Fishing
"Are we really going to go fishing?" Neil asked while carrying all the equipment, rods, bait, nets, chairs etc. and almost buckling under it all.
"Me and my dad used to always go fishing here," Rick interrupted happily "Though we never caught anything." He laughed and snorted "But it was great fun. Just me, my dad-"
"And that nudy camp you stared at to pass the time." Vyvyan added.
Rick nodded "Yes, and that nudy camp I stared at to… Hey! There wasn't a nudy camp!"
Vyvyan laughed "Oh, yes there was!"
Rick muttered under his breath and then asked "Well how would you know?"
"Well I should know, I hid in your car and went with you."
"What's wrong with fishing, Neil?" Mike asked "I thought you'd like it, close to nature and all that other stuff."
"Not with fishing, Mike, because like, when you fish, you, like, counteract the balance of the beautiful harmony under the water surface, right, and that is like, totally heavy."
"Yeah, well too bad, we're fishing because I wants to, so there." Vyvyan sneered.
"Uh, Vyv,"
"What?"
"It's want without the 's'." Neil corrected.
"But I wants it to be with an 's'. So there!"
"But it isn't good grammar!" Rick added.
"I don't think yours is any better, Rick." Neil observed.
"Oh shut up Neil!"
"LOOK! ITS MY BIRTHDAY SO IF I WANT TO REWRITE GRAMMAR AND HAVE WANT WITH AN 'S', THEN I CAN HAVE WANT WITH AN 'S'!" Vyvyan shouted. As he did so birds from the trees above squawked and flew away followed by complete silence.
"Oh, that's it, Vyvyan, interrupt mother nature's wildlife harmony balance!" Neil moaned.
Vyvyan sighed and growled loudly "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MOTHER NATURE'S WILDLIFE HARMONY BALANCE! STOP MAKING THINGS UP! I'M GETTING REALLY BORED OF IT!"
"Yeah, Neil! Stop trying to flood our minds with things that aren't true! That's the job of all you hippies to try and take over the world! Stop filling our minds with all that nature garbage!" Rick yelled, backing Vyvyan up.
"Nature isn't garbage!" Neil protested.
"Guys!" Mike shouted "Calm down!" he straightened his jacket and leaned over to Vyvyan and whispered "So where's this nudy camp of yours, then?"
"Just over that hill with the huge tree." Vyvyan pointed ahead "Though I don't think it's going to be there after a decade."
Mike waved a finger "You never know."
The four sat above a wide river with the sun at it's peek in the sky. Vyvyan was right in his theory of the nudity camp not being there after a decade. It was a pensioner's nudity camp now and the four kept there backs to it and tried not to look. Vyvyan and Mike held fishing rods while Neil sat crossed legged, not joining in the "Interruption of nature's wildlife harmony balance" and Rick rummaged through he bait box, asking what each one was for even though nobody else knew what they for anyway. Who does know?
"So, what's this one for then?" Rick held one up with multiple hooks.
"Dunno." Vyvyan replied not even looking back.
"And this one?" He held one up with bright yellow stripes and a single hook.
"Dunno."
"What about this twisty one?" It was in a strange shape with feathers.
"Dunno."
"And this blue one?" It had five spots on it and a long, dangerous looking hook decorated with feathers.
"Dunno."
"This one's slippery…"
"That's a condom."
"AHHH!" Rick dived half way into the river washing it off and jumped around shaking and letting out grunts and screeches of disgust.
"How'd you know that Vyv?" Mike asked casually with Rick flailing around I the background.
"I know this place better then which way Rick's nose breaks when I punch him."
Mike nodded "You know this place pretty well then."
After calming down, grabbing a rod and putting a hook on it, Rick sat in between Neil and Mike "So, how do you cast it then?"
"Don't ask me." Neil replied.
"I wasn't asking you!"
"I know but I'm just saying it in advance."
"You really are weird aren't you? Really pathetically stupidly weird!"
"Not as much as you can be, Rick."
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
"It means you're weird." Mike answered.
Neil stood and walked over to the bag he was carrying not too long ago and started looking through it "I'll get lunch ready then." No body answered him.
"Hey! I think I got a fish!" Vyvyan jumped up and started pulling on his line.
"Great! Reel it in Vyv!" Mike said.
Rick tried to help but Vyvyan shoved him away "This is my fish so I don't wants no help!"
"Fine. I wasn't going to help you anyway!"
"Let it go, Vyvyan! Don't counteract nature's wildlife harmony balance!" Neil protested. Rick stuck his fingers up in his face and pulled faces at him. Mike watched Vyvyan fight the fish.
"Oh, sod it." Vyvyan mumbled and gave the line a hard tug and pulled it back past the tree. What rose out of the water was truly bizarre.
With a smallish head on an arced neck, the Lock Ness monster broke the surface, the hook from Vyvyan's line stuck in it's mouth.
Vyvyan kept pulling, though to no effect, not seeing the monster. Rick cowered behind Neil and Mike backed away "Vyv, stop pulling… Vyv. Vyv!. VYVYAN! STOP PULLING!" Rick screeched and threw a hook at Vyvyan which, unexpectedly, wedged into his head. Not noticing the pain, Vyvyan dropped the rod and walked over to Rick.
"What?" He asked, hands on hips. Rick pointed to the huge monster and Vyvyan stared in bewilderment "Bloody hell!"
Neil sighed "This is what you get when you interrupt nature's wildlife harmony balance…" He started gathering the lunch that had fallen everywhere when Rick and crashed into him earlier.
Vyvyan grinned "That's amazing!" He ran over to the monster and started pulling the line to try and "Catch" it.
The monster raised an eyebrow and lowered it's head "Do you mind? That is rather uncomfortable." It murmured in a high-class voice.
Vyvyan let go and scratched his head, still unaware of the huge hook protruding from his head "If you can talk… That means you're not a fish?"
It nodded "Please be so kind as to remove this hook from my mouth, if you would, dear boy." It opened it's mouth and the hook was caught in-between it's teeth.
Vyvyan looked to the others who gestured for him to get it over with. He shrugged and leaned inside. After fiddling about for a minute or so he removed the hook and threw it behind him. It landed in Rick's foot and he started screaming in pain.
"Much obliged." The monster nodded and slowly disappeared under the water.
Mike walked forward, camera in hand "We're going to get a lot of money with the footage I got." He smiled.
Not long after the incident, as attempt after attempt was made to catch fish all that was caught was a few rubber-johnnies and some copies of 'War And Peace' which wasn't a surprise.
"God I'm bored…" Vyvyan murmured. Neil was studying the books they had found in the river, seeing how useful they would be to start a fire back at their apartment. Mike had disappeared to 'Answer the Call of Nature' but had ran down to the photo place to get his pictures and video developed.
Rick had managed to bandage his foot after removing the hook. He fiddled with a rod and tried casting it but, unbeknown to him, it snagged on Neil's trousers "Hey, guys, I can't seem to cast it properly." He said, pulling and straining.
"Uh, Rick," Mike started "I think you should stop pulling."
Vyvyan, not noticing Neil holding onto a tree trunk to stop from being flung into the river, walked over to Rick and started pulling too.
They both breathed in deep and yanked it hard. Neil came forward, flying, nearly knocking Mike into the water and landed on the other side of the river and kept on rolling.
Vyvyan and Rick lurched forward and were dragged into the river, losing their grip on the rod. Vyvyan grabbed a protruding tree root and Rick attached himself to his leg.
"This is all your fault you stupid bastard!" Rick shouted up.
"Why do you blame me!? It's Neil's fault!" Vyvyan protested.
"Yeah, you're right!" Rick agreed.
Neil leaned over the bank.
Vyvyan looked up and smiled "Neil," he began holding up two fingers before his expression changed.
"YOU BASTARD!" Rick and Vyvyan yelled simultaneously before slipping and being swept away by the river.
Eventually, they stopped on a grassy bank. Rick struggled to his feet, sopping wet "When I get back I'm going to kill that stupid hippie!"
Vyvyan jumped up "That was fun! Let's do it again!" He began to run back up to where their ride had begun but stopped and stared… They were in the pensioner's nudity camp.
Rick covered his eyes "AHH! NAKED WRINKLY OLD PRUNES! I'M SCARED FOR LIFE! AHHHH!"
Naked old ladies and men started walking towards them, smiling that old person smile, inviting them down the limbo club for tea.
Vyvyan stayed completely still "Rick, they can sense fear, don't move!"
Rick started bubbling. And as they drew closer, he couldn't stand it and started running "I can't stand it anymore! IT BURNS!"
Vyvyan looked from Rick to the old people and gulped "Wait for me, Rick, you stupid bottom boil!" And he, also, fled from the nudy people.
Hehe, yay for lateness! Okay, Ive been having tons of HW and Im in the year where I have to choose my GCSE's so im under pressure… WAAH!