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Everyday Is A Winding Road

Chapter 3: A Sharp Bend In The Road

It was inevitable that they would end up here, after all, she had been the one who insisted she speak to him about the issue and it's not like a coffee shop is the best place to have a private and personal conversation. So this was the reason they were now sitting on a dark coloured sofa at Bobby Goren's apartment, sat either end, as far away from each other as the sofa would allow.

This wasn't because he didn't want to sit near her, it was because he was feeling anxious of the looming conversation and where it would ultimately lead.

Not a sound was being made, just the rubbing of Alex's fingers on the arm of the sofa as her nerves took control of her hand and the ticking of Bobby's clock that sat atop of the TV, reminding them that time was passing by. If this really were a counselling session, she would be allowing herself to believe that she could possibly be running out of time and that once the hour was up the proverbial bell would ring and she would be saved from having to confess anything or admit feelings she didn't truly want stirring up.

Alex stopped her hand from moving and clasped it to her other hand to stop the Bobby like twitching she had started but hated. She wanted to speak and she even knew what she wanted to say but the words failed her. Again.

Bobby sighed and tried to resist the urge to speak, he knew that she needed to be the first one to say something, it didn't matter what she said and he wished she knew that because all she had to do was start. And although she had started at the coffee shop he knew that the time between that moment and this would have changed the flow somewhat - she needed to start again.

"Why am I alive?" it was barely a whisper and Bobby thought he had dreamt the words up until he turned to face and saw her tired looking face staring at him, waiting. Waiting for an answer. He went back over the words to re-form them so he could understand what she had said and he blinked.

He didn't really understand the meaning behind her question. "E-Excuse me?" He looked at her as she struggled with forming a response.

"The others... they all died." The words were whispers and she was fighting tears and she looked at him before speaking again, with a little more volume. "But I didn't. How come I survived and they didn't?"

"Be-Because you escaped, you held on and managed to free yourself." Bobby replied but even whilst he was speaking she was shaking her head.

"No." she said, simply. "The others were - were tortured and killed within one night, within hours." her anger was beginning to resurface. "What the hell makes me so special that I got to live? That she took her time with me and not the others?"

Bobby didn't know exactly how to answer that, they had already gone over the fact that Jo Gage had gone for Alex, then killed Amanda, dumped Amanda off and then didn't return for Alex. How could he explain that clearer than he alread had? He knew her thoughts were irrational, creating a brick wall inside her mind whilst she was trying to deal with the feelings of the aftermath of what had happened to her. He realised that this brick wall was made up of many layers and he knew that she needed to speak to someone who was an expert. Unfortunately, she saw him as the expert and her best friend and he knew that pushing Alex in one direction meant that she was going to go the other. "You know what happened... I showed you the - the timeframe... You were resourceful and escaped from a..." he tried to search for the right words. "a hell that seemed to you to be inescapable." His sentence trailed off into another uncomfortable silence that ended when Alex just shook her head and turned away from him.

"Don't you think that you - you deserved to live?" He asked her, just to break the silence. She turned sharply towards him and seemed to be angry at him.

"More so than the others? No, I don't think so." Her voice seemed dark and Bobby suddenly felt like he was loosing her all over again but this time it was to herself and the anger that she was burying herself in.

"That's because you're a good person and you care about people. That was... That is why you are a cop and that's why you think you weren't worthy of surviving but Eames it's not really about that. You escaped, it isn't anything that made them less worthy - they just didn't get the chance to escape." Bobby stood up and walked over to the other side of the room whilst he spoke.

Alex stared at him. "Please don't do that." she said, in a dangerously low voice. He looked at her with confusion. "I don't want counselling because I don't want the physco-analytic crap that they pull and I certainly don't want it from you the same way you do with suspects. I don't want you in my head." Alex pursed her lips together tightly and turned away from him trying desperately control her anger, she knew it shouldn't be directed at him and she was cursing herself for the words that she had just spoken.

Bobby didn't look at her whilst he sat down, he hadn't expected her outburst and he hadn't thought he was doing that but then he had no real way of knowing, that was just who he was. "Eames." He said just to break the silence that was looming again. "I'm sorry." She looked at him as he sat at the other end of the sofa and she eyed him carefully. "I never meant for that to happen to you. I tried... I tried to find you but Declan..."

"What about Declan?" she interrupted, still angry and not hiding it. "What did he say, huh?"

"Eames..." he tried to get a chance to explain but he watched as Alex stood up and took an aggressive stance to him.

"What about him? Cause I heard that even when you thought it was him... Heck, even when all evidence pointed to him you made excuses to save him from getting charged. I was told all about that." She standing tightly, her hands scrunched into tight fits up at her sides from the anger and tension that was building up inside her. "You were concerned about him because of who he was to - to you. Did you forget about me?" Her voice rising as Bobby stood up quickly and they stood opposite each other.

"No!" He almost shouted. "No... I - I didn't know what to think... I couldn't believe - I just couldn't believe it was him... and it wasn't."

"You didn't know that it was Jo though... you never even considered her, even when Declan was coming into question you didn't even think about her, just yourself."

"That's not fair, that's not true. You're just saying that out of... spite because what? You blame me. Well..." Alex was about to interrupt him again when Bobby held up his hand for her to stop. "You weren't there!" as soon as the words were out he regretted them. Her face was that of shock and she couldn't believe he had said that to her. He watched her face show a full range of emotions including anger, shock, fear and even a little of hate was evident, especially in the way she looked at the floor and then back at him, dead on, face-to-face and eye-to-eye.

"No, no I wasn't." She was barely audible when she spoke and the tears were starting to fall, even as she tried to stop them. "But that would be because I was kidnapped by her to get to her father through you." She raised her voice to a higher level than before. "It should have been you... I was never involved in it. It was never about me, it was about you, her and him. She should have taken you! That would have got his attention!" The tears were stinging her eyes as she looked at her partner with so much anger she could barely see.

"Eames, please..." Bobby felt helpless as she just spoke over him in a raised voice that was almost frightening and heart wrenching.

"Don't! I don't want to hear that you're sorry and I don't want to hear what you think or what brilliant explanation you've got for me. You know what?" She grabbed her coat and headed for the door, knocking books accidentally from the side table. "There isn't one!!" She opened the door and slammed it behind her, the shock wave that flew through the wall knocked a small picture off the wall that had been placed near to the door.

Bobby rubbed his face and stared at the closed door in shock. He had known that it was going to be bad but he hadn't expected her to blow up in the way that she had. Bobby just wasn't good at handling people that were close to him, if she had been a suspect like she had said that would never have gone that way, he could have found a way to control the situation and get to the heart of the matter but with Alex, he found that he wasn't too good at understanding her and he felt that was because she knew his capabilities and she chose not to be understood.

He looked at the picture on the floor, the glass cover smashed and the wooden frame detached at two corners and with sadness he noted that it was the one of Alex, himself and his mother at Carmel Ridge on that special day where his mother had been well and happy and Alex had been in a good mood and they were solid in their partnership and friendship - that day had been two years ago and his mother hadn't a had a day quite like it since but he and Alex had. He didn't know how to fix this and he didn't know how to fix his mother.

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It was raining and Alex felt it suited her mood perfectly. She was sat in her car outside of her house, not wanting to venture inside. A couple of times now she had gone home to discover someone else there, first with Jo Gage and then last night with Mike Logan, although one experience was different from the other she suddenly felt an irrational fear that stopped her from entering her home. She didn't want anything bad to happen to her. What if something else was waiting for her? What if Bobby had beaten her there and was waiting for part 2? Alex shook her head and knew she was being stupid but she couldn't bring herself to get out the car.

Instead, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. Her home number, not the home she was sat outside of but the home she grew up in. She felt herself crumble as the ringing continued in her ear and then stop just give her that dooming message - You've reached the Eames residence, sorry we're not in right now, please leave a message and one of us will get back to you. The voice, of course, belonged to her brother Eric simply because her parents didn't want to record their voices to some electronic gadget that any stranger could hear when they ring.

Alex slammed the cell shut and she considered going there anyway but she didn't want to be alone and if no one was answering the phone it usually meant no one was in. She threw the cell onto the dashboard and began tapping her fingers on the steering wheel and then looked back at the cell, grabbing it suddenly and she flipped it back open and gave a deep sigh as she began dialling another number, one she didn't usualy dial but one she had been given in case she needed it.

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