Disclaimer: Still mostly Tolkien's.
Chapter Twenty: ……Reality
Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life.
-Joe Clark
Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down
-Tom Petty, I Won't Back Down
Morwen found him sitting under a large oak tree, the massive branches keeping the grass below relatively covered.
Morwen stopped her horse and dismounted, letting him go over to Uilos.
Glorfindel watched her from under the tree, a guarded look in his eyes.
They stared at each other in silence.
The snow began to fall.
There was nothing but silence.
Glorfindel slowly stood up and walked up to her. He stared down at her, his eyes searching her own.
"I will not apologize." He said.
"And I will not ask you too. If you were expecting me to run into your arms sobbing and begging for you to rescind your offer to her, I am sad to say you will be sorely disappointed." Morwen said through a clenched jaw.
He held her chin in a tight grip, "The day you grovel at my feet is the day I must fall upon my own sword."
"Do not worry, I would never lower my self to such a position, not for you." Morwen spat.
Glorfindel took his hand off of her, backing away.
"You are angry."
She lifted her head in defiance, "I am far beyond angry. At the moment I am currently battling my disgust."
"Then why not do what any maiden would? Find your own elf to pay me back with as you should." Glorfindel said.
"I am not that petty nor that pathetic." Morwen said.
"You do not know of what you speak…" Glorfindel started.
"I know, Glorfindel. I know much more than you give me credit for." Morwen finished.
"Morwen," he pleaded, "you do not understand, it has to be this way. You have a choice now."
"I have no choice, at least not in your eyes. You seem to think you made my choice the moment you asked her to accompany you, knowing I could overlook and forgive any other she-elf but her."
"You presume to know my mind?" he asked.
"Oh, Glorfindel, I know your mind perfectly well. I finally know and realize why you are doing everything you are." Morwen looked up at him, a sadness in her eyes, "I never thought you one to run in the face of fear."
"You would not understand, Morwen."
She walked up to him, her dark eyes burning into his, "Try Me."
Glorfindel looked off to the side, his eyes following the paths of the snowflakes, "When I came back to Arda there was this…."
"Decree from the Valar that stated you would be rewarded with your heart's content for your service, an elf practically born for you, one with no family ties so as to allow them to follow you wherever you needed to go."
"Did Erestor tell you?" Glorfindel asked.
"He would never betray such confidence. I read the account years ago, in the Havens. I confessed, I always hoped it was speaking of me…"
"You hoped?" Glorfindel asked.
Morwen continued on, taking no notice of his question, "..but you did nothing and so I just decided to wait and watch. Valar knows Imladris always has orphans running through it. But then there was no one and then I had the dream. And Lord Elrond said something to me."
"And what did he say?"
"That I was shown what I was shown in order to know I was being given a choice. It was my decision." Morwen said.
"And what did you decide?"
"You have already decided for me, have you not?" Morwen asked him.
Glorfindel looked down at the snow covered ground, unable and unwilling to look into her face, surprised at the odd sensation he felt in his eyes, as if tears were forming.
Elladan looked outside the window, concerned as the snow started to fall more steadily.
"They have not returned. We should go ride out after them."
"Elladan," Erestor said, "if you interrupt them at this time when they are having a discussion of the utmost importance in concern to both of their lives and hearts, Eru help me, and consequently you, when I decide just exactly what to do to you."
Elladan gave a small smile and turned back to the window.
"I guess I have." Glorfindel said in a soft voice.
"Of course, I never had enjoyed when other's take my decision out of my hands." Morwen said, fighting back the urge to both smile and cry as Glorfindel glanced up at her, bewildered.
"I may have grown up with dresses in the colors of the House of the Golden Flower, and a necklace around my neck bearing said House's helm and small wooden figurines made in the likeness of the people and the animals and the homes of the Golden Flower, the Fountain, and the Harp. I may have had that all, but I still had the choice to turn back from it, to refuse it. I never did." Morwen said.
"You did not know the full extent of it all, until now. Now you do." Glorfindel said.
"And I still not have turned back from it." Morwen said, the conviction in that statement as strong as any oath Glorfindel had heard a warrior swear.
He studied her, not knowing what to say.
And the snow continued to fall.
"Are you not the least bit concerned of them being out there? Alone? With anger and other fierce emotions?" Elladan asked.
"Elladan, whatever is being said this very moment was meant to be said long ago." Erestor stated.
"How long?" Elrohir asked, now intrigued.
"Since Morwen's majority." Elrond murmured softly from his position standing near the hearth.
"Their betrothal was to start on that night." Thranduil continued.
"It was the only reason why we came here for her majority, thinking we would finally see Glorfindel happy." Laeriel said.
"He gave no such indication….." Elladan trailed off.
"He saw Morwen laughing with Thalion that night and in that moment he decided it would be the worst crime to deny her the chance to follow her own heart." Erestor said.
"Her own heart leads to him. How could he not know that?" Elrohir asked.
"Elrohir, what we think and what we know and what we feel, all are easy to doubt in the face of fear and uncertainty. When it is your own heart at risk, when it is the heart of the one you care deeply for……sense has little do with it."
"I have decided," Morwen started, "that you can try your very best to hurt me and turn me away and force me into something you think is best for me, but I will not be deterred. I know what is best for me, Glorfindel, who is. And I will not let your fear and your ill begotten sense of propriety ruin the both of us." She pressed her fingers to his lip, stopping him from speaking, "I will wait until you are ready. I have made my choice, Glorfindel, long ago, before any dreams from the Valar or guests from Greenwood the Great. Now it is time for you to make your own."
She stepped away from him and called out to her horse. Throwing one final look at Glorfindel over her shoulder, she hurried back to the House, snow falling around her and being kicked up by the horse's hooves.
And Glorfindel did not know if he had ever seen her more beautiful.
It had been a fortnight since the confrontation in the woods. Morwen and Glorfindel were completely civil to each other but any elf with half a mind could see the tension and unease brewing underneath the surface.
While Glorfindel was showing obvious signs of weariness and fatigue, Morwen was always seen with her head held high, her spirit in tact. She was at peace with herself and any elf, even Saeros, could admire that.
Even if the elves of Imladris were no closer to unraveling whatever plot he was hatching.
Tirnion had tired to coax information out of Maergeredir, but whatever Saeros had threatened him with was so extreme Tirnion felt it would be centuries before he could discover any useful information.
The Mid-Winter festival was tonight, happiness and playfulness was in the air.
Even Morwen had a smile on her face, though the cause of her mirth was not so amused.
She sat in her room, garbed in a dress of rich green as she watched Elladan pace back and forth, worrying his lips between his teeth.
"Elladan, as long as you remember to not step on her feet, you will be fine."
"We know I will, when I get nervous around her I tend to lose all sense of coordination, you saw what happened last week!"
"But Elladan, you looked so charming covered in that blue ink. It brought out your eyes nicely."
"Father has told me Mother will be quite upset to see that shirt ruined. Apparently one of the best weavers in LothLorien made it."
"And I am sure that said weaver would be delighted to make another shirt for a grandchild of their Lord and Lady."
Elladan let out a deep breath, "You are right. I need to stop worrying about this. It will all be worse if I do."
"Thinking can be a horrible thing." She said.
"Yet if we led our lives based on instincts, how dangerous would that be?" Elladan asked.
Morwen nodded, "And to think, some say you have not a drop of wisdom in you."
"Alas, they can not see past my brutish exterior to the great mind inside."
Elladan came over to her, pulling her hair back, "You have not styled this mop of yours yet."
"I am not sure what I want to do with it. I was thinking…" Morwen was cut off by the strong knock at her door.
"Were you expecting someone?" Elladan asked.
"No, and if it was Elrohir he would have knocked once and then come in."
"It appears we have a mystery guest."
Said guest knocked again.
Elladan looked at Morwen and shrugged, walking over to the door.
He opened it, his jaw dropping open in surprise.
"Thárien? How did you get up here? What are you doing here? Who let you up…"
The she-elf pushed past him coming to a stop before Morwen, her eyes blazing.
"You, you pathetic little orphan! What did you say to him? What trick did you seduce him with to get him to your side? I know you, I know your kind, willing to do anything for a warm bed and a roof over your head. Everyone knows the only reason you are here is…"
Morwen stood up staring at Thárien with unmasked hatred.
This was the she-elf who had saw fit to attempt to ruin Morwen's career at every opportunity.
This was the same she-elf who had, since Morwen's childhood, taunted her as a child left behind. A child her parents did not want.
This was the same she-elf who was to be Glorfindel's guest tonight.
"Thárien, what a joy to start off my night with the sight of your face. Now that you have come into my chambers uninvited and have all but called me a whore, I am sad to say, I must ask you to leave at this moment or I fear I will be in violation of those uppity kin-slaying laws."
Elladan had put a hand over his mouth and uttered a faux-cough to cover his laugh. Thárien had a tendency to bring out everything Erestor had taught to Morwen, including how to say insulting things in a polite tone of voice.
"What did you say to Glorfindel?" The enraged she-elf-demon asked.
"Thárien, I know this might be a tad difficult for your mind to comprehend, but living in the same home as Glorfindel means I have said many things to him, though the most recent was 'please pass the salt.' I am sorry if that offended you, I did not know you were a salt activist, I shall apologize to the salt next time I am within its presence. To be fair, you were not present to be the salt's voice."
Elladan was quickly losing the battle with fighting off his laughter.
"He stopped by my home this eve in order to inform me while he was gladly escorting me to the night's events there would no similar opportunities in the future. What did you say to him? What have you used to bribe him?" Tharien demanded.
Morwen let out a very put upon sigh, "Thárien, I assure you, I have bribed Glorfindel with nothing, nor did I say anything to him in regards to his relationship with you. Now, please, I must insist you leave before poor Elladan goes into a fit or before I call a guard to have you removed, then, alas, you will not even be going to the festival."
Thárien narrowed her eyes, "I will remember this." She spat.
Morwen watched her go, Elladan biting his lips to keep the laughed inside. The moment the door was slammed closed Elladan broke out into a fit of giggles.
"That was.."
Elladan was cut off as someone again knocked on the door and then walked inside.
Elrohir stood there, dressed and ready to escort Morwen down to the feast.
"Elladan, why are you sitting on the floor? Morwen, why are you not ready? And did I just see Thárien coming out of here?"
"Well, Elrohir, you see there was this…" Morwen was cut off as another knock sounded at the door.
"You are very popular tonight." Elladan managed to stutter out in between his giggles.
"I do not know if that is a good thing. Considering the last unknown guest to knock at my door was Thárien I fear the elf on that other side."
"It could be Tirnion." Elrohir said.
"Not tonight, he will be watching over King Thranduil's children all night."
The knock sounded again, more forceful this time.
"Someone should open the door, if that is Erestor he will be quite annoyed at being forced to wait." Elladan said.
Elrohir shrugged his shoulders and opened the door, his jaw dropping open in surprise.
Glorfindel gave the twin a curious look, "Elrohir, as handsome as you are, I assure you that is not your best look."
Shocked silence answered him.
"May I come in?" Glorfindel asked the three elves inside.
Shocked silence answered him again.
"Should I try another language?" Glorfindel asked.
Elladan let out a laugh slightly tinged with hysteria and Elrohir looked at Morwen who gave him a nod of acceptance. Elrohir stepped inside and let Glorfindel into the room.
He studied the twins, nodding in approval at their garb. His eyes drifted to Morwen, noting her still unbound hair, "You are not ready yet." He said.
"I could not decide what plaits to put in my hair. Elladan and I were about to start debating which ones would be best."
"I have a suggestion of the style, if you would like I can put it into your hair. I fear Elladan does not know this one." Glorfindel said.
Morwen cautiously nodded her acceptance. Her eyes followed Glorfindel as he walked over to the bins containing her hair ribbons and beads and leather ties. He bypassed the ribbons, selecting only a handful of golden beads and a few dark hair ties.
He gestured for her to sit down on the chair.
Morwen sat, facing the window outside as Glorfindel made quick work of her hair.
She heard Elrohir let out a small gasp, "That, Glorfindel, those are the plaits to signify…"
"Elladan, Elrohir, will you leave us for a moment. I fear I must speak to Morwen in private."
Morwen turned to look at the twins, studying the curious look of Elladan and the shocked look of Elrohir.
She tried to turn her head to see the plaiting style in the looking glass, but Glorfindel stopped her, his hand holding her chin in place.
"Elladan, Elrohir, please?" He asked.
The twins nodded and made their way outside, both looking back once before the door closed.
Glorfindel looked back to Morwen, offering her a hand as she stood up.
"Glorfindel, what are you…."
"I am making a choice." He said.
His fingers softly searched under the collar of her dress, finding her necklace and pulling it out.
"Do you know what this signifies?" he asked.
"It is the flower that was on the helm of Gondolin."
"Yes, but do you know what it means in this context?"
"No, I do not." She answered.
"It means," Glorfindel started and stopped, clearing his throat, "it means in this context as a small gold flower on a chain that 'this is one who may belong to the House of the Golden Flower.' It is a necklace to symbolize a courtship."
Glorfindel reached up, quickly undoing the clasp of the necklace and taking it from Morwen's neck.
She had never felt more bare in her life.
Glorfindel took the necklace, placing it in his pocket. Before Morwen could protest he pulled out another necklace, this one a slight mixture of blue and gold, its flower much more prominent than the other necklace.
Glorfindel quickly placed the necklace around Morwen's neck, leaving it hanging over her dress for all to see.
"This one, with it's slight entwining of the blue and gold around the flower means 'this is one who will belong to the House of the Golden Flower.' It is a necklace of betrothal."
Morwen took in a short, shaky breath.
"Glorfindel."
"I cannot promise you it will be anytime soon, I cannot give you an exact time for when I am able to fulfill the wish you so want granted. But as you wait for me, I shall wait for you as well. And one day, when the darkness we both know is to come has passed, then, you will wear the last necklace in the sequence, that is, if it is still your choice." Glorfindel said.
"It is still my choice." Morwen stated, simple but true.
"I am glad." Glorfindel laughed. He placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "I must go now. And you, you must not keep Elrohir waiting."
Glorfindel made his way to the door, giving the twins a nod as he stepped out of the room.
Elladan and Elrohir came running inside.
"Morwen! Elrohir told me that hair-style means you are betrothed, or, at least it did, back in the First Age. Is it…are you…are you just…" Elladan seemed quite confused.
Morwen looked in the mirror, taking note of the simplistic yet beautiful hair style, a secret smile on her face.
"I know, Elladan." She said, "I know."
A/N 1: Here Endeth the mini-arc. Which actually turned out to be one part longer than I thought. Next chapter, there will be a time jump. And thank you for the review.
A/N 2: And this was so earlier than I planned to write/post this but it would not leave me alone.