"Ne Jiji, do you know why Kaka-nii doesn't show anyone his face?"
Naruto looked up from the picture he was drawing to cast a curious glance at the old man working next to him at the desk. In the months since Naruto had decided that Kakashi was going to be part of his family, Sarutobi had created a comfortable schedule for the two boys. Kakashi was too skilled of a shinobi to keep him in the village for an extended period, but the teen allowed himself to relax around Naruto, so the Hokage had taken to assigning the last Hatake missions lasting several weeks and then allowed for several days with the rambunctious Uzumaki. Last time, Kakashi had even taken Naruto on a camping trip and taught the boy about setting up a safe campsite and foraging for food. Apparently, the blond was a natural.
Most days when Kakashi was out of the village, Naruto spent at least part of his day with the old man. Today, the pair had enjoyed the morning with Konohamaru before Hideko arrived and took the youngest Sarutobi home for his afternoon nap. The pair had then told each other increasingly silly stories over lunch, and after they had eaten, Hiruzen suggested that Naruto illustrate some of their make-believe adventures while the Hokage wrote poetry. Thus, the afternoon had settled into a companionable silence as the blond worked diligently illustrating Sarutobi's story of a monkey who had fought against a giant made of boulders with eyes that glowed like hot coals.
Hiruzen looked over the lip of his pipe at the bright blue eyes and considered. "Well, Naruto, I can't say that I do. I first met Kakashi many years ago, when he was about the age that you are now. His father brought him in to meet me and ask a favor of this old man. Even back then his hair was silver, and his face was covered." The old man's eyes sparkled as he considered a teaching opportunity and a game for the boy next to him. "Let's imagine reasons why Kakashi would always wear his mask, like we did over lunch. This time, though, let's try to keep such silly things as the woman living on the moon out of the story and try to come up with a reason that makes sense."
The boy considered this idea deeply for several seconds, brow furrowing in concentration before he looked back up to the old man. "Maybe his face gets cold?" Blue eyes looked shyly up at the wrinkled face, trying to gauge whether this idea had any merit.
Hiruzen mused silently, chuckling internally, before he turned his eyes onto the hopeful face. "That's an interesting idea, Naruto. Let's think about it and see if that answer seems reasonable. Have you ever had your face get cold before your fingers or toes?" Naruto shook his head wordlessly and Hiruzen continued. "What about when you were camping in the forest? Did you see Kakashi acting like he was cold?" Again, the shaking head sent blond locks swishing across the boy's face. "Also, do you remember how hot the Land of Fire can get in the summer? Do you think Kakashi would get cold during the summer?"
"No." Naruto's face turned to a pout and blue eyes found the floor.
"Naruto," The old man's voice was conciliatory and brought azure eyes back to the old man's face. "It's not a bad idea, but we can think about reasons why it doesn't make sense, right? So, when you come up with another idea, try to think of it like we just did. Think about whether the reason makes sense with the other things you know. You're quite clever, so I know you can come up with more guesses. I'll be glad to help you think about whether it makes sense or not."
Naruto's face screwed up at the Hokage's encouragement and his eyes squinted in concentration. Hiruzen watched the boy puzzle at one idea before muttering to himself and evidently discarding it in favor of another one. This continued for several minutes and over a dozen possible explanations. Finally, though, the boy seemed to come up with an explanation that he found suitable. Bright blue eyes found Sarutobi's face for a half second before the grin on the whiskered face widened enough to force them closed. "I have an idea, Jiji!"
"Well, let's hear it, my boy." The old man put down his brush and offered his full attention for the boy's proposal.
"I think that Kaka-nii wears the mask because his face looks funny, dattebayo. Maybe his lips are as big as a blimp. Or he has buckteeth. He wears the mask so no one sees and makes fun of him for it, 'ttebayo." The boy nodded definitively as he proposed his answer.
Hiruzen blinked for a second over the end of his pipe as he considered Naruto's idea. Personally, the old man thought it more likely that Kakashi had worn the mask for health reasons as a child and now enjoyed the attention from those who tried desperately to see his face. However, Sarutobi found that he couldn't immediately think of a reason to dismiss the blond's idea. Instead, he opted to follow up on his teaching moment. "Can you explain what you thought about to make sure this idea makes sense, Naruto?"
"Sure Jiji!" Naruto's eyes opened, and he held up stubby fingers to count off his points. "The reason has to make sense all the time, 'because you said nobody has seen Kaka-nii's face. It needs to be something with just his face or he'd wear more weird clothes than just his mask, 'ttebayo. If it was something his daddy did too, you'd know why he wore it. And," here the whiskered boy paused and his face sobered. "if Kaka-nii has only showed his face to the Yon-my daddy and his daddy, and he loved them lots, he might think other people's gonna laugh at him when they see his face. Sometimes people are mean if you look different, dattebayo." At this comment, little fingers reached up and unconsciously rubbed along the whisker birthmarks on the boy's face.
The Hokage puffed ponderously on his pipe for several seconds as he considered Naruto's reasoning and ruthlessly squashed down on his guilt over the boy's last comment. When the civilian academy started in April, he was sure that Naruto would find people willing to befriend the lively blond. "That makes sense, Naruto. Good job. You took all of the things you knew and made a guess that fits with them." The young boy grinned widely at the praise as the old man continued. "Why don't you draw a picture of what you think Kakashi's face looks like. That way you can show it to him when he gets into town the day after tomorrow."
Naruto cheered at the announcement that he would get to spend more time with his adoptive brother in the following days. Turning back towards his paper, the boy started scribbling wildly as his imagination supplied myriad descriptions of the face of the Hatake prodigy.
After several minutes, Naruto started pondering while he drew, coming back to the idea of trying to use what he knew to make a guess at something he didn't. Kaka-nii's face had to look like something. Maybe his face looked like someone else the blond already knew. Mentally, Naruto began superimposing the top half of the silver-haired teen's face on many of the adult faces in his memory. Combining the silver tufts and Sharingan eye with Jiji's wrinkled face ended up being a disturbing image and a shiver ran down the small boy's spine. Suddenly, though, his small face lit up in excitement and Naruto turned toward Sarutobi, who had resumed work on his calligraphy. "Ne Jiji, do you have any pictures of Kaka-nii? Some that have his face kind of big, 'ttebayo? That I can cut up?"
The Hokage pondered for several seconds before he gestured in the air. A kneeling ANBU agent appeared with tan cloak rippling from the sudden movement. "Please bring copies of all unclassified photos of Hatake Kakashi from the records vault." The silent ninja saluted and disappeared. Hiruzen turned to the blond whose grin had grown, if anything, larger as he heard to old man's order. "Now, Naruto, why do you want these pictures of your nii-san?"
The grin was still stretched across Naruto's face as he met Sarutobi's steady gaze. "Kaka-nii doesn't want anyone to see his face, but I have an idea to imagine what he looks like."
At that moment, the ANBU agent reappeared and offered the Hokage a folder full of different pieces of paper. The old man took it and nodded as the agent disappeared again in a rush of air. Skimming through the pictures, Hiruzen confirmed that there was nothing in the folder that could put either Kakashi or Konoha in danger. Once he was done, the old man offered the documents to Naruto, who bounced forward and eagerly accepted the pictures. When Naruto started giggling so hard the boy could barely stand, the old man entertained a moment of worry that Kakashi wasn't ready for whatever Naruto had planned for the teenager. This was quickly washed away however, as the old man considered that Hatake Kakashi was an experienced ninja operative of Konoha. He was well trained and should be able to easily handle whatever chaos Naruto unleashed on him. And if not, it would serve the brat right for talking back when Sarutobi had initially suggested he connect with the small blond.
"Kakashi, my eternal rival, you must rise from your slumber!"
The booming voice echoed through Kakashi's small apartment, and the silver-haired teenager woke from a deep sleep to send a kunai flying toward the mass of green that had just forced its way through his door. Palming two more, he sprang to a ready position from his bed, Sharingan spinning madly, as he blearily attempted to bring the world into focus and understand what threat had forced its way past his security seals and into his apartment. To say he was disappointed in himself that it took three full seconds to finally wake up enough to identify the green spandex and groan softly would be an understatement. Similarly, to say that he was not prepared to have Maito Gai's gleaming smile nearly blind him as the other teen held Kakashi's thrown kunai pinched between thick fingertips would have been neglecting a fundamental truth of the universe.
After a full five seconds, however, Kakashi sank back down to his bed where he stored the kunai knives in his hand under the mattress and, reaching up to catch the return toss from Gai without looking, he placed the last kunai under his pillow. Then, turning to his uninvited houseguest wearing only his eternal navy-blue mask and a pair of boxers, the silver-haired teen glared to full effect with his Sharingan glowing ominously. "Gai." Pausing, the masked Jōnin closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he resumed glaring at the beaming intruder. "Why are you in my apartment at-" a quick check of the small digital display on his nightstand showed bright green numbers cheerily glowing. "5:26 in the morning? I know that we haven't seen each other for a while, but it's clearly not a mission or you wouldn't just be grinning like that. Couldn't you have at least waited until the actual morning to come and wake me up?"
A blinding white smile flashed as Gai's bowl-cut hair swished in a non-existent wind, and the loud teen raised his right hand to point accusingly at Kakashi's bare chest. "You, my eternal rival, have violated our mutual promise. When I discovered this breach of trust, I realized that I have but one recourse. Therefore, I challenge you to-"
"Wait," Kakashi's voice cut through the exuberant teen's rambling. "What agreement are you talking about? I remember every single time you've gotten me to take part in one of those ridiculous challenges with you, and I never agreed to something I haven't followed through on. Besides, you always impose those impossible consequences on yourself, not me."
Gai's black eyes began to water at his masked counterpart's declaration. "My eternal rival, how could you have forgotten the promise we made to each other. It was shortly after we had been assigned to our Genin teams…" Gai's voice took on a dreamy quality, his eyes lost their focus, and the room began to fade into mist as the big teen's subconscious wove a chakra web to share his imagined reality with everyone around him.
Kakashi, however, had far too much experience with his friend's unorthodox genjutsu skills to not notice what was happening and pulsed his chakra to break the illusion before it took hold completely. The spartan bedroom snapped back into focus, and a pointed glare from the Sharingan was enough to bring the other teen back to the present.
With a sheepish grin, Gai focused himself and resumed speaking. "I promised that I would be the first true friend to whom you would reveal your entire face and you, in turn, promised that, should you ever decide to reveal yourself to someone, you would allow me to be present at your unmasking."
Mismatched eyes stared incredulously at the grinning youth still standing in the doorway. "Let me repeat that, just to make sure I heard you correctly. You think that I showed someone my face, which I have not voluntarily shown to anyone other than the Yondaime since I was six years old! Putting aside how ridiculous that is for a moment, can you please explain to me why it was necessary to break into my room, using the emergency protocols for bypassing my security, in the middle of the night to wake me up and demand your retribution? What are you even doing awake at this hour?"
Gai's gleaming smile dimmed, and Kakashi felt a chill of foreboding run down his spine. When he spoke, the bowl-cut young man's voice was sad, "Kakashi, I did not know how long you would remain within the village. Four times since the Yondaime's death I have heard that your youthful endeavors had returned you to the village at the same time as mine. Yet, in each of those instances, when I sought you out, it was only to find this apartment empty. You had already fled from your friends under the guise of taking a mission."
"Those were ANBU assigned missions! You know I can be called out at any time!" Kakashi's protest was met with a flat stare from Gai.
"Please do not attempt to deceive me, friend Kakashi. After the last time finding that I had missed you, I went to Hokage-sama to lodge a formal complaint. You have had no rest for far too long, my eternal rival. Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey does not abandon his friends to suffer. Hokage-sama informed me that you had requested each of your assignments away from Konoha, ignoring the suggestions of the ANBU commander and Hokage-sama himself that you should take time away from active duty and rest. The missions may have been assigned by ANBU, but they were requested by you."
Kakashi visibly deflated, but experience had taught him that distraction was a tremendously effective tool for dealing with his exuberant comrade. "Okay, that explains coming in at all hours of the night, but you still haven't explained what you were doing awake or why you think I showed someone my face."
"Ah!" Gai held up his index finger and grinned knowingly. "I returned from a mission early this morning! For several months, I have been serving as a guard for one of the daimyo's cousins as they helped to conduct trade negotiations with the Land of Wind. My squad and I finished our mission and returned the client to the capitol several days ago. While my team was content to return to our beautiful home at a more leisurely pace, I challenged myself to move at nothing less than a full sprint as I returned to our beloved Konoha. After I debriefed Hokage-sama about our mission, I decided to return to my apartment. However, on the way through the village, I heard several Chūnin talking. One asked if his companion had 'seen Kakashi's face, because the picture was absolutely hilarious'." At this, the black-haired teen's face screwed up in tears. "I assure you, my eternal rival, that no matter how hideous your face is, I will still cherish our friendship and will not judge you because of your deformities." With the statement, the loud teen burst into tears, quite unapologetically creating a racket that would likely have woken Kakashi's neighbors if the silver-haired teen hadn't instinctively activated the silencing seals around his apartment when he realized who was visiting him.
Kakashi blinked for several seconds before standing and walking to his closet where he withdrew the standard Konoha Jōnin outfit. Going into the restroom, he dressed and called out to the other teen, who was still weeping in the entryway. "Gai, stop crying. I haven't shown my face to anyone. And I am not deformed." When the sobbing from the next room over quieted, Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief before continuing. "Now, do you feel awake enough to go back out and track down this rumor? I don't know who is claiming to have a picture of my face, but I'd like to put an end to these stories before I lose any chance to contain them."
Gai recovered quickly and flashed a gleaming smile as Kakashi returned to the room fully dressed. "My eternal rival, it would be my tremendous honor to join you in this quest to reclaim the mystery of your mask. No matter the location of these dastardly individuals who have concocted this plot, we will find them and bring them to justice. Why, if I cannot locate the perpetrator before noon today, I will walk around the village on my hands. And if I cannot do that- "
"Okay, Gai, thank you for that." Kakashi cut his enthusiastic friend off before the 'Beast' could build up a head of steam. "I need to report to Hokage-sama at noon for a mission anyway, but we ought to be able to take care of things before then. Now, where did you hear those Chūnin?"
Gai pondered for a moment before snapping his fingers. "I heard the Chūnin speaking with each other near the Akimichi clan compound. The most obvious place for us to look from there would be at Chakra Overflow. Many of our peers elect to share news of their social circumstances at that restaurant. If there are rumors of your appearance, we stand good chance to find some evidence, or at least hear more rumors, there." With a nod to each other, the two Jōnin disappeared into the early morning light.
"Goodness, Kakashi. You certainly look the worse for wear."
The Hokage looked over his pipe at the disheveled shinobi kneeling approximately at attention in front of him. The old man smiled to himself, fully aware that the young man was reaping the results of Naruto's visit to the Hokage Tower yesterday.
"Jiji, look! I made pictures of Kaka-nii, dattebayo!" Naruto bounced into Sarutobi's office, clutching a folder tightly to his chest and grinning like a madman.
The old man smiled and held out an arm to hug the whiskered boy, who carefully settled his folder on the desk and shed his jacket and scarf before crawling onto the white-robed lap and squeezing his favorite old man tightly around the chest. "Now then, Naruto, what do you have to show me?" Hiruzen asked while repositioning the blond and reaching for the folder. When the wrinkled fingers opened the stiff paper, what was laying within seemed to be pictures clipped from a magazine. Just as the Hokage was about to ask Naruto what was so special about these newspaper pictures, he looked closer and burst into a full-bellied laugh.
"See, see? I used the pictures you gave me of Kaka-nii to figure out what he looks like without his mask." The blond was bouncing where he sat, and the old man shifted slightly so that the boy's tailbone would no longer drive itself into tired thighs with each wiggle. Despite any discomfort, the old man had to admit that Naruto had done exactly what he claimed. The orphaned Uzumaki had managed to scavenge dozens of pictures from a wide variety of sources and pasted cutouts of Kakashi's head onto them. This had led to a truly bizarre collection of silver hairdos atop a staggering variety of faces and body types. "That one was just 'cause I thought it'd be funny," Naruto commented as he pointed to a picture where the top of Kakashi's face had somehow fit seamlessly onto the picture of a particularly well-endowed swimsuit model. "I know Kaka-nii's not a girl, 'ttebayo, but it's really silly to look at."
Looking over the stack, Sarutobi had to admit that Naruto had managed to assemble an impressive array of possible faces for the secretive teenager. With some effort, the old man calmed his laughter and turned to Naruto. "This is quite an extensive collection you have here, Naruto. I think our ANBU guards would be interested to see what you have made. Is it alright to share with them?"
As the young boy nodded excitedly, Hiruzen spoke to the room. He could feel the excitement in the ANBU guards' chakra and was willing to grant them a bit of amusement. "You have five minutes to examine our artist's work." Almost instantly the desk was surrounded by four masked individuals in heavy tan cloaks. Naruto's blue eyes opened wide in amazement as each of his pictures was passed around the group. Several of them elicited a chuckle from the normally stoic observers and were quickly passed around for the entire squad to see.
"Why don't you tell us where you found the pictures and why you decided to use each one, Naruto?" Sarutobi prodded the whiskered boy, who looked at the old man with questioning, unsure eyes. "It appears that Tora-san has taken a liking to the mustached face, and I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing how you came across that gem."
The masked face nodded and knelt to Naruto's eye level, holding out one of the newspaper clippings. The boy took the offered picture and looked at it for a minute before squeezing bright blue eyes shut as he tried to remember. "I think I got this one behind the barber shop by where the black ponytail people live." Another picture was offered, and the boy took it, growing more excited at the interest from the normally aloof guards. "This one is from the library. They get new magazines all the time and sometimes I can take the old ones, dattebayo." The blond continued with his explanations, chattering happily with the assembled ANBU agents for far longer than the allotted five minutes.
When Sarutobi finally cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows, the assembled agents placed the pictures into the open folder and disappeared to resume their watch. "Thank you for that interruption, Naruto. It was a welcome escape from the tedium of the mission reports I find myself reading today. What will you do for the rest of the day, my boy?"
The whiskered face screwed up as Naruto pondered before a huge grin split his cheeks. "The ANBU really liked my pictures, dattebayo! Maybe the other ninja will like them too! I'll go show them."
The boy raced to put on his jacket and bright red scarf but was stopped short as the Hokage's hand caught his collar. "I think, Naruto, that Kakashi rather enjoys his secret. He might not appreciate finding out that his little brother ruined that for him."
The boy pondered for a moment before breaking into a huge smile. "Don't worry, Jiji! I'll be super sneaky, just like Kaka-nii and Pakkun-sensei showed me. No one will know it was me."
The Hokage heaved a sigh, idly wondering at the ability of children to draw the completely wrong conclusion from what you told them. He pondered a moment before locking eyes with his charge. "Let's make a deal, Naruto. If someone catches you, I want you to stop and just show the pictures to Kakashi when he comes in tomorrow." At the blond's nod, the old man let out an internal sigh of relief and released the boy's collar. With a cheery shout, the village ward scampered out the door. Sarutobi laughed to himself after the racket had quieted; Naruto was so loud and energetic that he should fail on the first attempt. This would send him back to his apartment with only the ANBU as witnesses to 'Kakashi's face'. This way, the silver-haired teen could keep his secrets until he was ready to share them.
Looking at the youth in front of him, Hiruzen felt that he may have underestimated Naruto. The boy was true to his word and would have stopped when caught, so the whiskered blond must have been sneakier than his Jiji had anticipated. Best not to make assumptions though. Taking a puff from his pipe, the old man looked over the kneeling teen again. "What has you so out of sorts, my boy?"
Kakashi shook his head for a second before he seemed to regain his mental equilibrium and raised his shoulders to debrief the Hokage with proper formality. "Hokage-sama, as you know, I returned from my mission last night. Early this morning, I was awakened by Maito Gai barging into my room to inform me that there were pictures of my face circulating among the village's shinobi. When we investigated, it was revealed that someone had taken pictures of me from the public record and pasted the top half of my face over a collection of magazine photos. This individual then distributed the pictures around the village where they were found and shared by a decent portion of the village's forces. I personally investigated with Gai for several hours before reporting for my mission today. This -", the teen proffered a folder full of the offending pages, "is all the pictures I have been able to retrieve, at this point. I was unable to determine the original source of these images."
The Hokage accepted the folder with grave formality and slowly began leafing through the samples. Many were from Naruto's collection, but there were several new ones where the pictures had been cut with more finesse, indicating that at least one shinobi may have thought the idea amusing enough to make their own contributions. Setting the folder aside for a second, the old man returned his attention to the ruffled teen kneeling in front of him. "What are your conclusions from the investigation thus far, Kakashi?" It was not unreasonable to get Kakashi's unbiased assessment of the situation before the older boy was informed of any Uzumaki involvement. That didn't make it easy to maintain a straight face, however.
Kakashi pondered for a moment before presenting his observations to his superior. "The designs seem to fall into two skill categories, indicating more than one perpetrator. The bulk of the pictures demonstrate much less finesse in the cutting and pasting of the pictures. The sheer number of these indicates that they were probably the work of the first 'artist'. Several are precisely cut out and applied: likely derivative work from some of my colleagues who decided they wanted to participate in this little prank. The rough-cut pages indicate someone with relatively poor hand-eye coordination, but I talked to several Jōnin, including Asuma, who claimed that the pictures simply appeared in various locations throughout the village while shinobi were present. Even though they wouldn't have been paying much attention while off duty and in the village, I still find it surprising that none of them would have noticed the perpetrator."
Hearing this, Sarutobi broke out into a chuckle that instantly quieted Kakashi and drew an inquiring stare from the single visible eye on the masked face. Leaning back in his chair, the old man took a deep breath from his pipe as he picked up the folder and began idly perusing the pictures there. "I think this one was Naruto's favorite." The old man chuckled at the incredulous expression on the prodigy's face. "He quite enjoys the idea of you with buck teeth and seemed very excited to find a picture that allowed him to demonstrate what he imagined. Yes, Kakashi, Naruto is the perpetrator of this 'plot' against the mystique of your mask." The monkey summoner chuckled to himself as he saw Kakashi processing the implications of that development. "Two days ago, he asked me if I knew why you elect to hide your face. I admitted that I do not, and we made a game out of imagining why you might choose to do so. The answer that Naruto came up with is that you are in some way disfigured or ashamed of your face." Kakashi's face took on as affronted an expression as it was possible to convey with roughly three quarters of the surface area covered by fabric. "Not having any distinct reason to reject his idea, I acknowledged that it was a possible answer to his question. I then suggested he draw a picture of what he thought your face looked like, but he, instead, asked for photographs of you. He seemed confident, and I found my curiosity piqued, so I shared a copy of all unclassified records. Yesterday, he returned with a folder like this one here. He found the ANBU guards to be a most receptive audience and decided to share his work with the entire shinobi corps."
At that declaration, the young teen threw an accusatory glare at his supervisor before catching himself. "Hokage-sama, why would you allow him to spread these images? You must have known that I would only hear of this through third-hand sources."
Hiruzen sighed, "I cautioned that you might not appreciate these pictures being shared with the wider public and offered what I thought to be a very safe compromise. The first time he was caught in the act of delivering or sharing the pictures, he would not distribute any more, return to his house, and show you the rest today when you went to collect him. I trust Naruto to keep his side of the bargain, so he must have been able to deliver every single picture he created without anyone being the wiser for it. His success is a credit to the quality of his instructors. You and Pakkun should be proud."
Kakashi sat pondering before locking gazes with his village leader. "Hokage-sama, thank you for sharing this with me. If I may, I will take my leave and begin my mission as Naruto's guard. I'd also like to take the pictures with me, as well."
The Hokage nodded his acceptance and waved the silver-haired youth out the door. "Go commend your little brother for his ingenuity, Kakashi. He demonstrated exceptional cleverness and skill these past several days, both in creating these pictures and in distributing them."
Kakashi could only nod as he stood, collected the folder offered by the wrinkled hand, and went to go find his favorite, mischievous blond.