CHAPTER SIX
(BPOV)
Fancy silk material cascaded down my bare ivory skin and I shivered at the cool feel of it while Alice began lining up the many buttons to secure the dress in place for me.
We were set to start in less then fifteen minutes.
Despite my best efforts, reading Jacobs short letter made my chest tight and my eyes glossy with the threat of new tears. Alice was quick to fix my nearly ruined makeup before anymore damage could be done to her masterpiece.
"Deep breaths." She reminded, her fingers gliding up each row of buttons with effortless speed and precision.
Her cold touch felt like ice against my skin and I tried not to let my mind wander down the memory road of whose warm hands I craved more than anything else right now.
I was horrible.
What I was about to do couldn't be undone and I cringed at the very idea of Edwards icy touch later.
"Almost done here." Alice sighed contentedly then, her sing song tune working my nerves into overdrive.
The dress was fitted and only added to the sense that I couldn't breathe.
When she reached the final few buttons and pointed toward the full length mirror that held my reflection, I didn't recognize the woman staring back at me.
This felt more like dress up than my wedding.
My stomach churned and I trembled when Alice handed me my flowers, her face all dolled up to model like perfection now.
"Everything is in place. All that's left to do is get Charlie in here and send you two along your way. The musicians are ready and waiting and the guests are seated. This is it, Bella."
I tried to take another deep breath but I couldn't, my hand went to my chest as I steadied myself, my head dizzy and my vision unclear while Jacobs words from before tore through me like a razor.
"Go, Bella! Go marry that leech! Seal your whole damn future to someone who will never understand you like I do! Never touch you or love you like I do! Never put you or what you need first cause he's too damn selfish to ever do that! Go marry someone who isn't alive. Let him freeze you in time with him and when you see me again, we'll be enemies for life. But hey, at least we'll have the memories, right!? At least that's something!"
The room whirled around me, the floor rising up to my level and making everything feel surreal.
As if on cue then, Charlie opened Alice's door, took one look at me and rushed to catch me before I could fall to the floor.
"Bella! Hey!" He called to me, his hands gripping my shoulders and holding me upright. "Look at me. Here- sit down."
He guided me to the loveseat and told Alice I needed some water. She got some in a matter of seconds, encouraging me to drink, but I pushed it away.
"No, stop. I'm okay. Just my nerves. I-I just need a minute, alright. Alice, please go out and take your place. Charlie and I will be coming right along."
She touched my cheek and did as I requested then, her exit leaving me able to finally exhale.
"Bella-..."
"I can't breathe, dad." I half cried to him, my hands trembling as he took the flowers from me and gripped my hands in his.
"Hey, Kiddo...- I meant what I said before. You say the word and I'll rush you out of here faster than anyone will notice. We'll be gone long before the music starts. You just tell me right now if that's what you want and I'll make it happen."
I stared back at the man who I'd struggled to find my place with over the years, our relationship wavering back and forth from mediocre and terrible until I moved here a few years ago. That all changed then. Charlie and I had finally found what worked best for us and we'd nurtured it enough to draw us closer together than ever before. The stark and harsh reality was, after today was over, I would lose all that. I would lose my dad. I wouldn't be able to see him or hug him or meet him at the diner for our regular steak dinners. Everything would change. It would crush us both.
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, the tight embrace from me surprising him.
"I love you, daddy."
Charlie held me close in response, his voice full of emotion when he replied then.
"I love you, too Bella. Always and forever. You know you can always come back home to me. That room will always be yours."
This broke me and I tried like hell not to lose it.
"Thank you."
"I know your mom and I got a lot wrong, but we got one thing pretty perfect from our marriage. That was you, kiddo. You're everything to us. Don't you ever forget it."
Charlie briefly cradled my face in his hands and caught the stray tear that started to fall, as we slowly rose to our feet again.
"I'm so glad I came to Forks and lived with you. I wouldn't change it. Not for anything." I admitted.
"Me neither, Kiddo. Me neither.
I steadied myself and looped my arm through Charlie's before taking hold of my bouquet again and squaring my shoulders.
"Did you get a chance to read your letter?" He inquired.
"Yes." I whispered to him.
"Was it goodbye?" Charlie softly asked in return while reaching for the door handle.
"It was something like that. A see you later of sorts."
We took the stairs one step at a time and I counted them as we went, my heart frantically beating in my chest when I spotted the hundred plus guests all waiting for our arrival outside.
"See you later is better than goodbye. Don't you think?" Charlie hedged.
"No, not really. It's worse."
"How so?"
"Cause it leaves us unfinished and wanting something we can't have." I weakly explained to him in a hushed tone.
Charlie faltered in his steps with me at this, his head turning sharply in my direction when he paused half way down the long elegant staircase.
"Wanting something you can't have?" He painfully repeated. "Bella-..."
"Dad, please. Let's go."
"No...-"
"Dad...-" I insisted, lightly tugging on his arm so we could finish our descent. "The music is about to start."
"I don't give a crap about the music or who is out there waiting for us. This is the rest of your life you're about to walk into and it better be what you want. Why do I get the feeling that it isn't?"
"I need you to trust me."
"Goes both ways." He insisted.
"Dad, for the love of-... please...-" I half begged, getting him to take three more steps with me.
"If Jacob were the one waiting for you at the end of this staircase, I get the feeling you wouldn't have that look on your face."
"Stop it- I told you it is just my nerves. You know how I am in crowds."
"It's more than that." He accused, stealing another glance my way.
"We're almost there." I softly encouraged him. "Please don't let me fall, dad."
"Oh, don't worry. I'll never let you fall. That I promise you."
We made it to the bottom of the stairs in a journey that felt like forever and I could hardly draw in a breath when he spoke his next words.
"Sure you're ready to say goodbye to Jacob once and for all?"
"Stop asking me that, dad." I demanded, trying to keep my voice as hushed as possible.
"I'm only asking cause he just walked in with Leah Clearwater on his arm." Charlie sighed, as we rounded the final corner that led us to the back yard where everyone was waiting for the music to begin and for me to walk down the aisle.
In that moment, everything stopped and my very world ceased to keep turning.
My heart felt as if it would stop beating any minute and I would die right here in my wedding dress.
Suited in a black formal tux with Leah dressed in a blue formal gown next to him, Jacob stopped just inside the double doors of the Cullens home and locked eyes with me.
A thousand thoughts raced through my head and I started to back away from Charlie, my whole life seeming to flash before my eyes when I saw him there.
The crowd rose outside and the music started to play, signaling our cue to begin our walk, but I couldn't move.
My legs felt like cement.
Jacob didn't move either, but Leah spotted her mother and Billy and promptly went to sit with them.
Charlie tightened his arm in mine and offered Jacob half a smile, but his gaze was so focused on me that it went un noticed by him.
"Guess that letter really was a see you later." Charlie huffed. "Well, things are about to get real interesting around here. Sure you don't want to use my cop car to fly on out of here? Offer still stands."
"It's not funny." I whispered back to him in a stern tone. "Why is he here!? Did you tell him to come!?"
"No, I didn't say a word to him about coming to the wedding, but it's as you said before, Jacob is strong and independent. Free to make his own decisions."
I heard the whispers now starting among some of Edwards Family who had caught sight of Jacob as he casually strode to the back yard and took his seat there next to Seth and Leah.
Billy patted his son on the shoulder and Jacob looked as if he was barely holding himself together.
I wanted to run.
To get out of here.
As we'd rehearsed, the march started with Alice and Jasper, followed by Emmet and Rosalie. They fell in step perfectly and I watched in horror as Jacob finally rose to his feet with Billy at the sight of them entering the aisle that was lined with an assortment of hand picked wild flowers on either side.
Charlie had to pull me forward when the line moved ahead and I struggled to even put one foot in front of the other.
"I can't- I- I...I can't do this." I breathed.
Charlie went mute then, his face paling of all color entirely like before but worse as he released my arm and clutched his chest.
"Shit-..."
"Dad? Dad- what's wrong?" I asked, hurriedly turning his face toward me to see his pale color.
"Bella-...I can't breathe. Hurts like hell-" He managed, gripping his chest tighter before sagging further down. I reached for him, trying to hold him up and dropping my bouquet as he fell to the ground there at my feet.
"Dad! Dad!"
My screams echoed out around the huge mansion and flowed out to the awaiting guests, all of them frantically turning their heads my way to see what was happening.
"Help me! Someone help me!" I cried out, kneeling down to check Charlie for a pulse as he struggled to breath and lost consciousness. "Oh God, Dad! Dad, stay with me! Stay with me!"
A rush of movement flowed in around me then, and I couldn't make sense of anything, except the one husky voice that reached me first.
"Bells-..."
Jacob rushed forward with Sue fast behind him, her eyes wide when she moved me aside and checked Charlie again.
"He's got no pulse. Call 911. I'm starting CPR."
A/N: I hope you all enjoy this update and thank you for all the wonderful reviews. They make my day. Look for more to come tonight.