Something wicked had begun to overtake Dr. Mario. He couldn't put a name or a face to it. It didn't make much sense, really; he and Toon Link hadn't run into a single Space Pirate since their first encounter. But as they made their way down the nearly silent Beta Deck, the doctor couldn't help but feel bare. Like when your skin peels back and the muscle underneath feels the sting of the wind. His whole being felt open, attacked by the heartless halls of the frigate.
"Hey, Doc," Toon Link asked, "are you doing alright?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah, yeah," Dr. Mario replied, "Why do you ask?"
"Well you know that thing people do sometimes when they're nervous and they've got a pen in their hand and they just click it a whole bunch?"
"Yeah."
"You're doing that with the second Bupivacaine syringe."
Dr. Mario looked down. Sure enough, he'd been leaving a trail of the clear chemical along the ground.
"Mama Mia, I didn't even-a know there was another one." Dr. Mario handed the syringe over to Toon Link and dropped his head into his hand. "I don't-a know. I just have this feeling that something's-a very wrong."
"It's called anxiety, doctor. It's perfectly normal. Especially for people trapped in outer space."
"Well why aren't-a you anxious then?"
"I don't know, I'm not the doctor here. Maybe it's just because I've been here longer." Toon Link looked up at Dr. Mario with a grin on his face as he poked his own temple. "Plus, I think I might be missing a few parts up here."
"Why do you say that?"
"Quite a few reasons. I can't see if I plug my nose, I need to use my fingers to count to any number between 11 and 25, I've got hair on my knuckles, anything you could think of really."
"Wait, what? What does-a knuckle hair have to do with anything?"
"Oh, you don't know? Having hair on your knuckles is the second most common sign of mental retardation."
Dr. Mario promptly removed his gloves and examined his knuckles for hair. Sure enough, his Italian knuckles were covered.
"What's the first sign?" The doctor asked, his forehead growing sweaty.
"Oh, the first? It's falling for that!" Toon Link nearly fell onto the floor laughing. Dr. Mario awkwardly slid his gloves back on.
"Oh ha ha. Very funny. You know, this isn't exactly the time to be-a making jokes."
"Hey, relax, will you? Can't blame me for trying to lighten the mood on this dreary stain on the galaxy." Toon stared glumly out the window along the hall. A planet the color of rust dominated the view, hanging over the Orpheon. "Besides, we haven't run into one of those bugbrains for half an hour. It's kind of weird actually. You'd think that even if they stopped looking for us, there would still be guards regularly patrolling the halls."
"Hmm, that's-a true. Maybe they're-a busy with something else."
"Yeah, you're right. Wanna go find out what? I bet it's really cool!"
"No, no, I think I'll-a pass. Hey, I think that's-a the biotech research area."
The two stopped by an open door in the hall. It led to a cavernous room, filled with tankers like the ones in the trash chute. They looked at each other for a moment before heading inside. Inside the lab, the two realized that the tankers here were starkly different from the ones in the trash chute. Unlike the cold, dormant tanks in chute, these ones were fully activated. The yellow radiance of life illuminated the tanks, and a viscous milky liquid bubbled violently behind their glass.
"I wonder who's in these," Toon Link wondered aloud as he drummed his fingers along the glass of the tankers.
"Hey, careful! We might not want to-a meet whoever's here." As Dr. Mario tried to corral his friend, he noticed a tray sat next to one of the tanks. The tray carried an assortment of vials and chemicals of unknown origin.
"Oh cool, drugs!"
"I'm-a sure we'll need some drugs after you pumped my foot full of that garbage." Dr. Mario pocketed the chemicals on the tray.
"Oh c'mon, it's an anaesthetic! Dentists give that stuff to kids! How risky could bupivacaine be?"
"BUPIVACAINE IS MARKEDLY CARDIOTOXIC, AND PRESENTS THE RISK OF CARDIAC ARREST."
Dr. Mario and Toon Link jumped at the sound of this foreign voice. It was dry and mechanical, its originator nowhere to be found.
"Hello?" Dr. Mario called out as he looked around the lab.
"HELLO. HOW MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE?"
The two tried to follow the voice, only finding themselves staring at the tray before them. It was then that the doctor noticed a sleek white tablet, resting face down on the tray. Dr. Mario picked up the tablet, revealing a bright blue screen. It was adorned with three white dots, arranged into a very simplistic face.
"What-a are you?"
"GREETINGS," the tablet replied, "I AM THE MASSIVELY OPERATIONAL NAVIGATIONAL AND INVESTIGATIVE TECHNOLOGICAL ASSISTANT. I AM A COMBINED DATABASE AND VIRTUAL ASSISTANT DESIGNED TO HELP INEXPERIENCED CREW MEMBERS NAVIGATE THE ORPHEON ALONG WITH ITS SEVERAL DESTINATIONS."
"Jesus, that's a mouthful," Toon Link groaned, "Massive Operate...Navigate...uhh...ah! Let's call her Monita!"
"Why are you-a giving her a name?"
"MONITA WILL BE SATISFACTORY."
Dr. Mario sighed as Toon Link jumped up and down at their new assistant. Toon ran up to one of the tankers and tapped it vigorously.
"What's in this one?" Toon Link asked with a grin.
"Toon, I-a told you not to tap those."
"THAT CLONING CHAMBER CONTAINS A SPECIMEN OF THE SPECIES KNOWN AS GORDO. FROM STAR SYSTEM GB-92, IT'S METALLIC FLESH IS KNOWN TO BE NEARLY INDESTRUCTIBLE."
"Cool!" Toon Link ran over to another tanker. "And this one?"
"THAT CLONING CHAMBER CONTAINS A SPECIMEN OF THE SPECIES KNOWN AS SPRANGLER. FROM STAR SYSTEM GH-7, IT PRODUCES AN ORGANIC THREADED WEBBING WITH A HIGHER TENSILE STRENGTH THAN MODERN KEVLAR."
"Awesome!" Toon Link ran up to the next tanker and tapped on it. "And how about-"
With no warning, Toon Link's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell to the floor with a thud. Dr. Mario ran over to his small acquaintance.
"W-what-a happened to him!?"
"IT WOULD APPEAR HE HAS BEEN RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS."
"I can tell that! But-a why?"
"ANALYSIS SUGGESTS...AN INCONCLUSIVE ANSWER. IT APPEARS TO BE AN EXTERNAL AGENT, BUT NO FOREIGN BODIES CAN BE FOUND IN HIS SYSTEM. WHATEVER CAUSED IT, IT SHOULD WEAR OFF IN A FEW MINUTES."
As sweat dripped from the doctor's forehead, he turned his wide eyes up towards the last tanker Toon Link tapped. Conspicuous before, it now loomed over the doctor with a crushing presence.
"He-a blacked out when he touched that chamber. What's-a in there?"
"THAT INFORMATION IS CURRENTLY CLASSIFIED. IT WILL REQUIRE CLASS 2 AUTHORITY OR HIGHER TO CLEAR. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CONTACT THE NEAREST CLASS 2 AUTHORITY FOR CLEARANCE? IT SHOULD TAKE ROUGHLY THREE MINUTES FOR THEM TO ARRIVE AT YOUR CURRENT LOCATION."
"No, it's-a probably best for me to get him-wait, three minutes? How-a close is this authority?"
"ROUGHLY 700 FEET."
"What!?" Dr. Mario's breathing went shallow. Shoving Monita into his lab coat, he scooped up Toon Link and turned his jittery gaze around the room. He looked for any crevice he could cram the both of them in, but aside from the tankers, the room was virtually bare.
"600 FEET NOW."
"How important is class 2 authority!?" the doctor asked as he shuffled towards the nearest corner of the room.
"THE ONLY CREW MEMBER WITH AUTHORITY ABOVE CLASS 2 IS HIGH COMMANDER RIDLEY HIMSELF. EXCLUDING HIM, CLASS 2 AUTHORITIES ARE THE MOST POWERFUL INDIVIDUALS OF THE ENTIRE FACTION. THE DESIGNATION IS TYPICALLY RESERVED FOR COLONY LEADERS AND CHIEF SCIENTISTS. HOWEVER, THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE VILLAINOCT HAVE BEEN GRANTED TEMPORARY CLASS 2 AUTHORITY."
"The what?"
Dr. Mario was interrupted by the clanking sound of heavy footsteps. It came from the hall the doctor and Toon were traversing earlier, and it was followed by a throaty growl.
"My ship and I are about to pursue Aran's Gunship...Well what else am I supposed to do? Just sit around on your Frigate? Take care of your own problems."
Dr. Mario waited for the footsteps to pass before asking, "Was-a that the class 2?"
"CORRECT. HE'S A MERCENARY FROM STAR SYSTEM LY-93. THERE ISN'T MUCH INFORMATION ON HIM IN ANY ACCESSIBLE DATABASES, BUT WE DO KNOW THAT HE'S FOUGHT IN AT LEAST THREE WARS AND HE HAS A KILL COUNT IN THE THOUSANDS."
The doctor scuttled to the door and gave a quick peek into the hall. He saw the mercenary marching down the hall, talking into an earpiece. He couldn't get a good look at the mercenaries face, but he was covered in spikes and leather, and exuded an oppressive aura of death. Dr. Mario quickly scampered back to the corner with Toon Link.
"Is there any way to get out of this room without going through that hall?"
"THE FRIGATE USES A CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING SYSTEM. YOU CAN ACCESS MOST OTHER ROOMS THROUGH THE VENTILATION SHAFTS."
Dr. Mario looked around and found a large metal grate on the wall to his back. Using his head mirror to pry off the grate, he pulled Toon Link into the vents and left the lab.
The vents were surprisingly easy to traverse; the doctor could've easily stood straight up if he weren't lugging his friend. He tried his best to move through the vents silently, but every step he took echoed through the rusty shafts. A Space Pirate could've heard any single one. The thought of those demons coming for him made him hustle faster through the vents, and his steps echoed louder. The louder they echoed, the faster he moved. The faster he moved, the louder they echoed. He could see sweat begin to drip off of his forehead underneath the sickly orange lights of the shafts. Just then, he felt his back hit something sharp; turning his head, he saw it was another grate! The doctor scrambled to kick it down, and then rolled his friend and himself out.
A deep breath. The doctor felt a hefty weight being lifted from his chest. It was weird, he wasn't even any safer. He had no idea where he was, and no reason to believe Space Pirates wouldn't show up at any time. But just the freedom of this new, spacious enclosure was enough to let Dr. Mario's body go loose, breathing easy as he watched the ceiling fly away.
It was then that the doctor noticed the ceiling flying away. Shooting up to his feet, he realized that it was rather the floor that was sinking. It stopped at a wide platform, circling a glowing core. It was covered in orange crystals, and sparked with a haunting alien energy. A spinning shield of light divided the platform from the core.
"What is that?" Dr. Mario asked, pulling the tablet out of his pocket.
"THAT IS THE REACTOR CORE. WE'RE CURRENTLY IN THE TOKAMAK THAT POWERS THE ORPHEON THROUGH MAGNETIC CONFINEMENT FUSION."
"Does anyone usually-a come here?"
"THE ONLY SCHEDULED ATTENDANCE IN THIS ROOM IS A ROUTINE MAINTENANCE EVALUATION PERFORMED EVERY TWELVE HOURS. THE LAST EVALUATION WAS PERFORMED NINE HOURS AND TWENTY-SEVEN MINUTES AGO. UNSCHEDULED EVALUATIONS ARE ONLY PERFORMED IN THE CASE OF A CRITICAL MALFUNCTION."
"Okay, so we should be able to-a rest here until Toon Link wakes up." Dr. Mario sat himself down next to Toon. "Let's see. If the last evaluation was-a nine hours and twenty-seven minutes ago, and there's a twelve hour gap-a between them, how-a long do we have until the next evaluation?"
"ABOUT THREE MINUTES."
Dr. Mario jumped back on his feet. "Three minutes!? Shouldn't it be about two and a half hours!?"
"THERE ARE ABOUT TWO AND A HALF HOURS UNTIL THE NEXT SCHEDULED EVALUATION. THERE ARE THREE MINUTES UNTIL THE IMMINENT CRITICAL MALFUNCTION, UPON WHICH THERE SHALL BE AN UNSCHEDULED EVALUATION."
"What's-a the critical malfunction!?"
"A LIVING ORGANISM HAS BEEN DETECTED IN THE INNER POLOIDAL FIELD COILS. THERE IS AN OPENING FROM THAT REGION OF THE REACTOR WHICH LEADS INTO THIS ROOM, LOCATED DIRECTLY ABOVE US."
The doctor looked up and saw a ringed hole in the roof above the core.
Monita continued, "SHOULD THAT ORGANISM REACH THIS ROOM, IT COULD DAMAGE THE CORE AND CAUSE A CRITICAL MALFUNCTION. DEPENDING ON THE DAMAGE DONE TO THE CORE, THE MALFUNCTION COULD RANGE FROM A BLACKOUT ON THE FRIGATE TO THE COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF THE ORPHEON."
"B-but it's only one-a creature! How much damage could it do?"
It was then that Dr. Mario heard the scratching. The scritch scratching of claws on steel. They were fast, too fast for the doctor. The walls of the reactor cried against the crashing of this unknown entity, and just as soon as he'd heard of it, the beast swung down into the room.
Everything else on the frigate was clearly not from Dr. Mario's world. But this thing, Dr. Mario couldn't see it being from any world. The monster was larger than a school bus, and engorged like a tumor. How could something so bloated weave through the reactor like thread through a needle? It had skewers for arms, and used them to hang from the roof. Most frighteningly, the bruting nightmare had no eyes; only a torn open maw that dripped a boiling ooze. It didn't seem like it could speak, but the predatory swaying of the creature wasn't a good sign.
"What...what is that thing?"
"ANALYZING...MORPHOLOGY: PARASITE QUEEN. PARASITE FEMALE, GENETICALLY ENHANCED THROUGH USE OF PHAZON-"
The Parasite Queen interrupted Monita with a blood curdling roar. The entire room shook.
"Forget that-a question! How do we get out of here!?"
"OPERATE THE ELEVATOR PLATFORM WITH THE KEYPAD TO RETURN TO THE UPPER LEVEL. FROM THERE YOU CAN ACCESS THE CARGO FREIGHT LIFT-"
Monita was interrupted yet again, this time by a blast of energy bursting out of the Queen's maw. Its light seared the doctor's vision, and left a noxious odor of seared machinery hanging in the air. When the doctor's sight returned to him, he saw that the platform he'd sank in on had been torn in half. The half that still remained was now partially melted to the floor. If the doctor and his friend were going anywhere, it wouldn't be on that elevator.
Dr. Mario found himself stuck in place, only pushed back into motion when he saw the mouth of the Queen glow again. Snatching Toon Link by the wrist, Dr. Mario dragged the Hylian away from the elevator, another burning shock wave nearly grazing them. Despite the miss, it didn't take long for the Queen to reorient herself and prepare another shot.
"C'mon, Toon, wake up!" Dr. Mario shoved Monita back into his lab coat to get his other hand on Toon Link. With his hand in his pocket, the doctor remembered all of the pharmaceuticals he'd brought with him. Pulling a capsule out, he noticed how hard its shell was. Hard enough to hurt. He turned to face the monster. The reactor's shield moved so that there was an opening between the two of them. The Queen swung its jaws open again, ready to attack. Gripping the capsule and holding his breath, the doctor was ready as well.
"Let's-a go!" He wound his arm back, before letting it snap like a rubber band. The capsule went flying, and crash! It shattered right on the forehead of the Queen!
The Parasite Queen seemed pretty unaffected as she fired another beam of radiation.
Blinded once again, Dr. Mario braced himself for the shot. He was flung against the wall with a hard thwack, and then fell to the floor with a thud. His back stung to put it lightly. But strangely, he didn't feel too burnt by the Queen. In fact, when his vision returned, he looked down and saw that his front was unscathed. But how? He looked back up and saw the reason why: Toon Link was holding a glistening blue shield in front of the both of them. Toon turned to face the doctor, struggling to hold his crusty eyelids open.
"Bro," Toon said, "I just woke up and there's this cockroach hitting us with a weaponized acid reflux. Am I on a drug? Did you drug me back for revenge? If you did, it's super funny, not gonna lie."
The Queen roared as that awful green light poured from its gullet once more.
"Monita!" Dr. Mario asked, "How can we-a kill this thing!?"
"Ooh I know the answer, we shoot it."
"THE PARASITE QUEEN'S THICK CARAPACE WILL PROTECT IT FROM MOST STANDARD ATTACKS. HOWEVER, ANALYSIS SHOWS ITS THROAT TO BE NOTICEABLY VULNERABLE TO PHYSICAL HARM."
"Aha, leave it to me. Throat's my middle name." Toon Throat Link took out a wooden bow and tried to draw back an arrow. Dr. Mario could tell that Toon hadn't fully regained his strength, however; it looked more like the Hylian was plucking a guitar. Standing to his feet, the doctor planted his feet firmly into the ground and steadied his breath. Without a word, he hurled another capsule at the Queen, straight into its open maw!
This time, the Queen curled in on herself, crying out in pain. One of her sickle arms lost its grip on the roof. As she swung around in the air, she looked at the two and opened her mouth to fire another blast of energy. Before she got the chance, though, her other arm succumbed to the weight of her swollen body. She plummeted into the reactor core, and they both exploded with a burst of electricity and goo and God knows what else. The doctor collapsed to his knees underneath the pressure, gasping for air.
"Woohoo, we did it!" Toon Link exclaimed.
"REACTOR CORE CRITICAL! EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!"
"We still did it!"
The room briefly went dark, only to be illuminated by the red sirens of the Orpheon. The shrill horns of danger were accompanied by the rapidly growing pounding wave of footsteps. The two couldn't tell where the footsteps were headed, but wherever it was, they were headed there fast.
"Toon Link!" Dr. Mario said, "Use that-a hook shot thing to bring us back to that vent up above!"
"Huh. Hookshot. I like that." Toon Link took out his chain tool from the trash chute - the "Hookshot" - and shot it at the vent. The hook latched onto the shaft, and the chain reeled the two up inside. As they booked it down the shafts, Toon felt his balance suddenly shift, as though an invisible rug was pulled out from under him. He tumbled around for a second before falling flat on his face.
"Hurry up, Toon! This ship could-a blow at any-" As Dr. Mario stopped to talk to his Hylian friend, he too found himself disoriented. "What...What's going on?"
Toon Link tried crawling up to the doctor. As he crawled, he accidentally knocked off one of his little booties.
"Toon! Your shoe-"
"I know, just forget about it."
"No! Look at it!"
Toon Link looked back and saw that his shoe was slowly sliding backwards, without any push. Toon began to panic as he snatched his shoe.
"What the hell?"
"Wait a minute. Monita! Can you list the-a critical malfunctions we're experiencing right-a now?"
"CRITICAL MALFUNCTIONS INCLUDE: MASSIVE LOSS OF POWER ACROSS THE ALPHA DECK, GRAVITATIONAL SHIELD FAILURE, DOCKING BAY FAILURE, ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY MISALIGNMENT-"
"That-a one! What does artificial gravity misalignment mean?"
"THE ORPHEON USES CENTRIPETAL FORCE TO SIMULATE GRAVITY IN ZERO GRAVITY SITUATIONS. HOWEVER, THE DEVICE THAT DOES THIS WAS DAMAGED BY THE EXPLOSION FROM THE REACTOR, AND NOW THE DIRECTION THAT THIS SIMULATED GRAVITY PULLS MATTER TOWARDS IS VEERING AWAY FROM WHAT YOU WOULD PERCEIVE AS DOWN."
"That's it! Toon, gravity's-a shifting! We're gonna fall down this shaft if we don't make it to the biotech area in time! Hurry up and crawl!"
The two scurried down the vents, each push across the wall less effective than the last. They looked up. The biotech area! They were basically climbing at this point, but they could see the exit just a few feet ahead! But the moment the Hylian saw the exit was also the moment he realized his tiny hands weren't pushing him up anymore. As Dr. Mario swung up and gripped the ledge, Toon Link was forced to catch the doctor's pant leg.
"C'mon, doc," Toon cried, "pull us up!"
"I'm...trying. Ack...but my body's still-a sore from hitting the wall." The doctor flexed every muscle in his arm to pull the two up, but he couldn't bare the burning feeling deep in his muscles for much longer.
"Grab this then!" Toon Link threw his hookshot up towards the doctor. Dr. Mario reached for it, but the back of his hand brushed the tool out of reach! Toon watched the whole thing. His resolve unshaken, he swung back on the doctor's leg. When the hookshot reached his level, Toon kicked the hook back up at the doc! This time, he caught it and fired into the lab. Using the hookshot, the doctor pulled himself and Toon into the biotech area.
"Whoo!" Toon Link sighed, "That was intense!"
"Ha ha. Yeah, I suppose it-" The doctor's facade of humor quickly faded when he looked around the lab. One of the tankers had its glass shattered. Its white liquid had spilled onto the floor, leaving nothing inside. As Dr. Mario backed away from the tanker, he felt something seep through his gloves on the edge of the vent. Looking down, he saw the same milky liquid slathered on the entrance to the vent shafts. It also coated the tip of the hookshot.
"Oh no. Monita. What was in that-a tanker?"
"AS PREVIOUSLY STATED, THAT INFORMATION IS CURRENTLY CLASSIFIED. IT WILL REQUIRE CLASS 2 AUTHORITY OR HIGHER TO CLEAR."
Dr. Mario and Toon Link both went white like chalk. The two turned to each other, both staring into nothingness.
"Doc. Isn't that-"
"The tanker that you tapped? Before you-a went unconscious?"
"And it's loose in the Orpheon."
Lost in silence for a while, the doctor rose to his feet.
"You know what? Whatever." Dr. Mario handed Toon back his hookshot. "We were already in-a danger before. This is just another cook in the kitchen. Let's-a get a move on."
Toon Link smiled at this new determination. "Good thinking, doc. Now would you give me a hand?"
The doctor helped Toon Link back up to his feet, and the two continued their way out of the lab.
Now turned on its side, Dr. Mario and Toon Link had to traverse the hall while running on its glass window. Space Pirates bolted down the hall. They seemed apathetic to the presence of Dr. Mario and Toon Link, flailing underneath the weight of the sirens. A mechanical voice blared out over the hall's speakers.
"ATTENTION ALL CREW! ATTENTION ALL CREW! RED ALERT! REPORT TO THE NEAREST EMERGENCY EVACUATION AREA IMMEDIATELY!"
"Huh, that sounds like a good idea," Toon Link said.
"Yep, let's-a go!" As Dr. Mario discussed with his friend, he gave a passing glance around the crowd running by him. It was this glance that caught the eyes of a familiar menace, running the opposite direction. As brief as it was, the bloodthirsty glare froze the doctor to the core. With the crowd between them, the doctor still couldn't make out his face. However, with the spiky leather trailing behind him, the doctor knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the red eyed horror racing past him was the Class 2 mercenary from before. The doctor stopped cold in his tracks. He turned to find the mercenary, but he had vanished just as quickly as he appeared.
"C'mon, doc, let's go!" Toon's beckoning pulled the doctor from his frightened stupor, though only enough to keep moving.
Amidst the panic of the Orpheon, the mercenary calmly hopped into the biotech research area. Skulking over to the broken tanker, he ran a clawed finger through the viscous fluid on the floor.
"So, the gangster's experiment broke out?" he growled, "Lovely."
Further scrutinizing the room, the mercenary noticed the open vents. It even had that fluid on it. Without hesitation, he leapt inside the shaft. The mercenary dug his claws into the walls of the shaft, slowing his descent. Eventually, he landed in the reactor core; at least, what was left of it. The burning corpse of the Parasite Queen had filled the room with a noxious stench. Unfazed, the mercenary noticed something hanging from the charred corpse of the Queen. He crawled down to the core and reached his dagger like fingers into the maw of the beast. After some squishy foraging, the mercenary pulled out the remnants of Dr. Mario's capsule. He brought his bloodied fingers to an intercom in his ear.
"Ridley, do you read me? Someone else can deal with Samus. It's come to my attention that we have a couple of saboteurs on the Orpheon. And if there's anyone who can neutralize them, it's Wolf O'Donnell."