Planning the Day Out

Vyvyan sat, licking a spoonful of banana and pizza ice cream and held a large tub full of it on his lap. He had put his legs up on Rick's back who stayed on all fours, much like a table while Mike and Neil sat on the sofa with Vyv.

"Why can't you use Neil as a table?" Rick mumbled, his elbows buckling.

Vyvyan swallowed a mouthful "Because he's all lumpy and your back has been worn down by the many other times I use you as a table."

Neil frowned at the mention of him being lumpy but ignored it otherwise. Rick shuffled uncomfortably and tried distributing his weight on one side but it only made things worse.

"So, Vyv, it's your birthday, that's why you're allowed the six-year-old ice cream and to use Rick as a foot-rest, what do you want to do today?" Mike asked lighting up one of his cigars.

"Yeah, this ice cream is great! I didn't know it had furry mint-choc-chip in it too." Vyvyan said through gulping spoonfuls of the old ice cream.

Mike, Neil and Rick Looked at each other, shook their heads and decided not to mention anything.

Vyvyan paused his shoveling and seemed thoughtful for a second "But it could use a little bit of household bleach." Despite it lacking his wanted ingredient, he ate happily on.

"So, like I said, it's your birthday, what do you want to do?" Mike repeated a little more aggravated this time.

"I'd like to go out to the cinema and then go to the carnival and then fly to Germany and seize control of Europe and make deadly weapon factories all over so I can then take over America, Asia, Africa, not Australia, bloody aussies can keep it, and the rest of the world." Vyvyan announced.

"Oh, so the most boring git in the entire world, whose only exercise is going to the lavvy once a week, wants to seize control of the world. It sounds like a ruddy good idea!" Rick rolled his eyes and sighed. He received a hard kick from Vyvyan and was nearly knocked unconscious.

"Rick," Neil leaned towards him "If you are a table, then why are you speaking?"

Rick pulled a face and replied "Because I'm a magic table you spazzy!"

Neil cocked his head to the side for a minute but then widened his eyes and nodded understandingly as if Rick had made sense.

"Try thinking of more reasonable options. I like your ideas though, the cinema, carnival, what else is there you want to do?" Mike encouraged Vyvyan to think a little harder.

"How about a museum?" Rick suggested.

"No, to old." Vyvyan replied.

"An Opera."

"The fat ladies scare me."

"Down the pub?"

"Nope, I'm not allowed in till next month after that incident with the bird with the big tits, that pin you gave me and that dare you set me up on."

"Oh, yeah, but I can't believe it was actually true! They were infla-"

"Come on, we ain't got all day." Mike butted in, interrupting.

"Okay, don't rush me…" Rick snapped "What about the church?"

Vyvyan eyed Rick angrily "Rick, I hate religion, therefore I hate churches, therefore I hate priests, therefore I hate Nuns and therefore I hate God."

"Good point… How about the pet shop? I heard they got a new box of those beig long, huge fat yellow and white, red-eyed snakes in."

"A very good possibility, you remembering all this Neil?" Vyvyan asked.

"What? Oh, uh…" Neil searched for a piece of paper and a pen. He reached under the sofa and pulled out string, a pair of bunny ear muffs, a pencil with no led, a sign that said "Nuclear dump Site Stay Clear", a blueberry flavoured gel pen, and a piece of cardboard "Will this do?"

"Do what? Jump up and start doing the cancan up and down the wall with a dead weasel called Skippy-" Rick began.

"Yeah, it's the neighbours." Vyvyan gave a wink.

"And then do numerous acrobatics?" Rick finished.

Neil looked at him for a second "No, I mean will this do for writing what Vyvyan wants to do today on?"

"Yes, yes whatever!"

Vyvyan reached over and grabbed the gel pen as Neil began writing "Thanks Neil." He then started chewing on it. Neil frowned at him but then stretched behind his sofa cushion and pulled out a normal black ball-point pen instead."

"So, Cinema, Carnival, Pet Shop," Rick counted on his fingers, balancing his weight and that of Vyvyan's legs on one side "What else? Fishing?"

"Yeah, all right, fishing." Vyvyan agreed, biting half the pen off "And I'd like to go to a graveyard."

"Neil stopped writing and looked at him "Why's that, Vyv?"

"Oh, I want to visit S.P.G" Vyvyan sniffed a little "He passed away this morning so I took him down to the graveyard and made a personal headstone for him."

"Oh, heavy, Vyvyan…"

The guys sat quietly for a minute before Vyvyan flicked half a spoon of fuzzy green ice cream at Rick and it slithered down his shirt.

"How about going bowling too?" Mike suggested while Rick writhed on the floor trying to get the fuzzy mess out " One of my favourite pass times."

"Yeah, I've always wanted to do a bit of bowling!" Vyvyan sounded very enthusiastic, did a bowling motion, and yelled "FOUR!".

"Anything else?" Rick asked, wiping his hand across Vyvyan's jeans.

"Nah, that's enough for one birthday." Vyvyan nodded, ignoring the green stain that Rick had added to his already large patchwork of marks on his trousers, and finished nibbling on the blueberry pen.

"What time do you want to go?" Mike asked.

"How about now?" Vyvyan jumped up, crunching Rick's back and making him whimper in pain and start flailing about. That was until the ice cream tub fell on his head and the unbearable smell of rotten banana, fuzzy green mould, and six-year-old pizza, finally knocked him out.

"That's not possible Vyv." Mike said, walking over to Rick and pulling the tub off his head.

Vyvyan looked disappointed "… Why not, Michael?"

"We need to change."

Neil and Vyvyan (and Rick who woke up) looked down at themselves.

"Uh… I think we're all ready because, like, these are the only clothes we have." Neil inquired.

"Yeah, I guess Neil has a point. Well, let's go."

Passage of Time

Tempus Fugit

The four walked down the street, it was Sunday, no one was around, apart from the occasional gang of old ladies mobbing teenagers, nobody else was around.

"So, where to first?" Mike asked over his shoulder.

"Uh, the cinema. There's a film I've been wanting to see for a quite a while called 'Mr. Fuzzy Bunny and the Amazing Fiddle-Finding Adventure'. You know, something around our level of intelligence." Vyvyan replied pointing down the corner to where a sign stuck out with flashing lights saying "Cinema".

Rick sighed "Yes, on the intellectual level for three year olds…" he murmured, receiving a look from Vyvyan but nothing more.

Ooh… Vyvyan is going to have the guys do a lot for him birthday! plays scary music dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun….