The Cemetery

"Why on Earth would you want to come here?" Rick asked Vyvyan as the four entered the huge menacing gates of the pet cemetery. They had forgotten about Neil for a full half-hour until Rick realized there was no one to verbally abuse without the risk of injury.

"I've told you, are you deaf!?" Vyvyan shouted down Rick's ear.

"I think I very well will be soon if you keep shouting like that!" he yelled back.

"Guys! This is a quiet place, so like, keep the peace, right?" Neil protested.

Mike laughed "What's gonna happen?"

"Because, right, if we, like, interrupt the peaceful balance of animal spirits, yeah, then that'd be like totally heavy, because we'd get into trouble…"

Rick snorted "Oh, and how will that happen then? An angry ghost will come at me with a crowbar, will it?" he looked around and shrugged "I don't see any ghosts wielding crowbars, or any ghosts for that matter! So stop being so hippie-like and suspicious and get a grip on reality."

"But I am a hippie."

"What? Oh, yes right. Well, whatever!" Rick dismissed him by sticking up his fingers, taking a puff on his cigarette and walking away from where they had gathered. Suddenly, he disappeared down a hole and started screaming "AAAHHH! IT'S GOT ME! THE EVIL GHOSTS WEILDING CROWBARS AND WANTING TO KILL ME HAVE GOT ME! HELP! MIKE! VYVYAN! NEIL! HELP ME!"

Vyvyan peered down in the grave Rick had fallen in. He lifted his arm in front of Neil and said "Shovel, please, Neil. Let's put him out of our misery."

"No."

"What?"

"I said no."

Vyvyan laughed "Neil, are you saying no to your superior?"

Neil frowned "Your not my superior!"

"Whatever."

"And yes I'm saying no."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sick and tired of being bullied about all the time. It's really heavy and I don't think it's fair to dump all the workload on me-"

"I'll dump more than just the workload if you don't shut up and get me that shovel!"

Neil mumbled and shuffled away to get the shovel.

"Vyvyan, what are you up to now?" Mike asked. He looked down at Rick in the hole.

"He's going to bury me, Mike!" Rick shouted up.

Mike looked back to Vyvyan "Alright then, carry on." And began to walk down the far end of the cemetery.

Vyvyan nodded and started kicking dirt into the hole since Neil was slow with getting the shovel.

"Hang on, hang on." Mike came back "Look, burying him is going to take a while and we don't have all day."

"Um… Afternoon, Mike." Neil corrected.

"What? Oh, yeah. Anyway, let's just do what we came for so we can get this day behind us."

Vyvyan mumbled and sighed "Fine. You never let me have any fun…"

"You've had plenty. It's not everyday we go out of our way to actually put a little effort into someone's birthday. Now don't be so ungrateful."

"Sorry Mike."

"Now, what did we come here for? To see S.P.G. Am I right?"

Rick by this time had scrambled out of the hole "Well you'd have to be right, Mike, you just answered your own question." He observed.

"Oh, Rick it was a rhetorical one!" Mike clearly found it hard to believe the lack of brains Rick seemed to show "Even Vyvyan knows what a rhetorical question is!"

Vyvyan grinned "Yeah! Even I know what a rhetorical question is!"

Rick sighed and mumbled under his breath "Too bad you don't know what an insult is."

"What?" Vyvyan snapped.

"Oh, nothing."

"Now where's S.P.G's headstone, Vyv?" Neil asked, looking among the rows.

"Over here. I made it myself." He replied.

The others came over to a small, oddly shaped triangular rock in the ground that said :

………S.P.G………

………1938-19116………

Ded, Wat mor du yu wants?

"Aw, how thoughtful Vyv." Neil smiled.

Vyvyan grinned "Yeah, I know."

"It's a bit tatty, isn't it?" Rick noticed.

"Well, duh. It's a headstone."

"I see you kept your bad grammar and spelling." Mike said, wiping his glasses on his handkerchief.

"He would've loved it." Vyvyan smiled.

After standing for quite some time in silence, a long silence, Rick wondered off to read the rest of the headstones because he was one of those seedy little bastards who liked reading others' misfortunes.

The first one he came to said "Little doggy called Greg. So much loved his bed. Snoring but didn't get up. So here he was lovingly dumped."

The second "You're standing on my head."

Third "Crikey! It's darker in here than I thought."

Fourth "Can we swap?"

Fifth "Johnny the duck. Was full of luck. Until one day. He was beaten to a pulp be a truck and mistaken for tofu so what remains of him are buried here, today."

Sixth "Jack, loving dog -Note to self, never talk to a bitch when she's pissed."

Seventh "Listened to headphones, often to the Ramones, his brother turned up the sound, now this animal is deathbound."

Eight "Cat caught a duckie. Cat was unlucky. Cat trespassed on a farm. Cat knows that farmers do harm. Cat was swung above his head. Until the G's were too much, Cat was then dead."

"Rick! Come on! We're leaving now!" Mike called.

Rick jumped up, startled "C-coming, Michael."

Later on the four walked along the fence where the carnival was behind it. Vyvyan and Rick jumped up and down yelling "CARNIVAL! CARNIAVAL!" while Neil held an ice-pack to his head and Mike hid his money in his pockets and tightened them and prepared a plan to get in for free.

Wow! Two chapters under twenty-four hours! D