Fairy tail is owned by Hiro Mashima, Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I own nothing.
A special thank you to Greatkingrat88 for writing this.
You know that update once a month rule?...Yeah, just this once, I'm gonna say fuck it and give you, my fans, another chapter for june. This chapter is shorter than the previous two, but that said, I'm sure that you'll all enjoy what I have in store for you today.
Please feel free to leave a review, its HIGHLY appreciated.
A month or so later, things had stabilized rather well. Nozomi was in school, Erza kept up with her friends, and she was… actually dealing with her past traumas rather well. If she could ignore that the likes of Kurotsuchi Mayuri were in a position of power, she would have been completely content. Happy. But she was well enough, and on her way to the goal she had set for herself- yes, life was not so bad.
Right now, she was out in the Rukongai once more, called out by her captain. If he himself were out there, summoning her, it had to be a serious mission, right? Only, he hadn't said what it was. It was… an oddity.
When she came upon the designated meeting spot- a beautiful forest, with a small dirt path leading into a leafy grove- she saw Ichimaru Gin standing there, waiting, with the same creepy smile. She felt a shudder go down her spine. He unsettled her- her, and everyone else, and she often wondered why Aizen would keep a man like him so close to her.
"Head right this way, lil' Erza," Ichimaru said, in his typical drawl, "he's waitin' for ya, right up the path."
Eager to be away from him, Erza walked past him, up the path he had indicated. This was definitely irregular. Few missions called for the supreme power of a captain to begin with; fewer still the presence of both the captain and his second. And his third seat too, herself? Why weren't they meeting up together?
In just a minute or so, she found him, sitting cross-legged by a pond, a peaceful look on his face. He wore no glasses, she noticed; he seemed different.
"Come, sit." He said, motioning for her to come closer.
"This isn't a mission at all, is it?" Erza said confusedly, obeying her captain, walking closer. Hesitantly, she sat down next to him.
"You always were astute." He said, casually leaning himself back, his arms supporting him as he stared up at the forest canopy. "This is a beautiful place, isn't it? Sometimes you have to stop to appreciate things like these, to remember that there's more point to your life than just duty, work…"
"Sir?" She said stiffly. She was not artistic, or a gentleman type like her captain- the beauty of nature was wasted on her most of the time.
"Sorry, I deceived you," Aizen said, sitting himself up straight. "No, there is no mission at all. I lied. But I had a reason, yes?"
"You must have." Erza said.
"But you're not asking what. No, you never were rude- not the kind to bow to authority easily, but not rude. Because I earned my place in your mind as somebody to respect, you won't ask. Is that correct?"
"…I suppose so, yes." He was quite strange today.
"Erza, do you trust me?" He said, looking into her eyes.
"With my life, captain," She said firmly.
"It is an honour." Aizen said, nodding. "But the question is… Erza, can I trust you?"
"Sir?" Erza said, frowning.
"I have important things to say. Things I couldn't say to even the dearest of friends, or even a lover. Dangerous things."
"How dangerous?"
"What I need to say, Erza, could get you implicated for treason simply for having heard the words. So what I ask is- can I trust you? With the most serious and deeply held of secrets?"
"…I, sir…" Erza said, finding herself uneasy, confused. What was he about to say? What was his idea?
"Of course you can trust me."
"Under threat to your wellbeing, your career, even your life?"
"Yes!" Erza said, making a fist. "You are a good man- I cannot imagine you would do anything without a good reason."
Aizen smiled. "You sound almost hurt, Scarlet."
Erza didn't reply, not knowing what to say, and simply shot him a look- one, she realized, might look like a glare.
"Under any normal circumstance, I would not question your loyalty. But this… is different."
"Tell me what you mean, sir," Erza said, with steel in her voice, "tell me, and then, no matter what, I will not betray your secret." He looked hesitant, and Erza continued, "you already do trust me. You brought me out here, to tell me you have an idea that could make you a traitor. So do not play games with me! Sir."
Aizen nodded. "The 'games' are… necessary. So far, there are a total of only two more individuals who know of my plans."
"What are your plans, then?"
"Tell me, Scarlet," he said, looking into the distance, "you saw through it, didn't you?"
"Saw through what?"
"The veil." He said quietly. Seeing her puzzled expression, he explained, "It's a metaphor I use. The 'veil' is what I call everything that keeps you from seeing the truth and acting on it- your friends, your family, your job, your culture…"
"I don't understand."
"All right. You came from a poor village in the Rukongai, yes? And you joined, partly because you wanted them to have a better life. You wanted to help them."
"Yes."
"Many shinigami do that. And most of them forget about making the world a better place by the time they've graduated and gotten a position. From there, their focus is… their career, their duties, their friends. Their focus is, simply put, themselves."
"What- is that just selfish?" Erza asked, frowning.
"It's human nature." Aizen retorted. "But you've seen the Rukongai. You've seen the poverty, the misery, the insecurity. You've seen people at the mercy of bandits, hollows, always afraid of starving, being killed, hunted like dogs… that is no decent way to live."
"No, it is not," Erza said, shaking her head.
"The Gotei has power. Real power, unimaginable vast power. It could change all the Rukon, if it wanted to. Yes?"
"I suppose they could." Erza said. She was very unsure of where this was going. All he said, that was things she knew, things she had often thought- but rarely voiced; nobody seemed interested.
"Yet, they do not. Why is that?"
"The Gotei has a duty to maintain the balance of the world," Erza said defensively, "it's a vastly important duty. Without us, all three worlds might collapse."
"Literally true, yes," Aizen said, nodding, "but you know as well as I do that the issue is not that simple."
Erza remained silent, so Aizen continued. "We recruit a few hundred souls every year, to replace casualties. That's a few hundred, out of billions of souls- out of hundreds of millions of potential soldiers. Yet the Gotei remains at a few thousand soldiers, just enough to keep military operations running. Enough to keep up the status quo."
"But-" Erza said, not even knowing why she was defending them, what she was defending.
"Can't you imagine what it would be like if instead of kowtowing to nobles and running a never-ending balance operation, we'd recruit millions of soldiers. Imagine how many areas we could control. Imagine how many countries would have competent governors, a police force, a law to protect the weak from the strong and ruthless. Imagine a world, not perfect, but one where violence was considered unacceptable, where theft, murder and robbery are punished, where hollows are not free to strike as they please. Imagine that, Erza."
"Well…"
"Please, I mean that literally. Close your eyes, and imagine what it would be like if the Soul Society looked not like it does now, but like it should."
He paused, and looked at her, and hesitantly Erza obeyed. She closed her eyes, and imagine. Villages, with children playing, laughing, never hungry, feeling safe… thousands of people, living their lives without fear. It was an intoxicating thing to consider.
"I asked you this, because I saw that you dared to dream," Aizen said emphatically, "I saw that you were different. You saw the apathy of your fellow soldiers, and it appalled you. Unimaginable suffering, every day, and everyone acts like it doesn't even exist. They take their privilege for granted, their secure lives, their power and strength, and never consider that those with power have a moral obligation to help."
Something in Erza's soul was lit aflame. He was right! For how long had it gone on, this afterlife, without anyone even trying? Where children died for nothing, without anybody being able to do anything about it?"
"Every day," Aizen said, his voice trembling mildly, "every day, an average of four thousand children die. Every day. And that is just the children. How many do you think die in just one week?"
"But… what could we do?"
"Apathy is one thing. It is natural, normal- people have limited perspectives. It's not malevolent to be self-centred. But… you know the Gotei. You know that it isn't just apathetic, but truly corrupt."
"Yes." Erza whispered.
"You remember your trial." Aizen said, nodding. "A petty, ignorant man with money used his power to abuse the school system. And when you dared stand up to him, he decided that you should vanish. You were not the first one. How many times do you think men and women like him have abused their power like so?"
"I won." Erza said, almost voicelessly.
"Because of me." Aizen said. "And because of Shiba. You won because you had higher connections, not because you were right."
He was right.
"The second division runs a place where they can place anybody, without trial, whether they've done anything or not." Aizen said. "The maggot's nest. Just being a potential threat is enough. That's where you would have gone- if you were lucky."
Erza balled her fist.
"It's a whole… thing!" She snapped. "A law system, troops, a whole culture. What can I do? What can anyone do?!"
"We'll get there," Aizen said, nodding. "But you recognize that the Gotei is not a just place, yes?"
"No, it is not," Erza said, shaking her head. "I tried to think… that maybe we just do more good than bad. That working hard can make up for it."
"But deep down, you know that is little comfort for the innocents murdered by this system," Aizen said, putting a hand on her back, "you knew it wasn't right."
Erza just quietly shook her head.
"And meanwhile, the Gotei employs true monsters, like Kurotsuchi Mayuri. Powerful murderers, like Zaraki Kenpachi, whose only qualification is strength. These are the people you serve."
"Enough!" Erza snapped. "Stop! I know already! Just tell me what you want!"
"Please be patient with me," Aizen said, his voice calm, "I have something I'd like for you to look at." He reached into his coat, and pulled out a paper folder.
"What's this?" Erza asked, taking it in her hands.
"A copy of your recruitment file," Aizen said. "These are confidential to recruits, but we are well past regulation now, aren't we?"
With a little dread, Erza opened the file. It was a detailed set of observations, about her power, her ability, her personality. She had been watched for some time before being recruited, it seemed.
"Look at the bottom." Aizen said.
Erza read aloud. "Subject is very powerful, by non-shinigami standards. Known also to be resourceful, enduring, with experience in combat. In case of failed recruitment, recommend a kill team led by a single digit seat to eliminate her with minimal risk." Her fingers trembled.
"You see for yourself." Aizen said.
"They were going to kill me if I said no." Erza said quietly.
"You always suspected, didn't you? You always feared that- that they'd kill you, or somebody close to you, if you disagreed. But you told yourself that it would be for the best."
Erza made a fist, crumpling the paper. "Do they do this to other people?" She asked, her voice almost a hiss.
"Yes." Aizen said plainly. "Anyone thought too strong not to be useful, controllable, is eliminated. It is standard procedure."
"It can't be," Erza mumbled, shaking her head, "they can't just…"
"I know why you deny it," Aizen said calmly. "because if you don't, you'd have to admit to yourself that all your service so far, everything you've done, is at the very least tainted by corruption."
"If that is so, then where are you, captain?" Erza said bitterly. "You are one of the most powerful people- so how much 'taint' have you spread? How many blind eyes have you turned?"
A mournful look passed his face, and he said, "Too much. Too many times. But there's the twist- it doesn't have to be this way. Everything I've done, I've done for a better tomorrow. Not some naïve dream that just a bit of hard work and goodness will change the system- a real vision for the future. I have been part of this corruption, let it spread, ignored justice- but I've done it all for a greater good."
"What greater good is that?"
"When I was young," Aizen said, ignoring her question, "I was a lot like you. I believed in kindness, in goodness, that the shinigami were heroic protectors. That the foul things around them were necessary, because of what hung in the balance. It was one of the reasons I joined them. But I was disappointed soon- very disappointed. All my talent, so soon and quickly recognized, was leeched on by this… system of cruelty and callousness. It is a cancer- the whole of the Gotei is a cancer. I realized that soon. And when I did… I decided that I'd rather die than let that stand."
"What does that mean? I want an answer now, sir, or I am leaving." Erza said sharply, only barely controlling her emotions. Everything he had said had hit home, hit at every doubt she'd had, every last piece of things she knew should not be, but ignored, for the sake of this 'veil'.
"I want to burn the Gotei down." Aizen said. "I want to see every nobleman on trial, and the corrupt ones punished- executed or imprisoned. I would see all their wealth given to us, so that we could give it back to the people. I would see the Central Forty-Six deposed, power given back to somebody whose interest lies with the people, not wealth, power, or some abstract idea. I would see the captain-commander, and all who stand with him, stand trial for their corruption. I would see myself in charge of a new world order, one where we become strong, truly strong, not for the sake of ourselves, tradition or blind obedience to the King, but for the sake of protecting the weak. That, Erza, is my vision for the future. Justice. Strength. Mercy. Solidarity."
"It's treason!" Erza snapped.
"That word, 'treason', is a label." Aizen said firmly. "You would be a traitor to the Gotei- but where you stand now, are you not a traitor to yourself? Are you not betraying what you know is right?"
Erza took a deep breath. He was right. But this was a monstrously huge idea, a change so radical she hadn't dared to even dream it. It was… impossible.
"It can't be," she mumbled, shaking her heads, "they are too strong- too many. The captain-commander…"
"Erza," He said, with a comforting tone, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I would never attempt this if I did not know a way to make it work. The captain-commander's power is extraordinary- but I have made arrangements. I have Ichimaru, and I have Tosen. And, should you accept, you. This is a patient scheme- I have nurtured it for centuries. I have found a way to deal with everyone I need to."
"…would they need to die?" Erza asked uncertainly.
"No revolution is won without bloodshed, Erza," Aizen said gravely. "I would show mercy to those who surrendered- few of them had a choice when they were exposed to Gotei propaganda. But those who do not… I would have no choice but to tear down the foundations of the Gotei before rebuilding it."
"And how? Four of us- that would not go very far."
"What do you know of the arrancar, Erza?"
"They are hollows who have shed their masks and gained the power of a shinigami- no!" Erza gasped. "You have made a pact with them?"
"You would be surprised how many of them are like us, but shaped by an unforgiving world, in an existence without options. I have relations with them- only with select people who I know I can control."
"This… this is madness…" Erza mumbled. "Death, revolution, consorting with hollow?"
"When you are faced with a life-and-death situation, you do whatever you must to protect your friends," Aizen said calmly, "and to protect the innocent- the thousands upon thousands who suffer and die every day- I do as I must. Can you look upon this, and choose to serve the Gotei? To serve for the rest of your life this corrupt institution?"
"I- I don't know," Erza mumbled, "can I- can I think about this?"
"Take the time you need," Aizen said, smiling at her, "it is not a decision that should be made lightly. But I know you, Erza- I know you see why this must be done."
"Change," Erza mumbled. "We need change. But… is this the way, really?"
"I would like to see you in a week's time, Erza," Aizen said calmly. "Please give me your decision then. If you say no, then we shall speak nothing of this ever again, and your life goes on the same- you go on bending your back to those you know you should smite, not serve. Or you join me, and make a change that matters- one that will be remembered for eternity."
Erza just nodded, incapable of a coherent reply, and stood up, hastily making her way out of there.
Aizen watched her leave, allowing himself a victorious smirk. He had pushed every button there was to push- ones he had planted himself, others that were there naturally. Erza was a perfect candidate- Tosen claimed to be for justice, but Aizen had always suspected he was a hypocrite. Ichimaru was a psychopathic sadist with an urge to kill him, but very easy to control at that. Erza was different; she had what neither did- faith. A rock hard faith that good was good and evil was evil, that decency should prevail over cruelty and abuse. Right now, she was conflicted, still feeling that decency belonged with the cause she had sworn herself to- but she knew, and she was too upright to ignore what she had seen so far. Her own decency could lead her nowhere but to his side- and on the off chance that it didn't, it would be easy to frame her as a traitor. Things were coming along nicely.
"We 'bout done here?" It was the voice of Ichimaru, waiting out by the trees.
"Yes, Gin," Aizen said, feeling pleased, "we are done."
A lot was on her mind; she had no sleep that night, nor the next one after that- Erza went about her duties as normal, but the conversation she had had with her captain hung over everything she did, over every paper signed, every errand run, every hollow slain. Over and over, she would tell herself that it was madness, that it couldn't be done, that it was wrong… but no matter how she reasoned, every argument she made to herself felt like an excuse.
It was a stunning relief, actually, when on the third day, she was sent out on a mission to the Rukongai. Simple work- second division had sniffed out a traitor, a man who had escaped a sentence of murder and theft, and hid away for decades. Finally he had made a mistake, letting himself get spotted, and it was her job to take him down, let him be processed by the justice system. If it were justice...
She should take somebody with her, she decided. Even with a serious task on her mind, she had no desire to be alone- the more distractions, the better. A week would pass fast enough. After checking for available partners, her eyes stuck on Momo- Renji was out on patrol with Hisagi, and Kira was stuck with menial duties. Well, might as well take her, then- it would be a good experience for her, and not too dangerous so long as she stayed back. She was not a hothead like Renji; it should be fine.
So it was that, with Momo in tow, she soon found herself on the trail to district seven, where the man had last been seen- Kujira Sengi, the murderer and traitor, a truly vile man according to his case file. No more than a tenth seat in terms of strength and skill, too. That, at least, was a very clear and simple thing- a bad man who needed to be taken down and judged, for the safety of others.
After a good few hours of travel, with a few carefully considered bursts of shunpo to quickly cover ground, they approached the village where Sengi had last been seen. According to intelligence, which was no more than two days old, he had set up camp in a sizeable village right ahead, drinking away at a bar- where apparently he had been since.
"Sens- I mean Erza, won't it be dangerous?" Momo asked, huffing a little as she did her best to keep stride with Erza; the last sprint had taken a lot out of her. She was still young, Erza noticed, even though she sometimes forgot.
"It will be fine." Erza said dismissively. "You just watch, and stay back when I move in. If I need backup, I will let you know."
"It's, uh, a bit… nervous." Momo admitted. "I mean, I've never…"
"Momo," Erza said, stopping and looking her in the eye, "you are a shinigami now, not a student. These kinds of missions are things you will need to do in the future. This will be good experience for you."
"Of-of course," Momo said, nodding. "I didn't mean to, um-"
"No need to fuss," Erza said, starting to walk again. "Our target is said to be in the local pub. If he's not, we can probably pay for information- this is a pretty orderly district, and types like him aren't welcome here."
Because a lot of rich people live here, Erza thought, and that's also why we got sent here so quickly.
No. None of that, not now.
The two of them quietly made their way into the town pub- well, the largest one; this village was large and rich with people, unlike the ones you found out in the poorer districts. It was as good a place as any. As she walked in, she motioned for Momo to stay by the doorway while she went about her business. She looked around- the place was well lit, and looked clean and solidly built. There were tables and benches all around, and even a few luxurious booths, and though the air was thick with chatter, laughter and merriment, there were no fights, no screaming, no rough-housing… this really was a different kind of place. In no small part, she suspected, due to the two very serious-looking, muscular men standing near the doorway, whose frames practically screamed confidence- if their posture could speak, it would probably say 'there could be trouble. None right now, and there won't be, because we're all friends here. But if you want trouble… no, you don't want trouble'.
But Erza wasn't concerned with the architecture of the building, or its security detail- no, she had come here with a mission. She took a quick peek at the wanted poster she had been given- a harsh, long face with a thin mouth, and a scar at his left cheek. She looked around, as inconspicuously as she could- she was painfully aware of how much her shinigami uniform stood out. Moving slowly towards the bar itself, she tried to get a view of him- there were merchants, some rich gentlemen, even a few nobles, and a good lot of people who looked like craftsmen, workers… there was a whole potpourri of different social classes here, but she couldn't see the likeness of that criminal anywhere. Sighing, she ordered a simple drink of water, and had a look around. There was over a hundred people in here, and…
Well, hang on a second. Where would you sit if you were a cautious type, somebody who might need to run away quickly? Either close to the entrance- or better yet, close to the back exit. Carefully taking a bit of a walk around the premises, ignoring a catcall or two, she could see no back entrance at all- so if you were inside this pub, you'd want to either sit close to a big window, or the entrance. She turned back toward the entrance, and carefully scanned the place with her eyes. Seven tables she could see, close enough to a quick exit. She walked closer, keeping an eye out- some sat turned away from her, or with a cap on, or a hood…
Then she caught it, a glance of a scarred face, sitting just two tables away from the exit. Hoping she hadn't flinched, she moved closer, as if walking over just naturally. But as she walked closer, he sprung from his seat, toward the exit. Damn it! Her uniform was way too obvious- he had probably been looking for a way out from the moment she got in.
"There he is!" She cried out, as she ran after him. Momo stepped in his way- stupid, brave Momo- pointing her finger, starting to mouth a kido spell… but he was fast, too fast, and barreled into her, twisting Momo's arm behind her back, getting behind her. From his belt, he pulled out a short sword, concealed under his clothes. Momo yelped, struggling against him- but she stopped when she felt the blade against her throat.
Erza had already drawn her own sword, the moment she had seen him reach for his own.
"Let her go!" She demanded in her most authoritative tone. "Kujira Sengi, you are under arrest! Let go of her, or you make things worse for yourself in the end!"
"Yeah?" Kujira said, his eyes wild and his tone trembling with rage, with fear, with uncertainty. "That so? Because the way I'm looking at it, she's my only leverage right now."
"Let her go and fight me one on one," Erza said, slowly moving toward him, as he began to back out of the pub, still holding on to Momo.
"Fight you? You're a high ranking soldier. I don't think so," Kujira said, continuing to slowly back away, out on to the street. The entire pub was watching them now, hundreds of eyes on them all at once.
"If you know I'm much stronger, then you know you can't run away either," Erza said, hoping to reason with him. This was bad- Momo was inexperienced, she might do something stupid… or he might. He didn't look calm at all, and frightened people and weapons was not a good combination. "You can't kill her, because if you do, you lose your leverage. And if that happens… whatever gods there are have mercy on you." She scowled, her tone ice cold. "And for as long as you hold her, you can't move anywhere fast enough to escape me."
"You put that sword away or I'll cut her throat!" Kujira sneered.
"No, you won't," Erza said, hoping dearly that she was right, "leverage, remember? This is not going to end well, no matter what you do. Cut your losses. Give up, and I'll recommend an easier sentence. Prison, not death."
"So I choose between being killed, or put in a cage for the rest of my life?" Kujira snarled. "I don't fucking think so!" He grazed the blade against Momo's neck, and she yelped as it drew blood.
"I'm- I'm sorry, Erza," She managed.
"It's not your fault," Erza said.
"I'm still here," Kujira said, still looking erratic, "and you know what? I don't like my options. So maybe I just kill her, and get a clean death here and now. Maybe that's my best option, yeah?"
"You could try," Erza said. She felt that sinking feeling, like her heart was falling out of her chest- Momo couldn't die. That was not acceptable, not under any circumstance. Not after how she had saved her that first time, not after how close she had become with her, how she had let her in… she couldn't stand it. Not again. Never again.
It was funny how time could slow down sometimes, how a second could feel like an hour. In the span of two seconds, a hundred thoughts raced through Erza's head-
She couldn't kill him. It was not the Fairy Tail way, it was wrong.
But there's no choice.
Doing that would change who she was forever. Could she really- could she look herself in the mirror after that?
But there really is no choice.
Maybe she could do something else. Desperately, she tried to think of some fantastical, outlandish stroke of luck, where Momo got free-
But there's no time, and no choice.
No! It couldn't be; this couldn't be the way she turned out, it was- she knew right from wrong, and…
But what would life be like without Momo? Knowing she had let her down, too?
Silently, her sword changed, turning into a spear.
"Momo, close your eyes," Erza said firmly. "Trust in me, and close your eyes."
Momo took a deep breath, and obeyed.
"Well, it's a fight now!" Kujira growled, and raised his sword, aiming to stab down into Momo's neck-
And time moved in slow motion. She could see the tip of the blade moving downward, a millimeter at a time, and her arm raised, lightning fast yet so, so slow…
One shot. One shot was all she had, and if it went wrong, she wouldn't just have failed Momo- she would have killed her. But if she didn't take the shot, she would be dead.
Sometimes, the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.
Erza's arm lunged out, with all the strength and precision she could muster.
Momo could feel the criminal's grip around her loosen, let go, and he dropped down to the ground behind her. Quickly, she looked behind her. He lay there, in a growing pool of blood, Erza's spear jammed into his skull, at least a foot if its length having gone through it. The spear dissolved, and Momo looked back at Erza, as she wordlessly sheathed her sword, an empty, glassy look on her face.
Momo could feel tears stream down her cheeks, relief, joy- and concern, for Erza. Quickly, she raced to her, hugging her close. She seemed surprised at first, then clumsily returned her embrace.
"I… killed him," Erza mumbled. "He's- he's dead, because I- because I killed him…"
"You saved me!" Momo said, loud and clear, looking into Erza's eyes. "I'd be dead without you- that's what matters, Erza! You did what you had to do!"
"Yes," Erza mumbled.
"Don't let this get you down," Momo said reassuringly, "I mean, he was… a murderer. He was about to kill me. People like that don't deserve any mercy, do they? When you sink that low-"
"Who the hell are you to make that decision?" Erza snapped, taking a step back. "Who the hell are you, or I, to make a decision like that?"
Momo blinked, and sounding uncertain, she said, "…an officer, Erza. Shinigami. You had the right- the mission said dead or alive, and… under the law, you were right."
"To hell with the law," Erza said darkly. "Nobody should have that power over anybody. It should never be- never be!"
"Erza," Momo said softly, "people are killed every day. Sometimes you have to kill to save other people. There's no other way around it, I'm sorry."
"A last resort, maybe!" Erza shot back. "But this… I should never have left you alone."
"You had no choice. It was a last resort," Momo said firmly, "and beating yourself up about it isn't going to change that."
"…whatever," Erza mumbled, staring into the ground. She had raised her voice to Momo, just because she herself had been in shock, because she had killed somebody… it wasn't fair.
"Let's just, uh, go home, all right?" Erza said uneasily. "I'm- I'm okay. I'm not mad."
"You're not okay," Momo said, "but… yes, let's go back."
Things went back to normal easy enough- as normal as they could be, considering. Erza had feared Momo would be traumatized, that maybe she would resent her for the way she had acted- but she seemed to bounce back well enough. A day, two days passed, and Erza took what missions she could to distract herself- from what conflicted her, from the fact that she was now a killer, from everything. In the process, she even slayed a Gillian Menos, in a particularly vicious incursion in the soul society…
She had grown in strength. For her valour, she was given a pat on the shoulder and a day off- something she normally would have welcomed, but now… she did not want to be alone with her mind. It was like a fever, like a spectre haunting her every thought, an apparition of accusation and guilt. She was not used to that feeling. She did not want that feeling.
Which was why her free day was spent, until lunch, doing nothing but training- working her muscles till they were sore, until her vision went blurry, until she was starting to feel exhausted. Only then, panting and struggling to breathe, did it feel better. But a shower and a change later, the spectre was back, and it was only good luck that lunch was up next- lunch, with Momo again. She could be relied on, at least, to distract her- she could forget for just a few minutes how corrupt the men in charge were, and be reminded that her fellow soldiers were good people- good and decent, like Momo.
The lunch itself was a simple affair. The two of them sat by a simple restaurant near their division, pragmatic and simple as a soldier's kitchen should be. Noodles it was for the both of them, and Erza dug in- but found little in the ways of an appetite.
"So…" she started, almost a little desperate to find something to talk about.
"I know what you're thinking," Momo said, swallowing down a mouthful of noodles.
"You do?" Erza said nervously. She very much doubted it, but the very thought of being found out…
"You look all weird and tense," Momo said, nodding, "you're all… off. Something's obviously on your mind."
"That visible, huh?" Erza said, shifting in her seat.
"You never killed anyone before, did you?" Momo said quietly. "Sorry, I mean- if you're all right, talking about it…"
"No, no," Erza mumbled. Of course; what else would it be? "Go on."
"When I first started school, we all knew you were this tough, cool veteran who had been through so much," Momo said, her tone gentle. "It didn't occur to any of us that you never killed anybody before. But that's why you were so upset, wasn't it?"
"How do you figure?"
"You're a very good person, Erza," Momo said brightly, "you care about what is right and what is wrong, and you know what it is. You've been a shinigami for many years, too. So… if you react to that, for having taken the life of somebody like him… I couldn't think of any other reason."
"Well, you're right," Erza mumbled, "I still remember what it was when I was alive. I had friends, a whole… family of people who I loved, who loved me, who took me in from when I was a little girl. They taught me everything, about friends, about what I could and couldn't do…"
"They taught you not to kill," Momo nodded, "and because you were very strong and very good, you never had to. Is that right?"
"It is," Erza said, nodding. "I was in a guild… and it was close, many times, but I never had to kill. But… I'm starting to think that maybe I was just lucky."
"Lucky?" Momo said quizzically.
"Yes," Erza said, nodding, "lucky. Because it was close, many times before. I fought with a power not a lot of people could rival, and I fought people who were just as strong, or stronger. It almost seems miraculous that nobody really died. But… sometimes, you don't have a choice. I am starting to see that now."
"Yes…" Momo said cautiously, "sometimes, you don't. But still…"
"It's a last resort, of course," Erza said hastily. "If there was any other way…"
"But there wasn't."
"You know," Erza mumbled, sighing, "I imagined the world without you in it, and I couldn't bear it. It hurt just thinking about it. So I killed that man to save you, and… it feels like I did it for myself. A killer, because I wanted not to lose something- someone- who made me feel good…"
"That's ridiculous!" Momo snapped. "You did something bad, but it was a great thing at the same time!"
"I don't feel very great," Erza said flatly.
"You changed who you are, just to save me. That's… you are one of the best people I know, Erza, and I won't stand for you calling that 'selfish'!"
Erza leaned back, and smiled. Momo really was something else- so passionately honest, under that meek surface.
"You're right," She said, feeling a little better, "thanks, Momo."
"No problem," Momo said, emphatically taking another mouthful of noodles, almost as if assaulting it.
"Momo… why did you join the Gotei?" Erza asked.
Momo chewed, swallowed, and gave her a look. "What do you mean?"
"I noticed that a lot of people here…" How would she put this? It would sound weird- judgmental, even. "A lot of people who come here, to become shinigami, they only seem to care about themselves. I came here because I wanted to help, but… I'm way up on a third seat, and I can't do very much to help anybody, and most of everyone just seems interested in, in… in making money, in the next fight, in the next day off when they can get drunk, in making a career." She sighed. "Sometimes, I feel like nobody remembers where they came from, the villages they leave behind and the people in them… and that's why I ask. You don't have to answer."
"I didn't want people to feel afraid," Momo said.
"What?"
"When you have power, out there… you are a danger to others unless you learn to use it," Momo said solemnly. "I loved the people out there- my gran, and Shiro-chan, and everyone else… but when you're strong, sometimes hollows come to seek you out. Or other people, who want to do no good. Sometimes, the best way to protect others is to leave. It sounds weird, but that's why I left. I wanted to learn to be as good as I could be, and help them all back home from a distance. That's what you did, wasn't it?"
"I never thought about it that way," Erza said ponderously. "To me, it just seemed I had to be there, for them, always… because what if I wasn't? They practically had to drag me to the academy."
"But you help them, by sending money back. I do that too," Momo said, nodding.
"That's good, yes," Erza said.
"Was that what you wanted when you joined, Erza? To help the people back home? You're already doing that- why so glum?"
"Um… what I want," Erza said evasively, "uh, that's… it's complicated. I guess you could say… I want more than just buying a bit of safety for one village. I want… I really want everyone out there to live their lives the way they want to, without having to worry."
"That's a nice idea," Momo nodded, "But… you can see that you can't protect everyone all the time, right?"
"No," Erza said, shaking her head, "but… I think we could do way better than what we do now. If we just tried."
"How?" Momo asked. This was a dangerous question- she had said enough already.
"Never mind that," Erza said, trying- and probably failing- to sound glib. "We have a lunch to finish- and after that, why don't we go take a trip to the bath house, or something? I could use a bit of relaxation."
"…all right, sure," Momo said, sounding perplexed, but still cheery. "We'll do that."
Just at her mind's horizon, the spectre loomed.
One more thing happened that week worthy of notice. On the sixth day of running, hiding, distracting herself, Erza was sent to the twelfth division- paperwork, requiring the signature of its captain for some reason or the other- she didn't even bother to ask what for. The place always made her uneasy, ever since that last time when she had witnessed its brute of a captain abuse his 'daughter' like she were some… thing.
Perversely enough, she almost reveled in that uneasiness- as uncomfortable as that was, it was less oppressive than knowing she had to give Aizen an answer… and knowing that when she had to give it, she already knew what it had to be. That when she did, nothing would ever be the same again.
So it was that she marched herself down the dank and dimly lit hallways of the science and research institute, down under the ground. It was a massive complex, she realized, closed off from all unauthorized members- she was let in only on the signature of her captain. Then, she had been pointed in the general direction of where Kurotsuchi, that foul man, would be… and it had taken her only ten minutes or so to get lost. She wandered around for perhaps half an hour or so, trying to find her way- lost, but mostly just irritated that somebody would build an underground complex with a distinct lack of clear direction signs or maps.
It was then, in the midst of a building frustration, that she came upon a door. Somewhat opened, it had a simple sign on it, that read:
SAMPLE 16
Upon closer inspection, it read also, 'under the supervision of chief researcher Kurotsuchi Mayuri'.
Well. It was no office, by the looks of it- but where might you find a researcher if not in a lab? It was worth looking at. Slowly, she opened the door, and stepped inside. It was brightly lit; there was a squeaky clean floor, a messy table full of notes and various odd tools, scalpels, screws, drills-
But then her eyes travelled across the room, all of it, past the normal, expected things… and she saw it all. Everything.
Strapped to a metal table was a body, skinny and frail. Its stomach and chest had been carved open, two large flaps of skin neatly cut up and held in the air by hooks from the ceiling. There was blood on the floor, spilled in little drops, and soiled surgical appliances on a small portable table next to it. It was- had been- a man once, it seemed. It lay there on the table, naked except for a simple pair of pants, and Erza fought the urge to vomit. His fingers were broken, some of them severed. One arm had been cut open, stripped of its flesh, the bone laying naked to the air… with colourful little tags attached all over it. Both feed had been surgically removed- and the wounds had healed too, leaving a scar. For how long had this poor man been here, trapped inside this lab? Erza stumbled, shocked by the sheer horror of the sight, and put a hand on the table near the door to keep herself stable.
She took a few deep breaths, a hand clasped over her mouth. Dear god! How long had this gone on? Was this what they did? Was it Kurotsuchi's ploy, or…
The racing of her mind was interrupted, as she saw a journal lying there, a thick file of papers. Her fingers trembling, she picked it up. Against all better judgment, she opened it. She flipped through the pages- there were notes there, pictures of the man as he had been when first brought there, casual remarks of how he responded to pain, how his spiritual particles changed…
From one picture to another, she saw his degradation. A quincy subject, the journal said, captured and brought in from research. Slowly, over time, being reduced from a soul, a person, to… that. No- it was clear that whoever wrote this- Kurotsuchi, of course- never thought of him as a person at all. A subject, an item, something to pick at and see what made it tick.
Then, when she was reading, her minds peering into the monstrous depths of the monster who had done this, suddenly she heard a breath- a deep, sudden breath. She jerked, dropping the journal, almost jumping into the air. She looked around- had somebody seen her? Had he come back, that monster of a man?
No- nobody was around. It was empty…
Then she heard the breath again, and there was no doubting it. The corpse was alive. Trembling with every step, she walked closer. In the flayed-open chest cavity, she could see his lungs heave, move up and down as he took one breath after another. Finally, it was too much- Erza collapsed to her knees, retching, throwing up her lunch all over the floor. For at least a minute, maybe two, she heaved. Feeling violently sick, she finally wiped her mouth with her sleeve, feeling the bitter taste of gall in her mouth. She struggled up to her feet, breathing heavily. The poor bastard was alive.
"Kill… me…"
In disbelief, Erza heard the voice, quiet and raspy, weak and robbed of all power to do more than whisper.
"No, no," she mumbled, "no, it can't be…"
"Kill… me." The voice entreated. Erza walked closer, looking at his face. It was pale, hopeless, with a glimmer of desperation as the only sense of emotion left in his eyes. "Please. Just… let me… die…"
Erza staggered back. This was sample sixteen. How many more were there? She had to go- she couldn't stand another second of this. No- no running, she couldn't leave him- but she couldn't take him with her, he wouldn't survive, he was in no position to be moved…
What could she do? What could she do?
Acting as quickly as she could, she stumbled over to the table, feverishly and desperately looking for some way of freeing him. He was in no state to be moved- but damn it all, she couldn't leave him here, she couldn't leave knowing she hadn't even tried to help. Clutching at the shackle around his wrist, she tugged and tugged to no avail- the chains were iron, and charged with enough reiatsu to make them stronger by far than her own grip. Desperately, she tugged harder and harder, her fingers digging into the flesh of the poor quincy as she tried to get a grip on the shackles, wrench them off-
Then she heard a long, unmistakable 'beeeep', and next to the table she saw it- a heart monitoring machine, flatlining. In shock, she looked at it, at the wires leading between it and the quincy. One wire had been knocked from his socket, without her even noticing it, just by her feet. His life support has been cut, and mercifully, the poor man was now rapidly dying- or dead already.
With a sense of desperation, Erza looked around. There were some glass jars in the corner, she saw- chemicals with unpronounceable names, and a flame hazard sign. Not even thinking, she grabbed two, emptying their contents across the floor, with the desperate jerking movements of a madwoman. The liquids left a clear, sharp stink, but Erza barely even registered it. As if in a dream, she stepped back to the doorway, and raise her hand, holding her palm out towards the Quincy on the table.
"Oh lord," she mumbled, muttering the words through her teeth, "mask of flesh and bone, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of man, truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams, unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws. Hado number thirty-three: sokatsui!"
Kido was never her strong suit, but a fully chanted spell like this was no problem. Supercharged by her flaring reiatsu, the blue flames shot out, hitting the Quincy square in the chest, disintegrating him in seconds. In a matter of seconds, the lab was in flames, and Erza turned and ran. How she got out, she wasn't sure- but somehow, she later found herself far away from twelfth, out of breath and still in shock.
Not even bothering to report back, Erza walked out and away, outside the walls, her mind burning with the images of what she had just seen. She could still hear that raspy, desperate voice, begging to die; when she closed her eyes she could see his lungs heaving before her eyes, his broken body opened like a sack of wheat…
Somehow, without even thinking, she wound up at the graveyard, sitting before the final resting place of her three comrades- Remon, Sensuke, and Marisa. She sat there well into the night, just trying to make sense of the world. What kind of place was this that she had joined? Trained to be a part of for five years, served for many more? A bureaucratic tyranny without a care for justice, with a place of nightmares like that under their very noses? Was this what it had all been for, all that energy she had spent, the time she had invested in the hopes of making life better for herself and those she cared about? Feeling bile rise to her throat, she thought of her every last accomplishment- every hollow slain, every soul saved, every mission carried out, every commendation she had got, every promotion, every last pay check…
It was all poisoned. All of it had been in the name of that.
Desperately, she tried to reason- maybe they didn't know? Maybe Kurotsuchi had run this whole thing without anybody knowing? It was possible. But no matter how she tried, she couldn't make herself believe it, no matter how much she wanted it.
She had thought to be something like a hero. She never really meant to be heroic; she wasn't one to relish the spotlight just for doing what was right… but what she had meant to do, that was something people would call heroic. Making a difference. But now, no matter how she looked at it, she could only feel that she was a villain- a thug, a low-ranking brute enforcer of a corrupt and cruel organization. No, no- that had to be exaggeration, but… was it?
Aizen. He had sent her there. He had wanted her to see that, make her feel all of this. He had done this to her!
Resolutely, Erza got up, and under the pale moonlight she sped away back towards the Gotei, towards the fifth division's headquarters. She was not expected to answer till tomorrow morning- but she was in no mood to wait.
It was well past midnight when Aizen felt her reiatsu fast approaching his office. Inwardly, he smirked- everything had gone exactly as he had expected. He hadn't even needed to create an illusion about the twelfth division- Kurostuchi's experiments were well known to him, and they were all a scene of horror. No matter where she had gone, she would have seen what he needed her to see.
"AIZEN!" Erza barked, as she slid the doors open, barging into his office. She looked a mess; her clothes were singed, her hair was all over the place, and she had dirt and sweat all over her.
"You seem upset," Aizen said calmly, walking up and closing the doors behind them. "By all means, do tell me what is on your mind."
"You sent me there," Erza said under her breath, "you sent me down there. Why? Did you want me to say yes so badly?"
"I will not deny it," Aizen said, sitting down again. Of course, had he meant to truly manipulate her, it would not have been that obvious- this, too, was according to his will.
"You ask me 'why'. Is it not obvious? I showed you the truth, Erza, and the truth hurts."
"You…" Erza said, trembling with what had to be a little bit of rage- at him, at herself, at everything- and mostly a spirit in the process of being crushed. Good material for being rebuilt in a shape pleasing to him.
"For the longest time, you were made to believe you served a just and noble cause," Aizen said, removing his glasses, "and it's all too easy to believe. Almost anyone will want to believe what they do is right, whether it actually is or not. I have destroyed that illusion, just like mine was, because I owe you- and the whole of soul society- something better. Tell me, Erza, did I set that lab up? Did I craft some elaborate lie, to convince you? Or did it just confirm what you already suspected? That, I think, is what has made you angry."
"I am angry, yes," she said under her breath, almost hissing the words out.
"Good," Aizen said, nodding, "nobody should see what you have seen and not feel a righteous anger. But ask yourself, who are you angry with? Me- or yourself?"
"I am angry- angry with Kurotsuchi!" Erza spat. "That monster of a man, that, that- that beast, he's-"
"Employed by our superiors- who, I suspect, know all too well what he has done."
"…I want to burn it down," Erza said viciously. "That entire complex. Every sample he has. Everything destroyed. He has no right to that knowledge, not with how he has gotten it!"
Aizen resisted the urge to smile; the hate in her voice was so clear, so passionate and strong.
"An understandable desire," he said, "but perhaps not so prudent. What would you do- march there, break in and destroy it all? How long before he takes you- perhaps putting you on his table, too?"
Erza balled her fist, and slammed it onto his desk, cracking it in two.
"I can't let it go on," she hissed through her teeth. "He had one man there- a half-dead corpse, and he had done… terrible things to him. I burnt it all, but- but it was one of sixteen! And who knows how many more?!"
"I got the report, yes," Aizen said. "I covered for you, by the way- there will be no evidence linking you to the crime."
"Crime?" Erza said, something odd in her voice, like something had just broken. "Crime?"
"Under Gotei law, you would be responsible for an act of terrorism, I believe," Aizen said, feeling almost gleeful, "treason, perhaps, if the courts were so inclined. Gross destruction of property at the least."
"I gave him mercy," Erza breathed.
"Mercy is a crime under the law, then," Aizen said. "Tell me, can you look at this and not see that it needs changing?"
"It does!" Erza burst out. "It needs to go- the law needs to be changed, the whole damn society needs to change!"
"Then join me," Aizen said, feeling triumphant, "join me, and together we will bring balance to this world. We will rule this world together, creating a just and righteous place- one where corruption is purged, where science is done under a code of ethics, where the poor need not fear the rich. Can you tell me you do not want this, Erza?"
Erza breathed heavily. "I… I don't know what I want?"
Aizen leaned back in his chair. She did know, without a doubt, but she was still afraid- afraid to face the implications of having served the Gotei, knowing now what it stood for. Best not to push.
"The decision is always yours," he said, in a calm, soothing voice, "if you want to continue on as before, I will never speak of it to you again. But know this- you will not find it easy to resign. You cannot leave the Gotei- once you swear allegiance to them, then you are either their ally or their enemy."
There was a look of disbelief on Erza, and she stood quiet for several minutes. He could almost hear her beliefs shattering, her comfortable image of the life she had led finally reduced to rubble. It filled him with delight. Keeping himself in control, he kept quiet, staring into her eyes.
"Do you swear?" She finally said.
"Swear what?" He said curiously.
"Do you swear to make things better? Without- without killing… without killing more people than you need to?"
"I do," Aizen said, nodding affirmatively, "although… yes, I noticed- you accepted that we would need to kill on the way, to reach our goal?"
"Sometimes, you have no choice," Erza mumbled, "I see that now. I can't go through life with a sword and expect nobody to get hurt. I'm not that foolish. Not anymore."
"Good."
"But you must promise me!" She said insistently, almost desperately, "promise me, that what we do will make this a better world!"
"It will take time and patience," he said, slowly and deliberately, "but yes. I promise- when we are done, we will have created a better world. Swear your allegiance to me, and that is what I will give you. And in return, you will obey me, and help me build this new world order."
She stood quiet, a hopeless look on her face.
"…I'll do it." She finally mumbled, staring down into the floor. "I'll join you. I'll- I'll swear to you."
Inwardly, Aizen smiled widely. Just as planned.
INAPPROPRIATELY TIMED OMAKE TIME
The floor was littered with the corpses of fallen Jedi masters, and Darth Speculo stood tall, putting his menacing hood up over his face, his red light saber deactivating.
"Can you not see, Erza Scarlet, that the jedi order is corrupt?" He said calmly.
"No!" Erza said, trying to will herself to raise her weapon against her enemy.
"Join me, and together we shall bring balance to the force," He said, extending a hand towards her, "together, we will rule this galaxy! Take my hand, and we will rule this empire together, as master and apprentice!"
"…yes," jedi knight Erza said, falling to her knee, "I will join you… master Aizen."
"I name you… Darth Crimson," the sith lord said, cackling contentedly, "arise, my apprentice, and fulfill your DESTINY!"
And that was how Darth Crimson was born, conqueror of stars and definitely not a whiny Hayden Christensen.
Wow, quite a lot happened in this one huh? Erza having to take her first life, finding out the true horrors of the 12th division, and, finally, joining forces with Aizen! Yeah, bet NONE of you saw THAT coming did ya?
I do hope you all enjoyed the omake. I sure did. Expect more of those in the future.
Now, Erza taking a life...We all know that in cannon she possibly wouldn't be able to find the will power to do such a thing. I say POSSIBLY because I know that Erza values her friends more than even her own life, so if it was the ONLY choice, its not outside the realm of possibility. Add to the fact that she has been through a lot more crap than cannon Erza (Her death of her classmates just to name one)and is even MORE protective of her friends, this odds of this happening increase.
But, to the readers who think she made the descion too quickly and hasn't put enough thought into it, or that she got over it too quicly...just wait for the next chapter.
Also, Erza beating a Gillian off screen...Yeah, sorry, just didn't feel important enough to add to the story. Its cool yes, but it dosnt move the plot along. I just wanted you to all be aware that she CAN do that now.
But now that Erza of all people has decided to join up with Aizen, and after seeing what she saw in the 12 division...can you blame her? I cant stand the fact that the gotie 13 just lets mayrui do that kind of thing...and worse. Sad thing is really is that's CANNON. Mayuri may be on the side of the "good guys" but he is no saint. He's a monster. A smart monster who admittedly had a cool moment (he speech on perfection) but a monster non the less. (I don't even need to bring up poor Nemu now do I?) I just cant overlook the horrible things hes done.
If you like him, that's fine...I just cant.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I sure know that I did. Please leave a review on what you thought about this chapter. Reviews always give me more inspiration to continue to have this story continue and I LOVE the feedback, be it positive or negative.