Chapter Three: Tortures Of The Damned

I hate myself more than I've ever let on

Emma

So maybe it wasn't the best idea to party at the ravine. But Sean really hurt me. I'm not still in love with him, but come on; he didn't have to just leave like that. He must have really hurt Ellie too, or she wouldn't have slept with his best friend the same night. Not that I blame her. I probably would have done something similar. Oh wait…I did.

"Snap out of it Em!" Manny whispered loudly. She waved her hand in front of my face. We were in media immersions, working on our latest project. My mom must have called my dad and told him about last night, or he would have said something to me.

"Sorry," I said, looking back at my computer. I couldn't do any work at all. This is too much.

Without asking for a pass, I just stood up and walked out of the classroom. I could tell everyone stared at me, but I didn't care. I went straight into the washroom and locked the door. Checking to make sure no one was in there, I slowly sank to the floor in tears.

This isn't my first break down either. It happens at least once a day. People don't realize that even though nothing happened to me the day of the shooting, it's still traumatizing. I can still hear Rick's accusatory tone.

"You flirted with me Emma."

I tried to wipe my face off. Maybe he was right. Maybe he should have shot me.

What am I thinking? I wouldn't be better off dead. But neither is Rick. I don't think any of it was his fault. He was bullied so much. And I was one of the people who helped.

I can still hear the gun going off. For a split second, I thought Sean was dead. All the air left my lungs and I thought I was going to collapse. Instead, I just stood there like an idiot. I didn't do anything.

Maybe if I had, Rick would still be alive. And Sean wouldn't be gone.

This is how I feel every day since it happened.

Every day.

"Emma? Emma!" I heard someone calling my name. I woke up and looked around. "What's wrong with you?" my dad asked. I could hear Jack screaming from somewhere.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"First, you skip the rest of school, and now, you've left your brother alone! Emma, he hurt himself. How could you be so careless?"

My mom walked in the room with Jack in her arms. He was still screaming, and had a huge bump on his head that was already red and purple.

I cried myself to sleep on the couch. I remember now.

And I have a headache. Great.

"JACK! SHUT UP!" I screamed, holding my head.

That only caused him to cry harder.

"EMMA!" my mother yelled at me.

I stood up and stomped to my room, slamming the door behind me. I get stuck in this nasty old basement while that screaming brat gets my room.

I looked through my closet for something to wear. I changed out of Ellie's clothes, and put on the tightest, most revealing outfit I could find. I shoved some stuff in a bag and left through the window.

I wasn't sure where I was going to go, and I was thinking about that, when a car pulled up next to me, music blaring. I didn't have to look to know who it was.

"Need a ride?" he asked.

"No." I kept walking, but he turned the music down and slowly drove next to me until I gave in. "Fine."

"Where to Nelson?" he asked.

"Anywhere but here."

"We could always go back to the van…" he trailed off, looking over at me to see my reaction.

"I don't care."

"Want a black bracelet?" Jay asked me after he finished putting another blue one on my wrist. My third one. For today. And they weren't all from Jay either.

"No thanks. I'll stick to these," I said. I knew what black bracelets were for. Only because Ellie had one on this morning. "Even this is getting a little boring. Isn't there any other fun to be had here?"

"If you're talking about getting high, go right ahead. There's a stash behind that seat," he told me, pointing.

"Gladly."

"Hey Ellie!" I yelled, and burst out laughing. "I didn't know you were coming again!" It was my third night in a row at the ravine. I kept coming and I couldn't stop myself. I always snuck back into my room without getting caught. My parents hadn't said a word to me since I left after yelling at Jack the other day.

I had twelve bracelets. I didn't wear them to school; only when I came around here.

"You can stop yelling. I'm right in front of your face," she said sourly.

"Here are your clothes," I said, handing them to her from my bag. "Thanks."

"No problem. You really should chill out with that," she said. "It makes you stupid."

"No it doesn't." That was followed by giggles.

"Hey Emma!" someone called. But from where? Hmmm…I looked around and didn't see anyone.

"I think he's calling you," Ellie said, pointing.

"I thought that was a tree!" I squinted my eyes. It was, in fact, a guy. And I knew him. "See you later Ellie!" I yelled, walking towards him.

"Hi Emma," he said.

"Hey! I didn't expect to see you here. I thought…" but he interrupted me.

"Can I talk to you privately?" he asked.

"Sure!" I laughed and dragged him off to the van. "Okay, what's this really about?" I asked, trying to get as serious as I could. "Does it involve another bracelet?"

"You really turned into a slut over night, didn't you?" he asked.

I was no longer having fun.

"You don't know what it's like to be me," I said, already pissed.

"No, I don't…because I don't go around sucking guys' dicks all night. You're so disgusting. You think these are really something to be proud of?" he said, pointing to the bracelets.

"I'd rather have some fun than sit home and think about how much of a loser I am," I told him.

"Is this fun for you Emma?" he asked, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss was too hard and forceful.

"Stop it," I cried.

"Or how about this." He reached up under my skirt and pulled my underwear down.

"Don't," I said, tears spilling down my face.

"Don't you want to know what it feels like to be a full blown whore? You're already on your way…" he trailed off as he pulled his pants and underwear down in one swift movement.

I lunged for the door, but he caught me and pinned me down.

"Please," I said, trying one last time to get through to him.

It didn't work.

"Who's gonna save you now?"

I felt a sharp pain as he slammed himself into me. I cried out but no one could hear me.

He kept doing it again and again.

When he was finished, I felt something slam into the side of my head.

Everything went black.

I have no idea how much time had passed when I woke up. But I wasn't in the van. I was in my own bed.

And I don't know how I got there.

I reached up and felt dried blood on my head. I think I was hit by an empty beer bottle.

I tried to get up, but I hurt all over. I could barely move and I didn't even want to think about having to go to the bathroom.

Still in the same clothes, I slowly pulled them off. There was blood on my underwear and skirt. Should I go to the police?

No way! Then my parents would find out. I don't need more people hating me. I can hate myself just fine.

I didn't have any strength to get up and find something to wear, so I just lay there naked under the blankets.

But what if he came back?

I cried myself back to sleep.

A/N: I'm not sure if Rick said that exact thing to Emma, but I think he said something along the lines of it at one point. The title and lyrics are from "Tortures of the Damned" by Bayside and they own it. Who do you think raped Emma? It won't come out for awhile.

Qtpye: Thanks so much! I wish I could get a book published...I actually have started about three of them...but I never finish.

Anon: Honestly, if you don't like the story, don't read it. I'm not going to stop writing it because one person, especially you, doesn't like it. You can have your own opinion, but stop wasting my time and yours by sending pointless reviews. There's no reason to even bash a fic after two chapters.