Bowling

After their narrow escape from the pensioner nudity camp, Rick and Vyvyan were clearly traumatized and scarred for life. However, this wasn't going to deter Vyvyan from enjoying his birthday.

"So… Many… Naked wrinkly shriveled people…" Rick's right eye twitched as he sat on the street pavement next to Vyvyan who rocked back and forth mumbling "My eyes… My eyes…"

Mike bent down "Now I know what you have been through. Old people nudity is a very scary thing."

Neil lay on the floor. Worn out from having to carry both Rick and Vyvyan up from the river bank a mile until they reached urban ground "Why couldn't you help carry them, Mike?" he mumbled, face flat on the floor.

Mike looked up for a second "Neil, don't be stupid." He returned his attention to the two quivering on the sidewalk "Now, Vyv, are we going to continue your birthday or should we call it off?"

Vyvyan shook his head and stumbled to his feet "Cancel my own birthday? No bloody way!"

Rick sniffed and put his head in his hands and started to sob until he received a kick.

"Stop wining you girl!" Vyvyan sneered.

Rick stood and glared at him "Oh, so I'm a girl now, am I?"

"Yeah."

"LET ME FINISH! So, I'm a girl? Well what about you, Mr. Hiding-under-the-picnic-blanket-shivering-like-a-baby-screaming-"The horror! The HORROR!"-for-an-hour…"

Vyvyan scratched his head "Well, I was obviously under more trauma than you…"

Rick snorted "Yeah, well I know trauma, matey! Every time you bend over to turn over the TV it's like the love zeppelin special on National Geographic!"

Vyvyan growled and pulled out his dagger and held it to Rick's throat "You saying I have a big bottom!?"

"Enough!" Mike yelled. Vyvyan dropped Rick and fiddled with his dagger "Now, what's the next horror that awaits us?"

Neil stood "Uh… I think it's bowling, Mike."

"Ah, great, something I'll enjoy."

"But there's one problem."

"What?"

"I'm allergic to the polish they put on bowling balls."

Mike frowned "Say what?"

"I'm allergic to bowling balls."

"That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard."

"It's not an excuse."

"What is it then?"

Neil looked down "I just can't stand being around bowling balls."

Vyvyan sighed "Well there's no problem about that, Neil." He pushed Neil the rest of the way to the bowling alley down the street "We can tie you outside!"

"A brilliant idea." Mike agreed.

"Well what are we going to tie him up with?" Rick asked?

Vyvyan grinned "We could use your intestines!" Rick started moving backwards.

"No, we'll improvise." Mike said and grabbed Neil's hair and tying it tightly around a post. He waved as he went inside followed by Rick and Vyvyan who just stuck their fingers up at him.

After a moment of silence Neil finally protested "Guys…" He called half-heartedly "I don't think I like this."

Rick's head popped out from the door "Well too bad! You're staying like that. And anyways, you always said you wanted to be part of nature."

"Being tied by my hair to a post is not being part of nature."

"Well dogs get tied to posts, don't they? So there you go!"

"This isn't what I had in mind…"

Rick laughed and snorted and joined up with Vyvyan and Mike at the shoe-counter thing "So, what do we do here?" He asked looking at all the shoes.

Vyvyan raised an eyebrow "We get bowling shoes, stupid!"

Rick's face turned to one of disgust "What!? My poor sensitive feet in those horrid, smelly, ruggish shoes!? Look! They all have holes in them! And… AH! There's a caterpillar in that one!"

"No, it's a centipede." Vyvyan corrected.

Mike, wearing his own shiny bowling shoes, handed Rick a pair. Rick was obviously not satisfied "Ugh! God, it's like they're alive! Rotten, filthy…"

"Oi! Who you calling rotten, spotty?" One of the shoes replied.

Rick blinked and shook his head and returned to examining the state they were in "Oh, come on guys!" He called after Vyvyan and Mike who were making their way towards the bowling lanes. He held up one shoe "It's being held together by bubblegum!"

"Stop complaining you wimp!" Vyvyan shouted back.

Mike tapped his watch "Come on, Rick, time is money!"

Sighing, Rick put on the slimy shoes and waddled over to the lanes.

"Okay," Mike said "Vyv, here's your ball," he handed Vyvyan a sparkly blue one quite heavy but Vyvyan didn't notice "And, Rick, here's yours." He gave Rick a dark green ball. Rick took it but fell forwards due to it's weight.

"Bloody hell!" He yelled "I can't even pick it up!"

Vyvyan laughed "Come on, Rick, no one's that weak. Stop being so bloody dramatic!" He bent down and picked it up in his other hand.

Rick stood and turned to Mike who was polishing his own personal white grey-streaked ball "Uh, Mike, you wouldn't have one a tad bit lighter, would you?"

Mike glanced at him and picked up a girly pink ball that weighed near nothing and handed it to him. Still, Rick had trouble holding it "Thanks." He mumbled and made his way to lane three.

"So, who's to start?" Mike asked, practicing a mimic swing with his arm.

"Well, I'll go first because it's my birthday and because it's my birthday." Vyvyan answered.

Rick frowned "But you just gave the same reason twice."

Vyvyan growled "So!? I changed want into want's', didn't I!?" He grabbed Rick's bowling ball and lifted it high "Want to make something of it!?"

"Uh… No." Rick stuttered, trying to pull his fingers from the bowling ball now right above his head. Vyvyan grunted, letting the ball drop, narrowly missing Rick's head.

"Right then, I'll go second." Mike stated. He turned to Rick who was just recovering from the floor "You'll be third."

Rick nodded "Yeah alright…" He said hesitantly.

Vyvyan held the ball near his face, preparing to bowl. He brought it back behind him slowly and ran forward, right down the lane, slipping on the floor.

"Is that how you bowl, Mike?" Rick asked.

Mike looked from Rick to Vyvyan and nodded "If you're Vyvyan."

Vyvyan, instead of releasing the ball at all, brought it crashing down in the middle of the pins, scattering them everywhere. He held his arms up in victory but realized the ball was stuck on his fingers. He started waving it about trying to get it off. Suddenly, the pin resetter thing came down and caught his ankle. He looked down and mumble dot himself "Bugger." And was slowly dragged through the bowling thing and the machine spat him back out across the lane. He slid all the way to Mike's feet on his stomach.

Mike looked own at him "Was that your shot?"

Vyvyan glanced up and nodded "Yeah." He stood and sat down on a rickety chair to get to the business of pulling the ball from his hand.

"Is that how you play bowling then?" Rick asked still confused.

Vyvyan sighed and ignored him.

Mike bowled a perfect strike and grabbed the ball as it came back "You're up Rick." He said as he stepped down from the lane.

Rick looked up at their lane screen. It showed a big "X" for strike "What does the X mean?" he asked.

"Oh shut up and just bowl!" Vyvyan yelled, kicking Rick up onto the platform.

Rick stood and started shaking. He swept his hair back (making it spazz even worse) and held the bowling ball as the others had before. He didn't really know what to do and just threw it over arm. It flew down the lane and into the pins, getting a strike. Only, he went half way with the ball. He slid to a halt in the middle of the lane. When he regained his bearings it was too late, Vyvyan was already starting to bowl.

Vyvyan ran at him, swinging the ball in circles dangerously. Rick sprung to his feet and ran in the opposite direction, both slipping and falling about the place stupidly. As he ran out of lane to run on he hopped onto the next one. Vyvyan landed a little too hard and slid on his side across three lanes in front of Rick and let go of the ball sending it flying towards Rick. It crashed into he ground just missing him and rolled over a few lanes into their own and knocked down the pins.

Mike gazed at them and pointed "A strike?" The X flashed on screen to prove it was.

Rick straightened his jacket and dusted himself down "Well naturally. Vyvyan needed a little help so I tried my own strategy."

"Yeah, running." Vyvyan mocked as he stepped carefully back to Mike.

Eventually, after many bowls like the past few, the three were thrown out and were banned from the bowling alley for… A long time.

"Well that's just great…" Mike mumbled "The only time I want to enjoy myself and get a chance too, you two mess it up."

"Hey guys, can you untie me now?" Neil asked.

"I'm sorry that Rick has been such a prat, Michael, but I can't help that." Vyvyan grumbled brushing off debris from his head on collision with the plaster wall while trying to run away from the security only turning the wrong way.

"Oh, blame me then. Thanks a lot; I just thought you were my friends, that's all." Rick moaned.

"Hello?" Neil waved his arms.

"Well you really are stupider than you look." Vyvyan snapped back.

"My head's beginning to really hurt now." Neil said again.

"No, it was both your fault." Mike said.

Vyvyan lowered his head, knowing Mike never really got angry at all "Sorry Michael." He murmured.

"I'd really like to be untied guys; this is going to leave huge knots in my hair." Neil nagged again.

"Yes, I apologize too, Mike." Rick added though more hesitantly.

"Guys?"

"Fine. As long as you two know why I'm angry, that's okay. Don't let it happen again." Mike nodded "Now come on, there's still time to fit in the carnival and pet cemetery but let's be quick about it, time is money."

"So you keep saying!" Rick growled "Maybe I don't want to celebrate this date. Maybe I want to go home!"

"I'm sorry but I really have to pee as well…" Neil piped up again.

"You can do that anytime, let's try and get out, at least four times a year…" Mike looked at Neil "Well, three at least."

"Hello?"

"So what are we waiting for!?" Vyvyan shouted enthusiastically "I WANT CANDY FLOSS!"

Mike nodded and started to walk up the pavement closely followed by Vyvyan and Rick.

"…Guys?" Neil murmured, still stuck to the post.

Yay! Another chapter! And so soon! Its because I have so many other stories I wanna write… Well, that's all folks!