Ancra Mortis Chapter 12

In the haunted nightmarish depths of the Warp a vessel moved, it was a filthy ramshackle creation, rent and torn all over and drifting aimlessly on the Immaterial tides. Bighamma, and she was a terrible sight to behold. Making Warp Translation so deep into a star's gravity well had been a risky move and the ship had suffered terribly under the strain, but against all expectations the vessel had survived her reckless plunge into the madness of the Underverse. Now it drifted free and clear of pursuit.

The vessel was surrounded by the flickering bubble of a Gellar field, pulsing and shorting out due to poor maintenance. Such a state should have seen the Kroozer ripped to shreds by hungry Daemons but the Neverborn were largely ignoring it, all but the smallest dregs steering well clear of the ship. Perhaps it was the innate psychic field generated by Waaagh energy. or perhaps it was the simple brutality of the Greenskin's minds, (there was no innocence here to corrupt, no naivety to exploit) so the Daemons largely ignored the canker in their midst.

On the ship's bridge the Orks were running rampant, screaming and yelling and hitting each other as they sought to assign blame for their defeat. Boyz fell upon each other as they punched and kicked one another, meanwhile Grots ran to and fro kicking fallen Orks, but running away hastily if they showed any sign of waking up. It was pure anarchy, the inevitable result of the Ork's mindset following a battle as their ferocity sought a release, unfortunately it was also wrecking the bridge and the most vital controls.

In the centre of the bedlam Kaptin Razatoof was growling furiously at the sight, growing ever angrier at the noise. He gnashed his one massive steel-clad fang in anger, then in frustration he drew a large bore pistol and fired it up into the air. This had absolutely no effect on the Orks so he levelled his pistol horizontally and began firing it into the crowd, felling Greenskins at random.

After the first few died the Orks noticed the Kaptin's ire and slowly came to a halt, stepping over the bodies to see what their leader had to say. Razatoof gave them a beady eyed stare and proclaimed, "Knock it off ya Gits!"
One of the crowd piped up to say, "But Kaptin we iz in da twisty space!"

Razatoof shrugged and said, "Twisty space ain't so bad, sometimes you get dose big hulks full of grubbins. If you'ze real lukky you even get some of those skittering bugs to fight."
Behind the Kaptian the mekboy Nutgud stepped up and said, "As long as the reality field retains coherence within standard parameters the immaterial index should remain within acceptable limits."

Everybody stared at Nutgud in confusion before he hit himself on the side of the head and said, "Da bubble is gud and sturdy, no gribbly snappers will gets in here… unless we'ze getz bored and fancies a fight a'course."

Razatoof glossed over the interruption saying, "Yeah and remember dat time da big thingy with all dose tentacles an eyes all over it came along an gobbled up Shabug, took fifty Boyz to hack it into bits."

The Orks nodded in remembrance and a few in the crowd made comments like, "Oh yeh, dat were a Larf... Da look on Shabug's face was dead funny... Think i've still got one of its eyes in me pocket."

Razatoof saw the crowd warming up and egged them on saying, "Remember that time we was in twisty space and ran into that big mouldering garden with all the flies and the big pots full 'a muck. We beat up those rotten, one eyed thingies and stole all the fungus beer!"

Now the crowd was really getting into it and they grinned saying, "Dat place stank and da beer tasted like Grot's piss... yeah, but still a gud fight."

Someone at the back of the crowd even said, "I swears I saws an elfy gal locked up in a shiny cage dere… anyone else sees it? No... just me den."

Razatoof fired them up shouting, "We iz da Orks and we always win!" and they cheered to hear the words.

The crowd's good humour was punctured though when a voice rose up saying, "We stills runs away from a fight."

Razatoof glared into the crowds and the Orks parted to reveal the speaker, it was Zakkad, standing there with a new, large mechanical arm that had two massive pincers which continually opened and closed whether he wanted them to or glared angrily at Zakkad and growled, "You'ze got someting to say?"

Zakkad stared back defiantly and said, "You said to leave Big Boss Rotskarr to dem Beakies"
Razatoof waved a hand dismissively and said, "Rotskarr's a Berk, we don'ts need him. Besides remember Rule three: Always makes sure to gets away with da Bestest loot."

The crowd nodded but Zakkad didn't seem convinced, yet before he could pursue the matter the issue was interrupted by a gang of Ork coming onto the bridge. On their shoulders was a lumpy shape of metal and flesh and they marched up to Razatoof and unceremonially dumped the form at his feet, it was Skulcrusha in his armour. The gang fell back, one of them nonchalantly chewing on a bleeding finger he had ripped off the body. Razatoof looked down upon the body for a second then angrily kicked it hard shouting, "Useless prat, I told's him to hold up the Beakies while I'z makin da jump but he goes and gets himself dead and let dem Beakies runs away!"

Nutgud looked at the body and said, "Unfortunate, once one traverses the interdimensional matrix then exit from the interior is extremely perilous."
Without looking Razatoof swung his palm round and cuffed the Mekboy across the head, Nutgud blinked and then said, "Dey be stuck here with us, a dead proper fight."

From the crowd Zakkad called, "Looks like you forgets Rule Two, When you Zog em, Zog em good and 'ard."
Razatoof's head snapped up and he snarled, "What was dat?"

Zakkad glared back defiantly and said, "You sends Skulcrusha to fight instead of you, you'ze gone and left Rotskarr behind whiles you run away. You iz Yella."
Razatoof shouted, "Rite, dats it!" as he drew a cleaver and leapt at the defiant Ork who met him with his pincer raised.

The two Orks came at each other in a frenzy of stabs and slashes, each tearing and ripping each other's flesh in showers of blood. Their skin was quickly smeared with filthy blood but neither seemed to notice, the pain not registering on their primitive brains and the physical damage only making them faster. Razatoof had size and strength on his side but Zakkad had a feral cunning and his mechanical pincer that continually snipped and tore at the Kaptin's flesh.

After a minute the two combatants broke apart and sized each other up, circling around looking for an opening to attack again. Meanwhile all around the bridge the crowd of Orks started chanting, "Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!"
Zakkad glanced about and said, "I alwayz say three rules iz too many, Rule one and Rule two iz enough, dats why you got weak."
Razatoof snarled furiously and growled, "Shut up and fight, ya grot."

The two leapt back into the fray, tearing and gouging once more, Razatoof cut across Zakkad's chest with his cleaver but the other Ork caught him in the shoulder with his pincer and the clashing blades nearly tore his whole arm off. The Kaptin fell back holding his cleaver in his good arm as the crowd started chanting, "Zakkad, Zakkad, Zakkad!"

Zakkad raised his arms high to absorb their adulation but Razatoof was not done yet, he dropped his cleaver and then gathered himself up, charging right at the mutinous Ork and bunching his legs for one mighty leap. Zakkad saw him coming and prepared to stab him but before he could strike the Kaptin jumped high with his good arm outstretched and barrelled into the other greenskin. He wrapped his beefy arm around Zakkad and held on one-handed. The two Orks stood there for a moment and then Razatoof lowered his jaw, distending his mouth in a grotesque manner, until his jaw hung vertically and then he head-butted Zakkad. The force of it snapped his head back but far more dangerous was the Kaptin's enormous, steel shod fang. With a sharp snick, the fang went right into Zakkad's eye and on into his brain and the Ork went deathly still.

Silence fell then Razatoof pushed off the corpse and dropped to his feet as the body fell backwards. The crowd stood frozen in shock then as one they erupted in cheers and the Orks shouted, "Razatoof, Razatoof, Razatoof!" The Kaptin let the cheers continue for a moment as his bizarre physiology began knitting his wound together, fungal growths formed scabs over the rent in his shoulder and then he called, "Rite, knock it off ya gits, gets back to work."

As the crowd broke up Razatoof looked at the two bodies on the decks, smaller grots had already fallen upon the bodies and were stripping them for all they were worth. Razatoof watched them squabbling over shiny bits and scraps of armour and then he addressed one random larger Ork saying, "Hey you, get dat shiny amour on, you be Skulcrusha now."
The Ork looked confused and said, "But Kaptin, im Ard'ead."
Razatoof snarled, "Your Skulcrusha if I says you be Skulcrusha, now gets dressed snappish like."

As the Ork hurried to strip the Mega-armour Nutgud walked up behind the Kaptin and said, "So wut now?"
Razatoof thought about it and then said, "Get your arse up to the Weird Boyz and tells them to point us back to choppy space, we'ze head back to pick up some more Boyz and gets us a proper Waaagh!"

Nutgud nodded and said, "Heads back to the Serrati Stella, aye aye Kaptin."
Razatoof leaned down and hit a grot who had just ripped off one of Zakkad's dead arms at the elbow, the gretchin collapsed in a bloody heap and the Kaptin grabbed the arm before he lifted it to his mouth took a big mouthful and chewed upon it.

Between chews he said, "Orks is never beat in battle… if we win we win, if we die we die fighting so it don't count… If we runz we don't die neither so we'ze can come back for annuver go, see."
"But Kaptin" protested Nutgud, "Wat 'bout Rule two?"

Razatoof swallowed his mouthful and then let out a massive stinking belch and said, "Ah forget about dat… besides when you'ze tink bout it, da rules iz really more of a guideline."