Beverly Hills Bounty Hunter

Rating: M for strong language and possible future steamy scenes. Fingers crossed.

Spoilers: Post TS.

Disclaimer: When I'm done exploring the wonderful world that is Janet Evanovich I promise to return the characters safe and intact, all limbs attached.

A/N: This is my third fic and the story VERY loosely follows the narrative in my favorite movie, Beverly Hills Cop (if you hadn't already guess that!). Steph and the gang end up in L.A looking for Vinnie after his mysterious disappearance. Please R&R. Enjoy!

"This is fucking pathetic. I don't believe I'm stuck inside on a day like this when I could be relaxing at the beach."

Lula was squirming in her seat, it was swelteringly hot and we were on a stakeout. And it was a shit of a stakeout. An hour previously we had driven through the Macdonald's drive thru to build up the courage necessary to take on Donnie Boon for the second time. The first time I had gone alone to bring in Boon I had ended up with no shirt, no cuffs and no gun. This time I was prepared.

"Why me?" Lula had snapped when I asked her back at the Bonds Office. She had been on her way to the beach in a bright pink metallic bikini eyesore.

"Because," I explained to her, "serial rapist and wife beater Donnie Boon ripped my shirt off and nearly had his way with me. That's why I need you to come."

Lula and Connie had both stared at me, eyebrows raised.

"You're crazy you know that," Connie said shaking her head.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious. But this is the last day I have to catch this guy, I have rent to pay, and a pair of those silver shoes on layby…"

"Say no more girlfriend," Lula interrupted holding out her hand in front of my face. "Them shoes are hot. We gotta go get your man."

By now we had been outside Boon's house for well over two hours; Lula had fallen asleep and just watching her, made me want to as well.

"Damn that Boon," I muttered staring up at his second floor flat. His car wasn't in the lot and I was getting desperate. Talking to his neighbors and the super hadn't been any help either and I was ready to give in and go home but the thought of the money and those shoes kept me hanging on. Also, the fact that being home meant being alone and foodless only made me strengthen my resolve. Then somehow, home got me thinking about Morelli and I realized that I was heading into dangerous territory. I shook and slapped my head. Stop. Slap. Thinking. Slap.

But I hated to admit it that I missed him. I also missed Ranger although that was a different kind of miss. Because Morelli was in vice he dealt with a lot of dangerous people and right now, was deep undercover in a major operation. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him in months and didn't know if he was even in the country. In fact I didn't even know if we were still together. Given the fact that we had a big fight the day before he left and the subject matter of that particular argument was Ranger, made it even more confusing.

I blew out air and slumped back in my seat. Damn that Boon.

Just as I was settling down into my seat for another hour of brain draining monotony, I felt the car give a jolt. Sitting up in my seat I glanced in the rear view mirror to be greeted by the sight of Boon brandishing an axe and looking pissed.

"You stupid bitch," he was yelling. "Why can't you leave me the hell alone? I'll kill you, I swear to god I'll kill you!"

He accented each word with a blow to the trunk of the Mini.

"…Shit! What the hell is going on?" Lula sat up with a jerk, eyes wild, drool at the corner of each lip. I was panicking and trying to turn the car on, but the key didn't seem to be moving.

"Stupid key! We have to get the hell out of here, but the key won't turn!" My palms were sweating and my vision was starting to cloud over with little black dancing dots. By now Boon had smashed the back windshield to oblivion and was making his way up the side windows, screaming and cussing. The car was rocking, Lula and I were screaming our heads off, and it hadn't occurred to either of us to make a run for it. Guess in a situation like this we weren't the most resourceful of people.

And then, as suddenly as it had begun, it ended. We were cowering in our seats pissing ourselves when we realized that Boon had stopped his assault. Cautiously we looked up and were greeted by the sight of my skip being dangled aloft by a big black man. It was Tank. And since Robin is never without his Batman, I knew what was coming.

"Babe."

I groaned inwardly.

"You seriously need to reconsider your career options. And your choice of partner."

It was Ranger. He was dressed in his usual ensemble of all black. Black cargos tucked into black Bates, black shirt straining at the muscles that rippled across his chest and arms, black gun belt, black shades. If I wasn't about to faint from shock I probably would have melted into a puddle of lust-induced goo.

"I know. I know." Sheesh, I knew I should have been grateful, but I wasn't. Probably because I was shaken and being smart was my brains way of reacting to a bad situation.

Slowly I heaved my way out of the car and took stock.

"It's a write-off babe."

He was right. My car looked like shit. It looked like it had spent the night on Stark Street before a bunch of drunk kids had decided to take it for a joyride and send it to car heaven.

Kicking my piece-of-shit car I stomped on a shard of window. Shit. Shit. Shit. I smashed the glass with my size 7 CAT. Turning to Boon who was now shackled and slumped on the ground I could feel my hysteria bubbling close to the surface.

"Do you know how much my car was? Huh!" I yelled at Boon and decided to step on his leg. Hard.

Yelling out in pain, Boon radiated waves of hate and fury at me. "You stupid cunt!" He spat. "Your car's worth shit! Like you!"

That was it. I hated the c-word and I hated Boon.

So I jumped on him and my fist connected solidly with his left cheek before Ranger hauled me off and steered around to the driver's side of his SUV.

"We need to talk. That's if you're sufficiently calm."

I hesitated. Boon had really deserved what was coming to him and my foot itched to finish the job. But then I heard what sounded like Lula kicking something with her 5-inch Via Spiga's and I calmed down.

"Yeah Ranger, what's up?"

"You know about how Vinnie is in L.A for that conference?"

"Yeah, what about it."

Ranger hesitated and paused for a minute. "Well," he sighed. This wasn't looking like a good sign. "He's gone missing babe. And from what I can gather, it's bad business. I heard about it a few hours ago and wanted to let you know straight away."

I frowned. "What do you mean missing? He could have just disappeared for a few days. You know, hang out at the Playboy mansion…"

I trailed off when I saw Ranger's face. The corner of his mouth twitched into the promise of a smile and he reached across and tucked a curl behind my ear.

"You really think Vinnie could get into a place like that?"

"No, your right," I reasoned. "Vinnie's more like B-grade porn. Cheap and nasty."

"Babe," Ranger smiled now and shook his head.

"So does this mean I'm out of a job?"

Ranger raised an eyebrow. "You don't seem overly worried."

"That's because Vinnie is a worm," I replied. "A dirty, pathetic, sleazy worm that copulates regularly with god-knows-what."

"Well," Ranger replied, "if you want a new job, you know where to go."

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows. "Are you serious? Last time I worked for you I almost died!"

"What's the alternatives babe?"

With that cryptic message, Ranger and Tank slid into their SUV and drove off ready to fight crime and justice the only way they knew how. The only thing missing were the capes.

Sighing in unison, Lula said what was on both our minds.

"Hot."

Fuckin' A.

After loading Boon into the back of my trashed up Mini and dropping him off at the station, I was on my home when my cell rang. It was my mother.

"Steph, did you hear about your cousin Vinnie? Apparently he's been kidnapped and his wife just got a ransom note. Something to do with some kind of dodgy business deal."

I knew news traveled fast through the Burg, but this took the ticket.

"Are you serious? What note. When?"

"I'll tell you all about it if you come over for dinner," she said craftily.

I was thinking about refusing, but my curiosity, coupled with the fact that my fridge was empty and there was the promise of pineapple upside-down cake for dessert cemented the deal.

"I'll be there at six."

A/N: So that's the first chapter (sorry it was so short) and I hope you enjoyed it. I'm hoping that this will be a nice long story, but because I'm in the middle of my uni assessment period I might be a bit slow with uploading the next chapter. So don't kill me. Unless you send Ranger. Then I welcome you with open arms! Please R&R with constructive criticism. Flames are also welcome, I just won't read them.