It was remarkable how swift the blade of karma could swing when appropriate. Just a moment ago, those crooked cops had thrown a Mario and the gang into the slammer for reasons that were most likely unreasonable. Now, Vinny was forced to cower in fear as he watched his fellow corrupt officers get eviscerated by gelatinous oozes and massive insects. The shard of glass he clutched in his bloodied hand was as much of an empty gesture as it appeared. The horde had forced him into the corner of his office, with a tumescent seafoam critter leading the charge towards him. Even though it had no eyes, Vinny knew the creature was watching him; it smiled, flashing jagged teeth behind its plump lips, as it approached.

"Ay, ya, name's Mik," the monster said, "but you can call me Mickey D."

"The boss said we all had a deal!" Vinny cried out in horror. "You weren't supposed to attack us!"

"And you guys trusted a bunch of Underworld monsters?" Mik let out a hardy guffaw, splattering saliva across the floor. "I take it that entry into your gang doesn't include any educational requirements."

"Please, just let me live! I've got a family, man! Look, I've got an acre of land in Boca Raton. If you let me live, we can split it 50/50!"

"I'm boutta split them cheeks open 50/50, know what I mean? Bend over, bend over, let Mickey come over."

Mik unfurled a throbbing blue tongue from his maw, allowing it to splat onto the floor as he encroached on Vinny. Just then, Peach and Meta Knight warped into the room, dropping onto Mik and shoving him out of the way.

"Well would you look at that," Mik snickered, "Two out of the four targets we were sent to neutralize just fell into our lap! I guess you get a few extra minutes to live, my chunky little monkey."

"More monsters!" Peach said, "Meta Knight, get us away from here!"

Before Meta Knight got the chance, however, Mik lassoed the knight with his tongue and yoinked him out of the princess' grasp.

"Geth heugh, boyth!" Mik sputtered with his tongue hanging out. Three beetles leapt out from the crowd, blocking the princess off from Mik. Silver blades jutted out from the front of their heads, glistening with light on every part that wasn't coated with dry blood. They spun in circles without abandon as they tried to dice the princess like a ceiling fan from hell. Not only did she evade all of their attacks, though, but she even managed to leap over them and land firm kicks to the backs of their heads. One tried to flutter in over her head for an ambush, but she just threw her foot up in a 180 degree kick to strike it out of the sky.

"Ooh," Mik said, squirreling Meta Knight away in the side of his mouth, "you've got some moves, princess."

"I do tai chi on the weekends."

Peach ran after Mik to retrieve her ally, but Mik simply sailed up out of her reach.

"Just surrender while you're ahead, your highness. You don't wanna go out on an embarrassing note. You're just a princess. What are you gonna do? Send me a subpoena or something? In case you haven't noticed, I can't read-!"

"Ha-cha!" Peach shouted as she twirled around and bashed the monster with her rear. Her regal figure was shaped in such a way that she could manipulate her center of gravity and send herself rocketing away faster than she could run. Truly, it was the most dignified way one could use their derrière in an attack. She even left some glitter on his skin. Mik spat Meta Knight out onto the floor, leaving the poor knight swaddled up in a slobbery mess. Peach scooped up Meta Knight, grabbed Vinny by the wrist, and they all warped away.

"You know, for a princess, it seems kinda unrefined to fight people with your ass!" While the rest of the horde ran out of the office, Mik sighed and felt up his bloated body with his several posterior cilia. "I guess we can't all have an hourglass figure."

Peach, Meta Knight, and Vinny warped into the prison courtyard. The undead hordes must've already torn through, as tables and goopy foodstuffs were strewn across the tile floor. Some bones - twisted had malformed beyond the geometry of any earthly creature - had even been left behind. Vinny crawled across the floor to grovel at Peach's feet.

"Thank you for saving me!" Vinny truckled, "I owe you my life! I promise, I-"

"Stow yourself, good sir." Peach kept her line of sight above the officer as she addressed him. "We haven't saved you yet. Help in our escape, and this could very well become 'saving you'."

"O-of course! Get me out of here, and I'll-"

"What?" Meta Knight interjected from within his jumpsuit, "That's rather bold of him, isn't it?"

"W-what? But I didn't even-"

"That's the problem. You haven't done anything, aside from unjustly imprisoning us. And yet you're still asking us to 'get you out of here', bargaining with us? You're only escaping these walls if we feel like bringing you along when we leave, and I think we'd feel more up to it if you would shut your jaw and give us what we need first."

"Alright! Alright, I'll tell you everything you want to know!"

"That's more like it." Peach knelt down and gave Vinny a pat on his pointy head. "Let's start at the beginning; our ending up here was more insidious than you've all let on, wasn't it, officer?"

"Dude, we're not even cops." Vinny peeled off his badge, revealing it to be a plastic imitation. "We're a local gang, the Pianta Pinheads. We've had this prison on our payroll for years. Today, we took the place over while you guys were being administered so we could ice you."

"But why? What made us so important to you?"

"We were being paid! Or rather, we were earning a favor. You see, everyone in the Pinheads, we used to just be a hitman squad for another organization; the Pianta Syndicate. They run the west side of this remote island over by the Mushroom Kingdom. The gang's business is booming there, but our squad was making dirt pay for what we did. Eventually, we left the gang and formed our own here. But the guys who called the hit on you, they offered to take out all of the head honchos in the Pianta Syndicate so that we could slip back in and commandeer the business. In exchange, we would lock you guys up in here and take you out, but then they sent in all of these monsters and started killing us too!"

"And your partners in this deal, they were the Villainoct, right?"

"That's the one. These monsters, they keep saying they're from the Underworld or something."

"That's Medusa's army," Meta Knight explained, "I expected as much from the sound of things, but I haven't been able to get a good look at any of them."

"Trust me, if you could see the joint, you'd know shit's fucked up. Black clouds are covering the sky, you can't breathe if you step outside, there's bones everywhere, man!" Vinny gestured to a horned skull chained to the floor behind him, big enough to hold Vinny within its jaws. "It's looking like Halloween in here!"

"Bones? There are no skulls in the room, are there?"

"Oh if only you knew, buddy." Vinny gave the skull a firm slap.

"Wait, don't touch it! That's not an ordinary skull, that's a Clubberskull!"

But it was all in vain. The skull split open, snapping the chains confining it. Soon, the monster's true form was revealed; an elephantine heart, pulsing wildly as pus dripped from its single eye. Its overgrown arteries and veins were twisted together, forming two rudimentary arms that each gripped onto a half of the broken skull. Using its bony appendages to drag its twitching body like a western lowland gorilla, the Clubberskull roared and then vaulted itself at the group.

"Grab the guard," Meta Knight ordered, "we're warping out of here-"

"Who's ready for some heartburn, motherfucker!?"

Bowser knocked down the wall and barreled into the cafeteria, distracting both the gang and the Clubberskull. Despite it standing nearly twice Bowser's height, Bowser reeled back his fist and punched through the monster's tender eye like a freight train. He dug his other claw into the creatures back and slowly tore its vascular body in half. The Clubberskull tried pounding on Bowser's shell for freedom, but as prismatic smoke bellowed out of the cracks in his carapace, Bowser only pulled harder on its flesh. Soon, the Clubberskull split down the middle, coating Bowser and the gang in a splattering cloud of blood.

"Yeah, come get some! Woo!" Bowser cleared his throat and then turned to face his friends. "Uh, so yeah, how have you guys been holding up?"

"Bowser!" Peach exclaimed, "How did you know where to find us?"

"I didn't. I've just been running around the prison in straight lines hoping to find you guys."

"Well now there's three of us. Have you seen Mario anywhere?"

"Hoo boy, that, uh, that's gonna be a tricky one to explain."

"How so?"

Bowser plucked the shrimpified plumber off of his back and placed him on the ground before the others.

"Yeah, I see your point now." Peach kneeled down and ran a hand across Mario's flaky crust. "What happened to him? And...hey, what happened to you?"

"What's wrong with Bowser?" Meta Knight asked, "I can't see anything from the confines of my cloth prison."

"His eyes are glowing, and he's...smoking.."

"What can I say, I've been working out." Bowser kissed his biceps and gave them a mighty flex. "You wouldn't think it, but getting brutally stabbed several times in the liver and other vital organs does wonders for a toned physique."

"Hmm…" Meta Knight pondered, "When we were being apprehended, Mario told me that something similar happened to him during the fight with Blizzaurus. Isn't that right, Mario?"

Mario nodded his decapod bod in affirmation. The sudden movement of his center of gravity caused him to topple onto the ground.

"I didn't want to jump to conclusions earlier, but I think you two both attained your Final Smash."

"Attained? But I didn't pick anything up. I think the only thing I've 'attained' in the past 30 minutes is internal bleeding and a punctured lung."

"It's not an item you pick up. It's a power, a force if you will. It's azoth."

"Azoth?"

"Yes, azoth. The purest form of existence." Meta Knight reached his nub out of his jumpsuit and pointed up to the roof. "Everything can be reduced, my friends. Molecules can be reduced to atoms. Atoms can be reduced to elementary particles. And even elementary particles can be further reduced to azoth. It makes up all matter, as well as the properties that matter carries. Azoth exists in all universes, and most people are even aware of its existence. They just have different names for it. Other universes may refer to azoth as chakra, the soul, or the power of friendship among other things. Old acquaintances of mine refer to it as smash, and its this smash energy from which the prophecy of the Smash Brothers gets its name.

"The Smash Brothers are individuals with the power to build up this smash and release it in concentrated doses. They build up this smash by taking damage. Experiencing duress, be it physical or mental, causes your soul to burn and generate smash. The souls of the Smash Brothers accumulate enough smash to actually manipulate in a tangible form, in the Final Smash. How exactly your Final Smash manifests depends on the type of person you are. Some Final Smashes cause the environment to change while others summon weapons or tools. From what Mario told me, his Final Smash allowed him to release a massive two-streamed blast of fire. And it sounds like whatever yours is, you're ready to execute it."

"Well alright!" Bowser said, "I guess we can just leave, then. If anyone tries to stop us, I can just smash them or whatever it's called."

"We need to grab our things, first," Peach added, "I might even have the materials on hand to cure Mario."

"Alright, tough guy," Bowser commanded as he hoisted Vinny up by his collar, "where's all of our stuff?"

"We threw it all into a locker on the third floor," Vinny replied, "I can take you there."

"Yeah, take us there."

And so, he took them there.

"Thank you for taking us here," Peach said, "Now to finally get changed. This outfit does nothing for my figure."

"I feel you, sister," Bowser replied as he kicked down the door. Inside the locker room, another officer was lounging behind a desk reading a copy of Playtoad Magazine. Upon the intrusion, the guard jumped to his feet and whipped out a pistol.

"Evening, officer," Bowser greeted.

"Hey, what are you doing here!?" the guard exclaimed, "Get back in your cells! I'll shoot!"

"With the safety on?"

The guard checked the side of his pistol and, upon confirming Bowser's claim, dropped the safety and aimed the weapon again.

"Don't worry, Rocko," Vinny explained, "we're on their side now."

"Really?" Rocko holstered his pistol and sat back down. "But I just got another message from those voodoo guys."

"Well, they started murdering us too, so sucks to suck, guess we're switching sides."

"Wait," Meta Knight said, "what was their message?"

"They said to keep the roof clear," Rocko elaborated, "Apparently one of their head honchos is making an air landing soon."

"Perfect!" Bowser pumped his fists in the air. "We can take one of the fuckers out right now!"

"Bowser," Meta Knight said, "we are not going to fight a member of the Villainoct when you're dripping blood by the pint if that's what you're suggesting."

"But I've got the Final Smash! I'm basically on God mode right now. I'll go up there, whip out the smash, and we'll be done with it."

"You're pretty confident in your Final Smash for someone who's never seen it."

"Well, I mean, if I'm this cool as a baseline, then my most powerful attack has to be devastating. Officer, take me to the roof! Anyone who's got the balls, grab your things and meet me up top."

Before the others could protest further, Vinny led Bowser out into the hall and towards a set of stairs.

"He's really about to try this," Meta Knight groaned as he rubbed his forehead, "Alright, everyone, let's get our equipment and get to the roof before Bowser kills himself."

Bowser raced up the stairs, held back only by the waddling pace of the guard escorting him. Eventually, though, they reached the peak of the stairwell. They could see black smog seeping inside through the underside of the door.

"Woohoo!" Bowser cheered, "Let's go, boys! We're boutta take out one of the big bads and we're not even in Hyrule yet! Ah, this is gonna be so easy. I'm hyped as fuck!"

Suddenly, Bowser keeled over, clutching his stomach as he coughed up blood and bile.

"Aeugh, I'm not hyped as fuck."

"Woah, did something happen to you?" Vinny asked, "Like, something new? Besides all the wounds you already had?"

"Nah, I think the adrenaline just wore off." Bowser pulled himself back up using the guardrails of the stairs and limped towards the door. "Hey, why is the floor moving like that? Why are there two of you?"

"Listen, just between you and me, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got the Final Smash. C'mon, let's get this bread."

Bowser threw open the door and charged out for battle. Upon stepping outside, Bowser was sucked into a fucking black hole that had just kinda manifested on the rooftop. Vinny held onto the guardrail for dear life, but he too was ripped away and dragged into the void. The two were now stuck back to back, hovering in the center of the black hole.

"Huh. This is a bit of a hiccup," Bowser said, "I'm sure the others will get us out of here, and once we're out, then it's showtime!"

The other three then arrived in their normal attire - aside from Mario, for obvious crustaceous reasons - and were promptly sucked into the black hole too.

"Well fuck me seven ways to sunday, I guess we're boned. Nice to see you in clothes again, Meta Knight."

"Bowser, I swear to God," Meta Knight grumbled, stuck to Bowser's shin, "if we get out of this alive, you're dead. Everyone, hold on, I'll try and warp us."

Meta Knight threw his cape around the cluster that had formed in the black hole and warped the group as far away as he could. Even after travelling a few good meters, however, the gang was sucked straight back to the center.

"Just as I feared," Meta Knight said, "The gravity is too strong."

"Let's look on the bright side," Bowser said, "I'm no scientist or anything, but I heard black holes kill you if you go inside them, so we should consider ourselves lucky."

"You're not in the clear just yet, heroes."

The oily new voice thundered down from the sky, followed by a swirl of dark clouds. As hordes of Underworld monsters swooped down on tattered wings, the smog took a humanoid shape. It was the serpent haired giantess Bowser had convened with at his castle; the Underworld Goddess Medusa. The evil aura entangled with her body was so tangible, it clouded her physique. The Goddess of Darkness hovered over the prison, as even the building would crumble under her massive form.

"Oh hey!" Bowser said, "It's that lady from before!"

"How do you know who I am?" Medusa asked, sharpening her stare as she scrutinized the heroes.

"We talked back in-oh wait, fuck, uh, nope. No, we, uh, we've never spoken before. Not once. I've never even heard of the Villainoct before."

"Bowser," Meta Knight said, "you would benefit so greatly from never speaking again."

"Wait, whose voice is that?" asked Peach, who, from where she was trapped in the black hole, was stuck facing away from Medusa's direction.

"That's Medusa, princess. Leader of the Underworld army, and the wrangler for all of these monsters we've been dealing with."

"Thanks for taking care of my entrance, Meta Knight," Medusa said, "In exchange, I'll be taking care of your departure!"

Medusa slammed her twisted two-pronged staff onto the earth beside the prison. At her command, a small pig-faced castle hovered down via a set of propellers. More scuttling skulls poked their heads out of the windows. Golden doors beneath its snout opened up, allowing giant cannons to roll out and aim at the prison.

"Back in my heyday," Medusa said, "I'd be able to just incinerate you all right now with a mega laser. Right now, though, I'll have to settle with a more barbaric approach. We commandeered some artillery from this world, and from the start, our plan was to use it to blast you all to hell. We only had you locked up in this prison to keep you in the same place until my forces were properly mobilized. Now that the gang's all here, both you and this prison can all disappear!"

The snakes on Medusa's head hissed with glee, anticipating the moment that the heroes truly understood how doomed they were. But Bowser, quite to the contrary, laughed right back at the dark Goddess.

"Oh, lady, you clearly don't know what you're messing with. I almost feel bad for you. Tell you what, if you let us out of this black hole and leave the island, I'll spare you, promise."

"What are you on about?" Medusa puzzled.

"You wanna know? Fine, let me show you. Go Final Smash!"

Bowser puffed out his chest, ready for his true power to pour out and send the dark forces packing. As much as he tried to open up his soul and release his Final Smash, however, nothing seemed to happen.

"Hey, Meta Knight," Bowser whispered, "help me out here. I'm making myself look like a jackass."

"You're worried about that now?" Meta Knight looked up at Bowser eyes, watching as the glowing radiance of Smash dissipated. "It seems as though you've lost your Final Smash."

"Lost it? But I didn't use it!"

"You didn't have to. If your Final Smash lingers for too long, the fire your soul kindles will settle down and you won't be able to release the smash."

"...And you didn't tell me that before I ran up here!?"

"I didn't think you would! Forgive me for overestimating your judgement!"

"You're not forgiven!"

"If you two are done," Medusa cut in, "I think I'll have to bid you adieu. Have fun getting obliterated, heroes!"

On that note, Medusa dissipated into a cloud of smoke once again. A bulky knight flew out of the floating castle on a jetpack, with a cannon under each arm.

"Behold, mortals!" the knight bellowed from up above, "It is I, Collin, seeker of darkness! The seeds of your demise have already been sown; brace yourselves as their fruits are reaped! Release the Banzai Bill!"

At Collin's command, his fortress released its artillery. A Banzai Bill - a jet black missile larger than the entire gang combined - squeezed its way out of the cannon and slowly descended upon them with a domineering toothy grin.

"Bowser," Peach asked, "your shell protected all of us from the crashing of the Halberd. Do you think it could take the blast from that missile?"

"Maybe the first one," Bowser said, "but even if my shell weren't so messed up right now, I don't think I could take repeat shots. Hmm...Wait! Hear me out, guys, I think I have an idea."

"Absolutely not." Meta Knight looked to the more witty of his companions. "Does anyone have anything we can use to shoot down that Banzai Bill in the air?"

"What could we use that would escape the gravitational field of this black hole?" Peach asked, "What if you warp us out of the way right before it makes impact?"

"That's a no go," Vinny replied, "I've seen those things before, the explosions they make are huge. Even if we move out of the way, we'll just get blown to pieces when it hits the roof beneath us."

"Guys, I swear, I got an idea." Bowser analyzed the missile coming down upon them, running whole computers worth of numbers in his head. Not all of those numbers were correct, but sometimes the journey matters more than the destination.

"Fine," Meta Knight groaned, "Let's hear it."

"I'm gonna catch that Banzai Bill! We just need to rotate a bit to the left so I can get better footing."

"Okay, so now that we've all heard Bowser's stupid fucking idea, someone help me grab onto the floor. If we're lucky, we can climb along it back into the stairwell."

"Meta Knight," Peach said, "you know we don't have the strength to pull ourselves out of the black hole. We should try Bowser's plan, if only because we have nothing else to do."

"...Fine. Everyone, roll!"

The gang squirmed and wiggled, slowly rolling their cluster until Bowser was in his optimal position. As the Banzai Bill hovered just inches above them, Bowser stretched out his arms and prepared to unleash his own type of Final Smash.

"Showtime!"

As it struck Bowser's palms, the Banzai Bill's metal shell burned fiercely enough to sear even the koopa's thick hide. But Bowser pressed on, allowing his muscles to petrify and withstand the force of the missile. Even as he felt his muscles begin to snap off of the bones, Bowser dug his heels into the stone beneath and heaved against the descent of the missile. Meta Knight stared silently as Bowser miraculously lofted the explosive over his own head.

"Fuck yeah, I did it!" Bowser cheered through gritted teeth, "Haha...What do I do now?"

"I can't believe this is working!" Meta Knight climbed Bowser's leg and perched himself atop Bowser's shoulder. "Bowser, try swinging the missile around to build up momentum. With how big that Bill is, maybe it can develop enough inertia to fling us outside of the event horizon of this black hole."

"Oh, yeah, yeah. I was gonna suggest that, I was just waiting to see if you'd say the same thing-"

"Just do it already!"

As his blood vessels bundled up and bulged out from beneath his scales, Bowser swiveled around and tried to start pivoting with the missile in hand. Sweat trickled down his brow as the enormous device slipped from his grasp, but he pressed on regardless. Collin rattled and jangled as he gestured wildly at his troops.

"What are you all just hanging around here for!? Fire another one! And shoot the one in his hand!"

Before any of the other artillerymen could even begin to load another Banzai Bill, Collin hoisted one of his cannons over his shoulders and shot a round at the heroes. Unlike the Bill, it flew blindingly fast, only identifiable as a brief burst of blue.

"Keep swinging!" Meta Knight commanded, gripping his cape, "I'll take care of this!"

Meta Knight warped himself between the shot and Bowser's Bill. He took it with an unexpected splat; the wind was knocked out of him, sure, but he was fine regardless. But as he was sucked back into the black hole, he felt the "shot" wiggling around on his face. Suppressing a revolted wretch or two, Meta Knight ripped the living projectile off of his face. Collin had fired a big, juicy worm with a single eye and a pair of feathery wings.

"Behold, mortals," the worm said, "It is I, Phil, marketing agent of darkness. Are you interested in purchasing a shirt from Collin's merch store?"

Meta Knight sliced Phil in half and threw away his remains, which were then sucked in by gravity and slapped into Mario to his silent dismay. When the Bill had built up enough speed, Bowser gripped his cohorts with his beefy arm and gave a firm headbutt to the Bill's backside. With that extra boost, the missile was sent rocketing out of the black hole's gravity, carrying the heroes along for the ride.

"Success!" Meta Knight cried, "I'll warp us onto the ground and we can get out of here!"

"Hey, wait!" Bowser wrapped his legs around the missile and shimmied his way up its exterior. "Warp the others out of here. Leave me here."

"What? Why?"

"If we just run, they'll follow us. I'm gonna finish this now."

"Alright. Here's hoping this is one of your better ideas."

Bowser released his grip on his friends, who Meta Knight snatched away into his cloak. Now without liability, Bowser planted his feet on the missile and dug his claws into the side of the Bill. With a jerk to the side, Bowser began to steer the missile up towards the flying fortress.

"Focus your fire on that commandeered explosive!" Collin barked. Skeletal serpents answered his call, slithering down from the clouds upon waves of flames and dust. One by one, they slung themselves at Bowser like arrows, only to be deflected by the back of his burly hands. Still, they took their toll on his body; every deflection took more and more effort. His injuries, having no time to mend, started to numb his mind. Soon, a few of the fire wyrms slipped past his blind spots, denting the missile's shell and pushing it closer to the brink of detonation. Even if the wyrms could be held at bay, the flying fort had already shot another Banzai Bill Bowser's way.

And yet Bowser couldn't be less deterred. If the missile had to blow, it would be to his advantage. After changing his position so that he lied between the Banzai Bill and the castle, he punched his fist straight through the metal plating of the missile. It exploded immediately, spitting fire and shrapnel in every direction. The force was devastating, splitting his shell into several craggy pieces, but Bowser muscled through the pain as the force shot him away. Because of his positioning, he crashed straight through the door of the pig-faced fortress, landing inside with a thud. More one-eyed skulls scuttled over to his limp body, hoping to get a cheap strike in on him. It was a pleasant change of pace for Bowser to bash those skulls into powder. Those counted as wins, right? After that, it was just Bowser inside the fortress. Bowser, of course, and the loads of Banzai Bills stacked beside him.

"Now wait just a minute," Bowser said, pulling himself up off of the floor, "I think I've got another brilliant idea."

As fire wyrms were slithering up to the castle's doors, Bowser hoisted a Banzai Bill into the air and chucked it at his attackers. The serpents were blown into dusty bony pieces, disappearing in a cloud of debris. He picked up another Bill, waiting for the dust to settle and for more wyrms to dive in, but instead Collin rocketed straight into Bowser's gut. Bowser dropped the bill and toppled over again, feeling one of his lungs cave in with a harsh pop.

"You idiot!" Collin yelled, "Not only have you seized my artillery, but you're not even using it correctly! Don't you think that cannon beside you has a purpose?"

Bowser rolled over just in time to avoid a point-blank shot from Collin's firearms. With one hand, he ripped the Bill cannon out of its stone foundation and threw it Collin's way.

"That's not what I meant!"

Alas, Collin's protest was no match for the unbridled power of inertia. The cannon smashed him into the wall, rendering him silent. Now all Bowser had to do was take care of the invaders down on the ground, and what better way to finish them off than with the execution method intended for Bowser and his allies? He punched the ground beneath his feet, tearing it open and allowing all of the stockpiled Banzai Bills to descend onto the infested prison. All of the bloodshed he'd endured would be worth it if he could watch the Underworld Army go up in smoke.

"Lady Medusa isn't just some sorceress, fool. She is a Goddess."

The whimpering voice came from Collin's mangled corpse. He'd been reduced to a near 2-dimensional facsimile of his former glory, and yet his voice seethed with as much vitriol as ever. He held up his hand, now festering with Medusa's sinister aura, and snapped the only two functioning fingers he had left. Just then, a swarm of black holes appeared, manifesting above the falling Banzai Bills. The gravitational pull of the black holes and that of the Earth canceled each other out, suspending the Bills in midair.

"Not only does her grace possess tremendous power, but she can bestow those powers upon her patrons. Using her power to conjure these singularities, I've locked these missiles into place in the air. Now that they're experiencing a neutral net force, even the smallest push or pull will have complete control over them. Including the pull of that black hole I just placed by the entrance. The one that has captured your cohorts."

The fire in Bowser's gut flickered down, recoiling at the possibility that it was more than a taunt. He scanned around the prison below to find the front door; sure enough, a new black hole had appeared and engulfed the others. Slowly but surely, the Banzai Bills were nudged one by one out of place, drifting along a path to collide into Bowser's friends.

"Take your survival in humility, heathen. Your friends are finished!"

After he coughed out his last remark, Collin dropped dead behind the cannon. Just when Bowser thought them all to be in the clear, and now the Bills he dropped would be their downfall! That Final Smash would've been useful right about now. He felt something building up inside of him, but was it some magical power or just the hopelessness sinking in?

It was neither. It was pure anger.

All of the injuries he'd taken, all of the sick tricks he had to pull in such quick succession, and it would all be nullified by some cheap hack from a Goddess? It was basically cheating! To move another muscle right now felt like it would kill him, but he'd be glad to die before he let bullshit like this slide. After dealing a firm smack to his wounds in the hopes of stabilizing them, Bowser lifted the Banzai cannon and threw it to the ground below - hurling himself out along with it. Wind whipped his eyes as he descended, but he managed to keep them open just enough to aim for the black hole carrying his friends. Still, with every inch he approached the gang, the flurry of Bills seemed to approach another foot. His despair only made him angrier; he could feel his organs bubbling against the heat of his internal flame. His fury poured out as a throaty roar so loud, the prison's windows shattered into pieces. It must've been loud enough for some higher power to hear; in spite of the odds, Bowser managed to crash into his friends first. All of them were smashed into the dirt below by the collision, disorienting some and knocking out others.

"Everyone, get in!"

Bowser ushered his friends into the cannon, forcibly cramming them in as they failed to understand. When they were all inside, Bowser lit the fuse and hopped in himself. The cannon spit the gang out, propelling them out of the black hole and into the fence surrounding the prison. With mere seconds before the missiles made impact, Meta Knight wrapped his cape around the group and warped them away.

The gang reappeared outside of the bounds of the prison, with shrapnel and wire still flying through the air. For the most part, though, the explosion has subsided in their absence. All that was left of the conflict was a field of fire and molten steel, littered with bones and severed tentacles. The odor of charred flesh dominated the air, countered only by the buttery scent of Mario's savory flesh. Bowser pulled himself back up to his feet, almost stepping on the poor shrimp.

"I think that went well."

"What about that did you consider 'well'?" Peach asked as she dusted off her dress.

"Let's see. We could have died and yet we didn't. And now those undead monsters are off our backs. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me."

"Even still, this wouldn't have been as close of a call if you hadn't tried to confront Medusa in the first place."

"C'mon, I'm sure we would've had to confront them anyway."

"We should've planned our attack together. Wouldn't you agree, Meta Knight?"

"What you did was pretty stupid, Bowser," Meta Knight said, "Stupidly gnarly, that is. You fucking got 'em, bro."

"Fuck yeah, you know it!"

Bowser and Meta Knight then gave each other a slapping forearm handshake and did a celebratory Dougie atop the bodies of their enemies.

"Well," Peach sighed, "at least we all made it out okay."

"Rocko!"

The group turned to see Vinny kneeling before the wreckage of the prison as tears trickled down his face.

"He was still in there!" Vinny cried. Peach approached the sobbing officer and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh man, I'm so sorry," Bowser said, "that I went so easy on those fucking lamers! I'll show them my A-game next time, baby, let's go!"

"What am I gonna tell his mother?"

"Hey, can you shut your mouth for like a minute? We're trying to celebrate here. Geez, what an asshole. Anyway, speaking of falling over and going into shock."

Bowser then fell over and went into shock.

"Bowser!" Peach exclaimed.

"Well this is great." Meta Knight perched himself on Bowser's back. "Help me bring him back to town. We need to lick our wounds and get off of this island as soon as we can. There's no way the Villainoct should've been able to figure out we crash landed on Isle Delfino; a spy must've trailed us."