Chapter Twenty-Seven: Cannonball, Part Two
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Paige
Emma called me and asked me to come to the hospital because Ellie was in labor. I was glad to go. I'd been bored out of my mind at home. When I got there, the only people already there were Manny, Emma, her parents, and Spinner. JT was at work, so he'd be coming later. I just sat back and watched people enter and leave Ellie's room. I went in once, and wished her luck, but that was the extent of my visit.
After a long time, I watched Manny leave. She looked really upset, and I could imagine why. It was probably bringing back bad memories of her own baby. When I saw the look on her face, I wished right then that I hadn't been such a bitch when all of that was going on. Manny came to me for help and I turned around and blabbed it all to Ashley. So I felt somewhat responsible for the pain that she was in.
But all of those thoughts and feelings disappeared when I saw her. Alex. She looked half upset and half excited when she walked into the waiting room. My stomach started to hurt as soon as I saw her. I felt so guilty. I haven't made any effort to talk to her at all in the past five months. I found out from Craig everything that happened to her, and I still didn't try to comfort her.
The truth is, I was afraid that I would develop feelings for her again, and I didn't want to lose JT.
I was really surprised to see her sit down next to Ellie's mom and talk to her like they were good friends. Maybe they were. I obviously wouldn't know. After awhile, Ellie's mom left to get something to eat, and Alex was alone again, slumped down in her chair, her head back and her eyes closed. I slowly got up and walked over to her, trying to surprise her. Apparently I'm not too good at that.
"What do you want Paige?" she asked in a somewhat cold tone, not even having to open her eyes to know it was me. Her tone upset me. I wanted to still be her friend. I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be.
"To talk to you," I said quietly, staring at her in silence until she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. The way she looked at me hurt me too.
"Wow, it's been five months and you want to talk now," she said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And she said it without any emotion at all.
"Alex, I know I should have called. I should have tried to talk to you, and I regret not doing that. I want us to be friends," I told her.
"Friends? I have friends Paige. And none of them ignored me for five months, when I was going through one of the hardest times of my life. You broke my heart, and I don't think we can be friends. You were the one that I needed. You were the only person that I thought would be there for me, the only person I thought would love me, and you left me," she finished her explanation and looked away, crossing her arms.
"I'm sorry Alex." I put a hand on her arm, but she pulled it away.
I wanted to say more to her. I desperately wanted to hug her or kiss her cheek and tell her that she was better off without me. But I couldn't. She was already gone. If I'd said anything to her at all, she wouldn't have heard me. She was away in her own world by then.
She silently stood up and walked away. I didn't know where she was going, but I knew that I couldn't follow her.
Spinner
I felt so out of place at the hospital. Sure, I had Emma there, but the whole giving birth thing was pretty much something left to the girls. Jay was in the room with Ellie, Craig was sitting with Alex on a couch, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, JT wasn't there yet, and Marco must have gone into the room at some point too, right after he told us that Tim wasn't coming.
So there I was, the only guy left, standing in the corner with my hands in my pockets. At that moment, Emma was in the room too. A few people could be in there until she was actually ready to have the baby, and until then, I probably wouldn't see Emma at all. We all already knew that Jay would be the one in the room during the delivery, and we would wait in this little room, packed together, praying to be let out soon.
As I waited against the wall, I saw a certain other guy come in. Sean. I didn't want him there, but I knew that he had to be. Maybe he was actually being a good guy by trying to be at the birth of what may be his child, but probably not. He always had ulterior motives.
"Why are you even here?" I asked him. He actually had the balls to come right over to where I was standing. Of course, there was a coffee machine right next to me, and he was getting a cup out of it, but I still thought he was just trying to get on my nerves. It wasn't very hard for him to do.
"Waiting for my kid to be born," he grumbled, almost like he didn't want it to happen. That didn't surprise me though.
"So…why aren't you in the room? With Ellie?" I didn't really care what his answer was, but I hated awkward silence, so I tried to fill it.
"I'm not allowed." He took a sip of his coffee and flinched at the heat. I almost felt bad for him, but that only lasted for a split second, because of what he said next. "Where's Emma?"
"Why do you care?" I shot back. I couldn't help being defensive. I knew he still had feelings for her. I thought I made it clear that I didn't want him anywhere near her.
"She's still my friend Spinner. She is allowed to have friends, isn't she?" he asked, smirking. I wanted to wipe that smirk right off of his face. Well, punch it off was more like it.
"Not friends like you," I managed to get it out just as Emma was entering the room. I walked swiftly over to her and kissed her hard, making sure that Sean could see. He stormed past us a few seconds later, making sure he "accidentally" bumped into my shoulder as he went by.
"What's wrong with him?" Emma asked, completely oblivious.
"He wants you," I said, kissing her one more time. "But he can't have you."
Jay
For five months I've saved up every cent that I've made at The Dot. All of this money is going towards the baby, whether it's mine or not. I know Ellie is still set on adoption, but I don't think she'll be able to give the baby up once she sees it. I don't want to go against her wishes at all—I love her too much—but if the baby is mine, then I'll have a hard time giving it up. Either way, the money is for the baby, whether he or she is adopted or not.
I've been working eight hours every Saturday, and five hours on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. It's only twenty-three hours a month, but it's better than anything. And a lot of people who understand my situation leave me big tips which I'm always thankful for. I've saved up $3,300. I know it won't last very long at all, and I might not even get to use it myself. But if it helps my baby, then I don't care.
Ellie chose me to stay in the room while the baby was born. The entire time, my stomach felt like it was going to explode. I was so nervous and excited and scared, all at the same time. Ellie squeezed my hand like there was no tomorrow, but it didn't phase me one bit. I was just waiting. Waiting.
I waited for so long that I thought I couldn't stand it anymore. And then, finally, I heard the cry. And I knew it was my baby as soon as I heard that cry. It just had to be.
"It's a girl!" the nurse said excitedly. A girl? A girl! I got so excited, a huge smile spread across my face, and I almost missed Ellie's reaction. But I looked over at her just in time. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, the tears coming instantly. She hadn't wanted to know. She said that it would be even harder if she found out what the sex was.
She had a daughter.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, lightly squeezing her hand and brushing hair out of her face.
"I don't want to talk to anyone right now," she whispered. She sounded so far away.
"Dad, do you want to cut the cord?" the nurse asked me. She came right at me with the scissors and I just took them without thinking. I turned to Ellie, who wouldn't look at me, and then back at the baby. My baby? I didn't know. But I cut the cord anyway. I stared into that little girl's eyes and knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't give her up.
Ellie refused to hold the baby or look at her at all. She eventually screamed at the nurse to take her away. She couldn't stand to hear the crying anymore. She was still crying, and I felt so bad for her, but at the same time, I wanted to stay near the baby. In the end, I chose Ellie, because I loved her no matter what.
"Are you going to order the paternity test?" I asked her after nearly fifteen minutes had gone by.
"No," she said coldly. She still wouldn't look at me.
"Why not? I want to know!" I protested, crossing my arms over my chest. I was sitting on the end of her bed.
"Well, I don't want to know!" she yelled right back. "The adoption agency has agreed to pick a family for me. I told them the kind of home I want it in and they're finding one. End of story."
"That baby is not an it! That baby is a girl. Your daughter!" I was definitely way too emotional. But I couldn't lose her.
"You told me that you'd support my decision!" she screamed, fresh tears pouring from her eyes.
"I do Ellie. But she might be my daughter. And I think I deserve to know," I lowered my voice level considerably. I didn't need to be kicked out.
"If you do that test, I will never speak to you again!"
"You don't mean that, I know you don't."
"You'll just have to find out then, won't you?" she crossed her arms this time, and looked away.
"I love you Ellie. But I don't think you love me back. Or you would have said it by now. That doesn't mean that I want you to hate me. But I have to do this."
I left the room as quickly as possible. I really felt like I was going to cry. And that's never happened to me before. Well, except in situations concerning Abby. I went straight past the waiting room, where I saw everyone in there talking excitedly about the baby. I heard someone mention the word "girl" and started moving faster. Straight to the nursery.
I pointed to the baby and a nurse inside lifted her up for me. Tears fell down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. I felt a hand on my shoulder; it was Emma.
"She's got Ellie's eyes, and her hair," I said softly.
"Yeah," Emma agreed.
"I think she has my lips," I stated. I wasn't really sure at all.
"And your nose," a voice added. That was Spinner. I smiled and hugged him, a manly hug of course, before turning back to the baby.
"I have to do the test," I told them. I looked over and noticed Sean coming down the hallway. He looked quickly at Emma before diverting his attention. I watched him look at the baby. The baby that might be mine or his. His face was void of all emotion, like he didn't even care.
"Test?" he asked, almost as if he were exhausted, like he wanted to get it over with.
I nodded and he followed me to find the doctor.
We found out that it would cost $500. Sean said he didn't have that kind of money, and he didn't care either way, so I had to pay for it.
And then we found out that it would take ten days before the test got back. I couldn't wait that long. So I knew I'd have to cough up $300 more to get it in three days. I knew it would be worth every penny. The baby fund, as I'd come to call it, was now down to $2500.
I didn't even want to wait two days, but I had to. And I hoped that by then, Ellie would understand why I needed to do it. Or I might lose her.
Marco
My breakup with Tim was still fresh in my mind, and I couldn't think about anything else. I couldn't think about Ellie having her baby, and didn't fully process that it was a girl. I didn't think about how hard it probably was for her, and I didn't even think about my dad.
I made a huge mistake.
Maybe Tim was right. Maybe my dad wasn't comfortable around him. But he's my father, and I know he still loves me. He needs me right now. He needs me more than Tim does. Or does he?
Everything was all jumbled in my head. Should I try to get Tim back? Should I go back to my dad and forget about him? Should I go see how my best friend is doing? I don't know what to do.
It wasn't long before that decision was made for me.
"I'm sorry," Tim cried, rushing up to me. "I'm sorry, I was wrong. I love you."
"What?" I asked. It was probably not the best thing to say.
"I mean it Marco. I've never felt this way around anyone before. I can't even stand to be away from you for more than five minutes. I don't want it to end like this. It's okay if you don't love me back, but I love…"
I pressed my lips to his, completely cutting him off. I knew what he was going to say anyway. After we kissed, I slipped my hand into his and smiled.
"I…don't know if I love you," I confessed. "But this feels right. And I don't want it to end either." Tim nodded his head and smiled right back at me.
"I'll take it," he said. After a few moments of silence passed, we realized everyone was staring at us. Everyone was in the room except for Ellie. "How's Ellie doing?" Tim asked, as if he was reading my mind.
"Let's go find out." I dragged him down to her room, eager to get away from those staring faces and hoping that I'd made the right decision.
Craig
"You okay?"
I looked up to see Alex standing over me. She could sense that I was upset, and just trying to play happy.
"I'm fine," I said. She sat down next to me and rested her hand on my arm.
"You're a bad liar," she told me. "I'm your best friend now. You should be able to tell me anything."
"I know," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's just…hard for me to talk about, that's all."
"Are you thinking about your baby?" she asked me, catching me completely off guard.
"How did you know?"
"I can see it in your face," she replied. Alex knew me so well by then. She was probably the only person who knew me at all.
"We really are perfect for each other, minus one small difference," I said, laughing a little. It helped me get my mind off of the baby, but only for a few seconds.
"Yeah, too bad you're not a girl. Then I'd jump you right here," she joked. Or maybe she wasn't joking. That thought made me laugh again. "Tell me what you're thinking," Alex said, suddenly turning serious again. I knew that I needed to talk, and she was the only one I could talk to.
"I was just thinking about what kind of father I would have been. And if it was a boy or a girl. And if my life would be hell right now, if we'd kept the baby…"
"And if you'd still be with Manny?" she asked softly.
"Yeah. But the truth is, I don't think I would be. She and Jimmy are meant to be together. And I thought that we were, but you obviously had a different idea." I poked her in the ribs, knowing full well that it was her most ticklish spot.
I realized then that everyone must have thought we were still together. Only a select few people—me, Paige, JT, and Joey—knew Alex's secret. Everyone else in the room was completely oblivious.
Alex laid her head on my shoulder and sighed. I picked her hand up and kissed her fingertips. I would help her keep her secret as long as she needed to. There was no rushing anything.
I followed her gaze and saw that she was staring at Paige, who was talking animatedly to JT about something none of us could hear.
"Are you in love with her?" I whispered in her ear.
"I don't know," she answered, sitting back up again.
"You're a bad liar too you know. I can see it all over your face." She smiled that bittersweet smile of hers, letting me know that I was right and that she was hurting. "Why don't you tell her?" I asked. "Maybe you have a better chance than you think."
"Thanks for the advice, but she already knows. And she doesn't love me back."
"How do you know?" I asked. I wanted Alex to be happy. She didn't need anymore pain in her life. And if Paige could make her happy, then I wanted that for her.
"She chose him."
JT
We'd all been at the hospital for almost twelve hours, and most of us were getting tired. Ellie had a girl, and she still planned on giving her up for adoption. There wasn't really anything else for us to do, so Paige and I checked on Ellie, then headed home.
The car ride was completely silent. Paige looked upset, but I chose to wait until we got to her house to say anything about it.
"You okay?" I asked as we pulled in the driveway.
"Not really," she groaned. At least she was honest with me.
"What's wrong?"
"It's Alex. I tried to talk to her today and she hates me. I know I should have tried sooner, but I just wasn't ready. I didn't want things to be awkward between us. I want to be her friend, but she doesn't want that at all," she explained, sighing.
"Maybe she's just not ready," I suggested. "These things take time."
"I don't think she'll ever be ready. She made it clear that I broke her heart and that I shouldn't have waited so long to try to fix things."
"Do you…want to be with her?" I had to ask. I knew Paige chose me, but sometimes I doubted her choice. There were just times that I could see it in her eyes; she looked like she was thinking about someone else entirely, and I was sure that 'someone else' was Alex.
"No!" she protested, raising her voice a little. "I want to be with you JT. But before anything happened between Alex and me, we were best friends. I just want things to go back to the way they were before." Another long sigh, followed by a few tears. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her.
"I know what it's like to lose a best friend," I told her, meaning Toby. There was no way we'd ever be friends again. But despite the horrible thing he did to Emma, I couldn't forget all of the good times that we had together. Toby changed after the shooting—we all did—and I always tried to think of the old Toby, the one that I met in camp, who never had a mean thought cross his mind.
"I know that I wouldn't be able to get through any of this without you," she said. "Thanks." She sat back and dried her tears from her face.
"Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" I asked her.
"Just being near me helps a lot. But my mom's not home…" A huge grin formed on her face and I quickly caught on.
"When will she be home?" I asked, making sure we had enough time.
"Not until Monday!" she answered excitedly.
"Well then what are we waiting for?"
Manny
Right after I asked the doctor what happened to Jimmy, he was paged. He didn't have time to tell me anything because a bunch of patients were being brought in at once. As he was rushing away, he told me that he'd send someone down as soon as he could to explain everything.
I waited and waited and waited for someone to come talk to me. It seemed like every doctor was busy, and since Jimmy wasn't in need of anymore emergency medical attention, no one even entered the room. I sat patiently by his side, not really knowing if he was sleeping or unconscious. It was almost four in the morning when the doctor finally came in to check on him.
"My name is Dr. Rhodes," he introduced himself as I stood up. I shook his hand but I couldn't really get anything out. "We tried to get a hold of James' parents, but they seem to be out of town," he told me.
"Can you please just tell me what happened?" I asked on the verge of tears. Even if Jimmy was only sleeping, I knew something had to be really wrong. He would have woken up by now if it wasn't.
"Your friend, I think her name was Alex, found James in his apartment earlier this evening. She called 911, and by the time he got here, he was in the state you see him in now. The paramedics got his breathing stable but he slipped into a coma on the ride here," Dr. Rhodes explained.
"But what happened to put him in a coma?" I asked him.
"James was given Percocet for his pain when he was shot. It seems as though he wasn't taking them when they were prescribed. We haven't been able to talk to him yet, so we don't know how long he's been taking the pills. He overdosed tonight and went into cardiac arrest."
"He had a heart attack?" The tears came freely and I was unable to control them. How could I have abandoned him when he needed me? "This is all my fault! I broke up with him and I left him alone! How could I not have noticed that he was taking pills?"
"You can't blame yourself," the doctor told me. I didn't want to listen. "James is lucky that he has someone here with him now. He still needs you."
"How long is he gonna be like this?"
"There's no way of knowing for sure. For now we'll just have to wait and see."
"So he might not wake up at all?" More tears poured from my eyes and my body started to shake.
"Don't think like that. It won't help either of you. Why don't you talk to James? He can hear you."
"Call him Jimmy. He likes that better." It was the only thing I could think of to say.
I sat down next to Jimmy after the doctor left. I pulled my chair as close as I could and lay my head on his chest.
"I love you Jimmy, and I'm so sorry."
A/N: This chapter took place on a Friday in March. The title and lyrics are from the song "Cannonball" by Damien Rice and he owns it.
I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. I just have so much school, and a close family friend died this week, so I couldn't bring myself to write. I'm trying to finish this story as quickly as possible, but I don't want it to seem rushed at all.
Okay, just like this story started with mainly Ellie, Emma, Jay, and Spinner, it's going to end that way, with some mentions of everyone else, and, of course, an epilogue w/ everyone in it. I just need to focus on them for these next three chapters. Yes, I said three. Because this is going to be weird and end with 31 chapters now (the epilogue being chapter 31). I had an extra idea and I wanted to add it in. XD