Act I: Rise
If Mario had to be described with one phrase, most would likely call him "Number One." If he had to go somewhere, he'd run like the ground beneath him was aflame. If he had to open something, he'd crack it like a prize chef with an egg in hand. If he had to jump, he'd be sure to break his own record every time. Was he trying to prove himself to someone? Was he insecure? Was he just a really ambitious guy? No one could know, because they'd never ask him. You don't ask a firework why it combusts the way it does. You just watch. A spectacle isn't meant to be dissected and scrutinized. Like a frog in a lab, tearing it apart will kill it. So you just watch. Mario was watched. And sure enough, Mario always lived up to expectations.
With that in mind, Mario scowled as he watched the golf ball which was not his roll straight into its home in the ground on the first strike.
"Mama Mia," Mario said under his breath, as he turned to face his brother and the lucky golfer, "I'm-a losing to a dinosaur."
"I'd say we're all-a winning, because we're having fun! Right, Yoshi?" Mario's brother gave the dinosaur a loving pat on the head. Yoshi stared back with big puppy-like eyes, far too innocent to have just managed that birdie.
"Yeah, Luigi, well we'll see how-a much fun you're having when you get shown up by a guy who can't bathe himself."
The three laughed together under the rising sun - Yoshi likely didn't understand why they were laughing, but also didn't want to be left out. As their joy died down, they realized just how serene Mushroom Way was at this time of day. An earthy scent brushed through the brothers' moustaches. The air was still, as if the sky itself had held its breath to enjoy this moment. Truly, they were all at peace.
"HELLO!"
The three all jumped at the shrill cry that had cut through the air. They turned to face their itty bitty fungal friend Toad.
"Oh. Hi-a, Toad," Mario said, "What are you-"
"PRINCESS PEACH IS IN DANGER!"
"It's-a not even Tuesday. Oh well, where-"
"BOWSER AND HIS KOOPAS ARE IN THE PRINCESS' CASTLE!"
"Right, right, thank you, Toad."
"Do you need-a me to go with you, bro?" Luigi asked.
"I'll be fine. Watch over that little cheater, I'll be back in-a ten minutes." Mario ran off to save the day, as Luigi and Yoshi waved him goodbye, and Toad stood firmly in place with his beady, lifeless eyes.
Mario bolted through the dirt roads of Toad Town straight to Peach's castle. There was no time for grace - Bowser's flying ship was already circling the castle, blotting out the sun. Mario crouched down to jump over the guardrails that lined the road. When he jumped up, however, he ended up clearing not only the guardrail, but one of the toad's little houses. He tumbled a bit when he finally landed, but was back on his feet soon enough.
The front gate of the castle was surrounded. The Mushroom Kingdom's glistening white capital was lined with a horde of grumbly little goombas and crusty old koopas, all with their gaze locked onto the horizon in front of them. The red plumber would not break through their guard. Mario agreed, and instead slunk up to the easternmost side of the castle. Peach's castle was supported by four towers, one on each corner. Mario squatted low to the ground next to one of these towers. As he flew into the air, he kicked his foot against the tower next to him. The push back from his kick sent him straight towards the other tower. He twisted his body around and kicked again. He got sent back to the first tower and twisted again. Kick. Jump. Kick. Jump. Mario continued until he made it to a balcony close to the roof of the castle. He did it in only 5 jumps too. Nice. Mario kicked in a stained glass window on the balcony and hopped through.
Mario landed in the throne room. The walls were cracked, and the lacey pink throne in the center was flatter than usual, as if someone who was not supposed to sit in it decided it disagreed with that notion. When Mario hit the floor, the tile beneath him clicked like a light switch. Four fuzzy little men burst from the ground, each with a socket wrench aimed at Mario. Held at wrenchpoint, Mario could only watch as the toadstool shaped doors swung ajar. A yellow beast lumbered through the doors, shaking the ground as he walked. His head was topped with billowing red hair; and he lugged a green shell on his back, much like Atlas holding up the heavens.
"Well would'ja get a load of this!" The beast said with a stomach turning grin, "The 'Super' ol' Mario fell for my trap! As if I wouldn't guess you'd wall jump up the side of the castle."
"It's-a worked for a good decade," Mario replied, "Where's-a the Princess, Bowser?"
"Have you never been to a magic show? The fun is in not knowing. It's a mystery you'll keep with you to the grave; Rocky Wrenches, attack!"
The mole men wound back their wrenches, and threw. Just then, Mario leapt into the air. All of the moles ended up hitting each other with their own tools before the plumber landed back down.
"What!? Impossible!" Bowser's mouth began to glow and hiss, like the coals of a steam train. "Fine! I'll just have to take you out the usual Bowser way!" Bowser spat out a wave of fire at the plumber. Mario sprung above the inferno, but when he landed, Bowser charged him. The koopa swiped at Mario with his claws. Mario ducked his head, but his cheek still got torn open. Bowser swiped again. Mario leapt over this bullet punch, and stomped on Bowser's arm. His scaly limb didn't even move. Bowser threw his arm to the left, sending the plumber tumbling to the ground.
Bowser's armor was far too thick. Mario wouldn't be able to even touch the koopa unless he found somewhere else to strike. While he was thinking, Bowser blew another crimson wave at Mario. The flames latched onto Mario's puffy cap, and trickled down his hair. He flicked off his hat while slapping the crimson embers in his hair.
Crimson…
Mario looked down at his burning cap. The flames on his headwear reminded him of the fiery hair atop Bowser's big dumb squishy head. Of course, that was it! Mario set up his play by backing up towards the wall behind him.
"You scared, Fredo?" Bowser said through a toothy grin as he approached the plumber.
"Terrified," Mario replied, as he then ran to Bowser's right, "For-a you, Bowser. I've already-a beaten you."
Bowser growled at this notion and swung his meaty right arm at Mario. Just before he could make contact, though, Mario leapt backwards. Bowser just missed his foe. In midair, Mario then kicked his feet off of the wall behind him to send him forward over Bowser. The momentum of his swing angled Bowser down towards the ground; it was the perfect angle to hit Bowser right in his noggin! Mario dug his heels into Bowser's head, knocking the beast out cold.
Bowser fell onto the marble floor, cracking it with a loud thud. As Mario landed on the ground, the fungal doors swung open again, flooding with a horde of happy little Toads. Mario smiled as he saw them being followed by a figure in a poofy pink dress.
"Peach! You're-a safe!" Mario ran up to the princess with open arms.
"Of course, Mario. We do this every month." Peach embraced Mario regardless, in a moment of tender silence.
And then, the Toads rejoiced.
"WOW MARIO YOU DID IT!"
"GOOD JOB YOU DID IT MARIO!"
"CONGRATULATIONS MARIO!"
"WOWEE!"
"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SON!?"
"HOORAY FOR MARIO HOORAY!"
"Please-a Princess, make them-a stop," Mario begged.
"Hey everyone who wants to go eat cake to celebrate?" Peach said as she began to make her way to the kitchen. The Toads all went quiet. Activating their hive mind, they all marched after the princess for their sugary surprise. Mario followed the horde, ready to conclude another long day.
LEVEL COMPLETE
"...You know, I think the jumping was too high."
"Oh, really? You don't say."
"Hey, go easy on me, balancing his adductor muscles with his rectus femoris is a very delicate process."
"He cleared a damn house!"
"Alright, fine, I'll turn it down. How much?"
"Pfft, uh...point one four percent."
"Where is the jump force anyway? This UI is godawful, it's so cluttered. Hmm...ah, here! Okay, bringing jump force down...done! Alright, trial #726 starting now."