If Mario had to be described with one phrase, most would likely call him-
"Che cazzo, what's-a going on!?" Mario threw his club to the ground.
"Hey, calm down, Mario," Luigi said to his brother, "It's-a just a game."
"I'm-a not-a talking about the game, Luigi! I'm-a talking about how I keep living this morning. This is-a my third morning this morning, and I don't know how many more-a mornings this morning has in store!"
"...Mario, are you feeling okey-"
"No, I-a don't need a shake. Thanks, though, bro."
"I, uh...didn't say anything about a shake. Though I was about to. You're-a really freaking me out."
"That makes-a two of us. It's about 9:30, right?" Mario covered his ears.
"Yeah, why do you-"
"HELLO!" Toad's cry made Luigi and Yoshi jump.
"I've-a got to go, Luigi. Peach is in danger. Bowser and his koopas are in her castle. I'll be back soon!" And Mario took off.
Running through Toad Town for the third time, Mario was now sure that this morning was identical to the prior two. There was no way they could've been dreams, right? Mario stopped as he approached the guardrail he'd stumbled over twice before. Instead of jumping, he cautiously climbed over the fence before continuing towards Peach's castle.
"...Did he just climb the fence?"
"Looks like it, yeah."
"He's supposed to jump!"
"He doesn't have to jump everywhere."
"He's 'Jumpman'! It's in the name! He jumped the last 100 trials, why isn't he jumping now!?"
"Hey, can you blame him? The last two times he tried to clear that fence he ended up eating dirt."
"Yeah but it's not like he knows that-...Does...Does he know?"
"Does he know what?"
"Does he know about the simulation!?"
"What!? No! Stop being so paranoid. We've tested the scrambler every 10 trials, and it's been perfectly operational every single time."
"Well check it again!"
"Fine, fine, if it'll shut you-..."
"..."
"..."
"...Why aren't you saying anything?"
"...Well...I, uh...I might've accidentally...turned off the scrambler."
"...Turned off the scrambler? How do you 'turn off' the scrambler?"
"It's quite simple, actually, you just press this button, click accept, and-"
"I meant how do you turn it off 'accidentally', moron!"
"I'm sorry, it must've happened when I was navigating the UI to get to the jump force!"
"Well turn it back on!"
"Okay, it's on! I'll terminate this trial right now."
"No, you idiot! Terminating the trial before the end of the level could throw the subject into shock, and the nearest medical bay is a mile down the hall! Just let him run through the level and then we'll kill it."
Mario approached the castle and began to scale its side again.
"Just calm down, okay? Even if he remembers his last couple trials, he has no way to tell that they were simulations. For all he knows, they were bad daydreams, hallucinations maybe. For all he knows, all of this is still-"
"ATTENTION ALL CREW, ATTENTION ALL CREW! INCOMING ATTACK FROM THE PORT SIDE!"
Just as Mario climbed atop the balcony, he was knocked to the floor by something he couldn't see, accompanied by the most chilling sound; a mix of a fiery crackle with the crunching of metal. This roar was so loud, it left Mario's ears ringing. As he staggered back up to his feet, he looked around for his attacker. Curiously, no one else was on the balcony. Much more curiously, though, was the hole that now hung over his head.
It looked as though a piece of the sky itself had fallen, and through the gap, Mario could see a lifeless grey metal ceiling. The plumber stepped backwards to get a better view of this anomaly, but one step too many sent him crashing through the throne room window. From the other side, however, Mario could no longer see Toad Town. Instead, he saw the inky blackness of the night sky, empty save for a strange aircraft. It was long like a snake, winged, and armed to the teeth with cannons. This odd battleship was being barraged with lasers too bright to stare at, seeming to come from the castle itself. Soon, the ship had taken too much - most of its left half burst into a rose of flames. Just as quickly as Mario had discovered it, it was sent hurtling out of sight.
"Well would'ja get a load of this!" Bowser had entered the throne room without Mario's notice. In fact, until now, Mario didn't realize he was once again surrounded by the Rocky Wrenches. "The 'super' ol' Mario fell for my trap!" The koopa didn't seem to notice the carnage going on beyond the window.
"I-a can't-a take this anymore!" Mario began rubbing his eyes furiously. "I-a want to wake up! I-a want to wake up!"
"He's not gonna be able to fight Bowser like this, just skip over the boss battle and cut to the end."
Just then, Bowser and the Rocky Wrenches flickered out of existence. The Toads and Princess Peach entered the room.
"Are you okay, Mario? You look pale." Peach approached Mario with a worried look in her eyes. "Let's go talk about what's been going on-"
"No! Every time I-a go through those-a doors, I restart this morning! I'm trapped in some-a sort of cycle, and I need to get out!"
"I don't think he's going to believe the NPCs anymore."
"Fuck it, kill the simulation."
"But what about the shock?"
"Look at his vitals, he's about to have a heart attack! Just kill the simulation and if he goes into shock, we'll say it happened when the frigate got hit just now."
"Okay! Terminating simulation in 10, 9, 8-"
As Mario fell to the floor and kept rubbing his eyes, one of the Toads came up and comforted him.
"EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY, MARIO! DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD!"
"Lose...Lose-a your head..." Mario stopped rubbing his eyes, a spark lighting in his head as he stared at Toad's strawberry red jiggly mushroom cap.
"7, 6, 5-"
Mario placed his gloved hands on the side of his head. He then cupped them as if he were wearing a hat like Toad's. With all his might, Mario pushed his hands up. Even though there was nothing there, he felt as though he were pushing his hands into a brick wall. No matter how pointless it was, though, Mario kept pushing.
"4, 3, 2-"
Click.
In the blink of an eye, everything was gone. The castle, the princess, the Toads, they'd all disappeared. In their place, Mario found himself in a small metal room, facing a window leading out to space. He stood atop a glossy black ball built into the floor. About the size of a cow, it rolled in place whenever Mario moved his feet. An iron belt was shackled around his waist. From its back, the belt was connected to the ceiling by a spidery electronic arm. Mario stared in awe; so much awe, in fact, that he didn't realize what he was holding. A bulky metal helmet fell from his hands, and hit the ground with a thunk. It was covered with wires, and had two paper thin lenses hanging from its front.
Lost for words, Mario creaked his head to the left. Two insectoid figures were watching Mario with lifeless glowing eyes. They were lanky, and almost twice his height. Their arms ended with massive claws, which faintly radiated a mechanical light from the inside. One was dark purple, and sat behind a desk littered with buttons and words he couldn't read. The other, a bright red, stood beside the first. The purple creature leaned over to its acquaintance.
"...If we play it cool," the purple one whispered, "I'm pretty sure we can convince him this one's a simulation too."
"AHHHHH!"
"Get the door!" the red one shouted. As Purple jumped out of his chair and bolted to the door behind him, Red aimed one of his gaping claws at Mario. A bolt of electricity burst out at Mario. Reflexively, Mario jumped in the air and twisted around. The bolt hit the spider arm, busting it off of Mario's waist and allowing him to topple to the floor.
Red fired another shot at Mario. Mario rolled out of the way and onto his feet, before making a run for the door. He was faster, but Purple's headstart got him to the door first. Mario was forced to halt his path.
"Okay, Mario," Red said as he readied another shot, "this isn't gonna kill you, but it's not gonna feel good either." Mario couldn't jump around here forever. He used the few seconds he was gifted to think of his escape plan.
With a crackle, Red discharged another bolt. His decision made, Mario jumped out of the way and onto Purple's desk. Before Red could fire another shot, Mario sprung off the desk and onto Red's alien skull. With his mind calm and still, Mario kicked off of Red as hard as he could, and shot straight towards the window.
If he really was in space, exiting this room could kill him. But if the window really was easy enough to break, that had to mean it was safe to leave, right? Regardless, Mario was at ease; not because he knew he wouldn't die, but because he knew that if he did, he'd prefer it to living in a lie for the rest of his existence. And so Mario crashed out of the window, and plummeted to his fate.
Red and Purple stood in awe at what had just transpired. Red was still reeling from the kick he'd received. Purple cleared his throat before breaking the air.
"...We're probably getting a demotion tomorrow."
When Mario landed, he realized he himself had been in a battleship, one even larger than the craft that'd been destroyed. He was on a deck on the outside of the ship, and sure enough, the ship was out in the void of space. Somehow, though, Mario didn't feel as though he was dying. Perhaps there was some sort of bubble around the ship he couldn't see? After his fall, Mario reached instinctively to adjust his cap - only to realize he didn't have his cap. Looking down, in fact, all of his regular clothes were gone. Instead, he was covered from the neck down in a dark grey spandex suit. There were little nodes all over the suit, though for what Mario didn't know.
Just then, sirens all over the ship went off, painting the deck bright red. Mario decided to not wait to find out if the siren was for him or not. He made a mad dash for a strange metal tent, like a greenhouse from hell. It must have been battered by the blast from before; its door was slightly ajar. As he threw open the door, he heard another swing open in the distance. Wherever this chamber ended, something was coming. Where could Mario go? Was there a box he could hide behind? Should he go back outside? As Mario looked around, he noticed the roof above him looked off. He had to squint to see it in the shadowy room, but there was a hole in the ceiling, leading to a little nook just big enough for a man. Mario ran and leaped into the air, reaching his hand out for the hole.
Close. But no cigar.
Mario missed the ceiling, and fell straight through the floor. He landed in a dimly lit hall, on some broken pipes.
"I heard something down the Beta Deck!"
The scuttling of dozens of feet rang through the halls from both ends. Mario jumped to his feet, and backed up against the wall as he looked down the hall. Just then, his hand ran over a large dial. He turned around to face a thick steel door. When Mario turned the dial, the door slid open with a fat crank, leading to a storage room filled with tankers and machinery. Mario ran in and closed the door behind him, casting the room in total shadow. He stepped forward, his arms reached out to probe his environment. Something cold and smooth graced his hands. It was hard to remember from such a short glimpse, but Mario was pretty sure the tankers had frosted glass doors which looked like they could be pulled open. Mario felt up the object before him until he found a thin lever. With a hard yank, a door opened up. Mario forced his way into the cramped tanker, and slammed the door shut. The horde of footsteps stopped all at once.
"Where is he!? The hall only has two doors!"
"Maybe the sound was from above?"
"No, it had to be-wait, what if he's in there?"
Mario froze, his blood running cold.
"Forget it, it's not worth the time to check."
Phew. Mario couldn't help but break out a sigh of relief as he wiped some sweat off of his brow.
"Yeah, if he is in there, he won't be for long. Let's go check the Gamma Deck."
As the footsteps drifted away, Mario found himself at another loss of breath. What did they mean by that? Where would he be going? Mario's thinking was interrupted by the whirr of another door opening. Trapped by the darkness of his tanker, all he could sense was the wobbling of his container being pulled away. He frantically threw open the door to the tanker, only to be greeted by his worst fear; he was again outside of the ship, drifting farther and farther away. Whatever shield was around the ship wouldn't last forever. What could he do? How could he get back to safety, if you could even call it that?
"Get out of the way!"
"What?" Mario looked around to find the voice he'd just heard.
"I said get out of the way!" A small hand reached out from behind Mario, armed with a handheld metal tool. It shot out a long chain, with a razor sharp hook at the end. The hook dug into the interior of the trash chute, anchoring the tanker in place. The stranger's hand pressed a button on his hook. The chain retracted, pulling Mario and his tanker back into the frigate.
"...Phew," the stranger said, "Glad that's settled."
"Settled!?" Mario replied, "Nothing's-a settled! I'm in the middle of-a space, I-a don't know where my friends are, bugmen are-a trying to kill me, and I-a don't know what's-a going on! Who are you to-a tell me everything's settled!?...Actually, who are you?"
Mario rolled around in his tanker to face the stranger. Upon looking at him, it was clear to see how Mario didn't notice him earlier. This man was...short. Shorter than Mario, even. Somewhat like a child, his head made up almost half of his height. He was dressed in a frilly green tunic, and a funny little matching hat.
"Oh, I'm Link! Well, sorta." As the trash chute closed again, Link tapped the back of his hand. A triangular emblem lit up, illuminating the room. "C'mon, let's get you to a medical bay, I know one that's nearby."
"Sorta?" Mario began to climb out of the tanker. "What do you-ack!" The second his left foot touched the ground, pain shot up every bone in his leg. He fell to the ground clutching his ankle.
"Oh yeah, probably shouldn't use that leg too much." Link got out and approached the big door.
"How did you-a know that?"
"Well I may not be one to talk about messed up anatomy, but I'm pretty sure feet don't bend that way."
Mario looked down at the foot in question. Sure enough, it was pointed a lot more to the left than it usually was. It must've happened when Mario fell, and he could only notice in this somewhat calm moment. With a deep breath, Mario planted his right foot into the ground. As he was about to stand up on his left, he saw Link reach his teeny tiny little hand out to him. Mario grabbed Link's hand, and Link draped Mario's arm over his shoulder. Link opened the door, and the two hobbled their way down the hall.
For better or worse, Mario knew they wouldn't be running into any of the ship's crew in this medical bay. The only light in the room would only last 10 seconds at best before flickering out with an irritated buzz, and then turning back on. The walls were rusted, and the cabinets were empty, save for one half-empty first aid kit. Mario sat down on an icy metal bench, covered by an undersized white fabric. Link began to fish through the first aid kit. He found a stethoscope and a head mirror, which he threw on with a smile.
"Alright, let's fix you up!" Link pulled out a syringe full of a clear liquid and began injecting it into Mario's ankle.
"So, uh, what did you-a mean when you said you were 'sorta' Link? I think I've-a met Link before, but you don't look like Link." Mario couldn't really feel the syringe, with how overwhelming the pain of his ankle was.
"Well, I am to Link how you are to Mario. I don't really have a name, I was only marked as subject 43. Some of the Orpheon's crew called me Link, but I actually like to call myself Toon Link. Just in case I meet Link for real. Because of my defects, I kinda look like a cartoon." Toon Link giggled to himself as he began to readjust Mario's foot.
"You are to Link like me to what? I...I-a don't understand."
"You know, how-...oh." Link froze. "You...don't know."
"Don't know what?"
"I'm going to try and explain this delicately." Toon Link snapped Mario's foot back into place. "You're not actually Mario, you're a clone of Mario with all of his memories and you've been living in a simulation for the few months you've been alive."
"Wh...what?"
"Whew, okay." Toon Link sat down and crossed his legs. "We're on a frigate right now called the Orpheon. It's piloted by a group of intergalactic criminals called the Space Pirates. The Orpheon is a research vessel; recently, the Space Pirates have been researching cloning. They've been going to other planets, getting samples of DNA from lifeforms they deem useful, and trying to make perfect biological clones of them. Once they make the clones, though, they try to conscript them into their army by messing with their memories. They recreate the memories the original specimen would've had, and then rewrite them to better suit the Space Pirates. From how you've been taking everything, though, I guess your memories haven't been touched yet."
"So...I'm a clone? My-a whole life...it's a lie."
"Yep! You're taking this a lot better than I thought. Figured there'd be more denial."
"I-a want to deny it, but there's-a no other way I can explain what's going on. Even if this is all some-a sort of sick nightmare, it-a seems I can't wake up." "Mario" and Toon Link sat in a muggy silence, contemplating their situation.
"...Well, for a change of pace, how's your leg doing?"
"Hmm." "Mario" sat up off the bench and stood on his feet. "I don't feel anything. What did you-a shoot me with?"
"Uh..." Toon Link squinted to read a label on the syringe. "Booboo...Boopis...Bu-pi-va-caine. Bupivacaine!"
"What-a type of medicine is that?"
"It's an anesthetic. So actually, your foot is still horribly mangled. You just won't be able to feel it. For a while, anyway."
"How-a long of a while?"
"Well let's just say I probably wasn't supposed to use this whole thing."
"How-a much did you use?"
"The whole thing."
"Mama Mia." "Mario" plucked the fabric off of the bench and wrapped it around his shoulders.
"Hey, that's future Mario's problem!" Toon Link got on his tippy toes and put a hand on "Mario's" shoulder. "Speaking of the future, what do we do now?"
"Huh?"
"What do we do? I haven't really established any life goals yet, so I'll probably just follow you. So what do you wanna do?"
"Mario" brought a hand to his chin, and, for the first time, genuinely considered this question.
"...Well, first and-a foremost, we should get off this-a ship; the 'Orpheon' you said?"
"Yeah! I'm pretty sure it's headed towards some destination right now, though I don't know where it is or how long we've got 'til we get there."
"Where could we-a find that out?"
"Hmm...maybe one of the biotech research areas? They're on this floor."
"Then let's-a go." "Mario" made his way towards the door, his fabric flowing behind him.
"Wait!"
"Hmm?"
"I need a name for you! Just in case we meet the real-eh...other Mario."
"I'm not sure. I only-a think of myself as-a Mario."
"Alright, how about...Mariotwo! No, I don't like that. Mario...Mario Mega? It's hard since you look exactly like him. Mario...hey, what's up with that thing on your back?"
"This?" "Mario" tugged on his white fabric. "I was cold, so I-a picked it up."
"No, I mean something's up with it. I think it's a coat."
"Mario" took off his fabric and held it out straight. Sure enough, it was a large billowing coat. "Mario" put it on properly this time.
"Hey...actually," Toon Link took off his head mirror and stethoscope, and handed them to his new friend, "can you put these on?"
"Sure?" He obliged.
"Yeah...yeah, that'll work. Let's get to that research area." Toon Link stepped out of the door, and strolled down the hall.
"That'll work for-a what?" asked "Mario" as he followed Toon Link.
"For your name! I'll call you Dr. Mario."