Disclaimer: Nope… still don't own it.

----

The Van Dorts finally reached the Everglot mansion. They were greeted by a man with a large nose named Emil. The Everglots then entered.

"Hello, peoples!" Mrs. Van Dort exclaimed.

"Hello…" the rich snob Maudeline replied.

"You must be Miss Victoria!" Mr. Van Dort exclaimed. "I do say you don't look a day over twenty."

"Smile, gosh dang it, Finis." Maudeline hissed at her husband. Finis tried to smile but it ended up looking like someone had ran over his face and did really bad reconstructive surgery.

"Hello! What a pleasure! Welcome to our hooooome!" he said in a weird tone of voice.

"We'll be taking our sangria and margaritas in the drawing room." Maudeline said.

"Yay! Mexican alcoholic drinks!" Mrs. Van Dort squealed. "My favorite!"

The parents walked away to get drunk and have a good time.

Victor then wandered over to a beautiful piano and started playing a beautiful song that makes the authoress swoon whenever she hears it.

Up in her room, Victoria was (badly) playing a clarinet. Over her squeaking and squawking, she heard a beautiful melody coming from the floor below her. She snuck down there like Elmer Fudd and quietly said, "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet! I'm hunting wabbits!" It turns out there wasn't a rabbit down there at all… It was sexy Victor Van Dort. She snuck up to him and poked him in his ticklish spot, which was near his stomach. He jumped out of his seat and screamed.

"Oh, my gosh!" Victor exclaimed. "You totally scared me!" Victoria giggled insanely.

"I like doing that to people." She replied as a smile came upon her face that would make the Cheshire cat turn green with envy.

Victor stood up and dusted himself off. "Tomorrow, Victoria, we are to be m---m---…" he said as he twisted his ascot.

"Married." She finished for him. Just then, Maudeline Everglot, obviously drunk, swayed into the room, her eyes in all different directions.

"What's this!" she slurred. "You two shouldn't be alone together! Get your butts to the church right now… or so help me---" she toppled to the floor drunk and vomited on the floor.

Five hours later at the church, Victor was messing up his wedding vows.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" Pastor Galswells said in a tone of disgust. "With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I shall be your wine. With this candle I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine."

"With this… hand?" Victor said. "I will…lift your wine with a candle."

"NO!" the angered pastor exclaimed. Just then, the door bell rang.

"Get the door, Emil." Finis said. Emil scurried his way to the front door and came back with a card that read "LORD BARKIS BITTERN" in fancy print.

"Who the heck is that?" Finis asked.

"I have no flippin' idea." Maudeline replied.

A man with gray, slicked back hair who wore a pinstriped suit and he had a face that looked like someone's butt entered.

"I must be a day early for the ceremony." The man whose name was apparently Lord Barkis said. "I haven't a head for dates."

"Emil!" Finis exclaimed. "Get this random dude who randomly showed up at our wedding rehearsal a seat." Emil got Lord Barkis a chair, "butt" Mr. Butt-Face sat down too early and his butt was so heavy, he fell through the floor boards.

"Let's pick it up at the candle bit, shall we?" Pastor Galswells said.

"Okay." Victor said. "With this candle…" he tried to light the candle but it wouldn't light. "…This candle…" After thirty minutes of failed attempts of lighting the candle, he finally got it lit. "I will light your way in darkness." He continued. He took Victoria's hand and they stepped up to the table but Victor tripped and fell flat on his face.

"Three steps! Three! Can you not count, Mr. Van Dort? Do you not wish to be married." The angered pastor cried.

"YES! I want to be married!" Victor said as he got up.

"Did you even bring the ring?" Galswells said.

"Yup! Got it right in my pocket!" Victor exclaimed. His hands were shaking and he dropped the ring.

"OMG!" Maudeline cried. "HE DROPPED THE RING!"

"This boy doesn't want to get married!" Galswells cried. The ring had rolled under Maudeline's skirt and Victor dropped his candle and grabbed the ring from under the skirt.

"YOU PERVERT!" Maudeline screamed. Just then her skirt lit on fire.

"Her skirt's on fire!" Mrs. Van Dort cried.

"I'll take care of this!" Finis said angrily. He started stomping on the skirt, but it wasn't working.

Barkis finally got out from under the floor boards, grabbed the wine and poured it on the poor woman's skirt and the flame went out. He tossed the cup behind his shoulder and a hand conveniently came with a tray and the cup landed out on the tray.

"PRACTICE YOUR VOWS!" Galswells screamed at Victor. Victor backed up against the door and felt for the knob, and ran out the door.

---

How'd you like this chapter? Tell me and I'll update sooner! (and give out more B&J's ice cream cake :-) )

Happpy reading!