If Mario had to be described with one phrase, most would likely call him "Number One." If he had to go somewhere, he'd run like the ground beneath him was aflame. If he had to open something, he'd crack it like a prize chef with an egg in hand. If he had to jump, he'd be sure to break his own record every time. Was he trying to prove himself to someone? Was he insecure? Was he just a really ambitious guy? No one could know, because they'd never ask him. You don't ask a firework why it combusts the way it does. You just watch. A spectacle isn't meant to be dissected and scrutinized. Like a frog in a lab, tearing it apart will kill it. So you just watch. Mario was watched. And sure enough, Mario always lived up to expectations.

"Mama Mia," Mario said under his breath, as he turned to face his brother and the lucky golfer, "I'm-a losing to a-...what?"

"I'd say we're all-a winning, because we're having fun! Right, Yoshi?"

"What...Luigi, what time is it?" Mario began to break into a cold sweat.

"Eh, it's about 9:30."

"Are you sure? What-a happened to Bowser? Where's-a the princess? Where's-a the cake?"

"Mario, are you feeling okey dokey? Maybe we've-a been out in the heat too long. How about we-a head over to Tayce T's and get-a some special shakes?" Luigi's idea made Yoshi wag his tail with joy.

"No, we can't-a go! If it's only 9:30, then that means-a the princess is still-"

"HELLO!"

Toad's ear-splitting voice made the brothers jump once again.

"Oh. Hi, uh...hi, Toad."

"PRINCESS PEACH IS IN DANGER!"

"Because of-a Bowser and his koopas, right?"

"BOWSER AND HIS KOOPAS ARE IN-...well, yeah."

"Mario, this is-a getting weird," Luigi said, "Should I come with you to Peach's-a castle?"

"No, Luigi, I'll-a take care of this. You take care of Yoshi. I'll-a let you know if something goes wrong." Mario took off towards Peach's castle once again.

"Is Mario acting...strange to you?"

"He seems fine to me...Did you just call the subject Mario?"

"Mario, subject, same thing. Stay focused, here comes the fence and the house."

Mario hadn't been paying much attention the first time he ran through Toad Town, but as far as he could tell, everything seemed exactly the same. Bowser's ship was in the same place in the sky, the same Toads were running for their lives, and he was approaching the same guardrail he'd leapt over before. Just like the last time, Mario squatted down and sprung over the guardrail. This time, however, his feet just graced over the rail, and he splat right into the house in front of him.

"Oh my god. What did you do?"

"I turned down the jump force, just like you told me to!"

"What did you do exactly?"

"I told you, I turned down the jump force by one point four percent."

"...one point four percent?"

"One point four percent-"

"I said point one four percent! Point! One!"

"What's the difference!?"

"The difference is he just jumped into a door! He doesn't look like 'Jumpman,' he looks like a deer that just got shot! What do you have to say for yourself!?"

"Well I-"

"Shh, shut up, here comes Peach's castle!"

Mario approached Peach's castle from the side, again, and scaled its wall. After making it to the balcony in only 6 jumps, Mario kicked in the window. This time, though, the plumber slipped off his freshly polished left shoe and threw it into the throne room. The Rocky Wrenches popped out of the floor like before, and surrounded the shoe. From the windowsill, Mario watched Bowser enter the throne room with his same grin. His grin quickly faded when he saw the scene before him.

"What!? How did you predict my trap!?" Some smoke began to peek out of Bowser's maw as he said this.

"I-a wish I could answer you, Bowser. I'll have to wait to find out, though, after I-a stop you!" Mario stayed by the window, waiting for the koopa to charge him. Sure enough, Bowser ran towards Mario, and swung at him with his right arm. Mario jumped off of the windowsill, and landed on Bowser's head. Bowser toppled to the ground yet again. The Toads flooded the room, followed by Peach.

"Mario," Peach said, "is everything alright? You look pale."

"As-a long as you're-a fine, I'm fine. My mind has just...been all over the place today." Mario could have sworn he'd already been through this whole morning. Perhaps he had some sort of a magical prophetic vision? Nothing seemed particularly magical about this morning, though. "We should probably go-a make a cake before the Toads start-a screaming."

"Screaming? What do you-"

"WOW MARIO WOW WOW MARIO WOWEE GOOD JOB WOWSERS WIPPIE BING BING WAHOO YOU DID IT WOW WOW WOW!"

"You know what I think that's actually a good idea, Mario. Cake in the kitchen everyone!"

The Toads all began humming like microwaves as they hovered to the kitchen as they usually do. Mario felt a little fatigued after a morning he didn't quite understand, but he was happy to bring it to a close with Princess Peach and a sugary sweet.

LEVEL COMPLETE

"You know what? I think we need to turn down his air acceleration."

"Really?"

"Yeah, look at how quickly he keeps getting to Bowser's head. He's supposed to be Mario, not Spider-Man."

"Sure, okay, let's do it. Bring down the max to 0.061184?"

"Yes! We're finally getting somewhere."

"Alright, trial #727 starting now. I feel like I'm forgetting something...Oh well."