Here we are.

Eteri: I did find Torres annoying sometimes in the show, the natural thing did go over her head. Her intentions are good but she couldn't be more wrong. I thought a lot about the times when she saw things between Gillian and Alec and kept going at it while Cal told her to drop it.

So, here's the new chapter. Warning, there will be mention of serious stuff and violence. It's time to find out what is this strange thing Reynolds is seeing on the surface

While a few steps away from them, almost forgotten by everybody involved in that exchange, Reynolds watched the whole scene unfold keeping his attention on Foster, walking away with a steady pace and heading for her office, his mind split between what he had just witnessed and the scenes he had seen between them at the hospital.

With both paths converging to a rather worrying thought.

The agent watched the trio split; Foster to her office, Torres hastily heading to the restroom and Loker eventually going back to the lab after having unsuccessfully tried to calm down his colleague. It was a lot of drama to handle, and he made the wise decision not to waste his energies on that since it was obviously a Lightman Group internal squabble.

Once they were all gone and the entrance was silent, Reynolds sighed and started to walk to Cal's office. The door was open, the main light was still off but a couple of more lamps had been lit giving the room a less bleak appearance. Cal was behind his desk, trying to look at something on the screen of his computer despite what was probably a serious headache thumping behind his forehead. If he had heard anything of the yelling match going on in the hallway he didn't show, although Reynolds' personal point of view was what he had and, much like Foster, he had no intention to stoop down to that level of insinuations. Probably because, like Foster, he knew it wasn't worth losing energy over it.

More likely because, like Foster, he knew Torres couldn't have been more wrong.

Reynolds looked at Cal for a while then closed the door behind him when it was clear the scientist hadn't acknowledged his presence. Silent, moving carefully not to startle Lightman as if he was some kind of animal, the agent approached the desk and sat down in one of the two chairs. Only then Cal seemed to notice him, giving him just a quick look at first and then seeing something in the man's face, deciding to lean back on his chair and give him his full attention.

"I read your file on Ward," Reynolds kicked off, but Cal didn't flinch. "Impressive paperwork, Foster would be proud."

"Nah, she wouldn't," Cal grimaced, joining his hands on his lap. "She'd be pissed that I refuse to do it anymore."

"When you said you killed him, Ward," Reynolds went on, refusing to engage in his deflection. "Five bullets. One to the head, three to the chest and one in the leg. I mean…you really did kill him."

Cal stared at him, unfazed, as if he had no clue what point the agent was trying to make. In truth, he looked like he had been having a conversation about architecture and all of a sudden Reynolds had started talking about sports: completely disconnected, not even remotely on the same page. The agent took a deep breath and nodded to himself, not in the least bit surprised by Lightman's stonewalling and thinking that behaviour was validating some of his theories. Then he became more serious, trying to convey to Cal that gameplaying was over.

"You know I killed people, while on the job. If I am not mistaken you know about all of them." Cal's jaw clenched ever so slightly, the tip of his tongue poking through just about in an uncontrolled display of discomfort. "I shot them, didn't think much about it at the moment because it was the right thing to do, or because it was either them or me, or many other people could have died. Even then, it's never easy. Taking someone's life…it shouldn't be easy, never. No matter what, no matter the circumstances. It stays with you, it gets to you when you least expect it, and no matter how right it is there's always something about it that affects you. A bit of pain, a sludge of remorse, the awareness that you ended someone's existence. I might not be as good as you guys are with micro expressions but I know what someone who is torn by killing a human being, no matter how rightehous it was, looks like." Reynolds stopped and focused his attention on Cal, who had been following his every word without moving a muscle. "And you don't look like that at all."

Cal might as well have been a statue. Not a muscle, not a nerve of his face and body moved after Reynolds' last words, and the space between them was filled by the deepest silence.

"I was shooting blindly," Cal then hissed with a light shrug. "Bastard got what he deserved as far as I'm concerned."

For a brief moment he thought he could get rid of the hound, throw him some truth while ignoring his implied question. But Reynolds had no intention to budge and Cal knew it; he was one hell of an investigator and he had found a track to beat, and even if he was confident he wasn't giving anything away the scientist knew the other man wasn't going to let go easily. Perhaps he was entitled to it considering he was helping when he had no obligation towards them, but there was one very important point Cal was not not going to overlook.

"I missed one shot." Cal heard himself saying, somehow losing the control of the barrier between his brain and mouth.

Later, much later, Cal would have thought about that moment and wondered what had possessed him to make that comment. He knew it wasn't just a throwaway line, not to someone like Reynolds who knew how to read in between the lines. Maybe it hadn't been at all incidental, maybe he had let it slip intentionally for some reason. Perhaps because he wanted to share that part of the burden, even though he stood by his lack of regret for killing Ward. Maybe because it was obvious that he and Foster were clearly deeply affected by the man from their past, or maybe because he wanted to make sure the agent understood no matter the strange situation there was a lot there to be careful about.

Reynolds had no idea what it was, but he was seeing something in Cal's face even without being an expert. He had seen the fear already, when he was telling everybody about Ward and even more later on at the hospital, and he had seen the same, if not bigger, terror, in Foster after the episode in the bathroom. It had been in her voice too as she yelled back at Torres, in her words about ignoring things and keeping each other's secrets for mutual benefit, in her strenuous defence of Lightman that day and any other day. It had been in the way he had seen them at the hospital, comforting each other and fighting back demons from the past.

"I'm here to help, Lightman." The agent said then after a while. "I respect you have your secrets and you want to protect each other but I can't help you it-"

"It's not my story to tell, mate," Cal mumbled, still sustaining the man's gaze but far less steadily.

"Listen Cal, I am not fishing for colourful detail here," the agent went on, threading carefully but not willing to let go. "I know you're not lying but I need to understand how it is possible that this man you killed is still alive and coming after you. This guy Ward, he clearly did a number on you two and if there is anything else I should be aware of-"

"He raped me."

Cal's eyes closed immediately as he heard Gillian's voice utter those words, feeling them in his guts like a breath-taking low blow. His body tensed, he still didn't move but every muscle clenched in an uncontrolled spasm of disgust and nausea as the thought - and memory - hit him like a ton of bricks. Opposite him, Reynolds managed to hold back a loud gasp as he had a similar reaction, his body freezing in the position too afraid to move and break some kind of spell. Cal looked down at his own hands, his face a mask of rage and pain, while Reynolds just quickly glanced in the direction where the voice had come from. He couldn't see Gillian, she was somewhere inside the library attached to Cal's office and he was mighty glad she was out of his sight. He figured if Cal had turned right he might have actually seen her, but the scientist just sat there with his eyes closed and flaring nostrils for what seemed like forever.

Eventually, after a long time, Cal did take a quick peek in that direction and Reynolds didn't know what it was, but after that he turned to face him again.

"When Ward got to Merton…we didn't know how that happened. Maybe he made a mistake, or Ward figured out it must be someone he had worked closely with, telling stories about him." Cal spoke in a low voice, every now and then glancing in the phantom direction Gillian was as if asking for permission to continue. "Merton had been gone for nearly a day and we didn't know yet. We were never meeting in person, keeping contacts to essential levels precisely to avoid any chance to blow the operation. Ward tortured him, for an entire day, bastard took pleasure in it too. I don't think Merton talked but later it turned out that Ward had hacked into his emails. He wasn't communicating with me directly but just with Gillian." Cal chuckled, a smirk of painful defeat really. "We thought we were being clever, compartmentalising communications to avoid detection. Ward was already seeing Gillian for therapy so he figured she must have been in on it."

"He came to my office for his session, as scheduled," Gillian's voice came from inside the library, still hiding away. She was doing her best to sound strong, detached even as if she was talking about someone else, but Reynolds could feel the shiver in her voice and could see how her words affected Lightman in front of him. "My job was to side with him, get him to open up and talk… That day he asked if we could go out to talk, get a coffee. He came in saying he hadn't slept the night before, had nightmares about the shooting, and he was feeling too trapped in my office. I agreed, I knew there was a chance he was lying but I had to play my part." Reynolds struggled to accept there had been a time when Foster couldn't tell if someone was lying to her, but back then she probably couldn't. "Yes, we were recording the sessions but I also needed him to trust me. He knew someone was onto him, he was paranoid and he had brought it up more than once during our sessions, so keeping him talking was the main goal." Reynolds kept his eyes on Cal, using him as a mirror as to what might have been going on with Foster. "I had to make a judgement call, there and then. I figured we'd just go out, get a coffee from the cart outside and get back in. But when we exited the building he pulled out a gun, pushed it on my hip and told me to keep my mouth shut and keep walking." Ben saw Cal's reaction, so open and blatant that even a non-expert like him could see it all, once again rage and regret, possibly a lot of guilt thinking about that moment. "I didn't know what to do…I couldn't do much but follow him. We got to his car, he told me to drive and we left."

"I was watching the session when it started, I was always watching them." The ball went back to Cal, a disturbingly efficient improvised double act between the two of them that Reynolds was starting to wish they had never started. "I didn't like it when I saw them leaving the office but there wasn't much I could do without exposing the whole thing. Ward had no idea who I was but he was already paranoid, if I had showed up all of sudden Gillian's cover would have been blown and the whole operation would have gone. And I trusted Gillian, she knew what Ward was capable of and she knew how to handle him." The regret, the guilt…they kept flashing all over Cal's face even though his voice was loaded with nothing but pain. "I figured something was off when they weren't coming back. Gave myself 15 minutes then I tried calling Gillian but got no answer. Then I tried Merton, even more useless. I went to security, I asked to check some tapes and I saw them leaving the building but nothing after that." For the first time in forever, Cal shifted on his seat and leaned forward, possibly trying to find a more comfortable position to ease some pain in his body. "Then I went to our superiors, I told them something was off and we needed to track down Ward or try to get hold of Merton." He smirked in disgust at the thought, remembering the uninterested faces in front of him as he tried to plead his case. "They said I was probably overthinking it, that Merton was supposed to be on the back benches and that Gillian and Ward were just enjoying the nice weather outside. I was on my own, so I went back to the file we had on Ward. I figured if he was taking her somewhere it must have been a place he was familiar with. The only thing that popped up was an abandoned warehouse, according to his internal investigation file it was his go to spot for…interrogations. So I went there, saw his car outside and got as close as I could."

Reynolds was vaguely aware of the fact that he was holding his breath, debated between asking them to get to the point and listening to every word, knowing they were all carefully selected to get him to the finish line. Cal was trying to control a myriad of emotions with every word, knowing he had to get it out before allowing himself to feel any which way about it. The agent couldn't tell what was going on with Foster but he could imagine, feeling her presence through the walls like a haunting entity reading to jump him.

"When I got there I saw Paul. He was tied up to a chair, he'd been beaten and God knows what else." Her voice trembled, Reynolds had always admired Gillian's strength but that day it reached a whole new level listening to how hard she was trying to remember things most people would like to erase from their memory. "Ward went straight to it, he said he knew we were trying to get to him. He wanted to know who else was behind it, he knew there was at least a third person, and he wanted to know what we knew about him. I couldn't deny, not outright, it would have made things worse. So I tried to keep playing my part, to be on his side and tell him I was only trying to help him. It was a mistake, I didn't know yet that he had seen my communications with Paul so my attempt only infuriated him even more. I thought we were friends…that's what he said to me, then he tied my hands behind my back and took me to another room." Reynolds gauged Cal's reaction, he was about to explode. "That's what he said to me earlier today, at the hospital."

There was a long silence, needed by all to regroup and gather mental strength. Cal hands were closed in fists, clenching violently to fight back waves of rage and frustration. He could feel Reynolds eyes on him, in his mind the agent was judging him for having failed Foster all those years back and whether the feeling was warranted or not it was piling up on everything else. The balance, partially soothing, was that from his position he could also feel Gillian watching him, providing much needed support. She was standing by the door of the library, partially hiding behind it but looking at him with a fond and warm expression that would have shocked Reynold had he been able to see it.

Cal held her gaze and nodded to her, feeling only marginally better; they had been through that together once, they could do it again.

"I could see Ward from the window, and the rest. Merton was a mess, Gill was…Ward was holding her at gunpoint, yelling, trying to get the truth out of her. I saw him hit Merton again, then he took Foster away." Reynolds could tell the scientist had hoped he could breeze past that point if only he talked fast enough but his words stumbled, a lump forming in his throat. "I tried to call for backup but it would have taken too long. I could see Ward was ready to blow, he wasn't getting his answers and he was just going to kill everybody. I didn't have a gun so I had to improvise, I figured I could try to create a diversion. I went back outside and broke into his car, used stuff I had in mine to make up some sort of fuse and got gas from the spare tank in my trunk. I splashed his car with it, used the fuse to buy myself a bit of time and lit it up, then I went back to the entrance of the warehouse and got in, trying to get close and keep an eye on him. He had brought Gillian back and was pointing the gun at her, I could see then he also had a knife. I figured the fire would get him to get close to the window so I tried to hide over there. Eventually the fire took over the car, the rear glass blew up and made a lot of noise and when he went to check I jumped him." For a passing moment, the rage in his voice left space to a bit of satisfaction as he recalled that very specific moment. "We fought, exchanged blows, and the gun flew somewhere away from us. He got me on the ground and managed to get away, I saw him going for the knife and then after Gillian. So I went for the gun and shot, couple of bullets went into the wall but I got him good enough times." Cal stopped, looking towards Gillian who only then came into Reynolds' sight, and he held her gaze with the utmost respect as Cal finished. "The last shot, the one in the leg, that's the one I missed."

Because my hand was shaking so much, my eyes were blinded by rage and all I wanted to do was to blow his groins into oblivion. His words didn't say any of that, but the tone of his voice and the blunt and complete lack of remorse in his eyes did. More importantly, the defiant satisfaction in Gillian's face spoke volume about how much that all meant to her too.

"I called 911, for Merton." Cal picked it up again, not in the least less rageful than before but somewhat more controlled. "Backup arrived, too late of course. Ward was dead, no doubts about it. Merton's injuries were too severe, he died in the hospital a couple of hours later."

Reynolds' eyes flickered to Gillian, who somehow found the strength to look at him and give him a small nod.

"We didn't tell anybody," she explained. "I didn't want to."

We should have, Cal's thoughts were all over his face as he looked at his friend, but it was clear that back then as much as now he would go against his own better judgement if she asked him to keep things to himself.

The silence was longer this time, much needed. No matter what Reynolds had imagined they were still holding back, to hear all of that, to imagine what had happened knowing the two people it had happened to, was a very different thing. Eventually, when he was the one who couldn't take it anymore, the agent took in a deep breath and figured now that he had his truth it was time to leave them be.

"I'll keep looking into Ward, make a few discreet calls," he said then, slowly standing up. "At this point I don't care if he's dead or alive but the fact remains that someone who knows an awful lot about him is after you two."

He felt that no other words were needed, he sure couldn't think of any that would suit the situation or even remotely help them. When he left the room, gracefully closing the door behind him, Cal slowly stood up and after a consultory look with her he stepped towards Gillian. She was still by the door of the library, leaning into it and grasping the hinges for support, but when she saw him coming closer she straightened up and gathered all her strength to smile at him. Cal tried to return the gesture, him too leaning on the wall by the door before tentatively reaching out for her hand. Their fingers brushed together at first, looking for each other with shy and tasting movements, then eventually melted together in a comforting hold as they both leaned on the doorjamb, their temples resting on each other's, hoping the shared silence could push those memories back down to the bottomless pit where they belonged.

Hope to hear from you all about this one...