-PREVIEW-
Coming Soon to a PC near you...Silas and Mary Sue II: Dead Man's Vest!
Gasp! As the Legolas of modern Paris goes about his sexy business once again! Swoon! As Paul Bettany's eyebrows continue to fail to exist! Go 'Awww!' As you witness the patter of tiny albeanie-baby feet! And Weep! As you realise I'm making all this up because I needed somewhere to put this extra scene, and there isn't going to be a sequel anyway!
One man. One woman. One brain between them. Dare you watch the thrill-ride that is Silas and Mary Sue II?
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Preview scene:
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The Opus Dei numenary quivered with righteous anger. He stepped forward, aflame with holy zeal, and pointed a furious finger at Silas and his tiny son. The man's eyes narrowed as he cried to the albino:
'That child is a sin! You're living in sin!'
Silas clasped the albeanie-baby to his shirted front protectively. With typical toddler timing, the brat chose that precise moment to wail that he wanted a biscuit and to watch Bob the Builder and don't WANNA hug now toopid Papa wanna watch BOBDA BUILDER! It thrashed and squawked, angry little fists flailing. Silas, unfazed, tucked the squirming creature tidily under one arm, and smiled brightly at the gun-toting menace.
Leaning about Body Language had been a lot of fun, and now he'd started actually talking to people, he was picking it up quite well.
'Kids!' he rolled his eyes, grinning.
The Opus Dei man wasn't amused.
'That child is an abomination in the eyes of God!' he yowled, flecks of spit frothing about like cheap bubblebath.
'Why?'
'Never mind the stupid questions! I'm busy putting you in Mild Peril! I don't need a reason!'
'I see,' said Silas calmly, 'Well, I'm sorry to hear it...Toby, please behave yourself! Wait until the nice man has finished trying to kill you, then you can have a biscuit'
'That child is evil, and what are you going to do about it?'
'What am I supposed to do? Put him back where he came from?'
'Yes! No, wait, I mean...look, don't fuck with me!'
'Well, he wouldn't have fitted anyway...'
'Shut it, you, I'm at the end of my tether! I'm warning you! So help me, as God is my witness I shall spill your unholy blood'
The child had calmed down and was now contentedly picking its nose.
Silas bent down to speak to his young son, yanking the boy's questing fingers out from his nostrils.
'Toby, Papa is going to deal with the nice man, and it would help Papa a lot if you could go straight back home to Mamma and stay there'
'Why, Papa?'
'So the nice man doesn't decorate the wall with your brains, Toby'
'Cool,' said Toby calmly, completely unfazed. He stood up to go.
'Go on. You'll be safe there, Toby. And Papa was very lucky'
'Why, P'pa, why?' the toddler looked up at Silas, bright-eyed, as the albino smiled grimly and drew a trusty pocketknife.
He grinned.
'Because the man with the gun didn't ask about Toby's fourteen brothers and sisters- heh!'
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WARNING: May not be an actual, existing sequel.