jammies and diaper. "Harm…" she yelled through the glass door, "…Sophie wants to take a shower with you."
"Oh, come on Mac…I'm trying to hurry," he yelled back.
"Yeah well, she needs a shower, and I haven't finished drying my hair or gotten dressed yet. She's all yours, Flyboy," she handed the gleeful child to the grumbling hands that appeared through the door.
Harm quickly soaped up the wiggly wet body and scrubbed her dark curly hair. As he turned her toward him to rinse off her back, Sophie began to giggle.
"Daddee, you habe a tao," she smiled.
Harm looked at her puzzled, "What?"
"A tao!" Sophie exclaimed and laughed.
"A tao…Sophie, Daddy doesn't understand," he exhaled with a heavy sigh. He was already running late and didn't have time to deal with this.
"A tao…" she pointed down toward his groin, "Wike Maijjy!" Harm gulped and quickly turned her away from himself and back toward the shower spray. "Daddee…you gettin Sowie whett," she screamed with her hands held over her face.
He quickly turned and held Sophie at arm's length outside the shower door. "Maaac," he bellowed.
"Just a minute Harm…I'm just getting dressed," came the muffed reply from the bedroom.
"No Mac…" came the terse response, "…you need to get Sophie, NOW!"
Mac raced into the bathroom to find a wet wiggling child being dangled from 2 large arms. "Harm, what the…"
"Take her, Mac…and by the way communal showers have officially CEASED!" Mac noticed his reddened face just before the shower door was slammed shut.
Mac grabbed a towel and wrapping Sophie up placed her on the counter and began to dry her hair. Sophie giggled again, "Mama, Sowie saw Daddee's wittow tao."
"What are you talking about, Sophie?" Mac asked while trying to run a comb thru her hair. "Tao, Mama…" and she pointed toward the shower, "…wike Maijjy's."
"Harm, what's she talking about?"
"Tail Mac and she means…never mind…" he grumbled and cleared his throat, "…and it's not LITTLE!" he huffed. Mac howled as understanding finally clicked. "It's not funny…and she is so not taking a shower or bath with me again!"
"Sophie, your Daddy is such a prude," Mac snorted as she began to calm down. She tickled Sophie's tummy, "Let's go get my BooBoo Bunny dressed and give Daddy some privacy." She walked toward the door and smirked back over her shoulder, "Oh and Harm…I like your little tail."
"Maaaac!"
"Daddee funneee!" The loud laughter of mother and daughter could be heard all the way down the hall.
The trio managed to make it out of the house and on the road within 20 minutes. Sophie was belted into her car seat in the back with her 2 favorite possessions, the chenille bunny and the frog prince. Mac sat in the passenger seat looking out the window; hand firmly in place over her mouth attempting to control her giggles. In the driver's seat, Harm glared straight ahead and refused to partake in conversation.
Sophie looked back and forth between her parents and began to giggle again, "Daddee habe a…"
"Sophia Elizabeth Rabb, that's enough!" barked her father.
"Harm, she's just a baby…she doesn't understand."
"Mac, she's never embarrassed you like that," he grumped back.
"On the contrary, Harm…this isn't the first time nor will it be the last, that your little princess is going to embarrass her parents. In fact, with two, you'll probably find your face a beautiful shade of red more often than not." Harm emitted a low-pitched growl in response and continued to drive.
Sophie giggled again, "Daddee…"
Mac turned around in her seat and scolded, "Sophie, that's enough…you hurt Daddy's feelings."
Sophie began to sniffle, "Sowie sowy Daddee…I wuv you." Mac grabbed her little hand and began to rub small circle on the back.
Harm smiled, "It's OK Princess…Daddy loves you too. Now, shall we go see a picture of the new baby?"
Sophie nodded her head with curls flying, "Es pweeze…babee in Mama's tummy."
They arrived at the doctor's office without further fanfare and all sat amazed as the ultrasound pictures of the newest Rabb appeared on the screen. When the technician turned on the sound for the heartbeat, Sophie eyes grew big as she pointed at the screen, "What's dat?"
"That's your baby's heart beating," explained the smiling technician. "Would you like to know whether you're going to have a brother or a sister?" she asked the little girl who was now ensconced directly in front of the screen.
"It's a brover," Sophie answered back. Harm and Mac looked back to the technician who nodded her agreement. "What's dat?" Sophie placed her finger on the screen.
"Well, that your brother's…" she shrugged to the parent's, "…ah, little boy parts."
Sophie's eyes grew wide and she smiled knowingly. "He habe a wittow tao wike Daddee!" she exclaimed pointing back toward her father.
Harm blushed furiously picking Sophie up into his arms. The technician laughed in surprise, "Well, that's a new one. Ah, I think we're done here. You can get cleaned up and dressed, Colonel Rabb. Dr. Abrahms will be contacting you with the results." She turned toward the still embarrassed father, "It's nice to meet you, Captain. That's some little genius you have there, congratulations on the new little boy," she smiled as she left the room.
Mac stood up and caressed his blushing cheek. She leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Let it go, Sailor…if you keep responding, she'll keep saying it." She then kissed his cheek and leaned back slightly to look into his eyes.
"But Mac…" he croaked still embarrassed.
"Let it go, Harm," she kissed him firmly on the lips and with one final caress, turned to get dressed.
Sophie cocked her head and studied her father a moment. Then grabbing his face in both of her chubby hands, she placed a loud wet kiss on his lips, "Sowie wuv Daddee, too!"
xxxxx
On the way home from the doctor's office, Harm stopped at a shop that sold unfinished furniture. Turning off the car he announced, "Let's go look…I want to find a corner bookcase to go in Sophie's room." He grabbed his daughter from the back seat and headed into the store, "Hey Princess, should we go find a cabinet for all your books?" The little girl nodded yes and squirmed to get down and explore.
As they walked toward the back, Mac paused to examine an unfinished crib. She ran her hands over the smooth surface of the wood and smiled. The head and footboard had small half-moons and stars carved out of the wood near the top. The side rails were composed of ornately turned spindles with a carved moon or star at the top as each spindle where it joined the rail. The matching dresser, changing table and rocking chair were similarly adorned.
Harm walked back toward her, taking in her reflective countenance. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and leaned his chin against her head. "That's a really nice crib and bedroom suit. I could see that in a little boy's room. What do you think, Mac…should we get them for the baby. I could stain and finish them however you want."
Mac leaned back in his embrace and sighed, "I don't want to buy anything yet, Harm."
"Why not…the technician said the baby was a boy, and everything's gone fine with the pregnancy?" he asked softly. He leaned to the side and peered into her face. "Mac, is something wrong?"
She looked away and wiped at a tear, "I can't, Harm. I can't explain it, but I just can't." She turned in his arms and buried her face in his chest.
He kissed the top of her head and nodded, "OK sweetheart."
He looked around to locate Sophie and then pulled on Mac's hand, "Let's go pick out a bookcase for the princess."
Once they'd decided on their choice, Harm told Mac and Sophie to get settled in the car, while he paid for the purchase and helped load it in the SUV. Out of Mac's earshot, he inquired about the baby furniture and was told that it was a 'one of a kind' set. He purchased the baby furniture as well and arranged for its delivery to the house. He could surprise Mac later with the gift, he surmised.
xxxxx
Two nights later, Mac walked into the house holding Sophie on her hip. She looked around the kitchen, study and family room but couldn't find Harm. She knew he was home; his car was in the garage. She placed Sophie down on the floor to play with Maggie and called his name.
"Up here Mac," came the muted reply.
She wondered up the stairs, but didn't find him in the master bedroom or Sophie's nursery. She heard a noise from one of the spare bedrooms and slowly walked down the hall. She found him in the front bedroom studying paint and stain samples. Positioned around the room was the baby furniture that she had admired. She stopped short with tears in her eyes.
Harm grabbed her hand and led her to the rocker. She sat down, turned to stare out the window and began to shake. He knelt before the chair and noticed immediately that her shaking was in fact silent sobs. "Mac, sweetheart…what's wrong. I thought you would be happy. It was a surprise. I even picked out samples of stain and paint." When she wouldn't look at him, his concern began to grow. "Mac?" he touched her face drawing it back toward him. "Sweetheart, did the doctor call? Was there something wrong on the ultrasound?" She shook her head and slid out of the chair and into his lap. She continued to shake with gut wrenching sobs. Harm was at a loss to explain her reaction, so he wrapped her tightly in his arms and gently began to rock, speaking soft words of comfort and love.
Finally after a long period of time, she stopped crying and began to whisper, "Harm, I can't explain it but I know something's wrong. The doctor hasn't called yet about the ultrasound, but while we there watching the pictures on the screen…I knew it…I could feel it. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," she cried.
"Sarah sweetheart, you need to stop this. The tech didn't say anything and I didn't notice anything. Why would you be worried…is this because of the problems with Sophie?" he gently kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.
"No, I don't know…I can't explain it. I just know in here," she pointed toward her heart. "That's why I don't want to start on the room."
"Ok…it's OK…we'll just close the door and leave everything as it is until we talk to Dr. Abrahms," he soothed. She nodded in agreement and they sat there in the moonlight each praying that their son was going to be fine.
The following morning she received the phone call that she had been dreading. "Sarah, this is Howard Abrahms. I need to schedule a time to meet with you and Harm."
She brushed at the tears that pooled in her eyes, "When?"
The doctor sighed, "As soon as possible. I have an opening at 14:00 tomorrow."
"We'll be there," came her tearful reply. She called Harm's office to assure that he would be free and then closed her office door and wept for the son that she knew wouldn't survive.
The following day, Dr. Abrahms confirmed that there were several abnormalities present on the ultrasound, including abnormally clenched hands, a cleft in the lip and palate, and a malformed heart. He suspected an abnormality in the chromosomes and wanted to proceed to an amniocentesis as soon as possible. Harm was scheduled to be out of the country for high-level meetings for the next 10 days, so the procedure was scheduled for the first of May. Harm arranged for his Mother and Frank to come stay with Mac and Sophie in his absence.
Mac was despondent and distraught, so the presence of Gummy and Papa as Sophie had christened her grandparents, was a welcome relief.
The amniocentesis this time was uneventful and silent. Neither one of them expected good results this time around; and unlike before, those results would not be available for 3 weeks. Complicating the matter, Mac went into preterm labor 2 days later as a result of the procedure. She'd been easily managed with IV medications and a 3-day hospital stay. She was discharged to limited duty with the promise to 'take it easy.' Harm and Mac began to withdraw. Harm's schedule was hectic with new heightened levels of security due to terrorist attacks overseas. Mac for her part worked half days and provided care for Sophie in Harm's absence.
In early June, they met with Dr. Abrahms and Dr. Horvath, a genetics specialist. The amniocentesis confirmed their worst fears; their son was diagnosed with a chromosomal abnormality called Edward's Syndrome or Trisomy 13. Dr. Horvath explained that infants born with this lesion commonly have the features that had been seen on the ultrasound, in addition to severe mental retardation and a shortened life expectancy of less than a year. In fact most survived for only a few days to weeks. It was also explained that Mac, now in her 31st week of pregnancy, was too far along to consider termination. The couple agreed relating that they would not have considered that option even earlier, but everyone concurred that they would not offer resuscitation post delivery and would not stop any preterm labor should it recur.
Harm arranged for Harriet to keep Sophie overnight. They returned home and held each other and cried throughout the night for the son that would never grow-up, never enjoy a childhood, never…survive. Harm sealed and locked the front bedroom, neither had the fortitude to deal with the baby furniture that would never be used. The fates had denied them once again.
Mac went into preterm labor again, 2 weeks later on June 18th, 2008. Their son was born at 33 weeks gestation and lived for only 12 hours. Mac had only one final request, that their son be named after his father. Harm had refused to have a baby named the III when they had discussed names before learning Sophie was to be a girl. For their son, Mac suggested reversing the name to David Harmon Rabb. When Harm questioned why, she explained that David meant 'Beloved' and their son should always know that he was loved. They had debated whether to allow Sophie to see her baby brother, but their pediatrician encouraged the visit, noting that she needed to know that her brother was real. He also told them that children tend to look past the deformities and just see the baby. True to form, Sophie had loved her brother "Dabid" showering him with kisses. She didn't understand why he couldn't come home, but knew that God needed him in heaven with him. As her gift, she insisted that David should have one of her 2 prized possessions, her frog prince. David Harmon Rabb was laid to rest on June 21st, 2008 with Sophie's gift in his arms.
Following the death neither parent coped well. Harm, for his part, buried himself in his work; 8 to 10 hour days morphed to 16 hours or more. Mac withdrew into herself, blaming herself for their son's death. She spent hours in David's nursery stroking the crib or rocking in the moonlight. Sophie became more obstinate and combative; while Mac was tending to her physical needs, her emotional needs were neglected by both of her grieving parents. The Rabb's friends noticed the change in the dynamics of the small family and were determined to intervene.
xxxxx
Harriet arrived just before lunch on a day in late August. She found Sophie and Maggie playing alone in the family room, but Mac was nowhere to be found. Assuring that Sophie was fine, Harriet wondered the house finally locating Mac in the upstairs front bedroom. She entered quietly so as not to startle and gently laid her hand on Mac's shoulder.
"It was to be David's room," Mac whispered without turning toward her friend.
"Mac honey, why don't we go downstairs for some tea?" Harriet gently encouraged. Mac looked up as if surprised to find Harriet there. "Come on," Harriet smiled and took her hand, leading her from the room.
Harriet settled Mac into a kitchen chair and busied herself with making the tea. Once the task was completed, Harriet settled into the chair across from her. "Honey, what would you like in your tea?"
Mac glanced up, "Cream and sugar," was spoken barely above a whisper.
Harriet nodded and adding the desired ingredients, slid the cup across to her friend. "Mac, we're a little worried about you…what's going on? How's Harm holding up?"
Tears immediately sprang up in Mac's eyes, "I'm coping…I miss him."
"Who…David?" Harriet gently asked.
"David…Harm…either," Mac looked away as tears began to fall.
"Oh Mac, honey…I know you miss David, but Harm and Sophie are still here and they need you."
Mac looked back, "Do they? Harm's never here…he's always at work. And Sophie, well she deserves so much more than me. She deserves a mother who can protect and nurture; I hurt my children even before they were born. I guess behavior is inherited…at least, my parents waited until after I came out to start abusing me," she rubbed a hand under her eyes. "I should have listened to Dr. Chen when she told me I couldn't have a baby then no one would have had to suffer."
"Mac, that's not true and you know it. None of what happened with Sophie and David was your fault. And your life would be miserable if you missed out on Sophie…on Harm. I know this is difficult…I know you think no one understands, but we're all here for you…we want to help," Harriet grabbed Mac's hand to calm the movement.
Mac pulled away, "What would you know…you don't understand…" Mac stopped immediately when she noticed the hurt look on Harriet's face. She placed a hand over in her mouth in shock, "I'm so sorry, Harriet. I forgot…Sarah." This time she grabbed Harriet's arm and rubbed to quell the tears that had begun to form in her friend's eyes.
At that moment Sophie came into the room, "Mama?" The little girl walked close and lifted her arms to be picked up. Once settled in her mother's lap, she stared at her face and then wiped a little finger under her eyes to dry the tears, "Mama, why you cwyin…are you sad?"
Mac held her daughter close and began to rock, "Yeah baby, Mama's a little sad right now."
Sophie reached her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed tight, "It OK, Mama…Sowie wuv you."
Mac held on tight and turning her lips to the soft cheek whispered, "Oh BooBoo, Mama loves you too…don't ever forget Mama loves you."
The trio sat in silence for several minutes, until Harriet cleared her throat, "What do you say we all go out for lunch. I think we need to get out of this house and get some fresh air. Maybe we can stop by my place then and Sophie can play with the kids."
Mac looked up surprised, "Harriet, where are the kids?"
Harriet chuckled, "AJ and Jimmy are at school, and Bud had a day off…he's babysitting the troops."
Sophie looked up excited, "Is Charwie dere?"
Harriet bent down before the toddler, "Yes Sophie, your buddy Charlie's there and he misses seeing you." She extended her arms, "So let's go eat and then we can visit Charlie."
Sophie turned back toward her mother, "No, Mama," she buried her face in Mac's neck.
Mac smiled and cuddled her in, "Mama's got you, Bunny." She ran her fingers through Sophie's soft dark curls, "Where do you want to eat lunch?"
Sophie looked up with a mischievous smile, "So Gwun!"
Harriet looked to Mac with a puzzled expression. Mac laughed and placed a kiss on her daughter's cheek, "Sho Gun, she's developed a fetish for Japanese teppan cooking."
Sophie's eye lit up as she nodded her head, "Mmmm Gingewa."
Harriet laughed, "Sophie, you are one odd little girl."
Mac giggled back, "Oh you haven't heard the caviar story." At Harriet's amused expression, she continued, "AJ had this reception at his house, some favor for the SecNav. Anyway, Harm needed to attend, but our sitter canceled at the last minute. Well, Papa AJ suggested bringing Sophie along and putting her down in the back bedroom to sleep. We were all busy mingling, when I looked down to find my Bunny, in her PJs, standing on tiptoes eating caviar out of the bowl by the spoonful." At Harriet's howls, she added, "Don't even get me started on the crab legs."
Sophie bounced in her mother's arms and clapped, "Mmmm cabiar…crab wegs!"
Mac smoothed back the curls from the toddler's face, "She's her father's daughter…he's the one with the weird food preferences." She then leaned forward and kissed Sophie's forehead, "But I love'em both anyways."
xxxxx
Continued in Part 11b