Disclaimer: Tolkien's the owner for almost all of it. I just have the original characters
Warning: Slightly Dark Chapter. It may not, at first appear dark but if you know what happens to Celebrian you will understand why this chapter turns out to be slightly dark. Violence and assault are alluded to in this chapter.
Chapter Thirty: Loss
There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope.
-George Eliot (1819 - 1880)
Imladris TA 2509
Summer had made its way to the river valley and with it there were many comings and goings. Merchants and wandering folk traveled throughout the public parts of the realm. The soldiers were off on long patrols, some, like the twins, running with the Rangers of the North. Lady Celebrian was preparing for her departure to LothLorien, Rian in tow, and Glorfindel had been sent out to quietly make sure the border's of the hobbit's realm were safe.
Morwen was enjoying the weeks long reprieve from her duties by simply doing nothing. At that moment, her only concern was to not disturb the skittish wild horses she watched from her grassy bed in the meadow.
Though she was not completely alone. The whispers of new orc attacks had meant she was ordered to have at least one soldier companion whenever she left the house. Thandrog was currently sitting under a tree enjoying the new summer breeze as he mended the wing of an injured bird.
Morwen turned to study him, his nimble fingers and soft voice soothing the wounded animal. If his fortune had been different, Morwen did not doubt he would have become a healer.
"Thandrog," she asked softly, "Radagast doesn't happen to fall in your family tree, does he?"
"Funny." Thandrog said as he sent the bird on its way and after he stretched, walked over to Morwen.
"While Radagast the Brown and I both commune well with nature, I am not tied to an Istari line. I simply take joy in all living things." Thandrog said.
"Orcs are living things. Wolves are living things." Morwen said.
"All living things that are good then." Thandrog clarified.
"What is good? We say we are good but how do we know when to others we appear…what?" Morwen asked as she saw Thandrog's amused look.
"I now see why Glorfindel said it would be dangerous for you to be away from work so long."
Morwen narrowed her eyes, "He said that, did he?"
"Yes, and Elladan backed him up. In case you are wondering, Elrohir was silent on the matter." He said.
"That is because Elrohir does not lack in sense." Morwen said.
"One of them had to turn out to be the smart twin." He said.
"Thandrog, that was not kind. Funny, but not kind."
"And every bit of truth. Elladan is crafty and kind, has some sense and much common wisdom but smart….." Thandrog trailed off.
"Just because you do not see it, does not mean it is not there." Morwen said.
"Oh yes, you would know about that wouldn't you?" Thandrog teased.
Morwen laughed and shook her head. She laid back down on the grass and began to watch the sky as Thandrog pulled out a flute and started to play a soft tune.
Eluialeth sat in Rian's room, watching in open amusement as Rian tried to determine what outfits she should pack.
"I must appear dignified, respectable. What does your sister wear when she is among her husband's people?" Rian asked.
Eluialeth gave a put upon sigh, "Well, pale colors are the norm among those elves. Galueth though, wears dresses with green sleeves because Orophin has always enjoyed seeing her in that color."
Rian shook her head, "No, no, I cannot wear green. The councilors will think I am throwing my lot in with Mirkwood."
"Rian, you have been to LothLorien before." Eluialeth said.
"Never as a fully qualified councilor or as the elf involved with the Lord and Lady's grandson. I must impress these councilors. I must cut a fine figure among the people." Rian stated.
"You are far too concerned with appearance." Eluialeth said.
"Eluialeth, if Morwen was here she would tell you how important it is to look impressive. Where is she, anyway? I need her advice. She, at least, has more sense than you in these matters."
Eluialeth scoffed, "Then I shall take my nonsensical self out of the room."
"Oh, I did not mean it that way." Rian said.
"Sorry I am so late. I fell asleep." Morwen said.
"In the grass, nonetheless." Rian said as she spied a few blades in Morwen's unbound hair. "There will be rumors you and Thandrog were doing something very unrespectable."
"Hardly. Thandrog had every hair in place. Elves of this realm know full well how carefree I become when I am not in councilor form." Morwen said.
"Indeed. Now, how should I dress?" Rian asked.
Morwen thought for a moment then said, "To impress the people and to impress the councilors are two different things. Do not worry about Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel, they have seen you here. The councilors are always impressed with modesty. The people, not so much. You need a balance."
Rian let out a frustrated noise, "I should have had something made. What will I do?"
"Stop worrying about it and realize there are more important things going on?" Eluialeth asked.
Morwen, quite relaxed, laughed, "She does have a very good point, Rian. Elladan has no need for…….."
"May I remind you of the she-elf he was infatuated with for centuries? Aerlinn, always proper and pretty Aerlinn, that would be her." Rian spat.
"Oh for Eru's sake, stop doubting yourself. Just arrive well groomed and let your intelligence and skills impress them." Eluialeth said.
Rian sighed, "I should go ask Arwen."
Morwen laughed, "I would not if I were you. She is still quite upset her father will not let her travel."
"She is needed here to greet our visitors from Gondor, it would be most insulting if the whole family took off right before their arrival." Eluialeth said.
"It would indeed. Either way, Rian, you need to get ready, the party is to set out within the hour. Trust me, Balanauth does not like to be kept waiting." Morwen said.
"And the LothLorien elves who arrived last week as part of the escort are eager to get home." Eluialeth said.
Rian nodded, "Right. Okay. Blue, blue will be nice."
Morwen and Eluialeth looked at each other and nodded, "Blue."
Morwen gave Rian a hug, "Be safe, watch your temper and your tongue and if you are able to subtly embarrass that horrid march warden, please do so."
Rian laughed, "What do you have against Haldir?"
"Let me just say, he is saved by distance." Morwen smiled.
Rian laughed again, "Right. Well, when Elladan comes back, please give him my best."
"As long as I don't have to kiss him, I will be sure to do so." Morwen smirked.
Morwen moved over to Lady Celebrian who was telling Arwen to behave for the visitors of Gondor. She came up to her side, "What your mother means, Arwen, is sit there and look pretty and mysterious."
Celebrian laughed, "Hardly a difficult task for her. Arwen, once they are gone I will send for you."
Arwen smiled, "You should have said that earlier, I would not have been so upset."
Celebrian gave her daughter a soft kiss, "Your father needs you, stay by his side and keep him sane."
"I thought that was Erestor's job." Arwen said.
"You know how Erestor feels about the men of Gondor. He would hardly tell your father to restrain himself." Celebrian turned to Morwen, "Please, make sure they all do not offend too much."
"I am on leave." Morwen said.
"Morwen…" Celebrian started.
"Yes, yes, I shall do my job. Have a safe journey." Morwen said.
"Of course. Now, let me go say farewell to my husband." Celebrian gave Morwen a kiss on the forehead and moved towards Elrond.
Morwen smiled as she watched Celebrian and Elrond hold each other in a brief embrace, exchanging whispers and wishing good endeavors to each other.
The sun began to set as the escort pulled out, a common occurrence in the summer so the horses would be spared the midday heat.
Elrond and Arwen watched the party go until they could not be seen, even by elven eyes.
Darkness had fallen by the time they walked back inside.
Even though elves were able to survive heat and cold, it did not mean they were necessarily comfortable all of the time.
The summer was already so hot and muggy and Morwen had found herself with a slight headache.
She had decided to cool down by laying on one of the cold stone floors. She closed her eyes and tried to relax.
The party from Gondor had arrived yesterday, a mere two days after Celebrian and her escort had departed. The visiting party had been quite amazed by the sight of Imladris, flourishing in all its glory. None among them had ever traveled this far north nor had they stayed in an elven realm. Elrond was doing his best to make them feel comfortable, as was Arwen, but frankly Morwen was tired of them coming to her for clarification on every little thing.
Really, people worried far too much about appearances.
Elladan and Elrohir had made an early return from their patrol, little to no activity to report near Eriador, just the typical bands of orcs and goblins.
The Rangers had already moved on, but some of the women of the clan who were expecting were now residing in Imladris until it was safe for them, and their newborn children, to travel.
Aravorn, the twelve-year-old heir to the Chieftain of the Dunedain, currently being fostered in Imladris, was only too happy to know some of his people would be in residence. He had also been overjoyed to see the twins returned, for they treated each heir as if he were a younger brother. Just another step to preserve close ties.
Morwen tensed as she felt the air move around her but did not open her eyes. Upon detecting a trace of a very familiar and welcome smell, she smiled.
"For an elf supposedly on a mission to relax, you look far too thoughtful." Glorfindel said.
Morwen opened her eyes to see Glorfindel crouching over her, a smile on his very tired face.
"And for an elf supposedly most concerned about his cleanliness, you smell like a horse and a tavern." Morwen said.
Glorfindel sighed, "The horse I take full responsibility for but the tavern. Alas, some of Gildor's younger elves can not hold their ale, and unfortunately they are the most burly of the lot."
"A likely story." Morwen teased.
Glorfindel adjusted himself to lay down beside her, "I swear it. Now, while I may admit to partaking in some of the ale before hauling the younger elves out of a tavern I assure you, I did not bathe in it."
"You still smell like it." Morwen said.
"Such a warm welcome I get upon my return. How am I ever able to drag myself out of this realm and away from your sweet words?"
"You'd get an even warmer welcome if you'd bathe first." Morwen said.
"Really?" Glorfindel asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Yes, I'd insult you only three times as opposed to four."
"Oh, such a temptation." Glorfindel smirked, "How have the men of Gondor treated you?"
"Out of curiosity what have you said about the she-elves of Imladris? Why they always come to me most respectfully with their questions, they almost seem…fearful of us."
"It is the elven beauty." Glorfindel said with a smile.
Morwen raised an eyebrow, "If it wasn't for the snide tone of your voice, I'd almost believe you."
"I am offended, you do not believe me!" Glorfindel proclaimed.
"I know you. What did you say?" Morwen asked.
Glorfindel gestured dismissively, "Nothing much, just Balanauth and I recounting the greater deeds of an enraged Rian."
"Oh you did not…"
"Such as the time when she accidentally let that candle fall onto Curunir's robes. Or better yet, when that letter opener had slipped from her hands and nearly castrated one of the Dunedain."
"Her hand did slip!" Morwen protested.
"They also heard of the time you almost struck that poor elf with a knife." Glorfindel said.
"My hand slipped!" Morwen said.
"And of course there was the Heavy Tome Event of TA 201." Glorfindel said through a tightly clenched jaw.
"That was not my fault." Morwen insisted.
"No need to be defensive, I forgave you for it long ago."
"It was not my fault." Morwen murmured. "And may I remind you, you were the cause of the only broken bone I have ever suffered in my whole existence."
"I did not see you! How was I supposed to know you were behind that door?" Glorfindel protested this time.
"Possibly because it was the door to my chambers and logic would dictate I would be behind said door."
"Well you recovered full use of your right arm." Glorfindel said.
"And was set behind for months in my scribe training." Morwen said.
"Yes, and that has been such a black mark on your career." Glorfindel murmured.
"It has, the other scribes mocked me for months as I tried to write and hold down the tablet and open the ink well and refill it with only one…"
"So, how was Celebrian's departure?" Glorfindel interrupted.
Morwen let him get away with the interruption, "Quite fine. Everyone was in good spirits, though Balanauth was eager to get on with it."
"Did he hear anything, any hint that would make him want to push ahead?" Glorfindel asked.
Morwen thought, "No, he just seemed anxious. Elrond asked him but, Balanauth just said he had a feeling they should set out as soon as possible. But with the lack of reports lately, I do not think any saw reason for his worries."
Glorfindel looked concerned, "Be that as it may, Balanauth has been a soldier for a long time, if he felt the need to worry he should have been listened to, but if Elrond felt it was safe…."
"They did set out a few hours ahead of schedule. They left at dusk, as opposed to setting out at night."
"They ran a risk of being seen then, at least upon their leaving." Glorfindel said.
"We have not received any reports carrying bad news." Morwen said.
Glorfindel smiled, "Yes, perhaps I am just worrying too much. Well, let me go wash up so that I may not offend every elf and man at dinner. Will you stay here?"
"For a few more moments, I did promise Eluialeth I would look over her next speech."
"Oh, who is she preparing it for?" Glorfindel asked.
"Erestor. He is quite proud of her. I think he'd read out a supply list if it was written by her hand."
"Yes, while Faeleth delights in Galueth, Erestor does so in Eluialeth." Glorfindel pressed a kiss to Morwen's lips, "I will see you at the feast."
Morwen nodded and watched him go off.
After that she turned back to her wandering thoughts.
Morwen was officially off her leave and was writing up her next report when Eluialeth came barreling into her office, tears streaming down her face.
Morwen stood up and ran over to her, "Eluialeth, what is it? What has happened?"
"Celebrian far spoke with Elrond, their party has been attacked in Red Horn pass."
"They are all well, correct?" Morwen asked though the answer was obvious.
"No, no, no." Eluialeth cried, "Orcs have taken her, Celebrian, she must have screamed for Elrond in her mind he can't, he cannot get her again."
Morwen pulled Eluialeth with her as she ran through the hallways of the house making her way down to the court yard.
Elladan, Elrohir, and Elrond were already riding out in the distance.
"There you are!" Erestor yelled, Arwen clinging to his side.
"Erestor, what happened?" Morwen asked.
"They have been attacked, the whole party. Balanauth…no one can reach him. The Lady Galadriel has been attempting to contact her troops. It is not good, Morwen, not at all." Erestor said.
There was a sudden roar as a whole regiment of the guard rode out, Glorfindel at the lead.
"Should healers not be following them?" Morwen asked and then her question was answered as another group came running out.
Erestor handed Arwen over to her as Thandrog came out with a horse for Erestor to ride.
"Morwen, I need you to take Arwen and calm her. Shove a sleeping draught into her if you must. Order all the healers to prepare and to set up a triage unit in the Hall of Fire. Tell Faeleth and the senior councilors to handle the party from Gondor, and order the guest bedrooms let out and prepared for the LothLorien elves who shall be retuning with us."
Erestor rode off then, urgently following all the others.
Morwen turned to Eluialeth and said, "Eluialeth please, I need you to pull it together and order the guest bedrooms prepared. Go to your mother and stay with her."
Eluialeth took a breath, forcing off her own tears and nodded, running into the house.
Morwen pulled an unresponsive Arwen closer to her and held her tight, whispering words of comfort.
She would let out her tears later, succumb to her fears when she had the time do so. For now, she had more important things to deal with.
She guided Arwen towards the healing halls, preparing herself to hand out the orders.
The recovery of Celebrian and her party in the Redhorn Pass had been brutal. Celebrian had been taken into a den of orcs. Not one of the orcs lived, Elrond and his sons massacring them all after seeing the damage they had done to Celebrian.
Balanauth was barely hanging onto his life, so close to Mandos's Halls a room was probably being prepared.
Rian, though alive, had been a few inches away from being gutted. She had a lengthy recovery ahead.
More than few of the LothLorien elves had been beheaded, a needless brutality.
No elf had come out unscathed, being attacked in the mountain pass had been like riding into a trap.
Thandrog was currently leading a patrol to hunt the orcs down. Elladan and Elrohir had wished to join them, but they had ordered to stay until Celebrian regained consciousness.
The House of Elrond was in a state of utter despair. There had been battles and attacks before but it had been so long since something as dark and painful as this had occurred.
Morwen sat at Rian's bedside, her tears finally falling for the first time.
Elladan had not yet been to the room to see Rian, and it had been two weeks. He rarely, if ever, inquired about her condition. It was almost as if he blamed her for not being the one dragged off.
Something had changed in the twins. Morwen could no longer recognize the look in their eyes, dark vengeance had taken over.
Their collective anger stirred beneath the surface.
Even Glorfindel could not gain a hold on them.
Lord Elrond, when not running himself ragged to heal Celebrian as best he could, was checking on all those who had suffered.
Arwen had placed herself in her mother's chambers and had refused to move.
For now, the borders of Imladris were essentially closed. None but the soldiers or those who had to out of necessity would be entering or leaving the realm.
Morwen wiped her eyes as she noticed Rian begin to stir, gracing her foster-sister with a smile.
"You are awake again. That makes it twice today. You are improving."
"My stomach begs to differ." Rian said through a tired and pained smile.
"I am sure it will for sometime. I am sorry I do not have a cat for you to pet. The one I had secured for you has wandered off." Morwen said.
"It is fine." Rian said, "Has Celebrian…"
"No, not yet. Elrond is hopeful she will awaken soon." Morwen told her.
"How extensive her wounds must be." Rian murmured.
"I fear they are more….well, I believe Celebrian has stayed in sleep because she does not wish to admit to the horror she has gone through." Morwen said.
Rian nodded as a tear slipped down her cheek, "It all happened so fast, Morwen. One moment we were riding along signing some foolish song and the next there were arrows and growls and so much, so much blood." Rian sobbed.
Morwen moved closer to her, mindful of her wounds, placing soothing kisses in her hair, "Rian, it will be…"
"I froze, Morwen. I just froze, I could not do anything and then, then they came to me and I could not defend myself and Celebrian threw something at them and Morwen, Morwen it is my fault they.."
"RIAN." Morwen stated. "It was not your fault. Listen to me. It was NOT your fault."
"But it was," Rian kept crying, "it was."
Morwen simply held her as best she could, knowing nothing she could say would absolve Rian of her guilt.
Glorfindel stared at the door to Celebrian's room with tired eyes. She had forbid all males from entering, Elrond and her sons the exceptions. When the Lady had awoken there had been such joy and then such horror when they realized the extent of what she had seen, what she had been through. There was a physical wound to her side which even Elrond was struggling to heal and an even deeper one to her soul.
Rian was close to being on the mend. She was able to walk now. Elladan still had not been to see her and Morwen had been worried over just what that had meant.
There was such darkness in the twins now. A thirst for vengeance Glorfindel had prayed he would never see in another elf, ever again. Now it was in the two he had raised as his own.
Balanauth, amazingly, had regained consciousness, though it would be some time before he would even resume light duties. They were sill digging arrow shafts out of him. To be both honest and darkly amused, Balanauth had more closely resembled a pin cushion than an elf when he had been found. Glorfindel was certain he had died when they all arrived on the scene but no, Balanauth would not give in that easily.
Only those closest to the family knew the true extent of Celebrian's injuries and through the hard work of Erestor and the councilors, life was starting to resume its normal pace in Imladris, the inhabitants taking joy in the mundane.
Glorfindel looked up as Elladan emerged from Celebrian's room, a stony look on his face.
"Is Rian still in the healing halls?" He asked, his voice low and raspy.
Glorfindel nodded, "Though I believe she is resting now."
"She can awake." Elladan spat.
Glorfindel watched him go, a sense of dread filling him. He made to go after Elladan when Erestor called for him, "Can you come control Elrohir? He has already broken some of the practice boards due to the aggressive nature of his knife throwing."
Glorfindel nodded at his friend and moved in the opposite direction of Elladan.
A page had summoned Morwen as she stood in her office, insisting she was needed in Rian's room immediately.
Morwen had dropped her papers and ran out, fearing some unknowing infection had taken hold.
When she came to the rooms she saw a sobbing Rian wrapped in Eluialeth's arms.
"What happened?" Morwen demanded.
"Elladan came to see Rian." Eluialeth spat. "He blames her for what happened to Celebrian and well, you have seen Elladan angered before. Imagine what he said to someone he knows just how to hurt."
Rian tried to stop her sobbing, "He…he said he never wished to speak to me ever again, it was all he could do to stay in the…the same room with me." She hiccupped, "He all but told me to leave Imladris…..and…" Rian tried to control her sobs again. "…and that any vow or promise he ever made to me has been so broken it can never be repaired or retrieved."
Rian swallowed back down her tears, "I knew it was too much, too much to hope for. It was my fault after all."
Morwen came over to Rian, gripping her face in an almost painful grasp, "Rian, you will listen to me and you will heed my words. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. What Elladan did, he did out of grief and it is completely inexcusable that he did so to you. I would not tell you to put it from your mind but I would tell you to put little stock in it. Now, you will stop crying over him. Right now he does not deserve the grace and the beauty of your tears."
Rian nodded. "Yes." She choked out.
"You will get over this. You will move on. Celebrian is alive, she is not dead. And if she does not heal here, she will heal in the Blessed Lands. All is not lost, do you understand me?"
"Yes." Rian said again.
"Very good." Morwen placed a kiss on her forehead. She turned to Eluialeth, "Stay with her a little longer, I must go speak to someone."
"Morwen, I will, but…."
"Do not worry, Eluialeth.. No blood will be spilt in Imladris this night. Though I cannot say the same for pride and tears." Morwen stated.
Elrond looked up from his studies as Morwen stormed into his rooms, not even bothering to knock.
"Where is he?" She demanded.
"Morwen…." Elrond started.
"Elrond, Where. Is. He?"
She had never dropped his title when addressing him, never stormed into his quarters without permission and frankly, never looked so angered in her life.
Elrond had heard rumors of what Elladan had said to Rian and, even with all the love he had for his eldest, Elrond knew Elladan deserved whatever Morwen did to him. Elladan needed to hear whatever Morwen had to say.
He sighed, "He is in the barracks, the officer's room. Glorfindel, Erestor and Elrohir are also there."
"Thank you." Morwen spat out and exited just as forcibly s she had entered.
Elrond turned back to his books, hoping one of the volumes would offer him insight on how to fully heal Celebrian's physical wound.
It was going to be a long summer.
A/N 1: As for the setting out in the afternoon, um, yeah, made that one up. Don't quote me.
A/N:2 Renna, seriously, you make my day. And trust me there will be plenty more Glorfindel and Morwen and everyone else..last I checked there were 13 more planned stories (though some are one shots and I think only the very last will be as long as this one).