Trust
Chapter 3
(Rika POV)
We were back home, back to the sand that would freak me out each day. I thudded onto the bed, listening to it creak.
"Gaara." I said softly but loud enough for him to hear. "Grand-ma gave me something today."
I had my eyelids modestly dropped and stared at my fingers. For some reason I was a little nervous.
"What did she give you?" he asked me in his monotone voice.
"Pills. Pills that will allow you to sleep without anything to happen."
"I don't believe they will work." he retorted sternly and rushed to the door.
"Try it at least!" I demanded and rushed to my feet stomping my left foot.
He stopped suddenly. I was a little scared, fearing I might have angered him. But I didn't. As he turned around my scared eyes met his cold ones. But he nodded, yes he nodded.
"Alright. Here take this. I will sit over there in case anything happens." I explained to him and placed a small pink pill in his hand. Just as he was about to protest I interjected. "Don't worry, I can handle you. I wont let you sleep for long enough if I sense danger." My eyes pierced his, hoping he would just try at least and not argue any further. His was to protect this village after all and to represent his family to the outside. I, was not a part of this family and so he had to make sure, that noone out there would ever find out it was an arranged marriage serving this weird purpose. They should believe that we were actually happy. Though Gaara did not bother to try and fake it. To him it was out of the question, he wouldn't even know how to.
(Rika POV End)
Each of them wore a ring, she was always at his side and he would protect the village and take part in meetings. That's what he believed to be marriage and being a Kazekage about. His siblings would not try to tell him otherwise either. Though he had to admit, that he enjoyed the company a little. Just because she was not scared. She wouldn't force a smile onto her lips as her siblings or people that just felt bad for him. She wouldn't need a minute to collect herself before talking to him, praying to stay unharmed. She was blunt, yet she would tell him in a way he would understand it without upsetting him. He sensed her fear at times, the fear that he would hurt her. Knowing she was strong and would know how to defense herself, didn't quiet encourage her. The monster would stay connected to the name Gaara and the 'Love'- Tatoo.
And even if he had to realize that a person that would agree to marry him feared him at times, each time she reminded him how much he had changed into a better person, he felt a hand nobody could see patting his shoulders, wishing it would be his mothers – the woman whose life he took. Wishing he would hear her say that her sacrifice wasn't for nothing and that she would be proud of him. Yet he was nothing to be proud of. A victim of a crazy father and wicked society. Yet there were two people besides his siblings that looked past this 'Monster' and at the human inside him. The fact that Naruto had gained so many friends, kept him going. "I want to become like Naruto." He had often told his wife. The only dream she knew about. A dream too obvious. And when she told him, that he had already achieved a little more than Naruto, and that being the ruler of a country, he felt something row in his heart. And even if he didn't have as many friends yet. He had Naruto's friendship in a way. They were more than just alike.
And knowing that Rika hadn't left his side yet, though she was free to go, and that she stuck to him, trying her hardest to be a friend to him, he actually felt something thaw. A part of the huge shell he had built up. Little by little it thawed with everything he did for his people. With every "Thanks" he heard of one of those he protected. 'Love heals those wounds caused in your heart.' He rememberd his uncle telling him. But where to find love?
It's not like becoming Kazekage, something he would have become either way after his father's death. But he was afraid to ask, believing he might get to hear that there was nothing like love for him. After all, he promised himself only to love himself. 'Maybe that's where I missed my chance and made a pact with fate. No Love for Gaara.'
"Try." she pressed further. Gaara gave in. What was there to lose? It was hard to prove his people that he was not a monster anymore, but if he was able to control it, there was less for him to fear.
"Alright." he nodded firmly and sat next to the woman. Swallowing the pill she got to her feet and sat down on the chair. Gaara felt a little uneasy to have a woman watch him sleep, even though he had never slept before. But smart as she was, she judged from his looks and left the room. "I will come in a few minutes to check on you."
As the door fell shut Gaara laid down. He noticed something weird in her behaviour, yet he couldn't tell what it was. Was it some kind of fear? Fear of his monster's outbreak?
(Gaara POV)
I tossed around in the big bed for quiet a while. Sleep was hard. You would have to lay still and wait to fall asleep. But I wasn't tired, I was used to an enormous lack of sleep. So how was I supposed to fall asleep? Besides, your body rests and you don't notice anything going on around you. People could come in here and steal things, somebody could scribble onto his face, just like Kankuro would on Temari's when she was fast asleep. No, sleep is actually more dangerous than what he thought. Somebody could kill you while you sleep. So it might not be me killing someone but me getting killed….
(Gaara POV)
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(Rika POV)
There was one thing that wouldn't leave my mind since ever I dropped the pill from my hand into his. Sleep for him would mean we actually had to share a bed. Not like it was now, that I slept and he would sit in bed for a while, scribblingon some papers and sit somewhere outside for the rest of the night. Now, if these pills worked and he was willing to take them, we would share a bed like a married couple does. Side by side.
I had waited for long enough and knocked on the door as quiet as possible. Upon hearing no answer, no groan, nothing I entered. And yes he was asleep. Though as expressionless his face was, it was neither hinting some anger nor happiness, It was just perfect. And even I had to admit, that there was something cute about watching him sleep. I wonder how it will be to him once he wakes up. First he would lay still as a stone. But as I sat on my chair watching him sleep for about half an hour, he started to toss around a little. Was he having a nightmare? I heard once that dreams are gates to your inner self. Was he being confronted with his inner self righ tnow? His past?
I played with the thought of waking him up as I saw his tossing increasing, yet I would let him have his sleep. And a small part was even afraid that he might slice me, he always had a kunai hidden somewhere in his clothes. Yes, I had to admit, that I was still a little scared of him, though I would assure him at any time without hesitating that I was not. I was just lying, like his family. They all were still afraid of what he is and what he was. As much as they would wish for it not to be so, it was.
(Rika POV End)
Heavy breathing and sweating all over his body the young man woke up. Sitting up straight to face the woman that had been watching him sleep he tried to hide the fact that he had nightmares. "I hate sleep."
"Oh it couldn't have been that bad." Rika stomped her foot and rushed over to him. Sitting on the bed's edge she hesitated to brush his cheek with the back of her hand as she would always do whenever her brother had tossed in his bed because of pain. Though her hand rested in her lap, where it was safer.
"All these images." he twitched a little. "My Past, The Present."
"I am sorry. I guess it's a bad idea then." Her head dropped a little. Mixed emotions of joy, little joy, and sadness. She was wished for him to live an ordinary life, but it was up to Gaara after all.
(Gaara POV)
I felt relieved at the same time though. My body felt lighter, my mind felt free. I wanted to tell her, yet I couldn't. I had grown up in a way where I knew that whatever others knew about me, could hurt me. I felt vulnerable telling her about these thoughts. She knew me better than anyone was supposed to already anyways. 'If you want others to trust you, you have to trust them first. Let them be a part of your life. You say you want somebody to share happiness, hate and sadness with? Let them in first.' I recalled my brother's words. Was he right? Would I need to let her know about my thoughts so she would trust me?
"I feel relieved though." I stammered, lowering my head a little so she could not look into my eyes. My piercing eyes had always been signalizing danger and my mood, now I turned them away from the person I should trust in order to hide the emotions creeping up inside me. "My body feels lighter and my mind feels free. I feel as though whatever was on my mind all day had been digested and new thoughts could fill my brain. As though-" I hesitated, raising my head a little to catch a glimpse of her face. "A new day had come."
(Gaara POV End)
"So you want to keep taking them?" The woman asked carefully, trying to look into his eyes he still kept turned away.
"I could give it another try, yes." he nodded approvingly before she stood up and strode over to the huge doors that led onto the balcony.
"I am glad to hear that." she turned around on her heels and beamed at him again. Though the man's sweat covered face wouldn't move a muscle.
"Seriously, if you don't ever try and smile, your muscles will get all stiff and you can't ever use them." she complained and sticked her tongue out. Every now and then she would tease him, hoping his shell woudld crack.
'I want to be able to share happiness, sadness and hate with someone.'
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Another fast update. :
I am glad you guys like my story so far, though I hope on seeing more reviews. :(
When writing this chapter, which turned out to be longer than I had expected, something came to my mind. Know the song Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit? I think it would perfectly fit for Gaara, don't you think?