Chapter 9
' Love can never satisfy, can it? She says she loves me and I believe her, yet, despite her beauty and the length of our relationship I can't find any passion between us. There is nothing left of that wonderful love we shared a year ago. Yura insist that it is just a phase and I know Manten has been eyeing her behind my back, not that I care anymore. I guess love is like a song, if you listen to it too many times it no longer pumps you up.'
Hiten Indrashi's journal 5 weeks before the accident.
I heard my heart pounding in its bone cage.
Manten is dead and Hiten is missing.
Hiten only looked at his little sister, he did not scream nor did he run off to some adult. He just sat in the cold snow, his huge eyes winding, his pupils shrinking. I expected him to explode any second then, I had to be fast. Nothing came to mind as for an excuse. Hiten knew this was his sister, and when she said her brothers it was obvious she meant him.
My mind ached with the distant thought of sirens and jail bars, I couldn't take that again. Frustration took over quickly, trying to think up something before Hiten cried out that I was his kidnapper.
"Ban-chan" He said weakly. I felt a soft tugging on my shoulder.
"Not now Hiten." I had ideas but all were terrible and couldn't explain the current situation. I could feel his presence tremble. I could feel the frustration grow to me forehead causing my brain to ache. I gritted my teeth hard, only for the pounding in my head to grow.
"Ban-chan…I need to know…" I felt the need for all of this pressure to be relieved. It only took another little tug on my shoulder and I had officially lost control.
"HITEN YOU NEED TO SHUT UP AND LET ME THINK GOD DAMMIT!" I sat back and closed my eyes. Well there goes option A.) Explain everything to Hiten in private. I thought.
I continued to think of excuses, plans B-Z, and all seemed flawed tremendously. My problem wasn't him, but the little girl who overheard everything.
"Did you just say Hiten?" She asked with a hint of sorrow.
"No, I said Hitina." I lied. Souten looked past me.
"Then where is she?"
I squinted my eyes in confusion, noticing the warmth of the cross dresser was missing. I turned slowly, and saw nothing but the many people having fun. I saw the edge of Hiten kimono drift off into the woods at the outer edge of the fair.
"I'll be back Souten."
There were many times when this amnesiac had given me a heart attack, and this had to be the worst. I brushed passed the crowd in order to reach the opening in the woods. It seemed as if the world had grown colder. After going past many statues and their admirers I entered the heavy woods following only a stone path and the glimpses of Hitens skirt. He was using the paper umbrella which only stood out when he turned corners.
I hurried after. A branch smacked me in the face but my fierce fast walk was not stopped. My face was raw with frost bite. I used the quilt which still hung over my shoulders to protect my cheeks from further damage. The sound of crunching snow grew louder as I continued to follow.
My heart raced, where was he going? Certainly not to the car, or to the cops, which both were in the opposite direction. The snow grew deeper and a clearing was up ahead. A statue stood in a small river which flew to my left. Hiten sat beside the water, the umbrella resting on his head.
"Hiten?" I stepped forward; the snow was ankle deep here. He did not answer me. I walked over to him with caution, hoping he wouldn't scream or run. My hopes were answered with silence and stillness. The only sound was of the running water clashing against the stone statue. I moved so I could see over his shoulders. He held a Polaroid picture. It was of him and his brother.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He said lightly, with no feeling at all.
I took the quilt from over my shoulder and placed it over his trembling ones. "Because, I didn't want you be sad."
He froze and turned to me steadily. "So you give me the dream of being with my little siblings only for one to be dead?" He held the picture to his heart, tears trickled down his face. His make up became streaked except for his red lips, which were virgin to distortion.
The world around us was white and calm, his trembling red lips stood out. "Bankotsu, why did you take me?" I couldn't answer directly.
"I took you because…because…I was scared." His trembling body held still.
"What?" His face looked so sweet, not twisted like most, but inocently pushed into a look of confusion. That was when I felt something break in me; I think it was my sanity.
"I was scared because if you died it would have been my fault. How could anyone let an angel go back to heaven?" I forced it out. The analogy wasn't needed but it worked, He looked bewildered yet calm all at the same time.
"But why didn't you save Manten? What happened to him?" He whimpered.
"He was gone by the time we got to you two. He died supposedly of a heart attack." Hiten cringed. "My little brother…I can't remember anything between us! I can't even remember what goes on in this picture. Why? Oh, my head hurts when I think about it." He was now sobbing into hands. He was rocking himself, slightly. I grabbed his shoulder, instinct was kicking in. I pulled him closer; I wanted him to stop crying, so I did what my mother did to me. She hugged me when I was small, when I was frightened.
"Its all right, don't cry anymore." He only sobbed harder, shaking violently in waves of pain.
"Manten!" I pulled him closer. Now, I have to admit, this was the one time I was glad Jakotsu wasn't with me, the moment would have been ruined. Suzako would also have added his two cents.
"Don't cry, Manten is looking down at you right now and I doubt he wants to see his big brother cry."
"Your right."
He pulled away, rubbing his now pink eyes. The pale make-up was gone around there. He still held the picture, tucking it away into his black kimono. He then looked to me with a slight shine in his eyes.
"Ban-kun , now that I have the chance, I want to ask you something." Hiten scooted slightly closer. "You said you don't like punks because they play too loud and Emos play too quiet and depressing. Well what do you like?"
I laughed at this. "I like people who play right in the middle, not popy and not random, just right in the middle."
"Upbeat?"
"Exactly." He shifted slightly his gaze never leaving my own. What the hell is this guy up to? I couldn't help but think.
"I like loud, enough to burst your ear drums."
Deep down within that gorgeous exterior lay the real Hiten, the new kid that came to our school filled with confidence and with humor. I slightly missed him, but now I felt like this new Hiten was too dear to lose. I knew him more than I did the other one.
"Ban-kun, I was also wondering…" He started.
"Ask away!"
He looked to shy to ask anything at all. "When you said that when you're in love, you cannot speak, and your gut feels like its being turned inside out?"
I nodded. "Dear god! Don't tell me you like Kagome!" He frowned.
"No."
"Inu?"
"No."
"That Sango girl?"
"No"
"Jakotsu? Suzako?"
"No Ban-kun! The person is…"
He wavered for a second. He looked as if he couldn't decide whether or not to tell me. "Well he has long hair."
I noted this and gave him a gesture to continue. Ok so he likes other guys, creepy. "And the most beautiful pair of eyes. His lips are always a light pink color. Oh, did I mention, he is the sweetest person you'd ever meet. Oh Ban-kun I love him so much!"
"Well do you have his name?"
"It's hard to pronounce." The gloomy aura had evaporated immediately after he said this, and was replaced with a rather playful one.
"Spell it!" I was growing frustrated. Long hair, nice eyes, and sweet, who the hell was this guy?
"B,A,N…" I could see where this was going.
"BANICHI FROM CLASS C! HE'S SUCH A DORK!" I yelled filled with jealously. "And he needs a hell of a hair cut." Ok clearly I was clueless.
Hiten looked at me now with the same annoyance that I had felt a few seconds before. "Maybe this will tell you!"
You know those spontaneous moments that happen out of nowhere? This was one of those moments. Hiten pushed himself forward, just randomly, and practically tackled me. It was strange…he was way more powerful than I was. I guess that's what you call not knowing your own strength. He had his hands pushing on my shoulders, his cheeks blood red. Right then, after a quick pause, he pushed his lips clumsily onto my own. I felt a heat rush to my face in throbs, the cold snow under me wasn't noticed. Hiten's body was also warm like a fire. I could feel his heart beat.
He pulled away, and sat crouching on his knees, looking away from me.
"So…" I sat up a bit dazed. "It was me all along."