Disclaimer: ...

Meanwhile, Nell and William Van Dort were looking for Victor in while riding in their carriage, with the apparently asthmatic smoker, Mayhew, driving. He was coughing up a storm and Nell wasn't happy about it one bit partly because it was annoying and it was almost dawn. The poster on the back of the carriage said "Victor Van Dort… Hair: Brown… Eyes: Brown… Clothes: Brown… If you see him, CONTACT HIS MOTHER!"

"Where could he be!" Nell exclaimed. "It's almost dawn!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," William replied. (Reference to Hocus Pocus) "He's probably at a road sale, picking out trinkets for us." Just then, Mayhew started coughing… well, it was more like hacking his lungs out, but anyway, he died and fell off the carriage and the horse ran him over.

"I think Mayhew's trying to kill us!" Nell shrieked as the carriage went on down the road cabby-less.

Back in the land of the dead, Victor felt guilty about betraying Emily and went looking for her, with Scraps by his side. He decided to look in the pub thing a ma bobber. There he saw Emily playing the piano and it was the sexy piano solo he had been playing earlier.

"I'm sorry about what happened." He said. Emily didn't respond and kept on playing. "Things haven't been going according to plan." Emily kept on playing. Victor then played another bar of the song Emily was playing. And if you haven't seen the movie… they play the song together and it's soooooo beautiful. On the last few measures, Emily's arm detached itself from the arm and finger walked its way up Victor's arm. And this time he didn't scream! Yay Victor! He then handed Emily's hand back to her.

"Pardon my enthusiasm." Emily giggled.

"I like your enthusiasm." He replied.

Just then, a bunch of corpses burst in screaming "NEW ARRIVAL," meaning that someone just died. A decapitated head with a French accent came scurrying across the bar table crying "Get zis man a drink! Can you not see he's parched?" He was then knocked over by the beetles that were carrying him. "GOD DARN IT! IT'S HARD TO FIND GOOD SERVICE ANYMORE!" The new arrival took his drink. From afar, Victor knew that the new arrival was none other than… MAYHEW! Victor ran over to Mayhew.

"Oh my God!" Victor cried. "Mayhew, how did you die?"

"Well," he replied. "I smoked too much. Plain and simple."

"No wonder Mother told you to stop coughing." Victor said. "Anyway, how is Victoria?"

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news… but… VICTORIA'S GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE!" Mayhew screamed.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…" Victor screamed. "…ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…" (Five Hours later…)

Are you quite done yet?

"Almost. …OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, I'm done. Anyway, why would she do that?"

"Well, I guess they didn't want to waste the cake." Mayhew chuckled.

Meanwhile, back in the land of the living, Victoria was sadly getting ready for her wedding.

"This totally sucks." Victoria said. "I could be getting married to that sexy Victor, but noooooooo… Mom just made me marry that butt faced dude."

"Oh, suck it up." Hildegard said. "You're getting some money anyway. Now get your butt to the church."

"Wait a second…" Victoria said. "I thought you had a speech impediment."

"GET GOING!" The little old lady said.

Meanwhile, three girls were sitting in a run-down club-house that had a sign above it that said "Wedding Crashers United" on it. There was a blonde girl and two brunette girls. Suddenly, one of their cell phones rang.

"Your cell phone's ringing, Harry's Girl 01031992." said a brunette girl whose name was Naussica of the Spirits to the blonde one.

"That can only mean one thing." The other brunette girl said; her name was Random Little Writer.

"There's a wedding we have to crash!" Harry's Girl said. She handed the cell phone to Naussica. "You know what to do. Call in the reinforcements. The wedding is in Victorian England."

Naussica dialed some phone numbers, and within 25 minutes, the reinforcements arrived. They were as follows: Buttercup, Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik from "Princess Bride"; Wallace, Gromit, Lady Tottington, Victor Quartermaine, and the townspeople from "The Curse of the Were-Rabbit"; Captain Jack Sparrow from "Pirates of the Caribbean"; and Willy Wonka from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory".

Naussica, Harry's Girl and Random stood at a podium while the other characters found some seats.

"You characters have been called here today because there is a wedding taking place." Random said. "It is between a young lady and an old butt-faced dude."

"Ew!" Willy cried. "That's just gross!"

"I find that a bit… well… disgusting." Lady Tottington said.

"Oh, dear." Wallace simply uttered.

"That is so low…" Westley said.

"That's just not right… it's disgusting and vile." Inigo said.

"When that girl and old man get married, she'll be miserable the whole while." Fezzik finished.

"Nice rhyming!" Inigo exclaimed.

"Enough with the peanut gallery!" Random shouted.

"If we're gonna crash a wedding, we'll need a plan." Naussica said.

"Does it involve shooting something?" Victor Q. asked.

"No, Victor…" Harry's Girl sighed. Victor Q. frowned. "But we will need you in some way."

"What's in it for us?" Jack Sparrow piped up.

"Ummm… We'll get to that later." Random said. "In the meantime, let's start planning."

End of Chapter! How did you like this chapter? If you review... I'll give out life size mannequins of Victor Van Dort and blow-up punching bags that look like Barkis. Happy Reviewing!

Love Always,

Harry's Girl 01031992