Chapter Eleven: Halo

Why do you put me on a pedestal?

Ellie

After all of the waiting, it was finally Saturday. I had no idea what time Dr. Sullivan would call, but since I gave him my cell phone number, I went about my own normal business. I avoided my mother by cleaning my room, and then told her I was going for a walk.

Without purposely going, I ended up standing in front of Emma's house. I knocked on the door and waited.

"Ellie? What are you doing here?" Mr. Simpson asked as he opened the door.

"I came to see Emma," I told him.

"Oh, sorry, but she's not here. She said she was going for a walk and she'd be back in an hour. Did you want to come in and wait for her?" he asked.

"No thank you. Can you just tell her I came?"

"Sure, no problem. I'll see you in school on Monday," he said, smiling.

"Yep. See ya."

I turned around and walked away, unsure of where to go. I was afraid that Emma had gone back to the ravine, but I couldn't really do anything about that. I just kept walking again, towards the park this time. When I was about halfway there, my phone started ringing. I swallowed hard; my heart was pounding. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and took a deep breath before answering it.

"Hello?"

"Is this Eleanor Nash?" a man's voice asked on the other end.

"Yes," I said, nodding my head even though he couldn't see me.

"Eleanor, this is Dr. Sullivan from the clinic. Your pregnancy test results came back positive."

"Th-thank you," I choked out, swallowing the lump in my throat. I hung up the phone and started to cry instantly. I had no idea what I was going to do. If I told my mom, she'd probably just drink more. And then she'd kick me out. I wouldn't have anywhere to go.

I walked the rest of the way to the park with my arms wrapped around myself. I felt cold suddenly. This is it. This will be the rest of my life. Unless I give the baby up for adoption. That's what I'll have to do. And I'm not telling Jay about it either.

Spinner

I sat on the picnic table, holding a bottle of vodka. I really had nothing to show for myself. My friends hate me, my mom is oblivious, my dad doesn't even pay any attention to me; I have no one. Except maybe Emma.

Yeah, there is always Emma. But then again, all she did was hang out with me when she was high, and then the morning after that, most likely because she felt bad for me. I opened the bottle and prepared to empty it.

"Spinner, don't," Emma said as she walked out from behind a tree.

"Why not?" I asked as she sat down next to me.

"Because it's not worth it." For some reason, I lowered the bottle from my lips.

"You're probably right," I said, setting it down on the table. "But, why are you even talking to me right now? I did something that I can't take back, and now everyone hates me. But why you?" I asked.

"I know how you feel. I made a mistake too," she gestured to the van that was still parked a few feet away. "It's not all your fault you know. You didn't know that he had a gun. I know you wouldn't have done that," Emma told him.

"Thanks," he said.

"For what?"

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"I don't know…talking to me I guess. And thanks for stopping me. I really don't need to get drunk and do something else that I'll regret."

"Hey Spinner?"

"Wha…" As I turned my head, her lips met mine. It felt so right. The world stopped around us and there was nothing left but us sitting on that picnic table. Why us? Because we could help each other forget.

Tim

I knocked on Marco's door, crying like a baby. His mother opened it and let me in.

"Marco!" she called up the stairs. He came down quickly, and as soon as he saw me, came right over and gave me a hug.

"What happened?" he asked, leading me over to the kitchen table and helping me sit down. I watched as his mom started making tea, and then turned to Marco who was now sitting at the end of the table, right by me.

"I came out to my dad like you told me," I said. It had been one of the things we talked about when he sat down at my table at The Dot the other day. "And he kicked me out," I said, sniffling a little. I felt like such a little kid, like I was five years younger than Marco instead of just one.

"I am so sorry," he said, looking up at his mom. She walked over and placed a cup of tea in front of me.

"Thanks," I said to her.

"You're welcome to stay here with us as long as you like," she said to me.

"Yeah, and I can go back to your house with you to get some stuff."

"I'd really appreciate that, thank you. Marco, how did your dad react when you told him?" I asked.

Marco just looked at me, stone faced, before looking over at his mom. Neither of them said a word. And then Marco's dad walked into the room.

"What's everyone so quiet about?" he asked, smiling and sitting down at the other end of the table.

"Um, dad…this is my friend Tim. We were just leaving," Marco said, standing up and looking at me. I made a face at him before standing up and joining him.

"I thought that…" before I could get another word out, he interrupted me.

"We can talk on the way to get your stuff," he said, grabbing my arm to lead me towards the door.

"Tim is going to be staying with us for awhile," Marco's mom piped up. "He and his father had a difference in opinion."

"That's fine," Mr. Del Rossi said. "I'll see you two when you get back then." I forced myself to smile at him and then Marco pulled me out of the house.

"What was that all about?" I asked as soon as we were on the way.

"I haven't told him," Marco said quietly.

"I really thought that you did," I said, a little mad. "You were so enthusiastic about me coming out to my dad. It was your idea!" I said, raising my voice a little.

"I'm not ready yet Tim. I told my mom, and that's the best I can do right now. My dad…he'll just…"

"Kick you out?" I asked. "I can't believe you Marco."

"I'm sorry," he said. "That's all I can say. Will you still stay with us?"

"I have nowhere else to go," I said. "That's the only reason."

I walked off ahead of him, angry and upset at the same time. It turns out that I can't even trust the one person I thought I could.

Jay

"You wanna go on the swings?" I asked Abby.

"Yeah!" she yelled, running away from me. I caught up and pushed her on the swings for awhile. I was staring off into the distance when I saw Ellie. She looked upset.

"Come on Abby," I said, picking my sister off her swing. "Let's go talk to my friend," I pointed over in Ellie's direction. As soon as I put her down, she went running over to Ellie.

"Hi, I'm Abby," I heard her say. "What's your name?"

"My name is Ellie," she answered, crouching down so she was at Abby's eye level. "Nice to meet you Abby."

"Sorry about that," I said, approaching the two of them. "She ran off."

Ellie looked up and stared at me. I could tell she was surprised to see me.

"Jay…is she your…?" she stopped mid-sentence, then looked back down at Abby as if comparing the two of us.

"Sister," I finished, looking her in the eyes. "Well, my half-sister really."

"Oh," she said, sighing. She looked relieved. "I should go," she said suddenly, turning around.

"Are you okay?" I asked her to her back. Instead of walking away, she stood there, staring straight ahead.

"I'm fine," she finally said before walking away.

All I could do was watch her go.

Craig

I feel like such a loser. Out of all my friends, I'm the only one who doesn't have anything to do. It's Saturday night, and I'm sitting in my garage, alone, playing my guitar.

Jimmy's out on a date with Manny, Marco is out doing whatever with Tim, and Ellie just isn't home. I tried calling her twice already, and no one answered. I realized then that I hadn't seen Alex since she left my house. Maybe I can find her.

The only place I could think of where to look was the ravine, so I drove over there. When I stepped out of my car, I felt immediately out of place. Everyone was staring at me. I approached Amy, a girl I knew of to be friends with Alex. Or at least, last time I checked she was.

"Have you seen Alex?" I asked her. She was sitting in some guy's lap getting high.

"What's it to you?" she asked before erupting into a fit of giggles.

"Could you just tell me where she is?" I asked, getting impatient. Instead of saying anything, Amy pointed towards a van not too far away. I walked over to it and knocked on the side door.

"It's closed for repair!" I heard Alex's voice call out from the other side. "Go find somewhere else to do your shit!"

"Alex?" I called out. I slowly opened the door and saw her lying there on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

"I said it's…" she trailed off when she saw me and quickly sat up. I climbed in and closed the door, giving us privacy. "Craig, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I came to see you. Amy told me where you were." I surveyed the van for a second, and noticed a huge duffle bag full of stuff. I also saw a half-empty box of pizza, and a few beer and soda cans lying around. "Alex…do you live here?" I asked.

"Maybe," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Why do you care?"

"Because you're my friend. Why aren't you living at home?"

"I just can't go back there okay?" she snapped. Even though she was acting tough, I knew something was wrong.

"Why not?" I tried to press further but she just wouldn't say anything else.

"Craig, just stay out of it."

"No, I'm not going to. Come back to my house with me and I'll talk to Joey. You shouldn't have to live here in a van, no matter how much your home life sucks," I told her.

"Do you mean that?" she asked me with a hopeful look in her eye.

"Of course. I'm sure that Joey won't care. You can stay in my room and I'll sleep in the living room or garage until everything gets completely figured out. Don't worry," I assured her.

"I guess it would be better than the van," she said, a smile emerging on her face.

Paige

"I can't believe I almost forgot how much fun we had on our last date," I told JT, smiling at him.

"I never forgot," he replied, returning the smile. "Our date was the best day I had that year. Up until I found out you were being paid for it."

"Yeah, sorry about that. But I promise that absolutely no one is paying me tonight," I assured him.

"That's what they all say." We shared a small laugh at that, but by then, we were back at my house.

"I had a great time JT. Thanks for asking me," I said, getting ready to open the door.

"Maybe we could…go out again sometime?" he said, unsure of himself.

"I'd like that."

I could tell that he was surprised by the look on his face. I bet he was even more surprised when I leaned in and kissed him. It didn't last long, but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do.

Jimmy

After Manny and I finished our dinner, we went back to my house. My parents were gone for the weekend so we could at least have some privacy.

"Why don't you show me the house?" Manny asked when we got there. "Last time I was here, I only got to see the living room."

"Sure," I said, smiling. "Everything is wheelchair accessible…except for the basement. But there's really no point for you to see it anyway." Why am I rambling about the basement? I'm such an idiot.

"Okay," she said. She was so beautiful.

I showed her the kitchen, living room again, my parent's room, the guest room, even the bathroom, and finally, my bedroom.

"Here it is," I said, pushing the door open. She followed me in and looked around. For some reason I was nervous.

"I love it," she squealed, spinning around to see all the posters. "You like all of the same bands as I do. But I'm not a big fan of Kid Elrick," she commented. "This is the perfect room."

As she told me about everything she liked, I pulled myself out of my wheelchair and up onto my bed. I'd had enough practice to do it perfectly, but I was never really comfortable unless I was lying down.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked quietly. "I don't bite."

"Sure," I said. I watched her climb up onto my bed and got even more nervous. Since when is Jimmy Brooks nervous about a girl in his bed? Oh yeah, since he was paralyzed. I tried to get my mind off of it and focused on her. She lay down right next to me and grabbed onto my hand.

"I had a great time tonight," she said, rolling over onto her side to face me. She propped herself up on an elbow and looked into my eyes. It might sound corny, but I felt something. Manny didn't see me like everyone else did. And I didn't see her like most of the guys at our school did either. To me, she looked perfect, with her makeup smudged under one eye, and the little drops of sweat on her forehead that caused her hair to cling to it a little. And as her eyes stared into mine, I felt like we were meant to be there, at that time, doing exactly what we were doing.

"So did I," I finally replied. I pulled myself up a little to meet her and we kissed. Her lips tasted sweet, and she smelled so…I couldn't even describe it. All I knew was that I wanted to smell her and taste her and feel her every day.

We didn't break our lips apart for quite some time, varying the pressure of each kiss and occasionally adding our tongues. It wasn't too long before she pulled my shirt off and I had my hand up hers, resting on her back. I eventually removed her shirt, and felt her hand going for my belt.

"Manny," I whispered into her lips, causing her to pause for a moment.

"Is this okay?" she asked, looking into my eyes again.

"Yeah, I just…" I looked back into hers and knew right away that she was the right person for this. "I just might need some help," I said, completely comfortable. If it had been any other girl, I would have felt strange, or embarrassed to say it.

"I don't mind," was all she said.

A/N: I don't know if any of you read it, but the Emma and Spinner scene came right out of my oneshot This Heart Beats For You. All I had to do was change it to first person. And I took out one line at the beginning and added a bit before it. I'm not sure how old Tim is supposed to be on the show, but I got the impression that he was in a grade under Marco. If anyone knows for sure, let me know please. The chapter title and lyrics are from "Halo" by Bethany Joy Lenz and she owns it.