Sam winced as she looked at the clock. Two and a half hours. That's all she'd slept before the pain came back. It started as a dull ache, but it wasn't enough to keep her from falling asleep. She had managed to deal with it and closed her eyes. As she settled into sleep she did what she always did, she rolled onto her side. Nothing new there. However, this time the movement sent a wave of nauseating pain through her body. All she could do was hold on to her pillow, burying her face into it to muffle the cry of pain that escaped her lips. Eventually it subsided a bit, and she tried to get herself on her back to hopefully relieve the pressure she had put on her injury. That only caused more pain and she decided that she was stuck on her side. And there she had remained for the next hour.
Now it was 3:30 and she was still fighting this horrible pain, and trying to find a way through it that didn't involve waking a certain someone down the hall.
As she lay there watching the minutes tick by ever so slowly, she wondered how she'd gotten any sleep in the infirmary. She had rolled onto her side there, she was sure of it, but she didn't have the pain she was having now. Then it occurred to her: the morphine drip. She was on the morphine drip. Janet had it set up to keep her pain to a manageable level, and now the morphine was no longer in her system. She wished she had taken Jack's suggestion and taken the pain meds Janet had sent.
"Stupid me, thought I could handle it." She whispered to herself, "You're a soldier, you said, suck it up, you said. Forge ahead...What the hell was I thinking?" She was taking in ragged breaths and she was covered in sweat. She shook her head, knowing what she had to do. She took a few more deep breaths and called out, "Jack? Jack can you hear me?" He had closed the door when he left her, and she was afraid he wouldn't be able to hear her cries. She decided to try to turn on the light, but the pain was too great and she missed the pull chain on the lamp, instead landing her arm on the end table, sending the books and pictures on it crashing to the floor.
She tried again, "Jack? I need help. Jack?"
He came flying through the door in no time, still half asleep, "Sam? What's wrong?" He had definitely been sleeping. His shorts and t-shirt were disheveled and his hair was standing up every which way. When he finally cleared his head he sat on the edge of the bed, "You ok?"
She shook her head, "No...the pain...Jack...I thought I could handle the pain." She winced and sucked in a breath, "I've been lying here for an hour and it won't let up."
Jack let out a sigh and sent a look of frustration her way, "Dammit Sam! Why didn't you just take the pain meds? You know I didn't buy the whole 'I can handle it' thing this afternoon. I was just hoping you'd come to your senses before it got to this. Enjoying your little pain party?" Sam didn't answer. He could see she was still trying to cover with him and now it was making him angry, "What the hell are you trying to do? Huh? Kill yourself with the pain? Or maybe you'd just like to drive me crazy watching you suffer when you don't have to?" He'd spat out the words a little more harshly than he intended, but he got his point across.
She shook her head, the wall of her façade collapsing in front of his eyes, "I'm sorry," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I'm sorry."
He grasped her hand and tenderly touched her cheek with the other, "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound to get mad. It's just,why would you want to chance having to deal with the pain?" He looked at her. He got his answer in her eyes and she turned to look away, "Oh," he said, shaking his head, "Sam, it's just you and me. No air force. No having to be strong in front of the guys." He took a deep breath, "God you're stubborn, you know that." He waited for a response from her. But she wouldn't look at him. "Sam, I know how strong you are. I've been witness to your strength hundreds of times. But that doesn't mean that you can't accept help. Accepting help doesn't make you weak. Is that why you wouldn't take the meds?"
Sam continued to look away from him, "I didn't want to let you down, Jack." She said, "I wanted to prove to you that I was going to be ok. That you didn't have to feel guilty because you weren't there when I got hurt. That I wasn't that bad..." She stopped, breathing in and out several times, "I didn't want you to worry about me."
"Dammit Sam, sometimes you drive me nuts." He got up and went towards the door, "I'll go get the meds and and the ice pack, and then we'll get you set up a little better to sleep, ok?"
She nodded her head, "Okay," she responded wearily.
Jack returned in a minute with a glass of water and pill in one hand and an ice pack in the other. "Here, take this," he said, handing her a pill and a glass of water. He helped her turn over enough so she could take the pill. "Okay, now, let's see if we can't get you into a semi-seated position here and relieve some of that pressure your putting on the injury." He looked at her. She handed him the now empty glass and he set it on the nightstand. "On three." She nodded, "One, two, three..." He lifted and turned her so she was on her back. She let out a painful cry as he positioned a pillow on either side of her. "Sorry," he said, "I know this hurts. But the meds should kick in in oh about 20 minutes. In the meantime," he said climbing up on the other side of the bed and lying down next to her, "let's get some ice on that back. That should help with the pain until the meds kick in."
Sam nodded as Jack moved a pillow and got the ice pack on her injured back. "Thank you," she said, "That's feels better already."
"Ok," said Jack, suddenly a little nervous, "You want me to go? I could check in on you in a bit?"
"Stay," said Sam, reaching for his hand, "At least until I fall asleep...or well, I mean its already 3:30, so if you want, you might as well stay til morning." She was holding back on telling him that she didn't want to be alone, that his presence alone was making her feel better.
"Okay," he said, getting settled next to her, "Is your position okay?"
"Well, almost. C'mere." She said, and patted the mattress next to her. Jack scooted over a bit and turned on his side to face her."I've been thinking of my dad a lot tonight, you know? I could really use him right now." He nodded, Her voice was thick with emotion, "But he's not here, and I think you're the only other person I'd let see me like this. The only other person I'd want with me while I'm like this. So, I was wondering if maybe you could just hold me for awhile, I mean, untilI fall asleep?"
"I'd be happy to," said Jack, moving over close to Sam, being careful not to move the ice pack he strategically placed over the pillow. She lifted her head so he could put his arm under her neck, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. He snaked his other hand over her stomach and she laid her hand on top of his."How's this?" he asked,
"Good," she said, sleepily, "Hey, I think the drugs are taking effect. I'm so sleepy."
"Okay then, go to sleep. You need your rest. I'll be right here if you need me." With that statement he turned his head and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"Thanks, Jack." She said as she drifted off to sleep. "See ya in the mornin'"
"G'night Sam," said Jack and they drifted off to sleep together.