I thought this could be a more casual and simple storyline that I could do on the side of the other main Hellsing fic that I'm working on. This idea just randomly came to me while watching a documentary on some of the subject material that will be featured in this story. It's kind of AU-ish in a way? Loyal to the canon as possible, but just a few things tweaked and put in a different order if that makes sense?
Rated M for graphic violence, strong language, child abuse, references to sexual abuse, and general darker, more adult themes. There will also be religious references and themes in this story. I do not wish to offend anyone with these references and portrayals, and they do not reflect my own opinions, nor are they meant to represent religious groups as a whole. I am merely writing from a character's point of view on things in her own small world.
I do not own Hellsing. This is fanfiction written for fun and no money is being made out of this. No copyright infringement is intended.
~ Amicus ~
First Meeting
Walls closed in as the little blonde girl pushed against them, struggling to fight for breath. Sweat coated her skin along with dirt and blood, further suffocating her. The screams were deafening. The gun shots were frightening. And the laughter… that laughter… It was the laughter of the monsters that had haunted Seras throughout her life. That forced themselves upon her every conscious and unconscious nightmare. That sought her out forever and always. Only the tomb she was encased in provided some sort of protection. It was like she had been sealed alive inside her own coffin.
"Mummy!" Seras couldn't help but whimper as there was another high pitched scream. It echoed off every wall in the house as if they were stood in the middle of a large cathedral instead of a tiny terraced house.
Daddy was gone. That much Seras knew. She had watched as the blood had squirted from his body as her mummy had picked her up and ran. But where could they go? Where could they hide? They had found them. Seras didn't know who these bad men were, but she was smart enough to determine that they were cross with her daddy. The bad guys were coming to get them. They were coming to get Seras. She needed to run. To flee! To act fast!
But she couldn't.
All she could do was sob, gasping for air in the tiny cupboard under the stairs. The air was thick and musky through weeks and months of being sealed tight without opening. It choked her. It clouded the young girl's mind as she curled up into an even tighter ball, the screams of mummy finally ceasing with one final, gargled gasp. Then there was nothing. The silence rang in Seras' ears and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut in the hopes that all of this was just a bad dream.
That's when the footsteps began.
They creaked along the floorboards of the old house, getting closer, and closer, and closer, and closer.
They had found her.
The door opened, more musty air filling the girl's lungs before she opened her eyes, only to shield them again from the bright source of light that was pointed at her. Colours danced behind her closed eyelids as Seras whimpered, braced and awaiting for the pain that was likely to come. Only it didn't. Instead, all she felt were hard eyes gazing down at her, like she was the most disgusting insect to every walk the planet. She shrank back even more.
"Get up!" a familiar female voice growled at her.
Seras didn't move.
"I said, get up!" the woman repeated impatiently again, this time grabbing Seras by the arm and yanking her out of the cupboard and into the small cellar.
The little girl's eyes flew open wide again, quickly adjusting to the darkness of the cellar now that she no longer had a torch being shone directly on her. She coughed and spluttered, yanking her arm out of the nun's iron grip before backing away from the cupboard as if a lion had been stored in there just waiting to pounce on her at any second.
Sister Katherine merely glowered down her pointed nose, her lips permanently pursed as if she had been sucking on a lemon. The sour faced middle aged woman had always been Seras' least favourite. They had taken an immediate disliking to each other upon first meeting. Sour Face was a nickname that Seras enjoyed using against her immensely. Though it was for that very reason that she found herself locked in the cupboard in the first place.
"Have you repented, you devil child?" Sour Face sneered down at her.
Seras took one last look at the dark, damp cupboard before shuddering. "Yes, miss."
"Have you begged the Lord for forgiveness for your sinful ways?"
"Yes, miss."
Sour Face glared down at her with narrowed eyes, her lips shrivelling up even more. Normally, Seras would have giggled at this reaction, but in their constant battle of wits with each other, Seras always lost. She didn't feel like fighting anymore tonight. She just wanted to be left alone. The screams of her mummy and daddy were still raw and loud in her mind. As if in response to this, the scar on her abdomen from the gunshot twitched. It was like wriggly worms had crawled under her skin there.
"Then you may go join the other children for tea and prayers," Sour Face finally relented. Even evil witches had to get tired or torturing children at some point, right?
Without saying anything, and before Sour Face could change her mind, Seras darted up the old, worn stone steps that led out of the cellar. She yanked the wooden door open as fast as she could, all but throwing herself out into the hallway. Following her nose, Seras' stomach grumbled at the thought and promise of food, having been starved for most of the day. Sour Face had only brought her bread to eat while she spent the day locked up in the cupboard.
"Christ's body should be enough to sustain you," the stupid sour-faced nun had said before once again slamming the door in Seras' face and locking her inside.
No it wasn't. If anything, the stale bread had made her feel even hungrier.
Another stomach growl later and Seras had finally made it to the main hall where all of the other children began to seat themselves. There wasn't many of them. Just three rows of long tables that could seat about five children on each side. There was a spare seat in the corner of one of the tables which suited Seras just fine. She didn't really like interacting with the other children anyway. They were annoying.
Taking her seat, Seras reached for the metal jug of water before pouring herself a cup and drinking greedily. The stuffy air of the cellar had completely dried to throat, and before the girl knew it, the cup was empty. She was halfway through pouring herself another glass when the jug was snatched off her.
"Save some for us!" Katie, a girl about two years older than Seras, yelled as she snatched the water off her.
Seras blew strands of her overgrown blonde fringe out of her face, but otherwise didn't say or do anything. The last thing she needed was getting into trouble again. She at least needed something to eat first. While waiting for her food, her eyes couldn't help but travel around the main hall, hoping to locate anything that might distract her from the burning hunger pains. The stone walls were as bland as ever apart from the odd crucifix or portrait of a saint. Seras never paid enough attention in church, mass or Sunday school to recognise who they were. They all looked the same.
As always, her eyes once again found themselves drawn to the large crucifix that was hanging from the main supporting beam of the hall. This time a statue of Jesus was carved into it, the artist making no effort to hide the brutality of the Lord's sacrifice. Seras always couldn't help but stare at the red painted blood leaking from where the nails stabbed into him. It was something that Seras always found morbidly fascinating. His crown of thorns cascaded blood down his face like a majestic waterfall, his expression peaceful as he experienced one of the most painful execution methods in history. Seras could remember that much from the teachings of the nuns and priests.
While it frightened the other children, blood and gore didn't bother Seras in the slightest. In fact, violence fascinated her, especially after stabbing one of the bad guys that had killed her parents. Another sign to the sisters that Seras was a devil child.
Seras thoughts were interrupted by one of the sisters placing a warm plate down in front of her before moving away to do the same with the other children. It was by that point that the little girl only had eyes for her food. It looked like it was roast beef today, served with mash potatoes, carrots, cauliflower and broccoli, all of which was covered in a layer of gravy. Her stomach took control, and Seras picked up her knife and fork and was about to tuck in when one of the younger nuns standing at the head of the table cleared her throat.
In response, Seras sighed, begrudgingly putting her fork down and clasping her hands together in prayer with the rest of the children. She zoned out through the whole thing, only coming back to reality when the word that gave Seras the green light was uttered.
"Amen."
Scoffing down her food, Seras couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped her full mouth. A few of the other children briefly glanced at her but otherwise did not react. They too had also faced the punishment of starvation. It was an unspoken rule among them that they did not tease each other over anything food related. It was a sore spot that resulted into a comradeship, no matter how much some of the children hated each other. If there was one thing that brought them together, it was food.
The beef was dry and the mash potato was lumpy, but Seras didn't care. She was just happy to finally have some proper food in her stomach at last. She had to force herself to stop eating so quickly, knowing that she would be sick if she didn't. And everyone knew what happened if a child threw up. Seras shuddered before banishing the thought.
"Seras, eat properly!" Sour Face barked at her. She was always there hovering near her favourite victim, much to Seras' dismay.
"Yes, miss," Seras spoke with her mouth full before realising her mistake.
Sour Face shot her a warning look before moving onto the boy's table where it looked like a fight was about to break out. Seras couldn't care less. As long as the other children didn't bother her, she wouldn't bother them. Swallowing her final mouth full, Seras couldn't help but pout when her plate was finally empty. She considered licking the remaining gravy off the plate, but she doubted that would end well for her. So she resisted – just about.
While everyone continued eating or got up to converse with friends, Seras swung her legs absentmindedly, her eyes once again drifting back to the gory statue of Jesus. However, it only held her interest for a few moments before she sighed and began looking around the room again in boredom. She couldn't leave until she was dismissed, so all she could do was wait. She watched, slightly envious as some of the other children got along with each other and played. The nuns stood on the side-lines, watching – always watching. It made Seras feel like she was in a fish tank.
As always, the air in the main hall was cold and Seras huddled in on herself slightly, continuing to stare into space. Boys and girls could mingle with each other on this rare occasion, with strict supervision from the sisters. Sour Face was slowly pacing along the width of the back of the hall, her hands clasped behind her back, reminding Seras of the soldiers she used to play with back home.
Her eyes continued along the hall, briefly coming to rest on a girl stood in the corner, almost completely engulfed in shadow. She too was staying away from the rest of the children, and Seras couldn't help but wonder why. She looked to be just shy of her teenage years and was dressed much more immaculately than the rest of the children. Her long black hair reached further down than her waist and she was dressed in a white suit and long coat, and it almost blended into her impossibly pale skin. Her eyes were dark and mostly hidden by her hair as she scanned the room, and it almost looked like they flashed red when the light hit them at the right angle, but Seras knew that had to be ridiculous. The strange girl's eyes briefly met her own, looking completely disinterested before going back to scanning the room, seeming to grow more bored by the second.
Seras wasn't sure if she had ever seen that girl before. Was she new? Children came and went all the time and it was almost hard to keep up with, but there was something about the older girl that fascinated Seras. Maybe it was the fact that she too seemed to be a loner? Or maybe it was because she looked like a princess? She was very pretty and dressed smartly.
The strange girl continued to watch the rest of the room, and Seras soon lost interest, instead turning to impatiently watch the children who were still eating. Could they eat any slower? Seras wanted to be alone in her room. She was sick of all the noise. She was sick of the sisters leering over her. She was bored!
To make matters worse, the boredom once again focused Seras' attention on her still hungry tummy, and she glared down at the food that remained on Katie's plate as if it had offended her. Katie failed to notice and was busy talking to the girl next to her about one of the boys that they liked in school. Unable to stop herself, Seras plucked one of the carrots from Katie's plate, but she wasn't fast enough.
"Hey! That's mine!" Katie squealed, making Seras cringe at the high pitched sound. It reminded her of a pig.
"No, it's mine!" Seras lied, but it was useless. Katie had seen her and they both knew it.
"Give it back!" Katie launched herself at Seras who couldn't duck out of the way in time. The rest of the children began cheering as the fight broke out, but Seras stubbornly held on to the carrot. It almost slipped out of her grip a few times, especially when Katie moved to grip her wrist. Her blonde hair was yanked by Katie's other free hand and Seras yelped, but still refused to let go. The sisters screamed for order but nobody listened.
"Get off me!" Seras grunted as Katie then began choking her and digging her knee into the scare on her stomach.
And with that, Seras was back there. Back in that cupboard. Her throat closing in on itself as she fought for air in the darkness. The walls were closing in on her again, and she began to feel dizzy. Her back was pressed up against hard wood as the bad guys grew closer and closer. They were coming to get her. They were all coming to get her. Seras needed to fight for her survival.
Reaching a hand back up onto the table, Seras fumbled around on the surface as Katie continued to choke her. Her hand finally grabbed hold of something metal before she swiftly brought her hand back down and stabbed it into Katie's shoulder. Katie screamed and immediately let go of her choke-hold on Seras to clutch at her injured shoulder. Seras pulled the object out, watching in satisfaction as blood squirted out along with it. Just like that night, Seras was going to make everybody who hurt her pay. She was not to be messed with! She just wanted to be left alone!
Pulling her arm back again, the young girl launched forward and stabbed Katie in the shoulder again, smiling in satisfaction as the fork once again dug into her skin. The cheering of the crowd had turned into screams and cries of terror and horror, but Seras ignored them. Her mind was solely focused on the girl who was trying to force her back into that cupboard. She wouldn't go back there!
Seras was about to stab the girl a third time when a larger hand wrapped tightly around her wrist and she was pulled up off the ground by one of the nuns. The rest of the children cowered away from her, even when the fork was pried from Seras' deranged grip. Katie fell backwards, almost passing out from fear as she gripped her shoulder, blood now staining her hands. For a brief moment, Seras' eyes once again locked onto the girl who still hadn't moved from the corner of the room. However, instead of a bored expression, the girl was staring back at Seras with a look of bewilderment.
Given no time to gawk back, Seras felt herself being thrown to the ground by the person who had picked her up in the first place. She looked back up just in time to see who other than Sour Face reach for one of the crucifixes on the wall before striking. The hard wood stung as it slapped against Seras' skin over and over again.
"Devil child! Devil child!" Sour Face chanted, unrelenting in her attack.
Seras cried out, especially when the wooden cross hit the bare parts of her skin. The sting lingered as if naked flames were being pressed against her. She lashed out, trying to fight back, but the strikes continued, rendering any movement almost impossible. In the end, Seras could do nothing but give in and lay there limply. The scowl remained on her face, however, her mind going blank as she tried to tune out the pain and the shouting from the sisters.
After what felt like an eternity, the lashings stopped. Seras continued to lay still.
"May God forgive you, child," Sour Face prayed for her.
"God can kiss my arse," Seras whispered before she could stop herself.
The whole room fell silent.
"Blasphemy! BLASPHEMY!" the sisters and some of the other children began shrieking.
Now Seras had really gone and done it.
"I think the devil child needs another night in the cupboard!" Sour Face finally cried out, picking Seras up and holding her as far away from her own body as possible, as if the little girl was tainted.
"No!" Seras screamed. "Please! Not the cupboard! I'll be good! I promise!"
Panic began to rise within her. Why did she have to be so stupid? She should have known that the cupboard would have been used against her again, especially now that Sour Face knew it sparked such an intense fear within her. Anything but the cupboard!
Seras hit and kicked, screamed and punched, scratched and bit, until finally, Sour Face let go in pain and alarm like the child she had been carrying was a rabid animal. Hissing just like one, Seras bolted. If she could make it to the front door, she could run away from this place and live on the streets. Anything had to be better than this hell.
"Stop her!" Sour Face yelled.
Larger arms suddenly wrapped around her before her body was turned around to face her new captor. Seras cringed back in fear, her whole body shuddering as she locked eyes with the one person she definitely did not want to see. Father White grinned at her, his eyes just as hollow and empty as they always were. His very presence was enough to frighten any child into submission. Though some children seemed to be more afraid of him than others. There was something about this man that terrified Seras. It was if he was soulless. His eyes were like two black holes. His salt and pepper hair was never straight or tidy. He always wore some sort of regal looking robe, looking rich while all the children wore hand-me-downs and clothes that barely fit.
He merely chuckled as Seras tried to fight back.
"And just where do you think you're going?" his voice hissed like a snake.
Seras glared at him in response.
"So now you finally decide to lose the use of your tongue?" he mocked.
"Let me go!" Seras demanded, despite her fear.
The priest sighed before turning back towards where a few of the nuns that had run after her were standing. Even they cowered in fear from Father White. He had arrived only a few weeks ago and already he seemed to command the place. Children and staff went missing and all he seemed to do was laugh it off. Of course there was no proper investigation into all of this. No one like interfering with the goings on within the Catholic Church and its institutions. Seras learnt from the very moment she had been dumped in this place that they could get away with anything.
"You let this little girl get the better of you?" he disparaged.
The nuns looked down and away in shame.
Father White turned back to regard the vicious child in his arms.
"Now, what shall we do with a little girl intent on wandering off?" mused Father White, and Seras shuddered once again.
"We were taking her back to the cupboard, Father," only Sour Face dared to reply to him.
Father White seemed to think for a moment. "Very well. Let this be a lesson to you, girl."
Seras actually found herself grateful when she was passed back into Sour Face's arms. Father White continued to stare at her weirdly before he chuckled and marched off back into his study. Everyone in the room visibly relaxed slightly when he was out of sight. Meanwhile, Seras could hear her own heartbeat in her ears as if the organ had somehow made its way inside her head. Her teeth were clamped together and her breathing was shallow. But she was snapped out of her paralysed state when Sour Face once again dropped her and began dragging her towards the cellar.
"NO!" Seras began screaming again.
Sour Face ignored her, simply tightening her grip to prevent Seras from escaping a second time.
"I won't go back in there! You can't make me!"
Seras was forced down the stairs and back into the dark, damp cellar. She once again coughed as the stale air filled her lungs which was all Sour Face needed to catch her off guard and push her back into the cupboard. The little girl was just about to launch herself back out again when the door slammed shut, and the clicking sound of the lock echoed in Seras' mind.
"LET ME OUT!" Seras screamed, beginning to bang her fists against the door.
Despite the noise she was making, she could just about make out the sound of Sour Face walking away and heading back up the stairs. The cellar door slammed shut and Seras was all on her own. Her screaming continued as she tried to break the door down, panting and yelling incoherently as she did so. But it was no use.
Walls closed in as the little blonde girl pushed against them, struggling to fight for breath. Sweat coated her skin along with dirt and blood, further suffocating her. The screams were deafening. The gun shots were frightening. And the laughter… that laughter… It was the laughter of the monsters that had haunted Seras throughout her life. That forced themselves upon her every conscious and unconscious nightmare. That sought her out forever and always. Only the tomb she was encased in provided some sort of protection. It was like she had been sealed alive inside a coffin.
"Mummy!" Seras cried out, tears streaming down her face.
But nobody came.
And with that, the first chapter is done. I hope that people are interested. I'll be sure to try and update whenever I can, and if you want to let me know your thoughts, please do so! It helps us writers out a lot and inspires us to keep going. Until the next time! Adios!