Downhill Spiral
The Next Day, the same feeling came; it lingered and almost festered inside Eureka. This empty nothingness -this loneliness- wouldn't go away. She felt so hopeless and lost without him. She couldn't even function like that. But she needed him. She desperately needed him, but it -the situation- was so... messed up.
How can I be like this...so...? Renton, Renton, I...I'm so sorry.
Eureka continued thinking about her current state, half awake and half dying on the other side. Oh, how she wanted to see him! So badly... just to feel his presence in the room, his warm comforting body against her, and his heart next to hers. To feel his heart beating next to her...yea, she would Love that.
"Renton," she whispered softly, "I love you..."
She has been in bed the last week barely moving or communicating with anyone. The crew didn't know what to say or do around her. They just left her there in her room moping. Sure they felt guilty but they were about as confused as Eureka was about the ordeal she was dealing with. And there was Renton, kind cheerful Renton, also in a depressed state because of her. Because of her Gekkostate was in a dysfunctional state she thought to herself. She was the problem that made everyone this way and she wanted so badly to fix it but she didn't know what to do. She felt so hopeless and helpless at the same time. Eureka felt as if her life was spiraling down into a dark abyss. She wanted to be saved. Right now.
As much as she tried to speak with anyone when they entered to check up on her, she couldn't bring herself to do so. Eureka was so put down from all of the guilt and angst bottled up in her she couldn't even tell them she was sorry or even give them a weak greeting. As much as she wanted to she couldn't even tell Renton her feelings for him. As much as she wanted she couldn't stop herself from being selfish. It was so uncomfortable for her to do anything at the time but she wanted to really badly; she wanted to make everyone happy. Eureka wanted to make Renton happy and everyone else happy. She wanted to be perfect but she wasn't. She felt so useless and unneeded even though she knew Renton loved her and tried his hardest to make her happy. Eureka wished that she could return those intentions and feelings the right way but she was so lost.
Maybe if he were to visit her today she could do something. Eureka felt as if she owed him so much more than what she was giving him right now. The real question was: Was she even giving him anything?
She could barely describe the feelings she was feeling; the place where her heart should be was replaced with an emptiness, a black hole sucking out her life. Sorrow, frustration, and confusion every negative emotion was felt. Eureka didn't know how to deal. The only thing she could think of doing was just laying there in quiet and thinking about her situation.
A few moments passed before she heard a soft knocking on her door. She didn't respond and she really, honestly didn't care who it was at the moment.
"Eureka" said a small voice, "I need to talk to you" it continued in a sad and almost frustrated tone.
"Renton," Eureka thought to herself. "Here's my chance to sort things out." Eureka almost felt a spark of joy at hearing his voice and wanted this to be the moment where everything could and would change. She wanted Renton to walk in and talk to her. She wanted it so badly.