The Wizard of LGM

By GirlX

Chapter 2

-

"Aren't we supposed to run into the scarecrow by now?" Jimmy groaned. He was begining to tire out.

'Hmm, yes, at the fork in the road.' Yves sighed.

"Who do you think it'll be?" Jimmy asked.

'Who already looked like a scarecrow?'

"Uhh...Mulder?"

"Try again." A nasal voice called from above their heads.

"Langly!" Jimmy looked up, and saw Langly sitting on a wooden pole, dressed in his favorite Ramones tee-shirt, jeans, and looking rather nervous. "How did you get up there?"

"I have NO idea. I was at home in bed, when there was this really loud noise outside, and the next thing I know I'm stuck on this pole and I'm a freakin' scarecrow." Langly groaned.

"I'll get you down." Jimmy simply reached up and plucked the much-lighter Langly from his post.

"Thanks. I think." Langly said as Jimmy set him down.

'Langly, your even scrawnier than usual.' Yves would have smirked if she could.

"Yves? That's you?" Langly gaped at the black cat.

"Yeah, and agent Scully is 'Glinda'." Jimmy said.

"Oh boy, Doo-hike would die to see her in a fairy princess dress." Langly snickered.

'You've seen Frohike?' Yves would have arched her eyebrows, if she'd had any.

"Nah, but the little troll's gotta be around her somewhere." Langly said. "Did you see anyone else here I should know about?"

"Yeah, um, Fletcher."

"Oh man, he's the wicked witch of the west isn't he?" Langly asked.

'I'm afraid so. And he wants-'

"Those red sneakers, I know, I know." Langly cut her off.

"How do you know so much?" Jimmy was curious.

"Well, it isn't that hard to figure out. You're wearing those." He pointed to the red sneakers, "And there's only so many choices you have in these predictable fanfics-OW OW OW OW!" Langly began to shriek as several crows attacked him. "What the hell is this, the birds?"

(GirlX: Really Langly, you should have expected that)

"Hey leave him alone!" Jimmy yelled at the birds and the author.

(GirlX: Make me.)

"Leave him alone or I'll...spoil the plot!"

(GirlX: Okay, don't get PMS-y on me.)

The birds flew away.

"Thanks." Langly gasped and pulled out his inhaler.

'Aren't you supposed to sing a song about your lack of brains?' Yves inquired as he triggered the device.

"I'm not singing." Langly crossed his arms. "There is no way in hell. And I have plenty of brains."

"So what do you need?" Jimmy asked.

"What I need is the newest version of Dungeons and Dragons." Langly's eyes sparkled. "I've heard it's the best ever."

'I'd think you'd want some flame retardant, considering your new form.'

"Why don't you find a litter box." Langly shot back.

"Both of you quit." Jimmy said. "We need to work together to get out of this."

'He's right.' Yves sighed.

"Fine. But I'm still not singing." Langly said.

"Fair enough. The writer is cutting the songs." Jimmy added.

"Thank God. Frohike sounds like a run-down elk when he sings." Langly snickered.

"So, where do we go from here?" Jimmy asked.

"Down the center path, as far as I can remember." Langly shrugged.

'On to the forest.'

"F-forest?" Jimmy said.

"Yeah man, don't you remember?" Langly asked.

"Yeah. I was just hoping..." Jimmy trailed off and looked at them fearfully.

"That it would be different for us." Langly finished flatly.

'Only one way to find out.' Yves reminded them.

"Oh alright." Jimmy said. "Maybe we'll run into the rest of the guys."

"OW! Watch it!" Langly yelled, as Jimmy tried to link arms. "Straw isn't very sturdy you know!"

-

Forrest

"Umm, shouldn't we have run into some killer trees or something?" Langly gulped. The lack of evil foliage was actually unnerving him.

"Yeah I think-OW!" Jimmy yelped as apples began to pelt them. Thinking fast, he pulled Langly behind some normal trees. Yves had already hidden herself.

"What the hell-OW-do we do now!" Langly tried to duck the barrage.

'Just stay behind here. They'll quit in a minute.' Yves said.

"Great." Langly muttered.

"I think that-OW! We should retreat." Jimmy stumbled backwards and knocked into something solid.

Jimmy slowly revolved on the spot and found himself face to face with a silver colored Byers.

"Byers!" Jimmy exclaime, and noticed an oil can nearby. "Hold on a second." He quickly lubricated Byers stiff joints.

"Thanks Jimmy." Byers gasped. "I thought I'd be stuck there forever."

"You're..." Jimmy looked him over. Byers seemed to be in the same three piece suit, only it was silver. In fact, Byers seemed to be completely coated in silver. "The same."

"Except for the fact that I'm now metal." Byers knocked lightly on his chest, and a hollow-sounding bang resounded, "Probably tin."

"You're better off than Langly." Jimmy told him. "He's straw."

"Whose better off than me?" Langly walked up. "Byers!"

Byers took one look at Langly and began to laugh.

"Go ahead tin man, laugh it up." Langly grumbled.

"S-sorry Langly." Byers was laughing so hard that he was crying. "It's just that-" Byers stopped suddenly in mid sentence.

"He rusted up again!" Jimmy cried out, and picked up the oil can.

"Whose laughing now?" Langly eyed him.

"Okay, you made your point." Byers said after Jimmy oiled his mouth.

'Its about time you showed up.'

Byers jumped slightly at the voice in his head. "Yves, where are you?"

'Down here.' Yves placed a paw on his leg.

"Oh." Byers looked at her. "Why are you...Never mind. I don't want to know."

(GirlX: Can you get on with it please?)

"Who was that?" Byers glanced around.

"GirlX." Langly rolled his eyes. "Don't get her mad.

"Okay" Byers said. "Do we have to sing?"

"Not if you tell us what you want from the Wizard."

"Well, since Susan Modeski is out of the questions, I guess I'd like to know where I put all my floppy disks. They have back-issues of the paper on them."

"Your a real wild man Byers." Langly rolled his eyes.

"What are you requesting?" Byers inquired.

"Umm...the new D and D game..." Langly said quietly.

"Very imaginative." Byers held back a snicker.

Suddenly Fletcher appeared in a treetop in a fire-shaded cloud of smoke.

"Helping the moron along are you?" He sneered and sipped a drink out of his martini glass.

"He's not a moron." Byers said defensively.

"Yeah, why don't you go boil some newt eyes!" Langly shot.

"Newt eyes? Ewwww. Just for that..." Fletcher narrowed his eyes and formed a fireball in his hand.

"Oh crap." Langly managed to whimper before Fletcher tossed it. "AHH! I'M ON FIRE!" He shrieked, even thought it had missed him. Barely.

Byers, figuring he was metal and it wouldn't hurt him, quickly stamped out the fire, ala Frodo Baggins in 'Lord of the Rings'.

"Ohhh." Fletcher groaned in mock disappointment. "I'll just have to flame you later. And don't think you're getting off any better, Tin man. You'll make an excellent cigarette lighter."

"Over my dead body." Jimmy growled, recovering his voice.

"That's the idea." Fletchers eyes gleamed malevolently. He vanished in another cloud of smoke.

"I hope that won't happen again." Langly said.

"Yeah." Jimmy sighed, wishing the story was already over.

"Where's Frohike?" Byers tried to change the subject.

"He's either father down the road, or somewhere else in this (BLEEP)ing place." Langly made a face.

(GirlX: PG-13 Langly.)

-

End of Part Two