So of course, there was indeed a real Mario. And he did indeed have a real morning that morning. Now you see, we have indeed been through that morning three times now. So we will, indeed, not be going through that morning again. Starting where we left off, Mario carefully stepped over Bowser's unconscious body, as he followed Peach and the Toads out of the throne room. They closed the door behind them, ready to enjoy their cake.
"...Are they really going to leave me here unsupervised?" grumbled Bowser, who actually was still conscious. "I'm not sure whether to feel grateful or insulted."
Bowser slowly propped himself up off the ground. His scales were torn, and his shell was cracked. The beast trudged over towards the window, and rested his chin in his hand. He sighed as he looked up at the morning sky.
"Another day, another defeat. God, has it really been 30 years of the same shit? I mean, my son's looked the same since 2002."
Bowser's gaze sunk into the clouds above him. Despite how early it was, clouds dominated the sky. It wasn't supposed to rain that day, or even that week.
"I just...I just want one chance. To make things right, to get my life together. Maybe I don't deserve a chance like that, but...doesn't Junior? I know something like that isn't just gonna fall out of the sky, but...if I could just get something..."
Bowser closed his eyes, focusing on his last thought. After a few seconds in silence, Bowser got back on his feet. When he opened his eyes, his vision was pierced by a flicker in the sky. The fixture looked like a second sun in the sky.
"Huh. I didn't think something would literally fall out of the sky, but okay..."
Bowser found it increasingly hard to examine this phenomenon; it seemed to get bigger and brighter the more Bowser looked at it. It soon became clear that the light was not that of a star; whatever this object was, it was engulfed in flame as it hurtled towards the planet. Suddenly, Toads down in Toad Town flailed in terror, and airhorns around the castle cried out to the citizens below. Bowser's eyes widened, his curiosity turning to fear as he realized that this vengeful celestial wasn't headed towards just anywhere on the planet.
It was on a straight course for the castle.
Bowser began to frantically climb out of the window in a bid to escape, but he froze as a new thought came to mind. The princess! She was still in the castle! Bowser turned around and barreled through the throne room doors. On the other side, Toads passing by looked up at the beast in shock.
"Where's the kitchen!?" Bowser roared.
"OH NO BOWSER'S BACK HE'S GONNA KIDNAP THE PRINCESS OH NO OH WOW-"
"Oh fuck it, I'll do it myself." With his eyes closed, Bowser focused on finding the smell of freshly baked cake. Sniff sniff, sniff sniff. There, to the left, the sweet succulence of strawberry. Bowser charged ahead, slamming into many walls as he pursued the rich odor. Soon enough, one spot in the hall smelt stronger than anywhere else he could find. He couldn't be mistaken. Sure enough he found a door as he opened his eyes, and he threw it open to rush in.
The room he found was a dimly lit meat locker, in which stood one Toad. This Toad was humming to himself as he tenderly rubbed a pork loin against his throbbing mushroom cap. The Toad kept on with this for a solid 10 seconds before he realized Bowser had been watching in a stunned silence. The Toad had no words of his own.
"...Uh," Bowser said, "...where, uh...where is the...kitchen?"
"Two doors down the right. Can't miss it."
"Alright, thank you."
So Bowser burst into the actual kitchen, where Mario watched as Peach and the Toads prepared the sugary sweet.
"Princess! We need to get out of here!" Bowser pleaded.
"Bowser!" Peach covered her mouth in surprise. "Didn't we already stop you!?"
"OH NO BOW-"
"Will you people shut up long enough for me to tell you that this castle is about to get blown to hell and back!?" Bowser's mouth began to fume smoke.
Mario stepped forward and placed his arm in front of Peach. "Just because you-a lost doesn't mean you have to-a try cheap tricks like this-a Bowser."
Bowser sighed, spitting out a few embers. "Fine. We'll do this the usual way." Without a moment's hesitation, Bowser broke into a full sprint towards Mario and Peach.
"Don't-a try it! You-a won't be getting your hands on the princess, Bowser-"
Before Mario could finish, Bowser swung his arm forward and grabbed not the princess but the plumber.
"Hey, you fungal freaks!" Bowser shouted as he waved Mario in the air, "If you want your little hero back in one piece, you all better chase me out the castle!" Bowser then darted out the room with Mario tucked under his arm.
"Huh, that's new. Everyone, after them!" Peach rapidly tiptoed out of the room, her Toad horde in tow.
Bowser and his new Italian tote bag, meanwhile, hurtled through the castle garden towards the front gates.
"I'm-a not gonna marry you, if that's-a where this is going," Mario explained.
"This isn't going any farther than out that door," Bowser growled, "I just need the princess to see what's coming."
"Put him down!" Just then, Peach's voice rang out behind the beast at the other end of the corridor.
"Just in the knick of time." Bowser looked back at the princess as he continued to run. "Catch me if you can, princess!"
"Catch this!" Peach dug into the garden and yanked on a growing sprout. A plump, hearty turnip - more than twice as big as her own head - followed the sprout out of the ground. She hoisted it over her head and flung it at the beast. It broke over Bowser's shell, knocking him onto the ground with the force of a car. Mario rolled out of Bowser's grip.
"Shit! We're so close to the door," Bowser groaned to himself. He placed his hands on the ground to prop himself back up, but Mario stomped on his back to push him back down.
"You're-a not going anywhere, Bowser!"
"We're all going to hell if we don't get out of here now!"
"Mario, what is he talking about?" Peach said as she cautiously approached the fell beast. Just then, Toads began dashing down the hall, screaming and flailing. One Toad ran up to Peach and began tugging on her dress.
"PRINCESS PRINCESS THERE'S A GIANT SPACESHIP HEADED TOWARDS THE CASTLE!"
"It's too late!" Bowser rolled around, and snatched up Mario and the princess with both hands. He then pulled himself into his shell, dragging the two in along with him. Just as he did so, the walls of the garden caved in with a burst of fire. A horrific sound - the cry of steel on steel - flooded the castle as it drowned in flames. From the darkness of Bowser's shell, the three saw brief flickers of red behind the waves of debris. The screams of machinery lasted for quite a few minutes before they were all left in silence.
Eventually, Mario and Peach crawled out of Bowser's shell. The garden was unrecognizable. The walls had mostly been torn down, and every plant was seared to ashes. Any structure that was left had been burnt to a sickly black color. After observing for a while, the gang began to trek back into the castle in silence. They were forced to climb over rubble in the absence of any doors, choking on smoke as they ascended. Each room now looked the same, and reeked of the same tar odor. Through the cloud of dust in the air, they couldn't find any bodies. Any Toads in the castle before the crash must've either escaped, or had already been buried.
Peach was the first to break the silence. "What happened? What did this?"
"This is what I was tryna warn you all about!" Bowser said, "When I was up in the throne room, I saw this big shiny thing falling towards the castle!"
"YEAH THAT WAS THE SPACESHIP I WAS TALKING ABOUT!"
The gang of three froze at this distinctly shrill voice, looking around to find the Toad it belonged to.
"DOWN HERE!"
The three looked down to see the Toad from before peeking out from under Peach's dress.
"Toad!" Peach exclaimed, "What are you doing there!?"
"IT'S SCARY OUT THERE PRINCESS!"
"That's no excuse! Come out from there immediately!"
"OH BUT PRINCESS ITS SO LOUD AND SCARY OUT THERE AND THERE WAS A BIG FIRE AND A BIGGER SPACESHIP AND A BIGGERER EXPLOSION AND I JUST GOT MY TOOTH FAIRY MONEY I DON'T WANNA DIE-"
"Alright, alright, fine! Just...please use your inside voice from now on."
"Okay." Toad snuck back under the safety of his royalty's robes.
"The nerve of that-" As Peach looked up, she noticed that the dust had now cleared - she could clearly make out the sky. And yet somehow, they were all still cast in shadow. Peach looked to her side, and her jaw dropped at what she saw. "Guys...I found the spaceship."
Mario and Bowser also turned to face a massive mechanical wing reaching up to the heavens. It was covered in a velvety purple fabric that blocked out the sun, light only peeking through some holes that had been torn open. It was attached to a charcoal aircraft which lay in the wreckage of the castle. Bigger than even Bowser's ship, it looked to be about the length of a football field. It was hard to tell, what with how battered the ship had become, but the configuration of its daunting armament of cannons seemed to suggest that the ship was on its side. Peach began to approach the ship, but Mario placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Wait, princess!" Mario warned. "It'd be-a dangerous to get closer!"
"But what if someone's in there?" Peach replied.
"That's-a why it's dangerous! Someone's responsible for this."
"But it isn't necessarily whoever's in there! If they meant us harm, wouldn't they just shoot us instead of throwing themselves at our castle? Maybe someone else attacked them."
"We can't-a know that."
"Not if we don't investigate, we can't!"
"Why don't'cha just ask that guy?" Bowser pointed up to a dark figure clawing its way out of the top of the spacecraft. It was only outside for a few seconds before it tumbled off of the craft and onto the ground below. Peach ran up to the figure, and Mario and Bowser followed suit. Just as Peach was getting close enough to see the figure, Mario and Bowser both threw their arms in front of the princess. The plumber and the beast then glared each other down as the princess tried to push them out of the way.
"I will not yield."
A gravelly rumbling voice interrupted the gang. Chills running down their spines, the gang turned to face their alien combatant.
They were greeted by an 8 inch tall itty bitty cotton ball. His body was blue and very squishy. He had sparkly purple boots, and nubby arms ending in gloves. His face was concealed by a mask matching the front of his spacecraft. With one hand he wrapped himself with his glossy billowing cape, and with the other he pointed a golden blade at the gang. It was no longer than a common ruler.
"Aww, he's so cute!" Peach gushed.
"He's smaller than a Toad," Mario said.
"If he was driving that thing, no wonder it crashed," Bowser said, "Probably couldn't see out the window."
"We'll see who can't see what when I cut out your eyes!" The squishy bean tried to slash at Bowser, but halfway through his swing he began to hack violently. The creature fell to the ground and dropped his weapon. Peach scooped up the bean.
"This is horrible. We need to regroup to get this kingdom back in order." Peach turned to face the other two. "Mario, go round up all of the Toads! Bowser...uh, go wait somewhere, I guess."