Spending my Time Thinking of You

Chapter 8

(Gaara POV)

I lingered some more on the balcony inhaling the soft breeze of dry air.

My heart, it had felt funny when she wrapped her thin arms around me. I am glad to see you are still alive. I chuckeled. I had believed my heart died long ago when I was told to love myself. Now it actually felt awkward. Was it ok? Might I suffer from something similar to Rei's sickness?

I strode past our bed, catching a glimpse of the woman wrapped into the bedsheets. A sigh escaped her lips. Asleep already?

I shuffeled my feet down the hall. I had put off my robe already, leaving me in black clothes.

I knocked onto my brother's door waiting for him to open.

"Who Is it at this late hour?" I heard his familiar voice growl.

"Your brother." I retorted casually.

"Oh." I heard Kankuro's voice drop. "Come inside."

I did as ordered and entered. A stinging scent met my nose. I fought the urge to cover my nose. It was a somewhat manly sweaty scent and the scent that would linger in every room here. Sand isn't smelling you say? I say it is. At least it causes your nose to itch every now and then.

"I want to talk to you." I caught his attention. Dropping whatever magazine he was reading off the right side of his bed, he got to his feet. I noticed a swift movement of his, shoving his magazine under the bed. I didn't bother about it.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he woke me up.

"What's this feeling." I asked hovering my right hand over my heart.

"What? You got heart-ache?" he asked me gesturing for me to go on talking. I didn't respond. "Love-sick?" Kankuro gibed.

"What's it like?" I interjected. My brother's expression froze as though I had given him this special look of mine again, this threatening look. But my expression kept stale.

"Being Love-Sick? Well." he touched his chin, thinking. I patiently awaited his answer.

"You, euhm. You miss someone, really bad." he stammered. Scratching the back of his head he continued. "You miss someone you care a lot for or love even. You." he paused, stretching the last part in the you. "You feel as though a part is missing, I suppose."

I nodded approvingly, singalizing that I had understood. "Well then I am not love-sick." I retorted casually, my head modestly dropped and my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Good." Kankuro siad. "No not good. Well…" he scratched his head again. "Good you aren't feeling love-sick. Euh…You know what I meant anyways." Kankuro's voice wore off.

"But the feeling I meant is like a shock runing through you. Starting at your heart it rushes on through every of your limbs. What is that?"

"Hm." His older brother thought hard. "You were horny?" Kankuro suggested shrugging. "I'm not the right person to ask such things." Now that I was sure I wasn't. Or was I? How would I know to begin with?

I turned around on my heels. "I suppose I will ask Temari about that then."

Leaving my brother in a stunned state I was sure to have heard a relieving sigh as soon as he was sure I wouldn't hear him anymore.

---

Finally I found my sister in the kitchen. Preparing food? It seemed that way, or whatever you call useless attempts at cutting a carrot into little pieces the same size. She wasn't a born cook, hence why we had people cooking for us.

"Temari." I tried to catch her attention. Just as expected she winced.

"You scared me there for a moment." she chuckeled nervously. You would have been scared if you knew I am coming too I bet. You will always be a little afraid I fear.

"I want to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" Temari looked around as though she expected somebody standing behind her.

"Yes, you my sister." I retorted casually, yet a little annoyed she treated me like air.

"Sis-. Yes of course. What's the matter?" She asked politely and gestured for me to sit down. Surprised I called you sister? This family sure is cracked up.

"Why do people have this feeling, that goes through each of their limbs. Like a shock."

"Somebody scared you?" Temari suggested, looking dumbfounded.

"No." I retorted and hovered my hand over my heart once again. "It starts here. It's not a bad feeling. As though." I searched for the right words. But how would I know? I never bothered to read nor any other kind of literature that would help me describing what I felt right now. Other than this one poem Rika showed me once. Her brother wrote it, or so she told me. I hadn't met them for two and a half years now. I wonder wheter they are worried about their younger sister and me together here in this huge building. Or wheter they are afraid what I might do.

"It's like a rush of emotions. Giddy might describe it a little." I felt my non-existant pride sinking. Something about this made me feel weak. No shield of sand could protect me from my feelings I had to realize at some point. And lately, my feelings were just as unstable as any sand-castle.

"Oh. I understand now." Temari grinned. She grinned? Why would she grin at me? "I suppose you've got a crush." She playfully punched my upper arm.

"A crush?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Or." she hesitated. "You were just feeling this because…" I saw her face muscles straining to a thinking pose.

"I just felt this way because nobody ever dared to touch me." I retorted sternly and strode past my sister. "Thanks for the talk." were my last words before I had left the kitchen. No crush, sister. Just something I had never really expierenced. Touching. Would she keep hugging me? Was she feeling the same? Or was she actually familiar with that feeling? Or didn't she feel it at all?

Since ever I had questioned my existance my mind hadn't felt this full. And what if I had a crush? How would I know I really have? Is there anything like signs? How would I notice?

(Gaara POV End)

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(Rika POV)

I entered the dimly lit room again. The scent of alcohol and the smell a hospital usually had from various desinfection fluids met my noise. How I hated this smell. Yet another reason why I would never work here. Same room, same number but not the same picutre met my eyes. "Rei?" I stammered. A thin, fairly tall man was sitting in his bed gazing out of the window. "Hello Rika." he retorted wearily. His hair had already grown so long ago. It was pitch black was longer than shoulder-length. As his head spun around I saw his bangs moving along with his movements. Bangs from his side parting covered his right eyes. His eyes were nearly as black as Gaara's. I tried my best at hiding my tears. You've spent too much of your youth here already.

"Hey Hey." he smiled. "Don't give me that look, girlie."

"Heh." I lowered my head. "How are you doing?"

"As always." He retorted casually and shifted aside to give me some space to sit. 'As Always' would mean something like 'I can bear with the pain.'

"What else is there on your mind?" he asked me, turning his gaze away again. Reluctantly I sat down. "A lot. But mostly." I hesitated. "He is back."

I felt my brother twitch behind me. "Everybody was thinking he would, but it's earlier than expected."

"My problem is, that I got good friends with Gaara and I am actually happy to be in this marriage, even if it's just, well fake. But now that he is back, I feel the old times again, how things used to be. The time we shared. And I want it back, knowing it's wrong. There's nothing like it used to be anymore." I leant against my brother's side while talking. It had been long since I was last this close to him. Everything had changed so fast.

"Obviously you are confused. But ask yourself this question, who do you think means it honest? Concerning caring for you."

"What would you suggest?" I asked, turning around to look into his eyes. His face was so pale, he looked older than the 17 years he was.

"Caring for you as a brother I would tell you to forget him. There's somebody new caring about you, and that is Gaara. But I also do know, that it's your heart deciding, and you feel different about things than others do. You are unqiue after all." He cracked a smile. Weak but I saw it.

"I am not sure wheter Gaara even cares this much." my voice dropped. "I believe he just sees it as his duty as a husband, nothing more."

"Prove yourself. Go and see yourself wheter he really does." He gently pushed me off the bed. "Oh and by the way, tomorrow's family meeting."

"Ack. Great. Means Gaara has to be present too? Just because my relatives want to see my husband." I gibed, sticking my tongue out.

"There wont be a lot coming."

(Rika POV End)

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(Gaara POV)

I sat on the bed, thinking about each night that I had shared this with a woman.

I heard the door creak behind me. "Back already?"

"Yes." she retorted. There was something I liked about her voice. Did that count as a crush?

"There's a meeting at my house tomorrow. Family meeting. And you have to come with me." I was informed.

"I see. I guess it will be nice to meet your family again. How's your brother doing?" I asked, hoping she would acknowledge my interest in her family.

"He's doing better. He will be present tomorrow. " I noticed a slight smile.

"You are happy, right?" I asked her, nearly smiling back even. Why did they move on their own, my muscles?

"Yes I am." she retorted happily and thudded onto the bed. "And what where you doing today?"

I thought for a while. Would it seem wrong to tell her? Would she even find it cute? Though I had never been sure of the right definition for cute, it seemed as though every had his own.

"I spent my time thinking of you." There I had said it and this feeling crept up on me again. I was not suffering from a heart-disease, was I? Maybe Temari was right, it was indeed something like a crush. Or was I horny as Kankuro suggested? I guess that wouldn't fall into the right category.

"That's cute." she rolled onto her back and looked up at me. And once again I saw her smile. And I smiled back, as good as I could. One moment, lasting forever.

'In physiology, a smile is a facial expression formed by flexing muscles most notably near both ends of the mouth, but also around the eyes. Among humans, it is customarily an expression of pleasure or amusement, but can also be an involuntary expression of anxiety, in which case it can be known as a grimace. There is much evidence that smiling is a normal reaction to certain stimuli and occurs regardless of culture.'

That's the definition I had looked up today. I remember now why I never fancied books, they were just confusing. Are you smiling at me out of amusement or pleasure? Or is it anxiety?

Either way, I believe smiles are great.

(Gaara POV End)

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I know the last part was somewhat Sai-like but I just felt it would fit somewhat. :

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you catch me in a good mood, there might be even another update before I leave for vacation. There's still lots of time.

I am looking forward to see your thoughts on this chapter.