Goodbye, Farewell
Chapter 12
(Gaara POV)
She didn't push me away. I felt relieved. My hands still hung low. I wanted to pull her close. Do it just like the couples I had seen so often. Wrap my arms tight around the – loved one. Did I love her? Was it that kindo f feeling?
Thousands of images flew through my mind until it finally came to a halt. I had taken the step of kissing her so why not take it a step further. And I did wrap my arms around her and pulled her close. Though I had no idea as to how to move my hand to prevent my neck from hurting after a while, I just pulled her close until I felt her heart pounding against my chest.
(Gaara POV)
(Rika POV)
I released from the kiss. I wasn't sure wheter to look into his eyes as I never thought I'd feel those feelings when kissing him. And once again a rush of emotions overcame me. It felt like one leg wanted to run, while the other wanted to stand just here in front of this man.
As my eyes met his it felt as though his hands were still wrapping around me, though he had already moved a few inches away.
"Well…." I began, but I had no idea what to say. What do you usually say in such a situation? I know what I used to tell him. But it's not the same and never will be. And for a moment Gaara changed into the familiar face I used to see every day, I used to kiss. And my face puckered up. I looked away pretending to have something in the eye.
"Let's go back inside."
Gaara nodded at me and accompanied me back inside. We sat down on the couch. There was a strange tension between us now. And as I saw him from the corner of my eyes I felt like screaming, my heart felt like bursting. I clutched my hands into the seat, hoping for it to fade away. But it didn't. The grudge and sadness I helt for so long arose again. Not anger against him, but against the past. What a fool I had been. And once again it proves to be wrong. Love makes you blind.
"Excuse me please."
I got to my feet and headed straight for the door. My only goal was to walk out of this house and somewhere else. I didn't even notice that Gaara had gotten grand-ma's victim again. I didn't even care about Sai's whereabouts or where the rest of my family had entrenched themselves.
As I felt the cold air slapping my face I felt a little better. The heat inside didn't help me keeping my mind calm. I strode down the streets until I reached the little hill. I had often come here with my brother when I was about 5. Apparently I loved overlooking Konoha. I lingered there for a while pondering on everything that had happened. We had proven strength as well as weakness. I had changed Gaara and myself. Was it always going to be like that? That when you find love or feel drawn towards somebody that the rest stands still for you. I hadn't taken any notice about Rei's sickness anymore. Everything surrounding me had become blurry.
"If you had never stepped into my life…"
I knew he had approached me. He, the one who had started all this. Who had started this burning cycle I can't get out of anymore.
"Didn't you like things as they were?" he replied in his dark voice. I wasn't used to hearing it anymore.
"Were. Yes as things were. I liked it back then, but people change. You should just go. Raise a family somewhere else." I retorted, sitting down in the cold grass.
"I wanted to raise a family with you."
"Sorry you came too late."
"There is still a future." he pushed further.
"You'd be better off if you just left for good. Find somebody else to betray." I retorted with a shaking voice. I could not hold it any longer. He would not give up. Why was he fighting that hard? And as I heard his pathetic laughter – laughter that kept me awake numerous nights – something snapped inside my head. In an instant I fetched a kunai and ran up to him. I didn't care about the strength difference or that I had no idea about his weak spots. All I wanted was to hurt him. And I would.
I was surpriseed he didn't even move. I tackled him to the ground and stared into his cold eyes, my weapon hoovering right above his head. But as I felt his eyes stinging me, just like they did a thousand times, my hands started to shake. "Why are you grinning like that?" I pressed through my lips. He didn't feel threatened, no, he didn't even look scared. "Don't believe I could kill you?!" I rose my voice. But still, no reaction. I could kill him in an instant, my knees where keeping his hands down. He could never escape. I felt his warmth on my skin, felt my heart racing and I felt his racing. "Yes, yes you are scared." I hissed and leant down until some of my long hair tickeled his cheek.
"So what if I am. It's only natural." he retorted with his foolish grin. His eyes were fixating me. I felt as though he was reading my mind, controlling me even.
Suddenly I dropped my kunai, which fell into the grass right next to his ear. "You haven't won yet." I whispered and slapped him so it would still echoe from the walls. Even though it didn't have the loud effect that would have suited in this dark night without anybody around, I felt proud as I saw the imprints of my fingers on his pale cheek. It was then that I realized how dark it had gotten. And suddenly my heart sank a little as I thought about the current situation. I wasn't quiet in a defensive mode already, I was plainly sitting on him. And for heaven's sake I prayed noone would pass by, as it would have sure given them the wrong picture.
As suddenly as the anger had come it disappeared again. It was no fun slapping him. It was no fun being angry at him. For him not minding it at all. "You are like a wall." I whispered in a soft tone, admitting my defeat a little.
"Just that you took some bricks out."
He rose his head closer to mine until I felt his warm breath on my nose. He had his own smell. Was it the same with me? Did I have my very own smell too?
I felt that something had changed. This was not the man that had hurt me this much. Something had changed.
A nasty sound filled the air. A nasty bone cracking sound. "You are and will always be a bastard." My fist had hit right his nose. Oh joy, I hope it broke. And as much as my heart jumped on the inside because of joy it came to a halt pretty soon.
He had reached for my kunai and threatened to slice me open. I gulped but didn't show any fear. "If it's killing me that you want. Go ahead." I spread my arms away from my body signalizing I was his. It was the same old game. Threatening but no killing. I watched the blood run from his nose and felt incredibly proud. And as I saw an opening I reached for my second kunai and stabbed him right in the heart. I listened to him scream in pain, watched him squirm beneath me. "This pain is nothing compared to what you did to me." I hissed as he gasped for air.
I lingered for a while next to his motionless body. My hands were full of his blood, my mind filled with thoughts and memories. I glanced upon him once again before I got back to my feet and strode back home. Somebody would find him, and they would know who it was. But I didn't care. I had a right to do this. I had the right to. And that's what I wanted to believe. Just once again, not face the truth. Just once again, feel the satisfaction. "Goodbye."
As I entered my house, still covered in blood, Gaara stood in the doorway to the kitchen. "It's scary to know what you did to your old love." He said. His lips implied a small smirk. I couldn't help but give him a weak smile.
"You know what to do then."
My mind had gotten blank from all the thinking. Without realizing where I was walking I found myself in the middle of my garden again. "Farewell, but not Goodbye."
I closed my eyes and waited for the wind to play with the leaves. I knew just where I had to stab so he would survive. Death would just release him from his very own pain. And that was not my intention. He should go on suffering, just like I had to. Once again I stared at my hands and watched some blood dripping off still. "I am waiting."
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I am so sorry I kept you waiting for so long. But I was really busy and today I decided I need to finish the story. I am not sure wheter this chapter is the 'oh-so-good-finale', but well, I did what I could. :) Thanks a lot again for all those that supported me and reviewed to me.