When we last left the Star Allies, a Reset Bomb prepared to crush them all and the entirety of Castle Dedede into oblivion. It shouldn't have been surprising, really; the Smash Brothers all seemed to attract explosive weaponry the way lottery winners attract their truant fathers. Predictable as it may have been for us, however, the Star Allies had no way to prepare. By the time they'd realized the bomb was headed their way, most of the castle had been engulfed by the bomb's shadow. Samus was swarmed by panicked Waddle Dees flooding the balcony, all screaming and flailing in distress. Samus was just about ready to smack them all into shape when none other than King Dedede began barking out orders.

"Alright, everybody, listen here!" Dedede bellowed as he puffed out his chest, drawing the attention of every Waddle Dee, "See that bomb up there blocking out the sun!? That right there's the Grim Reaper itself, and it's nearabout at our door! Well the Devil-I say the Devil can come a-knocking, and I'll be damned if we don't answer! Alfa squad, Beta squad, head to the front gate, wait for my command! Charlie squad, start up evac for all non-military personnel! Delta squad, Echo squad, ready the cannons, wait for my command! C'mon, let's move it people!"

All of the Waddle Dees let out a hoorah before marching off to their respective destinations. Samus paused for a moment, taking in the scene. There was such comradery, such unity. Could such awe inspiring leadership really have come from the beak of the fool regent? Perhaps all of that girth was there to hold the heart of a hero. Whatever it was, Samus decided to go along.

"What's the plan, King Dedede?" she asked the king.

"Just hang tight around here. I've got-I say I've got a handle on this."

Without another word, Dedede ran back into the castle. Samus nodded, ready to play her role, and turned her attention back up to the Reset Bomb. Even with such inspirational leadership behind her, it was hard not to cower beneath the bomb's presence. Such subservience was instinctual to mankind, and beneath this giant plummeting thumb, how else could you feel other than as an insect ready to be squashed? Thankfully, a heroic chirp from Kirby was enough to keep her distracted as they passed the time. And boy, was there certainly time to pass. With every second that passed, Samus grew more and more aware of how quiet the castle chambers had become. Sure, war strategies weren't made instantaneously, but the king should've at least been updating them, no?

"King Dedede?" Samus called back into the castle, "How are we looking? Are we ready yet?"

And yet still, the king was silent. Soon enough, Samus was driven to march back inside, scooping Kirby along for the ride. No sooner had they stepped inside, though, had Samus stopped dead in her tracks. Dedede had never actually explained where he was headed, and any Waddle Dees who could've helped find him had already scurried off to their posts.

"King Dedede? King Dedede!"

Once again, Samus' calls went unanswered. As the bomb's shadow began to creep inside through the windows, Samus placed Kirby onto the ground and asked for his service instead.

"Kirby, you know the king better than I do. Where do you think he'd be right now?"

Kirby hadn't spent more than a few seconds considering his options before running down a hall to the left. As Samus pursued, she once again checked her arm cannon to confirm it was ready for use. Something was keeping the king busy, after all, be it an enemy in the castle or a battle plan in the making that would rock Dream Land to its core; it couldn't hurt to be ready for it. After turning a few corners, Kirby came to a halt, his pink flesh jiggling with inertia. Samus shuffled in front of Kirby, left in awe at where they'd found the king of Dream Land; the kitchen.

Most people would've had no patience for the king's newest antic. Samus had less. The inspiring, respect-commanding leader that ran into the castle earlier never did return. In his place was the same old Dedede, slumped against a kitchen counter, holding a bag of dollar store marshmallows. He was in the middle of shovelling three handfuls of the sugary sweets down his gullet when Kirby and Samus walked in on him.

"...King Dedede," Samus croaked, "what are you doing?"

"Mmphm." Dedede attempted to speak through the marshmallow glob in his mouth, but to no avail. He forced it down a throat as dry as sand and tried again. "Eating."

"What's the plan?"

"The what?"

"The plan!? The one all of your guards are in position for right now!?"

"Oh, right. My plan was to stress eat until the bomb dropped. I just sent all the Waddle Dees off so they wouldn't bother me."

"..."

"Anyone want some?"

"Poyo!"

"Don't encourage him!" Samus yelled, "Dedede, Arlon told me those bombs are meant to target humans. You may not exactly be a human, but you walk like a human, you talk like a human, and you stuff your mouth enough to feed twenty humans. There's a good chance that you'll be dead if you don't get your ass in gear."

"We're gonna die no matter what! At least I'm dying with a bread basket full of marshmallows! Face it, the only thing that'll stop that bomb from hitting the ground is divine intervention!"

And so, divine intervention came.

Through the hole Samus had left in the kitchen wall earlier, light pierced the castle's shadows. "Pierced" was actually a pretty generous term. Heavenly light flooded the kitchen, leaving only mere silhouettes visible to the naked eye. The Star Allies were forced to look away, and before they could look again, a brittle crack rippled through the air. The light dissipated just in time for the Star Allies to see the Reset Bomb hit the ground. It had been knocked far enough off course to miss the castle entirely, and its husk was now split in two. Still, the Allies cringed as they watched the bomb make contact with the edge of the cliff. Such suspense proved anticlimactic, however; the bomb hit the ground with no more than a thud before toppling over and descending down the mountainside. The Star Allies ran outside and looked up to the sky, only for another beam of light to be cast down upon them. Before she was completely blinded, though, Samus caught a glimpse of something zipping up along the light and into the clouds. A series of limbs flailed along behind it; some arms, some legs, even what looked to be a pair of wings. Shocked as she was, it made sense in a strange sort of way - who better than an angel to swoop down and save the day?

"I think that was a person!" Samus declared as the light faded.

"I think I need to go to church more," Dedede mumbled.

"Kirby, Warp Star! If we follow that guy, maybe he'll take us to where those bombs are made!"

Kirby nodded and dialed up their ride. The Warp Star came crashing down and the Star Allies hopped on, but just before they could take off, hundreds of Waddle Dees peeked out from beyond balconies and windows alike. All of them called out and waved to their king, but Bandana Dee, rushing into the kitchen, was the first to truly speak.

"Great King!" Bandana Dee said, "What happened? We didn't hear any orders!"

"Uhh," Dedede pondered, "...I took care of it."

"Wow! All on your own!? Amazing work, Great King!"

On cue, all of the observing Dees clapped and cheered, bursting into tears at the impeccable suave of their almighty ruler. Dedede gave his subjects a grand bow - much to Samus' chagrin - before the Warp Star took off into the air.

But exactly what shape does divine intervention take? None can say for sure in all cases, but on that day at least, it came in the form of a rather young boy. His features were gentle in every regard, with facial definition so soft, the wind dared not to whip his skin as he flew. Even the wings that carried him up to glory were no rougher than a lamb's wool. Could he really have been the one responsible for destroying the Reset Bomb headed for Castle Dedede? Easily, actually, as he was blessed by the Gods. Heavenly gold covered most of his body, from a golden gauntlet on his wrist to a golden laurel on his head. All of these blessings - perhaps the greatest of all being the divine bow he held in his hand - allowed the angel hero to pave the way for light to shine upon a weary world such as this.

"Yeah! Destructimated!" the boy cheered as he watched the Reset Bomb slide down the mountain. As the clouds parted to make way for his ascent, the voice of his Goddess boomed down and embraced the boy.

"We can't rest yet, Pit!" she said, "Viridi has a Reset Bomb factory that we need to shut down!"

At the behest of the Goddess of Light, Pit readied his bow once again and turned back to the sky, only to be met by the waxen yellow eyes of Viridi's forces. A whole cluster of them had begun to pepper down from the sky. Some fluttered down on leafy parachutes, while others rolled along vines that had anchored themselves into Popstar's earthy flesh. However they got there, the herbal assailants wasted no time in hurling themselves at the young angel. The creatures leading the charge flew in on steel tipped wings, and fired lasers from their bulbous eyes. Pit, of course, came prepared. Two satellites shaped like shields popped out from under his chiton and orbited his person. Just before the enemy attacks could land, the satellites projected walls of divine light, cutting off access to the bright-eyed boy. Pit shot a few arrows - ethereal and translucent in form - before the commanders could fire again, taking the lot of them out nearly simultaneously. The grunts were disposed of shortly after, too shortly to be of much note. Being no more than large chestnuts given animation, they stood no chance against Pit and his Goddess' justice.

Viridi's Reset Bomb depot wasn't far ahead, or at least it looked that way thanks to its size. As the airborne factory continued to dominate his field of view, however, Pit soon realized the sheer scope of this structure. The term "structure" might be overly generous, though; there were no buildings in the factory, nor any machinery. It was simply an island - a big island, to be sure, but an island all the same - hovering in the air. To be fair to the Goddess of Nature, there did appear to be a sort of architecture to the whole affair. The island's surface featured an entire ecosystem, with running rivers and roads of cobblestone. A crystal spire jutted out from the bottom of the island, seemingly to keep the factory balanced upright; and bean pods the size of school buses curled around its edge, guarding the sanctuary from those who intended to intrude.

"It's huge!" Pit exclaimed.

"I'll look for a place to land."

At the Goddess' declaration, Pit's wings spiraled him down unto the island. His landing zone was a vast garden, laden with roads made of cobblestones and smelling of lavender. The peaceful scene was undercut, though, by vegetal cannons springing to life and shooting at Pit. Thankfully, with his orbiting satellites, he managed to block every blast. Upon landing atop the depot's flowered surface, Pit pulled his bow apart into two blades and cut down the belligerent artillery, filling the air with the scent of a freshly mown lawn. Through one, two, three, and even four cannons did he hack, and at the end of it all, Pit was none the worse for wear, save for a brief shortness of breath. To catch his breath, Pit leaned against a girthy tree with a crown frayed like a hair's split ends.

"Whoo," Pit wheezed, raising his hand up into the air, "High five, Lady Palutena!"

"Pit," Palutena giggled, "you know I'm too busy to come down there right now."

"Aw, okay."

Before Pit lowered his hand, however, the tree swung one of its branches and slapped Pit's open palm.

"Thanks, Mr. Tree! Hey, wait a minute-"

The tree then wrapped its arms around Pit and threw him to the ground in a WWE style powerslam. Pit scrambled to get back on his feet, but the tree snatched his feet first and chucked him down a shallow valley. Pit managed to roll some of the damage off, but still ended up acquiring a few scrapes and bruises. His wrist in particular sprained after being thrown around inside his own gauntlet.

"Look out!" Palutena cried, "That's an Urgle! It may look like an ordinary tree, but you can tell the difference by looking for their distinctive blue growth rings."

"I think I just figured out the difference."

Three more Urgles joined the first while Pit rubbed his wounds. Two of them, schlepping a pill bug larger than the two of them combined, dropped their cargo and allowed it to roll down towards the angel. Even injured, it wasn't much work for Pit to jump out of the woodlouse's path and leave it rolling down the hill behind him.

"Pit!" Palutena called down, "Look out!"

"What? Where?"

"Behind you!"

When Pit turned his head around, he expected to see a new foe running towards him, dodging the bumbling pill bug along the way. Instead, the pill bug itself was now rolling up the hill to crush Pit into paste. Pit jumped out of the way once again, but this time, he made sure to observe the pill bug's movement. In spite of its massive size, the bug somehow managed to once again turn back towards Pit with calculated precision. It'd be hard for a scooter to pull off a turn as tight as the one this beast was performing seamlessly. Furthermore, Pit couldn't help but feel as though the bug was gaining speed with every turn it took - or worse, that he himself was losing energy.

"What is this thing!?" Pit exclaimed, firing a torrent of arrows at his spherical foe before dodging once more.

"That's a Megonta, Pit. The Palutena Bow won't be able to penetrate its shell. You need to knock it off balance and attack its vulnerable underside. Your Upperdash Arm should be of good use."

"Right!"

Pit twisted the gauntlet on his wrist until it clicked into place. This simple motion caused a blue star the size of a soccer ball to burst into existence, and from its fiery core, a giant red puck was generated. The disc attached itself to Pit's gauntlet, and soon began spinning too quickly to follow with a human eye. His wrist throbbed in protest, but with the Megonta racing back faster than ever, Pit's pool of alternatives was drying out rapidly. After taking every millisecond he had to brace himself, he dashed forward at the insect and drove the Upperdash into the Megonta's chin in a blink of the eye undercut. Enough force shot out of the device to knock the Megonta into the air, and as its belly rotated out into the open, Pit jumped up and delivered his finishing blow. He punched clear through the pill bug's soft underside. The Megonta was decimated, leaving nothing but a mist of nature's verdant energy. Pit fell to the ground and gripped his wrist - it had surely been dislocated by the recoil of his attacks. Still, Pit was determined to ready his Upperdash and bring the fight to his arboreal attackers up atop the hill. As Pit prepared his advance, however, the Urgles simply turned tail and lumbered back into the soil.

"Huh, that's weird," Pit said as he strapped his bow back to his side, "Where are they going?"

"They're probably off to deal with someone else," the Goddess replied, "A Reset Bomb was already dropped on Popstar. No doubt a few of its residents have taken arms in retaliation."

"But didn't you say there are only a handful of humans on Popstar? What does whatever her name even want from here?"

"Her name is Viridi, Pit, and she's harboring a deadly parasite she found on this planet. I'm not entirely sure why she's done this, but no matter the reason, this depot must be shut down for the sake of everyone on this planet! Head down to the bottom of the depot, that's where the core should be."

"Roger that! Hopefully, you're right about other people being here on the depot. A few friends wouldn't hurt."

As Pit ventured further down into Reset Bomb depot, nature's inherent discord quickly overtook the architecture. The exterior's beauty still managed to persevere in certain ways, that much was true, but the structure of the inside was wildly warped as a product of overgrowth. Veiny bridges were strung throughout the interior in a webbed network, shooting out left to right and back and forth, dipping and rising and looping and turning. The stone roads on the surface weren't perfect, but at least they didn't pulse whenever you stepped on them. Furthermore, mottled trunks of vine hung from the ceiling, anchored into the disordered floating halls. Strange as they may have been, they gave Pit an excellent opportunity to hide from the Forces of Nature, and that's exactly what he did as a sentient stone pillar stumbled into the room. As it waddled in on a twitching pair of roots, Pit ducked behind a vine pylon and waited for the stony creature to pass. Trouble soon arose, however, as the creature began to circle around the structure instead, forcing Pit into a sort of Western square dance around the trunk with no end in sight.

"What is this thing?" Pit whispered.

"That's a Boom Stomper," Palutena answered, now just from the crevices of Pit's own mind, "They each weigh a couple tons, and love letting people know it. Its weak spot is the leaf on its top. Do your best to avoid its line of sight."

"I'll try, but its kinda hard to tell which side is the front."

"Why don't you try asking it?"

Palutena giggled at her own jest. Pit, however, remained quite straight faced as he poked his head out from behind the spire.

"Hey, mister," Pit asked, "where's your face?"

"Pit!"

"What?"

Try as she might, it was too late for the Goddess to make a course correction; the Boom Stomper had already knocked itself over and began its descent onto Pit. Its stony body had just nearly graced Pit by the time the angel managed to draw an arrow and skewer the Boom Stomper's leaf. Thankfully, the fatal blow had caused the Stomper to crumble to dust atop Pit's head painlessly, but the latter was still forced to run regardless so as to avoid the attention his attack had surely drawn from the rest of the Forces of Nature.

"Pit, what were you thinking!?"

"What? You said I should ask!"

"You knew that wasn't what I meant."

"Well I know now."

And so, Pit scurried down the overpass, weaving through the gazes of Viridi's other infantrymen and eventually rolling off of the bridge entirely. Pit smacked into several more bridges, but just before he could splat onto the hallway carved into the bottom of the grotto, his wings once again unfurled and shined. He was hardly an inch away from the ground when his descent came to a sudden halt.

"Phew," Palutena sighed, "I didn't realize the Power of Flight had any charge left. Consider yourself lucky."

"I'd feel luckier if you realized that a few bridges earlier."

Pit's whinging was cut short by the sound of heavy footsteps trudging his way. After his wings dropped him, he scaled a nearby wall and perched himself on its ledge. His angelic form was thin enough to be tucked away out of sight, high above the guards who approached. Well, guard singular anyway. The hall Pit had fallen into had only one lone knight acting as warden, though its presence was not one to be understated. In its bulky suit of armor - most akin to brass or gold - the knight looked to be well over a foot taller than Pit himself. Every step it took shook the ground beneath it, only accentuating the already obtrusive design of its outfit. With knees pointed like teeth and a ghostly aura emanating from its helm, the cavalier didn't look like anything else that had come from the Reset Bomb depot.

"Who's that, Lady Palutena?" Pit asked, still observing in awe.

"I've...got no idea. I've never seen that before. It might be a new enemy type. Tread carefully, Pit, and take it out quickly!"

Pit nodded and drew back another arrow. He had an astral arrowhead aimed square at the back of the knight's head, but right as he was about to release the bowstring, a command echoed out from its helmet.

"Now, Kirby."

Before Pit could even wonder what that meant, he was ripped from the ledge and sucked down to ground level. Kirby, the source of this suction, just barely surpassed Pit's ankle in height - no wonder he hadn't seen the bugger. And yet somehow, the little creature was sucking in Pit with what felt like the strength of a tornado. Only by dropping his bow and anchoring himself to the floor with his Upperdash Arm could he keep himself from getting absorbed into Kirby's vacuous maw. The bow rattled as it slid across the floor, quickly disappearing into Kirby without an inch left to spare. With a purple pith helmet, a plastic toy bow, and a cutesy grimace of heroism; the pink puffball had become Archer Kirby. Kirby and the knight both trained their weapons on Pit, who could only freeze with his hands held up against the flanking assault.

"Don't count on getting too many chances," the knight barked, "Where are the parasites? Where's your boss keeping them?"

"Huh!? Who are you!?"

"Samus. Kirby. Now get to talking."

"Talking!? What do you mean!?"

"It's a pretty simple choice, kid; talk or don't. Here's a tip; one of those options won't be very good for your life span. Now where are the Metroids?"

"Metroids!" Palutena told her servant, "That's the name of those parasites Viridi's holding on to!"

"Then why's she asking me about them?" Pit said aloud. Kirby, after observing Pit's wings squirm with anxiety, suddenly lowered his bow. He dropped his fierce gaze and turned to his partner in justice.

"Poyo! Poyo poyo!"

"What's that, Kirby?" Samus asked, "You think we've given this asshole enough time to talk, and that I should paint Viridi's carpets with his grey matter?"

"Poyo! Poyo! Poyo!"

"I'm sure you said something like that."

Samus readied a charge shot and fired it at the defenseless angel. The shot burst, but only upon hitting one of Pit's orbitars. After blocking the shot, Pit unveiled the Upperdash and tried to swipe at Samus, but the latter morphed into a ball to evade the strike. Still, now free from gunpoint, Pit hopped up to his feet and lunged at Samus. Her spherical form, tactile as it may have been, left her more vulnerable than ever.

"Pit!" Palutena cried, "Look down!"

But it was just a second too late. Samus, in her morph ball form, had dropped a bomb onto the floor, right at Pit's feet. Pit was blown into the wall behind him, leaving an opening for Samus to lurch forward and bash the angel over the head with her arm cannon. Pit's skull panged with a loud crack, as well as the resonant sound of a bell being struck, and he dropped down to his knees. Samus had the rim of her cannon pressed against Pit's head in preparation to execute the angelic intruder, but Samus could hardly fire before Pit smashed Samus' ankles with a swing of the Upperdash. Her legs buckled, and before she could stand up straight, Pit dashed forward and pummeled her in her midsection. While the Varia suit took most of the blunt force, Samus could still feel her stomach churning in pain.

"How'd you recover so quickly?" Samus asked as she clutched her abdomen.

"I've been getting shot at by bad guys for years! You build up a pretty thick skin after a while. Let me help you build up yours!"

Just as Pit was about to give Samus that help, however, Kirby spat out the Palutena Bow before Pit's feet. Now left bare of any copy ability, Kirby shot Samus a patient glance.

"Oh, thanks, I guess," Pit said as he received Kirby's gift, salivatory coating and all.

"Kirby," Samus said, "why would you rearm him!?"

Kirby only kept staring at Samus, his blank eyes encouraging enlightenment. Soon, she lowered her cannon and began to feel pieces fitting together in her mind.

"Unless...he's trying to tell me something. Hold on for a second. What exactly are you doing here?"

"I'm here to destroy this Reset Bomb factory!" Pit declared.

"Destroy the factory? Don't you work here?"

"What!? No! Don't you work here!?"

"No!"

"Alright, then let me go blow up the core!"

"Fine! You let us kill that Zeta Metroid!"

"Fine!"

And so, Samus and Pit awkwardly marched past each other, each punctuating their interaction with an indignant hmph. Kirby followed after Samus, while keeping an eye on the angel as he departed.

"Wait a minute!" Pit exclaimed, turning back to face the others.

"What?" Samus asked. Pit pointed down at Kirby.

"Does he work here!?"

"Are you dumb? Are you silly?"

"Yes, but my point still stands!"

"No it doesn't. He's been with me for the past few hours. He's not one of Viridi's."

"That's exactly what you'd say if he was one of Viridi's!"

"So you don't think I'm with Viridi, but not only do you think Kirby's with Viridi, but you think I - who, again, you don't think is with Viridi - am covering for him?"

"There are circumstances under which it could be possible."

"Let it go, Pit," Palutena instructed.

"Okay."

And so, Pit turned back around and continued on his way. Samus and Kirby too walked off, and all parties left without so much as a-

"Wait a minute!"

"What is it!?"

"Is this guy one of Viridi's?"

Samus turned once more to see Pit pointing, this time at none other than King Dedede. The king had poked his head in through a door at the end of the hall, with his marshmallows clutched tightly in his grip.

"I heard fighting," Dedede said, "Is this a bad time?"

"King Dedede, there you are!" Samus marched up towards Dedede and Pit, her feet clanking every step along the way. "We've been looking for you for half an hour, we thought the Forces of Nature got you. Didn't I say we should all stick together as a group?"

"But I caught a whiff of my cake!"

"I don't smell anything."

"Really? Huh. Guess I'm just having another stroke is all. Really gotta cut back on the trans fats," Dedede said as he continued to stuff his greasy fucking disgusting mouth with more marshmallows.

"Well anyway, let's get going before bird boy starts talking again."

Just as Samus turned to depart down the hall, Kirby tugged her ankle and called for her attention.

"Poyo, poyo! Poyo poyo poyo!"

"Wait!" Dedede sputtered through gobs of his sugary sludge, "Kirby says this here boy is the thing we saw flying through the air all zippy-like, the one that stopped the bomb. Says he's been trying to tell you for a while now."

Samus reexamined Pit, even grabbing Pit's wings and stretching them out for display.

"Now that you mention it, that flying entity did have wings kind of like his. Kirby, how could you remember what he looks like? When we were following after him, we never got closer than a mile to him."

"Poyo. Poyo poyo."

"He says," Dedede said, "that his eyesight is phenomenal. Makes sense to me; look at those big ol' eyes of his, he can probably see everything!"

"Poyo!"

"He says he can apparently see all of the individual pores on our skin."

"Poyo poyo!"

"In fact, Ms. Aran, he says that your pores-...Kirby, I'm not gonna tell her that."

"Poyo?"

"Cause it's rude!"

"Poyo!"
"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but there are certain social nuances you gotta keep in mind when you talk to people about their appearance."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Samus asked.

"N-nothing! Not a thing! Why, the boy's saying your pores are beautiful! Clean-I say clean as a fiddle!"

"...Right. Anyway, sorry about the inconvenience, whatever your name is."

"My name is Pit! Servant of the Goddess of Light!"

"Goddess of Light?"

Just then, light shone down from up above, seemingly with no source. The Star Allies were blinded, though Pit seemed unaffected. Now Palutena's voice rang out from overhead for all in the area to hear.

"That would be me. My name is Palutena, and Pit and I have come to your planet to shut down Viridi's bomb depot. If you don't oppose that goal, then we aren't your enemies."

"Well, uh...to the contrary" Samus said, looking up into the light, "Viridi's been giving us some trouble too. We've been trying to take out these parasites, but the Forces of Nature are sheltering them. They're starting to seem like a bigger danger to Dream Land than the Metroids themselves."

"Then I think we could benefit from working together. You help us take out this depot, and if any Metroids survive the aftermath, we'll help you hunt them down. Deal?"

"Works for me. How about you guys?"

Kirby and Dedede nodded vigorously, shaking their squishy bodies.

"Name's Samus. Little guy down there's named Kirby."

"Poyo!"

"And I'm King Dedede! King of Dream Land, Protector of Popstar, first of my name, all that jazz."

"The King!?" Pit dropped to his knees before the mighty king. "It's an honor, your majesty!"

"Hehe," Dedede whispered to Kirby, "I could get used to this."

Before they could discuss any further, the fibrous floor beneath their feet began to rumble and turn. Suddenly, gnarled vines burst out from the ground. The vines continued to rise until they had erected themselves into an arch hanging over the quartet. Water poured down from the top of this arch, seemingly manifesting endlessly from inside the vines themselves. Once the curtain of water had formed into a fully fledged waterfall, the reflection of a young girl appeared on the water's vertical surface. She looked not a day over eight, and yet her face burned with a venomous demeanor unexpected of a man of any age. Her miniscule form, covered by a dress sewn with rose petals and thorns, towered over the gang much like a jackal would loom over its carrion.

"Good lord!" Dedede cried, "It's a child! Who-I say who let a small child into this factory!? It's far too dangerous."

"That's Viridi," Palutena said, "ruler of the earth and all living things, and the owner of this death engine."

Viridi chortled at her peer's flattery.

"Hmph! I didn't know I had a fan club."

"You're a fellow goddess, Viridi. Not all of the gods shut the rest of the world out like you do."

Viridi's brief glimmer of levity vanished, and her youthful round face once again scrunched up with impunity.

"Clearly, I haven't shut the world out that much if the Goddess of Light and her merry band of sycophants can just march on into my depot."

"Her merry band?" Dedede cut in, "Begging your pardon, lil lady, but I don't work for her."

"And you are?"

"King Dedede!"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"King of Dream Land?"

"Don't think I've heard of you."

"You dropped a bomb on my front door the size of a trailer house!"

"Do you not even look before you drop these things!?" Pit asked.

"The people of Dream Land are lucky that I didn't just start firing randomly. If this guy's the shining example of Dream Land's populace, I might as well raze the whole country to the ground!"

"Have they even done anything to you!?"

"Not to me. To my children. Those poor Metroids have been in more danger in the past few hours than anyone living down on Popstar. Two of them are already dead; one frozen and shattered, one beaten to a pulp. Even when the people of Dream Land aren't acting in service of their innate bloodlust, their filthy lifestyle puts the Metroids in harm's way. When we found the Metroids, they were lugging around a cake they had found; what if the cake was toxic to them and they ate it? What would you do in my position? What would you do, Palutena, with your 'undying wisdom.' It's my responsibility to keep these Metroids safe, and I can't do that with these Dreamlanders causing trouble."

"I would at least try to solve things a bit more diplomatically first."

With her nose up to the air, Viridi huffed and locked her eyes on King Dedede.

"King Dedede, do you have anything to say on behalf of your Kingdom?"

"Why yes; two things, in fact. Firstly, about that cake: do you still have it?" Dedede asked.

"Yeah. We tried to dispose of it earlier, but the Metroids get fussy whenever we try to take it out of their habitat."

"Great, second question: may I have it back?"

"Absolutely not! I bet there's animal products in that disgusting tower of slop. Who knows how many innocent creatures have died to sate your endless gluttony?"

"Uh oh," Dedede whispered to Kirby, "she's one of those types. Worry not, Kirbster, this is where my endless charisma's gonna kick into high gear."

As he turned back towards Viridi, Dedede cleared his throat and puffed out his chest, slinging his mallet over his shoulder to make himself look taller.

"Why, your divinity, I assure thee, if there were ever a greater animal lover than I, I've never met 'em! I assure you-I say I assure you that that cake hasn't even dipped its pinky toe into the animal kingdom. I mean, do I look like the type to purchase a big juicy brisket, let it soak in a red wine marinade overnight, throw it into a smoker over some fruitwoods for a few hours, and then dig into that crisp flesh with a side of baked beans and a bowl of mac and cheese? It's absurd!"

"...What's that you're eating?"

"Marshmallows."

"Uh huh. Do they have gelatin?"

"I dunno, probably."

"You know that gelatin is an animal product, right? It's made out of collagen, which you get from boiling pig skin and cow bones."

Dedede nearly fell onto his backside, pushed backwards by the force of his own laughter. To get a grip on his sides before they went into orbit, he had to drop his hammer, which landed on Pit's foot and broke three of his toes. Kirby looked up at Dedede silently, only to be pulled in close so that the king could share his humorous amusement.

"Oh good Heavens! This is just rich, ain't it, Kirby? Haha! Such heartwarming naivete is scarcer than a hen's teeth these days. To think that this uppity little varmint really believes that marshmallows are made from pig skins and cow bones!"

"Poyo."

Suddenly, Dedede's skin flushed, and the marshmallows fell from his limp hand.

"...What...what d'ya mean they're actually made from pig skins and cow bones?"

"Poyo poyo!"

"What!? That's disgusting! Wha-how!? How!? I reckoned they were made of sugar or something! To think these piddlin' little fluff balls are made with such gore, such depravity. And I've been chomping down on them like there's no tomorrow! Tell me, Kirby; these little treats are made with swine, but aren't I the real pig here?"

"Poyo." Kirby shrugged as he picked up the bag and popped a marshmallow into his mouth.

"Don't keep eating them!"

"Well, there's your diplomacy for you," Viridi said, "Now then, I shall continue to harbor the Metroids until I deem it safe for them to leave my custody. The Reset Bomb depot will remain on Popstar to act as a fortress for them, and as a deterrent against those that would continue to endanger them. If no one has anything else to contribute to this riveting consultation, you're all free to-"

"Viridi."

Samus spoke out quietly, yet with a firmness that demanded everyone's attention. She stepped in front of the rest of the group to look Viridi in the eyes directly.

"You talk about the Metroids as if they're an endangered species. Let's not mince words here. The Metroids are a weapon. This is not their home; they were planted here by the Space Pirates, God knows why. Maybe its part of a mission, maybe they were bored. Whatever the reason, whenever Metroids are sent to a planet, they don't leave until everyone living on that planet is dead. I know because the one time they didn't, it was because of me. You wanna protect some endangered species? Every lifeform on this planet is endangered, and those Metroids are the danger. If blowing up a castle and killing thousands of people is worth protecting three endangered lifeforms, surely, killing three Metroids is worth protecting the billions of endangered people on this planet."

Samus was interrupted by Viridi stomping her foot on the ground. The little goddess was grinding her teeth loud enough to hear.

"You dare lecture the Goddess of Nature about defending nature!? Protecting nature's children is my job!"

"Is it now? And yet the people of Dream Land are to blame for the Metroids ending up in an unsustainable habitat? Funny how you love to blame everyone else for not doing your job."

After that, no one said anything for a few moments. Viridi's expression was hard to pin down; were her eyes bugging out of shock from such a comment, or was she simply struggling to see through all of the red? Who could know. Pit, on the other hand, was quite readable, with hands covering his gaping mouth. King Dedede wore quite a similar expression, with the added challenge of suppressing a fit of boisterous laughter. Kirby idled about relatively peacefully, and Samus held her stance without wavering.

"Well," Viridi finally said, "I think I've changed my mind."

"Really?" Pit asked.

"Yep. Now you're not leaving. Rise, children of the earth! Let's make sure these monsters never hurt another one of your brothers and sisters ever again!"

On that note, Viridi disappeared and the waterfall dried up. The floor beneath them split open once again, this time giving rise to a new fleet of Viridi's children. Megontas and Boom Stompers, Urgles and Fraggles, they were all there, frenetically clawing at each other's backs just for a shot at first blood.

"Well that went well," Pit said, "What now?"

"Now we're gonna get bum-rushed by a forest's worth of Viridi's minions." Samus cocked her arm cannon and aimed it towards the horde blocking their exit. "And after that...King Dedede, how did you put it earlier?"

"Time for some herbicide, haha!" Dedede grabbed his hammer off of the floor and held it up high.

"So we're really in it together?" Pit asked.

King Dedede gave Pit a firm pat on the shoulder.

"You know it, feathers: you're a Star Ally now."

"Woohoo! I don't know what that means!"

"Neither do I," Samus reassured, "Now let's get to work."