Over the next few weeks the Hufflepuff first years were introduced to male and female deportment and etiquette. For the boys, they were surprised at just how many little rules the women had to live by, as well as how strict the seemingly freer dress code is.
For the girls, they were surprised at how nuanced male dress was, and how something tiny like the pattern on your shoes, or the cut of the lapel on your jacket could tell another man a lot about your status. Even the sound that the heels of your shoes on the cobblestones could be an indication.
They also had trouble with the idea that you were not allowed to show any of the soft emotions, meaning that many of the unspoken rules seemed very contradictory, such as: in public you could laugh, but you couldn't sing, dance, skip, giggle. You could smile broadly, but not softly. Finally, feminine hobbies were a no-no, unless you turned them into your career. Enjoy cooking with your wife? Keep it to yourself. Successful chef? Let everyone know.
The nuances continued on and on and on. That was just in the first hour of each session. The last two hours were spent learning about different articles of clothing as well as body language and how to move. In the women's class, they learnt makeup and the language of fans. In the men's they learnt finances and politics.
Before the end of January, Wayne and Morag both joined Ernest in opting out of the cross-sex training. They still attended the lessons, but as observers only.
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Albus woke up early as was his wont and removed his enchanted earplugs from his ears. Walking out to his office he stops in dismay as he sees Fawkes passed out breast down on his desk. His face crumples as he realises that his whole day is now going to consist of getting to breakfast, getting back to the office, getting to the Wizengamot meeting, and then getting back to Hogwarts again. He'd been leaning on Fawkes to get around his magical ailment by using his familiar's ability to flame to different places. He couldn't even ask for his breakfast to be brought to his office, as the House Elves have started to refuse to be anywhere near arms reach of him.
Woodenly he dresses in his robes and activates the charms to send the pictures soaring around them. Then he makes his way out of his office and down the stairs. Once there, he hugs the Gargoyle before moving toward the circuitous route towards the only door to the Great Hall he's been able to use. On the way he runs into Argus, who freezes awkwardly as he hugs him.
Stammering an apology, he continues to make his way to breakfast. 33 Awkward hugs and 5 mortifying hugs later he makes it to his chair in only 45 minutes. A journey that used to take him 10 minutes, if he stopped to talk to a couple of portraits on the way. Once he's eaten breakfast, the hall is starting to fill up, so he sits patiently until he sees people starting to leave. Making his excuses, he hugs Minerva before he gets far enough away from the table to avoid triggering the curse. An hour later he's made it back to his office. Fawkes is still lying limp on the desk, so there's no hope of his help with the meeting today. So, with a defeated sigh, he prepares himself for the meeting.
Girding himself, he goes through his Floo two and a half hours early. He makes it through the crowds of the atrium and to his seat with only 5 minutes to spare. That was without taking any time to talk to people about the meeting. He'd also been slapped 3 times and propositioned twice, the wizard had been quite cute, so maybe he'd owl him later.
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The meeting itself is full of the interminable dross that the various functionaries deemed important for them to know about. Ranging from the number of cauldron bottoms found to exceed the required tolerances, to the number of muggle obliviations that were required because Aurors made a mistake. At the time most people were bored to tears, Madam Umbridge stood up and in her best drone proposed a new law.
"Lords and Ladies of the Wizengamot, the Ministry would like to propose a new law for our books. We would like the Department of the Regulation of Magical Creatures to start a registry of all rare creature breeding grounds in the United Kingdom. They would also have the power to survey the sites to ensure that the creatures habitat is being kept and not being destroyed. The ministry would also ask that spikes in rare creatures appearing outside their nesting areas be investigated, and the ability to compel the suspected keeper of such a site to reveal the location. This would be to ensure the keeper wasn't abusing the animals under their care. If they were found to be abusing their power, those sites would come under ministry control."
Albus couldn't help it, the last 4 months finally broke his composure and he started laughing out loud at the absurdity of the law. Once he'd recovered enough to stand, he rose to his full height and turned his gaze to the assembled nobles and heads of staff.
"Honoured Lords and Ladies, I feel that you need some context before you consider voting on this motion. I'm sure that you've heard that Harry Potter showed up at Diagon Alley with a new species of Phoenix. We can now confirm that these are actually just female Phoenixes, so for the first time ever there is the chance for new phoenixes to be born, not just nesting phoenixes.
"Also, at last count, we have students with the following familiars 4 female phoenixes, 4 dragons from two unknown sapient magic using species, 2 from a new species called Veild, 1 friendly Demilich, and a scattering of unknown species of owl, bat, a cross between a rabbit and a bird, fairies, glowfrogs, and ravens; all as familiars to members of the Hufflepuff house. The only one of those that seems similar to our own species is the raven. I personally witnessed the bonding of the Demilich as a familiar, a creature that was identified by our DADA professor at the time. It was not done wizard to creature as we would do. Instead, it came from a bone white orb mounted on what seemed to be an obsidian base.
"When the student bound the familiar, the orb and it's base turned into magic and flowed up their arm. It then needed to be summoned, and she seems to have a mental link with the creature. I strongly suspect that the other creatures, that the Ministry is trying to get their hands on with this poorly disguised bill, were bound the same way."
Albus lifts a large tome from the shelf beside his desk and opens it to the laws passed in the 70's, once he finds the law in question he continues.
"I'm sure that you all remember the bill passed at the height of the last war in 1978 that codified what the term compel means. For those that don't I will paraphrase roughly a page of legal speak, legally it means arrested and held until they willingly take veratasium, or they run out of time, at which point they will be charged with obstructing the Ministry of Magic in it's duties and sent to Azkaban for 27 days. After this time, a ministry appointed Legimens will be tasked with retrieving the information in question or confirming that they do not know that information. If they do not have the information, then the Ministry will be required to pay the victim 100g for each day they were kept in custody as well as dismiss the charges with prejudice and a prominent announcement in the national newspaper. This can be found as law 78-6-3 in the official book of laws.
"Those of you with children in Hufflepuff at the moment, think about this definition. For those who have children at Hogwarts, consider that this new magic can only become more widespread. Do you wish your children to subject to over a month of incarceration to determine that they don't know the answer to a question about where their familiar breeds?"
Lord Bulstrode stands as he indicates that he has come to a close, "Chief Warlock, how do you know that these phoenixes are female?"
"Lord Bulstrode, you are aware of the fact that all familiars share a mental bond with their wizard?"
"I am."
"What you may not be aware of, is that a sentient familiar can use the bond to communicated with their bonded. When we first encountered one of these new Phoenixes, his exact words were, 'I'm too young to be a father.' Since then, he has been accosted by the 4 females once every week or so, and performed to exhaustion. Sadly, today was one of those days, so my apologies to those affected by my curse."
"Thank you."
As he sat down, Lord Greengrass stood up, "You mention your curse. Why have you not had that cured?"
"I believe that question is beyond the purview of this body."
"I withdraw my question. I have heard that they are learning new magics, is this related to their familiars?"
"I can confirm that new paths of magic have been discovered, and that the students of Hufflepuff are currently leading the way. I personally, have not had any contact with the magic outside of the sample potion that afflicted me after I overdosed on it. Madam Pomphrey and Professor Snape have since been using the potion to treat the occasional case of Magical Exhaustion successfully. However, as it uses an alchemical process for brewing, it is not currently something we can produce in a large enough supply for the nations needs."
"Would be true to say that the increase in previously unique familiars is linked to the new magic and potions?"
"I cannot confirm that for certain, however it is certainly my supposition. However, my curse has impacted the time I might have used to get involved in the student lead project."
"Thank you, I have no more questions."
As he sat down, after nobody else stood up, he considered the fact that he'd just had to expose his students in order to protect them from Ministry overreach now. He was sure that the Department of Mysteries would be paying a visit to Hogwarts soon, probably under their own cognizance rather than by ministry request. He wrote a note to one of his allies to have them propose to have that definition stricken from the law books. Such definitions should probably be kept out of the law, and instead the exact processes available included in each law that would use them.
He was now sure that Quirrell was Voldemort's agent in the school, but he wasn't sure where Voldemort was. The stone itself was safe in the mirror, which had been moved into the trap. He also considered how he should approach Pomona about the potion she used and if she could put him in contact with the person that traded it to her. He also worried that he'd given out more information than he needed to in order to invalidate that bill, while also balancing the reveal with the number of lords that already had most of that information already from their children visiting over Christmas. Greengrass, Davis, Bones, and Abbott certainly new, Longbottom might know but the Veild were an unknown. He'd not being able to find anything on Liches or Demiliches in the school archives, or even the vaults where many of the more dangerous tomes that couldn't even go in the restricted section were.
Keeping half an ear on the goings on of the court, his afternoon passed quickly fretting over all the things on his plate.
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Given what just happened in the Wizengamot, Croaker decided to make an incognito visit to the school to snag one of the new potions as well as interview some of the children. Especially given that the only person likely to be able to tell he's there is still trying to leave the chambers, and given the number of people trying to talk to him, is probably going to be at least an hour or two hugging his way out.
He shudders as the thought of two people with that curse meeting, it could be a death sentence. Shaking his head he makes his way outside the wards and apparates to Hogsmeade before making his way into the forbidden forest and through the small gap in the wards created some 200 years ago by his department. Carefully ensuring that his departments concealment spells are on, he casually walks through the main doors and heads straight for the hospital wing.
The trip seems to be going well as he dodges around people with practiced ease. Students from every house walking past him until a Hufflepuff nods at him and says, "Afternoon" and carries on.
He quickly checks to see if there's anyone else they could have said it to, and then ducks into one of the many empty rooms and triple checks his charms. Quickly deciding on a plan of action if he's spotted again he rejoins the corridor and continues on his way. He's almost there when another Hufflepuff says "Sorry" as they bump into him.
"It's ok" – he responds in a mournful voice, before suddenly brightening – "You can see me? At last, thank Merlin. I've been like this for ages."
The Hufflepuff sighs, "Oh great, a comedian. Look, I know you probably think you're funny, but I've seen that film too." – When they see Croakers blank look they shake their head and change tack – "Come one, let's get you to the Hospital wing so that they can undo whatever you've managed to screw up. And don't try pulling an invisible man in future, you might not be so lucky next time. Especially if you get caught anywhere near the girls changing rooms."
Before long, he's led into the Hospital wing where he sees Healer Tonks conversing with Madam Pomphrey and Professor… No Potions Master Snape these days.
Croakers escort coughs loudly, "Excuse me Healers, but I have a student that seems to have played with an aging and disillusionment effect and got stuck."
Healer Tonks turns with the others and says, "Oh? Can you point them out please Mr Ganders?"
"They're right here."
Croaker doesn't even try to dodge when she pulls her, marble, wand? Maybe he should have tried to dodge, as she casts Finite Incantum at him and the DOM grade spells, that should have stood up to at least a few castings by Albus 'Deathstick' Dumbledore, splinter and fray before falling apart around him, including the specific transfiguration that's used on their concealing robes.
Unfortunately, that is also the last spell to be stripped.
Croaker just sighs as a wicked grin crosses the healers face.
"Thank you, Mr Ganders, and you are being careful with your spell casting aren't you. I don't want to have to deal with overcharge issues, at least until we no longer need to call in assistance anyway."
"I am Professor, it looks like you've got all the active magic on him, so I'll leave the rest in your capable hands." The strangely androgenous Hufflepuff leaves the hospital wing, leaving him alone without any of his standard protections or identity concealing spells up.
"Algernon Croaker, what a pleasure to meet you. Though, I always thought that unspeakables just used code names."
Caught somewhat on the backfoot, Croaker stumbles over his first few words, "Ah, yes. Well as head of the department, I'm kinda a special case given that most ministers are blithering idiots."
Healer Tonks cocks her head to one side, "Yes, I can see that. I take it you want one of our new potions?"
"Ah, yes actually. I also wanted to chat to some of the students about the new magic and familiars."
"A very common subject around here. What did you want to know?"
"Where does it come from?"
"A direct connection to the Realm of Magic."
Croaker just about stops himself from goggling at the implications of that, "Where do the familiars come from?"
"Don't really know, we buy them in a shop, and they find them floating in the Realm of Magic."
"Could I have the recipe that is used to make the potions?"
Healer Tonks materialises a book out of nowhere, hands him a book from her inventory, "When you can translate that, you can look at the tome the potion recipe is in."
"Where did this… ugh, how did you…, Merlin! what is an inventory? And why do I think you took the book out of one?"
He watches as Healer Tonks takes out a thin tablet and struggles to not let the fact that it is patently impossible slip away from him as she seems to make some notes on the tablet before putting it away and responding to his question.
"Hmm, an inventory is an extra dimensional space that is provided by the interface to store small objects in."
Croaker clutches his head as he's rapidly developing a headache keeping the absurdity of this in mind, "Like a mokeskin pouch?"
"Hmm, kinda, but without the pouch, and with a much much larger capacity and the ability to see what is in there and only pull out the thing you want. Oh and also be able to transfer things to other interface uses inventory, and sell things directly."
"Can you, ugh, prove this interface actually exists?"
"What sort of proof would you like?"
"Anything, just something that people can't deny."
"If you're sure, and as you seem to have a headache, would you like a pain killer?"
"Thank you, but no, just an escort out of the grounds."
He feels a bit queer all over his body, but he doesn't have the concentration to spare on the feeling, as the Healer says, "Potions Master, would you be able to escort the poor man to the wards, as I think my presence is causing him some distress."
He feels Snape take his elbow and guide him roughly out of the side door of the Hospital Wing and around the castle to the main gates. His gait feels funny as he walks.
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It's well after dinner by the time Albus staggers through the Floo to his office. His arms feel like wet noodles and his back hurts from leaning down to hug so many people. As he looks around his office, he notes that there's no sign of Fawkes there. With a great deal of effort, he manages to pull the paperwork and notes of the session out of the expanded pocket of his robes and drop them on his desk. Staring at him in large loopy script is a note that says, 'Ask a healer about your curse'.
Grabbing his wand with one hand he groans in pain as he waves it to one side to pull his chair out before letting his arm hang limp again while dropping the wand on his desk.
"Mipsy, Tipsy, Any house elf that's listening? Would you be able to ask a healer to visit me please?"
When he gets no response he slumps in his chair in despair. He's getting too old for this.
Around 20 minutes later, he gets a ping through the entry ward on the Gargoyle causing him to jerk awake.
"Let them in" he calls out to the ward.
Moments later, his door opens to admit Andromeda, who takes one look at him sitting there with his arms hanging limply at his sides before drawing her wand.
"You really should take more care of yourself, as you've somehow managed to tear your biceps slightly."
"Is there anything you can do about it," – He forces himself not to use her first name – "Healer Tonks?"
She casts a quick spell and the pain in his arms reduces a great deal, a second spell sees his wand arm in a sling.
"Now I'm only going to do one arm, as you'll be a bit stuck if I did both. Try not to use them though, as they need 24 hours rest for the spell to finish healing your muscles."
"I fear that may not be possible, as I am under a curse that causes me to hug everyone that gets too close."
Andromeda waves her wand again, "Oh! hmm. I see." She then pulls out a strange device and holds it up to her ear, "Hello L? Yes, I appreciate that it's late. I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you now. No, it can't wait as the headmaster has a curse that makes him hug people. I see, yep, yep, well that's better than we had already. OK, we'll see you Saturday week in the morning."
She then puts the strange device away, "Well, the good news is that it's easy to fix. The bad news is that the people that can do it are currently very busy with their own classes and can't get here until next Saturday. So as the Healer in charge of your health at the moment, I am remanding you to the Hospital wing for the weekend until your muscles have healed."
He tries to react, but the red light of a stunner catches him in the forehead and the world goes dark.
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It took Madam Umbridge a few days to get enough support to have a decree signed stating that she has the power to request information on the source of these rare creatures. She takes the request to the DMLE, where a highly amused Madam Bones meets her.
"Madam Umbridge, to what do I own the pleasure of your company this fine morning?"
"I trust that you remember the statement that the Chief Warlock gave last Friday in his capacity as headmaster?"
"I do indeed. Why do you ask?"
"I have found enough support amongst the Ministry Staff to have this decree signed."
Amelia takes the decree and unrolls it, being careful not to damage the official seal on the base of the document.
"I see, after reading this, I'm still not sure why you are here."
"Ah, you see. It wouldn't be proper for one of my position to question a child without witnesses to show that I am doing nothing untoward. So I was hoping that you would be able to spare 3 or 4 reliable Aurors to accompany me to the school."
"Are you sure that it needs a visit?"
"Of course, otherwise how will I ask for clarification if the answer isn't straightforward? After all, a truthful answer might be utterly useless to us as it only leads to more questions."
"That's understandable. Not sure why you want an Auror escort though."
"Not an escort, observers. Aurors are impartial arbiters of the law, so if I have a few as character witnesses, nobody can accuse me of impropriety later."
Amelia sighs, "Very well, the earliest I can have them ready will be Saturday, as it's Valentines day Friday so we're already short staffed."
"That will be perfect, we can't be interrupting classes for something as minor as this. Thank you for your time."
Once she has left Amelia gets up from her desk and heads to the door of her office, "Moody!"
"Yes Bones?"
"You busy Saturday?"
"No more than normal."
"You are now, find our two least imposing Aurors. We're heading up to Hogwarts to look like muscle for Madam Umbridge."
"Look like muscle?"
"Well, officially we're going to be there as impartial observers while she asks a child where they got their familiar."
"Ah, look like muscle. I think Doris in magic detection is still current with her training."
"Check to see if she's happy going elsewhere. As I have a feeling that we're not going to be staying in Hogwarts."
"Heading to the mysterious place you keep disappearing to?"
"Probably, we'll have to see."