Disclaimer: don't own so don't sue.

Emily and Victor, accompanied by Scraps, were climbing the long and winding staircase that led to Elder Gutknecht's tower. It took them about two hours to get up there, so Scraps was singing "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls, "What Ya Waiting For" by Gwen Stefani, and "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira (complete with belly dancing). When they finally got up to the tower, Emily put a muzzle on Scraps so he would shut up. Elder Gutknecht stumbled out of the darkness (he had been drinking sangria) and Victor screamed like a grade school girl and wet his pants… AGAIN!

"Howdy, Elder Gutknecht!" Emily said.

"Hello…" he slurred very slowly. "…Emily… who… is… your… little… friend?"

"AAAAGH!" Emily screamed. "HE'S MY HUSBAND!"

"Jeez," he replied. "Don't get all emotional about it…"

"Anyway," she continued. "Me and Victor were wondering if we could go up to the land of the living."

"Why go up there when people are dying to come down here?" he replied.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…" 5 hours later… "...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, please, please, please with Ben and Jerry's ice cream, whipped cream, cotton candy and a cherry on top?" she begged.

"Hmmm…" he said. "Okay… but give it to me once you're done going up there."

"Yay!" Emily squealed. "Isn't this so cool, Victor?"

"Uh… yah." Victor replied. "This is gonna be so cool."

"Okay," Elder Gutknecht said as he took a huge egg out of his pocket. (Don't ask me how he got a pocket… he just did…) "I'm gonna dump this egg all over you to get you to upstairs. Just say 'hopscotch' when you're done." He then cracked a rotten egg on Emily and Victor and they magically got upstairs and surprisingly got no egg crap on their clothes.

Emily then looked at the moon and said, "I've spent so long in the darkness, I've almost forgotten how beautiful the moon is." She then randomly started skipping around and dancing. She tripped on a tree root and her leg came off.

"Psst!" the maggot inside her head whispered. "I think you dropped something." Emily then reattached her leg and started dancing with Victor. He then sat her down on a tree stump that was randomly in the middle of the forest.

"I think I should prepare mom and dad for the big news." Victor said.

"Okay," Emily said.

"Stay here." He said. Emily giggled.

"No peeking." He said. Victor then ran off to the Everglots' house like Johnny Depp being chased by rabid, obsessive fan girls. When he got there, he almost knocked on the door, but he heard Finis' voice talking.

"If ever I see that Van Dort boy, I'll beat him to a pulp." Finis said.

"He'll try and run away," Maudeline replied. "And you're too fat, meaning that he'll get away."

Victor decided to climb the wall that led to the window of Victoria's room.

Meanwhile, back in the forest, Emily was sitting on the stump randomly singing "Pourtant" by Vanessa Paradis. (But she was mispronouncing all of the French words, thus making it sound bad.)

"Okay," the maggot said. "Your French is really bad, and I don't think it takes that long to tell your parents that you're married."

"Oh shut up!" Emily hissed as she pulled him out of her head. "He probably got distracted by a road sale."

"Oh really," he replied. "If I hadn't just been sitting in it, I'd say you'd lost your mind. And I don't think he could've got distracted by a road sale because he couldn't get far with those COLD FEET."

Meanwhile at Victoria's house, Victor was still climbing the wall. Victoria was in her room sewing and when Victor finally got (fell) on the balcony, he opened the door and Victoria gasped.

"Oh, Victor!" Victoria exclaimed as Victor sat on a couch. "I've been so worried about you! Your coat… and you're as cold as death."

"Victoria," Victor said. "I confess. This morning I was terrified of marriage, but now, I feel that it couldn't have come sooner."

"I feel the same, Victor." She replied. They then started leaned into each other to kiss, but Emily was climbing the balcony and Victor, yet again, screamed like a little girl.

"What is it?" Victoria asked as Emily opened the door.

"Victor, my darling, I just wanted to see…" Emily said as she walked into the room and as she lifted her veil, she saw Victor and Victoria together.

"Darling…" she said as she clutched Victor to her side. "Who's this?"

"Who the (beep) is she?" Victoria asked.

"I'm his wife." Emily replied as she wiggled her bony fingers, emphasizing the ring.

"Victoria." Victor said desperately. "I can explain. She's dead." He wiggled Emily's arm to see how dead and decayed it was.

"Hopscotch…" Emily said in a voice that Darth Vader would envy. She then snatched Victor in her arms and flew off the balcony back to the land of the dead.

"Victoria!" Victor screamed with an arm outstretched, just before he was in the land of the dead.

"You lied to me!" Emily exclaimed furiously. "You went back there just to see that other woman!"

"You don't understand… You're the other woman." Victor said.

"It's my eye, isn't it?" Emily said. She then ran down the tower to get back her coffin where she would have a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream waiting for her, so she would be able to drown her sorrows in Chunky Monkey.

END OF CHAPTER! So... tell me... was it too short? Too long? Just right? Read and review and I'll update sooner, hand out more B&J's Ice cream cake, and Victor Van Dort pictures. (Did I mention they were AUTOGRAPHED?)

Love Always,

Harry's Girl 01031992 (Love, Peace, Harmony)