Chapter Twenty-Three: Ready To Fall

Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall, I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong.

Ellie

I woke up with just enough time to take a quick shower and a bowl of cereal before school. It was Wednesday, and would be my first day back since Jay, Marco, Tim, and Sean found out I was pregnant.

Sean couldn't go back to school unless he went back to grade ten, and he said that he couldn't possibly stay back another year, so he's not going at all. I had to admit that I was relieved; that was one less person I had to worry about to slip up about the baby during school. That and the fact that I didn't want to see him at all. I prayed he wasn't the father of my baby, but I wouldn't know for sure for five more months.

I did hope that Jay was going to school though. He never snuck upstairs last night like I thought he would, but I figured he was tired. And since no sound had come from the living room since I woke up, I doubted he was awake yet. I was going to leave through the front door anyway, so I went into the living room to kiss him goodbye.

And then I wished that I hadn't.

There he was, the guy I wanted to be my baby's father, all curled up on the couch with his ex-girlfriend lying on top of him. The blanket that had once been covering them was lying on the floor, and was obviously kicked off sometime during the night. Jay was only in his boxers and Alex in her bra and underwear.

I clenched my fists together and tried not to cry. Half of me was angry that he would do that, and the other half was sad that I knew he would never change. He had sex with his ex-girlfriend in my house. On my living room couch!

As I stared at them for a few more seconds, I felt the urge to run into the kitchen and grab something sharp. I looked at the scars on my arm before deciding against it. Then I felt my stomach turn, and I thought I would be sick. It could have been from the pregnancy, but I was sure it was because of what I was seeing. I forced my stomach to keep it down and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"You fucking asshole! I hate you!" I slapped Jay on top of his head and he woke up. Alex groaned and slowly sat up, her eyes still closed. Luckily for me, my dad wasn't home, because I wouldn't be 'watching my mouth.'

"What's going on?" she asked sleepily.

"You slept with my fucking boyfriend!" I screamed. Jay stood up and was at my side in an instant. "You're supposed to be my friend!"

"Ellie, I can explain!" he shouted, a worried tone to his voice.

"What Jay? Did she trip and fall onto your dick?" I yelled.

"What's happening in here?" I heard someone ask from the doorway. "Oh…" he said. It was Sean. I watched as a smile grew on his face.

"Shut the fuck up Sean. I don't want you here as much as I don't want him here!" I screeched, pointing at Jay.

"Ellie, don't say that," Jay whispered. "You don't even know what's going on."

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I asked, lowering my voice only slightly. Alex just sat there, staring. She was holding her head, probably because she had a hangover. I could tell. "Don't even answer that. You ungrateful little asshole. And to think, I wanted YOU to be the father," I screamed. "Now I don't even know anymore!"

"Let me…" I cut him off.

"I don't fucking want you to explain. I HATE YOU!"

Suddenly I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. I screamed out and fell to my knees.

"Ellie?" Jay asked. "Are you okay?"

"Leave me AAAAAAAH!" I screamed, clutching my stomach. "Something's wrong," I cried out, feeling hot tears sting my cheeks. The baby. No. This couldn't be happening.

"It's way too early," Jay said, kneeling down next to me. I felt him pick me up off the floor and I was in too much pain to argue. I felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach. "Get the keys Alex!" he yelled.

"I don't want her to—OW! Oh God Jay, please don't let anything happen to my baby!" I screamed. It wouldn't stop.

"I'm coming too," Sean announced.

"Both of you get your FUCKING clothes on. We're leaving in thirty seconds," Jay yelled.

He carried me out to the car and lay me down in the front seat. A few seconds later, I heard the car start. I couldn't stop screaming or crying. I saw Sean and Jay get into the front seats. I felt Alex lift my head up and sit down, placing my head in her lap. I dug my nails into her leg as the pain came and went. I didn't care if I was hurting her—she deserved it anyway.

JT

I was getting some stuff out of my locker when I felt the tap on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting Paige, but the person standing there made my insides boil. It was Toby.

"What do you want?" I asked, an obviously pissed off tone to my voice. He had a black eye from Spinner punching him, and another bruise on his cheek. He deserved it. I actually had to resist the strong urge I had to punch his other eye.

"You're gonna act like that too?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You raped Emma! How do you expect me to act? You're lucky I don't kick your ass right now you little bastard. She was your friend and you did that to her. What's wrong with you?" I yelled.

Everyone knew it now. Every single person in the halls knew. They were staring at us, and Toby just stood perfectly still, not knowing what to do.

"She was acting like a whore. You didn't see her there, sucking off every guy. She was supposed to be Rick's friend and that's how she acted after he died!" Toby yelled, letting everyone know that he wasn't going to back down.

I couldn't help myself. The way he talked about her, like she deserved it, just pushed me over the edge. I shoved him up against the lockers, holding a hand to his throat. I was choking him, but I didn't care. He struggled to pull my fingers away, but I held tight.

"You think she deserved that Toby?" I spat. "How would you like it if someone held you down and shoved his dick in your ass? Would you like that? Would you deserve it?" I screamed. By then, Ms. Hatzilakos had been informed, and she and Mr. Simpson came running out of nowhere. Emma's dad pulled me off of Toby, but I could tell he was hesitant. He knew she didn't deserve it. No one did.

"James Yorke, my office. Now." Ms. H demanded.

"I'm gonna be the one in trouble?" I asked in disbelief. "He raped Emma. How could I just sit back and let him get away with it?" I asked.

"Is this true Archie?" I heard her whisper. He didn't answer and he didn't have to. The way his eyes bore into Toby, anyone would be able to tell it was the truth. "Okay, I want you in my office," she said, pointing to Toby. "Mr. Simpson, please escort James to your classroom and wait for me there," she requested.

"I hate you." I said to Toby as I walked past him. He just stared at me, eyes wide open, like I was the bad guy. I saw red marks on his throat that were slowly turning black and blue.

Marco

I couldn't stop thinking about my dad, and that made me feel bad. Ellie was going through a tough time, and I haven't been there to help her out. But at the same time, my dad is still my dad. I didn't know if I could go see him though. He didn't want me there, so what good would it do?

I thought for a minute that maybe I could talk to Emma about it. We'd never really been friends, but she went through something similar when Mr. Simpson had cancer. Except she has problems of her own; bigger problems than mine. I was just being a chicken, but something terrible happened to her, and she was trying to deal with it.

I sighed and decided that I wouldn't be much use of anyone in the state I was in, so I wanted to leave school, at least for the day. I turned around and walked past some kind of fight in the hallway. I saw Mr. Simpson and Ms. Hatzilakos, and quickly sped by them. The never saw me.

"Where are you going?" He scared the crap out of me, but I didn't mind.

"I can't stay today," I told him, sighing. "I just need to get out of here for the day."

"I'll come with you then," Tim offered.

"I would love for you to come, as long as you don't bring up the hospital at all. I need a break from that too. And I promise I'll try to go tomorrow after school if you just don't ask about it," I said. I wasn't quite sure I'd be able to keep that promise, but Tim just nodded his head.

"That sounds like a plan. Where to?" he asked as we walked down the steps and away from the school as quickly as possible.

"How about the ravine?" I suggested.

"Why?" he asked, with a tone to my voice that suggested I was crazy.

"There's not usually that many people down there during school. At least, I don't think so. It'd be a great place to be alone…" I explained, wiggling my eyebrows. Tim laughed and started to run away from me. He was eager to be alone with me, I knew that much. He got there first, and we stayed in the woods, away from those few people that partied all day.

I didn't waste any time. No one was around, so I grabbed Tim by the waist and pulled him to me, our bodies pressed tightly together. I kissed his neck, then his cheeks, and finally the corner of his mouth. His breath became faster as he pulled me straight to the ground, climbing right on top of me.

I pulled at his belt and eventually got it off. His pants came off easily, but he started to kiss me, making me forget about my mission for a few moments. I let my hands fall to the ground as his made their way up my shirt, pushing it up to reveal my stomach. I helped him pull it off, then positioned myself as I was before.

He teased me by taking my belt off with only his teeth, and I didn't think I could wait much longer. I reached up to pull his boxers off, but he stopped me with a shake of his head. I could feel sticks and small rocks digging into my back, but I ignored them.

I watched as Tim removed my jeans and boxers, and shivered as the cool air hit my body. I didn't care that I was completely naked in the middle of the ravine, or that someone could catch us at any moment. All I cared about was being there with him.

His breath on my thighs really surprised me. I didn't expect it to happen, but I just closed my eyes as I felt the wetness of his mouth surround me. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and struggled not to make too much noise.

I never knew forgetting would feel this good.

Spinner

I went to Emma's house instead of school. Her parents asked me to keep an eye on her while she stayed home for the rest of the week, and her dad was going to work it out with Ms. H. She was napping in her room, and I was preparing a little lunch for the both of us to eat as a picnic in the backyard.

I had just finished putting it all into a basket when she came up from her room, looking fully rested.

"Feel better?" I asked her. I gave her a small peck on the cheek and she smiled.

"A little," she said, shrugging her shoulders. I grabbed her hand and the basket and led her outside to the blanket I had spread out on the grass.

"I made us lunch," I said. As if she hadn't figured that out herself. She gave me a small smile but didn't say anything, and sat down on the blanket. I put our lunch out; two simple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, some carrot sticks with ranch dip, a few cookies, and some water bottles. Emma eyed all of the food, but didn't touch anything.

"Spinner," she finally said. "I have to tell you something." Her eyes met mine and she looked upset.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"This morning…right before you picked me up…" she trailed off, looking away from me and down at the grass. "Sean was there. And he…he kissed me."

"WHAT?" I yelled, fuming with anger.

"Spinner, don't. He made a mistake, and I don't need you to go kick his ass or anything. I just wanted to be honest with you," she explained. The look on her face was what calmed me down. She looked horrified that I would hurt someone else.

"Thanks for telling me," I said, much quieter this time. I held her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips softly. "Why don't we just eat?" I asked. She nodded her head and picked up her sandwich.

I was halfway through my sandwich, and reaching for the carrot sticks when I noticed that she hadn't gotten very far. I watched her as she held the sandwich in her hands, staring at it. The look of terror on her face was upsetting. She looked like she thought the sandwich was going to eat her.

She looked up and saw me staring. With a frown, she took a bite. I continued to eat but watched her out of the corner of my eye. That first bite took her almost five minutes to chew. She kept chewing and chewing until I was sure that the sandwich was merely liquid. She finally swallowed, and placed the half that was in her hand back down on the paper plate.

I picked up a cookie, but Emma acted like she was finished. I knew she was having a hard time, but how can one bite of a sandwich be a meal?

"Are you going to eat anymore?" I asked once I swallowed the cookie in my mouth.

"I'm full," she whispered. She wouldn't look at me, or at the food.

"Emma, one bite isn't enough to eat," I said, voicing my thoughts.

"Spinner, I'm used to eating nothing at all. This is going to take time," she said, finally making eye contact.

"You can't do this anymore," I said, sighing. "You've got to at least try."

"I am trying," she said, tears in her eyes. "You just don't understand."

She got up and walked away without another word, and I couldn't follow her. She was right. I didn't understand.

Manny

I didn't see Jimmy at school all day, and I was getting really worried about him. I was usually the one there with him before and after school, helping him get around and other things like that. So what if he fell this morning? Or something even worse happened to him?

Just because we weren't together didn't mean that I stopped caring about him. I wasn't sure if he saw it that way or not, but I still had to go check on him. I would've never forgiven myself if something bad happened and I didn't help him.

After school, I went down to his apartment and knocked on the door. He didn't answer, which made my stomach hurt even worse than it already did. Could something really be wrong? I pressed my ear to the door and could hear voices. It sounded like the television.

"Jimmy?" I yelled, hoping that he could hear me. Still no answer. I pounded on the door a few more times and yelled his name again. I tried the door, and to my surprise, it was unlocked. I'd wasted precious time and it wasn't even locked. I shook my head and pushed the door open.

And there he was, sitting on the couch, watching TV. He turned back and looked at me when the door opened.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked.

"Didn't you hear me knocking?" I asked him, ignoring his question. "I thought something was wrong!"

"Oh, what? The poor kid in the wheelchair didn't show up at school, so he must have fallen and can't get up? Come on Manny, that's just stupid." I fought back tears as I walked into the living room, turning the TV off. "I was watching that!" he protested. I lifted my hand and slapped him.

"Why do you have to be such an asshole?" I asked.

"If you were really worried about me, you wouldn't have waited until after school to check on me. I could've been dead by now," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You were testing me?" I asked. That did bring the tears out. I couldn't help myself.

"No Manny, I wasn't. I decided to stay home today because I was too tired. Just leave me alone okay? I don't really want to see you right now," he said, turning the TV back on.

I didn't move, just stood there and cried, staring at him.

"Damnit Manny! Just GO!" He screamed.

Paige

"What happened today?" I asked JT. I called him after school to ask where he was, and he told me to meet him at The Dot. "I didn't see you after I left your locker," I said.

"Toby happened, that's what." He was glaring angrily at his plate of fries. "He tried to talk to me, and said all kinds of crap that meant he thought Emma deserved what he did to her," he said angrily.

"That little asshole," I said. It reminded me so much of Dean that I had to close my eyes and will away the images floating in my heat. "What did you do?" I asked once I'd finally regained my composure.

"I threw him against the lockers and choked him. And now everyone knows what he did, including Ms. Hatzilakos. She took me to her office and suspended me for the rest of the week," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Did anything happen to Toby?" I asked. He looked up, glaring at me. "I meant with Ms. H. I don't care if you crushed his windpipe and he never speaks again," I said.

"Oh. Well, yeah, something did happen to him." He started grinning like crazy, and I was eager to find out. "He was expelled. He's no longer allowed in the halls of Degrassi. And people threw food and other things at him as he left."

"Good. Emma will be glad to hear that she won't have to see him when she goes back," I said. I leaned across the table and kissed him. "I have to go talk to her now. So I'll see you later," I said, standing up.

"Could you tell her that I'm sorry?" JT asked me before I left.

"For what?"

"For not being there," he answered, hanging his head and sighing.

"It's not your fault JT," I told him, kissing him one more time. "Toby's the only one that should have to live with this for the rest of his life."

Jay

We'd been waiting in the hospital for hours now. And that was all we could do. Wait.

Even though she didn't know for sure, Ellie told the doctors that I was the father, and they let me go into her room. Alex left shortly after we got there. She explained that she couldn't stand hospitals and Ellie probably hated her anyway. Sean had to stay in the waiting room, alone, but he never left. I wanted him gone, but I just let him stay, and smirked at him every chance I got. That kid was getting on my last nerve.

The doctor pulled me aside to explain the situation about fifteen minutes after we'd gotten there. She said that Ellie's blood pressure got too high and triggered early delivery. I nearly panicked. I didn't know much about babies, but I did know that this baby wasn't due until March, and it was way too early.

After I calmed down a little, Dr. Abrams told me that sometimes bed rest and extra fluids were enough to stop the contractions. She said we were pretty safe because the amniotic sac hadn't ruptured. Whatever that means.

I had to break the news to Ellie that they wanted her to stay in the hospital until Sunday, just to make sure that nothing else went wrong. The doctor wanted to be able to make sure she was getting the rest she really needed. They would discuss whether or not she'd be able to go back to school later.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I was sitting in the chair next to her bed, but she wouldn't look at me. She was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "This is all my fault," I said, sighing loudly.

"Why did you have to do it?" she asked suddenly. I watched tears fall from the corners of her eyes and roll down her cheeks and onto her neck. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about the baby," she added, closing her eyes.

"Ellie, will you let me explain now?" I asked. "Nothing happened between Alex and me. Nothing at all."

"Then why was she sleeping with you on the couch? You were both in your underwear Jay," she said, finally turning on her side and looking at me. She looked terrible and I felt so guilty knowing that it was because of me.

"She called me, and she was drunk. Something was really wrong, so I let her come over. It was raining out, and she was soaked from head to toe. I helped her take her clothes off. She couldn't sleep in them. I was going to get something of yours to let her borrow, but she didn't want to be left alone," I explained. Ellie snorted and wiped her tears away.

"That's a load of crap Jay," she said.

"It's not!" I protested. I made sure that I didn't get too loud. I didn't want anyone kicking me out.

"How many excuses do you have tucked under your belt?" she asked me. "Did she trip and fall on your dick? Or did you use your tongue to make her sore throat feel better? I just can't talk to you right now," she told me, facing the ceiling again.

"Honey?" a voice called out from the doorway.

"Dad!" Ellie said. Then she turned back to me. "Could you leave now? I'd like to spend some time with my father."

I got up and moved to kiss her on the cheek, but she pulled away from me. I wasn't going to leave just yet, but I did give them some privacy. I walked right past Sean, not giving him a second look, and went outside.

Once there, I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it, taking a long drag. I never thought that Ellie wouldn't believe me. I wasn't lying to her. It would have been so easy for me to leave her at the first sign of trouble and go back to the ravine, or try to get back with Alex. But I didn't do that, and it hurt me that she thought of me that way.

I wouldn't do any of those things. After a lot of thinking and two more cigarettes, I decided that I wasn't even sure if I'd ever leave her, even if Sean was the father of that baby.

Because…I loved her.

A/N: I'm really disappointed by the number of people who are actually willing to take about two seconds out of their time to review. Thank you for those of you who do that, I really appreciate it. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write the next chapter. Right now I don't feel too motivated.

I apologize for the sudden graphic scene in Marco's POV. But then again, that's why this is rated M!

I almost forgot that Jay didn't get kicked out of school in this story! I don't think I've written him in school at all, so let's just say that he's been there this whole time, but he took those few days off that Ellie did.

The title of the chapter and lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Ready To Fall" by Rise Against, and they own it.

urbanluver: As always, thank you for your review! I hope you liked this chapter.