Ok, so…the secret has been revealed, at least to Reynolds. He's a hound, he knew there was something else. I hope it wasn't too much, I tried to keep it as vague as possible: but I must say, the bad things are not over.

Eteri: I'm really sorry, I hope it wasn't too much. Like you say, this particular thing is not described and happened in the past. However…fair warning, things won't be easy but nothing like this. But, there will also be a lot of sweeter moments like the very end of the previous chapter: they need each other after all, more than ever.

Now, time to move on. Could it really be Ward, despite everything? How much will these memories affect Cal and Gillian?

"Of course love, of course I want to see pictures. No Em, not of your mum and Rudi. Of you, you silly!" Gillian shot him a sideways glance, which he saw but obnoxiously ignored. "Then again…you lot are in a resort in Hawaii, maybe I can get some pictures of the local beauties? I meant landmarks and views Em, get your mind out of the gutter already!"

This time Cal beat Gillian to it and looked at her over the last words, smirking even before she would shake her head at his inconsiderate remark to his daughter. She was sitting on the couch in her office, her laptop balanced on her knees, while he was slowly pacing back and forth while on the phone.

It had been her idea for him to call Emily, knowing he needed to hear her voice and take a break from the whirlwind of things happening to them. What she hadn't said, but they both knew, was that with Ward, or whoever it was, clearly stepping up his game there might come a time where communication with Emily might become more complicated.

Needless to say, there had been no mention of what was going on with them. Cal would have jumped through hoops to keep the secret if Emily had been in Washington, and with as dire as the situation was the fact that she was miles away for days with Zoe was pretty much the only ray of sunshine he could count on. Of course, Cal being Cal, he had to push and make a spectacle out of it to compensate for how he was feeling.

"Remind me again, when is it that you're coming home? Saturday?! Bloody hell, you'll be burnt to a crisp by the time you're back!" Cal went on, stopping his pacing to lean with his back on the bookshelf, a serene smile on his lips. "Well listen Em, I gotta go now. You have fun, and stay away from boys!" Gillian could hear the girl whine through the speaker and rolled her eyes, not at her but at her overprotective father. "Alright love, miss ya, yeah? Of course, will do. Bye Em, love you."

Eventually he ended the call, staring down at the phone in his hand for a while before chuckling at it and putting it back in his pocket. Then he looked up at Gillian and shrugged at her reproachful look, making his way towards the couch to sit next to her.

"Everything ok with Emily?" She asked, thinking about reaching out for his hand but some reason talking herself out of it.

"Yes, she's having a blast. Rudi seems like a good sport but 'don't worry Dad, not as funny as you are'." He mumbled, doing a terrible impression of his daughter. Then he sighed and did what she hadn't, carefully sliding his hand over to hers for a friendly quick squeeze. "She says hi."

Gillian smiled back at him, and by extension to Emily who always had a thought for her no matter what. It wasn't the first time they kept things from her and usually she didn't feel too good about it, even when it was for her own good, but in that case she had no qualms about it. If they could have gotten away with simply telling her Cal had been attacked it would have been one thing, but there was no way of mentioning that without opening the can of worms that was the Ward case.

Besides, it had only been a couple of hours since they had unleashed the memory from the first time in years and they were still recovering from it.

Reynolds had gone, making phone calls and fishing for information through his sources and resources. Torres had made herself scarce after the confrontation in the hallway, and the usually understanding Foster thought it might just be for everybody's best. Loker was in the lab, he had offered to go through the security videos from the hospital and was still looking into Ward. His dedication had surprised them, and the surprise had made them feel a little guilty, which was why they had ordered an outrageous amount of food from his favourite Italian take out and let him have first dip on what to eat.

It wasn't much but he seemed to have appreciated the gesture, which also worked well with them since eating was definitely not at the top of their list. They knew they had to eat something, neither of them had touched anything since the night before and time was flying away on that crazy day, and they had practically challenged each other on who could clear their plates first. They had chosen her office for that very late lunch or somewhat early dinner, feeling that they needed some time for Cal's office to be exorcised from the daunting memories they had conjured up in there.

They hadn't talked about it after Reynolds had left, the same way they had never talked about since the day it had happened. They were both too smart and educated to know that not talking about stuff wasn't going to make it go away, but really how does one know when it's a good time to talk about something like that? It had happened not long after the Doyle case, once Foster had no longer been Cal's therapist. They had connected, professionally, and when Cal had been given the chance to try and salvage his career there had been nobody else he had wanted to work with. But they hadn't been friends then, not yet the way they were going to become, and even if it had been against his nature Cal hadn't thought for one second about forcing her to talk about it.

Still, seeing how strong she had been back then, defiant even, it had been impossible for him not to add the utmost respect and admiration to the complicated and varied series of feelings he had found himself having towards her. But that had been then; years later they were friends, the closest truly, and he would have fought against telling Reynolds that part of the story for days if she hadn't decided to do it herself. Which added to how deeply she could still impress him, even after years, brushing off the nightmare and refusing to succumb to its terrifying tentacles.

Still…

"You alright, love?"

Cal couldn't help asking, and Gillian couldn't hold back a soft nervous laugh. It had to come, the million dollar question, and she had to give it to him that he had held back longer than she expected. Gillian sighed and found his hand again, this time holding onto it with a steady grip before slowly leaning into him to rest her head on his shoulder. Cal flinched slightly, wondering if contact really was a good idea, but since she had been the one initiating it he felt she was probably ok with it.

"I'm ok Cal." Still, she snuggled up on him a little more than their usual friendly way, then again when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder it did feel a little tighter than most times. "I've been for a long time."

"I know Gill, it's just-" His voice stumbled for a moment, he felt her move her head to look up at him and squeezed her shoulder to silently ask her not to do so. "It's not like I ever forgot about it but-"

"But you stopped thinking about it." She finished for him, honestly wishing he would let her look at him. "Trust me Cal, same goes for me."

Her attempt to ease things a little failed miserably, but she hadn't expected it to work either. Because they had never talked about it she had no proof, but over the years Gillian had come to know Cal enough to be confident in the fact that he was probably blaming himself for what Ward had done to her back then. She could see it, earlier in his office while they told everything to Reynolds, the tornado of things he had been asking himself back then and probably still was. Why had he waited so long to see that something had been off with Ward? How could he not see that he had been up to something? Why hadn't he taken a gun with him, why play diversion when he could have stormed in and try to stop him before-

"Don't do that, Cal. It won't help, neither of us." Gillian pulled back to look at him, whether he liked it or not, but at the same time squeezing his hand harder to let him know it was ok. "The only blame here is on Ward, for all of this."

"Gill-"

"We've never talked about it before, and we won't start now." She left him no room for reply. "Focusing on the past we can't change won't do us any good in dealing with the present. It's hard enough as it is, having no clue about what was going on."

"We know what's going on," Cal objected, wishing she would resume the position and come back into his arms. "Its' Ward."

"Cal, we both know that's not possible."

"I saw him. You heard him." It was his turn not to take no as an answer. "Listen love, I know he's dead, I made damn sure of it. But how else do you explain it?"

She couldn't, he wasn't wrong on that. Obviously there must have been a simple, rational and logical explanation: they just had to find it.