WARNING: The following story was written by Ravensdarkrose (teengirl obsessed with writing stories) and Galadriel-nz (Lunatic wanna be Wiccan with relocation issues). It insults Bob the Builder, Invader Zim, Sam Manson, Jack Fenton, Paris Hilton and very briefly, due to one of Raven's comments, pagans. If u have a problem with our story, shove it where the sun don't shine. Thankyou for taking an interest in this story which makes no/very little sense.
It was a dark and stormy night. There was a creaky door creaking. A cat meowed. Bet you want to hear something really scary now huh? Well here you go…
Sitting in a high-backed red leather chair in a maple walled study (you know, I'd really like one of those) was the start of something evil. A ball of multicoloured slime. A creation so foul that I'm using it to scare you. Born from a hole in the ground, formed over hundreds of years. Evil beyond reckoning. Worshipped by those who don't know better, hated and feared by all others. It was…
No, I dare not say its name, it's too horrible!
But, ladies and gentlemen, the horror of all horrors was sitting in that chair.
A movement in the chair caused the shadows cast by the evil looking stained glass lamps to flicker. Then, with a quiet chink, an empty glass bottle fell out of the chair. Labelled " Finest Russian Vodka" it was the horror of all horror's favourite drink. After joining alcoholics anonymous and being kicked out for killing a counsellor with a bottle he/it had reverted back to his/its old habits. Only one friend had stuck by him/it in his/its 6 year alcoholic phase: Zim. When Zim's world domination mission had failed he too had becoming an alcoholic. After going through a stage as a hitman, then as a pimp, then as a constant customer for prostitutes, a ticket salesman at his local theatre (which drove him to despair along with a discarded lollypop and mountains of popcorn), he had finally settled down with his best friend.
Authors Note: This is not a story about a pair of homosexual cartoon characters, if you want that read The Death of Danny Phantom or request a home-made story with your least favourite people involved.
Anyway, now we're done with flashbacks and author's notes I'd like to return to the chair in the study.
Suddenly, there was a crash and the chair tipped over. Laying sprawled in the wreckage was the horror of all horrors. You've probably been unfortunate enough to see an image of it on TV but I think it necessary to recap. It was less than 50cm high, and fashioned as if out of clay. A face of pure evil gazed out from under a crudely fashioned yellow pot. It had no feet, just brown stumps and it wore a blue rag tied over its shoulders. It was truly painful to look at. It lay there, moaning and gurgling, for some time, then began to crawl evilly towards the cabinet where it kept its chosen poison. Swearing loudly, it reached up for the door of the drinks cabinet. Grabbing hold it pulled with all its clay strength. And its hand fell off. Ignoring the lump of (flesh?) on the ground next to it it reached up again with its other hand. The same thing happened and the creature realised it had no arms.
"Why? Mudda? Youf brokin me 'ands orf! Why mudda? Zlim! Zlim! Shlelp me! Shlelp!"
Zim heard the call from the kitchen where he was making a casserole , but when he arrived in the study, Bob was not longer there. He walked over to the drinks cabinet where there was a pool of coloured liquid on the ground. Bending over to inspect it he heard an evil cry from above.
"Haha! I've got you now!"
Zim looked up to see a shadowy figure standing on the bookcase. It was wearing all purple and it's face was covered in black.
"He stole my boyfriend and Danny loved him back! He was mine!!! Now I've melted your stupid gay boyfriend and you'll die too!!"
"Oh, right, I get you now, would you consent to hearing me ZIM! INVADER OF EARTH! speak before you do the whole killing me thing?"
"Yeah, I guess that's not a problem," sitting down the shadowy figure picked up a shot glass and got comfortable.
"Firstly, I am not gay. He was, me not. Secondly, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen"
The shadow's lip quivered for a moment and a tear formed in its eye.
"You really think so?"
"Absolutely"
The young girl seemed to be at a loss for words as she smiled warmly at the green alien. However, unbeknownst to either of them, the pile of mutant slime had erected into no other than… Jack Fenton! Bob the builder's secret double personality! You see for many years bob had washed away his 'buddy' with alcoholic substances such as his trade mark Russian Vodka. But now that Bob had died Jack was free to rain terror on the world! But you see Jack was unlike bob in so many ways. Instead of being a drunkard bastard with no self respect he was a bear hugging, fudge obsessed maniac with a backwash issue. He stared at the duo with an unforgiving look in his eyes. The pair gulped, knowing what would happen next. And so it did as they thought as he stepped fourth… and squashed them all in a killer bear hug!
"How are ye all today!" he yelled in their ears.
"OH NO! What ever can he do now?" the girl cried in despair as she tried to struggle from the monsters grip.
"I ZIM! INVADER OF EARTH! Have an idea!" he cried and pointed behind Jacks head.
"It's a ghost!" he breathed out as Jack squashed his rib cage further.
"GHOST!!!" he cried as he dropped the two heavily to the ground and dashed off in said direction.
They breathed a sigh of relief and rubbed their sore tail bones until a horrid sound, too gruesome to described echoed around the walls. The girl clutched her ears and started crying.
"Make it stop!" she pleaded.
Out from around the corner stepped fourth Paris Hilton singing her latest song 'Stars are Blind.'
"I'd take the drunked bastard any day!" cried Zim over the noise.
Paris continued her banshee-like singing and the couple doubled over in pain. Then, Jack jumped out from behind a wilting camellia and shouted,
"It's the ghost! A banshee (Raven: Bloody pagans…)! Kill it!!! Make it put some clothes on!!" screaming like a wounded bullfrog, he charged at the (exwe put this in brackets because you never really can be sure with her…)pornstar. She was so busy trying to find a camera that she didn't notice him and they both crashed headlong into a rhino who had been standing in the room (the reason for the rhino in the room is beyond us, we are still researching). So, that's them out of the picture, good thing too, I don't like Paris Hilton and I don't think she should go out in public, its not appropriate for children to see her. Anyway, so we have Sam and Zim in the room doing nothing much. Suddenly, the camera view switches to a nearby bar. Where three men are watching a rugby game. One man purchases a packet of peanuts. The view switches back to Zim and Sam. They decide to start a game of uno. Once again the screen changes. The following message flashes on screen:
GAME OVER