As Michaela said goodbye to the medicine man and his wife, Sully reached the edge of the Indian village. Stopping there for only one moment to catch his breath, he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw Flying Sun's smiling face. Suddenly remembering that she was another unsolved problem between Michaela and him, a sharp pain shot through his temples making his vision blurred.
"What are you doing here?" His tone was harsh, but the Indian woman didn't mind. No one would know that she hadn't actually found him at one of the special places they had shared when he lived with them.
"I know you need help and so I was looking for you."
Sully was puzzled, but he didn't waste any time to ask any more questions. The need to see his brother became unbearable. Suddenly becoming aware of her hand still on his shoulder, he shrugged her off. His only fear at the moment was that his friend wasn't there but hunting or somewhere else. "Is Cloud Dancing in his teepee?"
Although she felt the rejection, Flying Sun's smile broadened. They all would see that she was the only one to find him. "Yes, I take you there."
Now Sully was in bewilderment. "No need for that, I know the way." He had no time to figure out what that woman was up to, so he just turned and started to enter the village of his family.
Cloud Dancing was about to return into his tent when he saw his brother approaching with Flying Sun right behind him. Acknowledging the woman with a slight nod, the medicine man told her, "Thank you for bringing him back."
Sully amended, "We just met. And what's that all about anyway?" His headache was increasing again.
Cloud Dancing saw his brother's eyes darken in pain. "You need treatment, my friend. Dr. Mike told us…"
Unbelievingly Sully interrupted, "Michaela was here?" He was stunned for a moment. "How could she, after all I did?"
The Indian smiled. "Because she cares for you. And as a doctor she knows that you are not yourself right now."
While his friend spoke, Sully's mind raced and there was one thought that stood out clearly against all the others, Michaela had been here to look for him! Maybe not everything was lost…
But Cloud Dancing then showed him an item on his outstretched palm. "She brought this for you."
Sully heart sank when he put his medicine pouch around his neck and swallowed hard. "She's giving it back?" He barely dared asking further. "Did she bring the beads, too?"
Now Snowbird interjected. She didn't want him to jump to the wrong conclusions. "Dr. Mike does not give it back, Sully. She said she thinks you need it. That is something else."
With renewed hope Sully's tone became urgent now. "When was she here?"
Watching Sully keenly, the medicine man knew he had to start with the healing ceremony as soon as possible. But first he had to calm his brother down and so his voice was low when he told him, "No need to worry, she does not mind if you want me to help you again. We can prepare a sweat lodge right away."
This was not what Sully wanted to hear, and his temper rose, "When, Cloud Dancing!"
The Cheyenne considered what to do. It was obvious his friend needed help. But maybe this time it was not his turn to take care of him. And when he felt the soft pressure of his wife's palm against his back, he answered, "She just left."
Sully's heart started to pound wildly. "Then I can still catch up with her! Please, I need a horse!"
Michaela knew that she had enough time left until the stagecoach would arrive. If she wanted, she could even go to her favorite place for a rest. She felt exhausted again although she had managed to sleep a few hours last night. But her concern for Hannah took over. The little girl missed her Pa terribly, that is why Michaela didn't want her to be too long without her Ma. She then decided that a brief stop would do her some good. When she approached the edge of the woods, she pulled her horse into a halt. Watching the landscape in front of her gave her mind a little sense of peace. The sun shone brightly from a deep blue sky that held a few dazzling white clouds which looked like fluffed cushions. The first fresh green hesitantly made its presence known and seemed to whisper, "There is always hope, even when the winter was icy."
Deeply inhaling the fresh, crispy air, Michaela forgot for just a few precious moments her concern to where Sully might be. Although a huge part of her didn't want that Indian woman to find him, she knew the longer he was alone out there the more difficult it would be to bring him back, not to a particular place but to himself.
Hearing the sound of a horse approaching, she stiffened. Who could that be? She rarely met anyone when she was in the woods. Maybe she should ride away as fast as possible, but her curiosity won and she turned to see who it was. The moment she recognized Sully, she felt the urge to spur her horse and flee from him. She didn't follow her impulse and so her legs just twitched. Then the doctor had herself under control.
Sully had seen the movement and was close enough to watch the last flickers of anger leaving her eyes. "Michaela, please, can we talk?"
He jumped down from his Indian pony and stepped next to Bear. Gripping for her reins he looked up at her. "Please, Michaela, give me a chance."
He didn't care that he sounded like a begging little boy. He had to make her talk to him. But tilting his head upwards, the sunlight hit his eyes full force and he winced as the familiar pain shot through his temples again. Shielding his eyes against the bright light he fell onto his knees and moaned.
Michaela instantly dismounted her horse and crouched down next to him. Laying one arm comfortingly around his back, she brushed his hair from his face with her free hand. "Sully, we have to take you out of the light first. Tell me where you want to go. Cloud Dancing told me he would like to take care of you as he did…"
"I wanna stay with you." His voice was barely audible.
Michaela needed to be sure. He would only be better when he was at a place he truly wanted to be. "Sully, I won't be angry if you'd rather be with…"
He interrupted her again. "I'm staying with you."
When they reached the clinic, their arrival attracted quite some attention. Although it wasn't even noon yet, some of Hank's costumers loafed around on the saloon porch and watched them. Michaela was glad that she didn't understand the comments within the drunken laughter clearly. The barkeeper leaned against a post, the unavoidable cigar between his fingers. "Look, who's back. Didn't your Injuns wanna keep ya this time or ain't Michaela allowing you staying there?"
Michaela's eyes shot daggers across the street but she didn't deign to answer him. While Sully was already entering the clinic, she dismounted her horse and was relieved seeing Matthew coming around the bend from Grace's café. "Matthew, if you have the time could you please take the horses to Robert E.?" After his reassuring nod she continued, "And after that I need the bath tub from Jake."
Sully sat on the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands when Michaela entered the recovery room. He had changed here before the funeral and his usual clothes still lay on the rocking chair. The black suit he still wore was in a poor state by now.
"Sully, before you go to bed, I want you to eat something and to take a bath. Until Grace brings the food and the water is hot enough, I will try to ease your headache. Is that alright with you?"
He didn't answer and just moaned again. Watching him from the distance for just one more moment, Michaela decided that words were lost on him now. So she sprang into action and closed the curtains. The dimness seemed to help since Sully grew silent.
Stepping to his side, she gently touched his shoulder. "Lie down, please."
Looking up at her with pain-filled eyes, Sully grasped for her hand. "Can we talk, please?"
"We will, Sully, but not right away. First I want to ease your headache." When he started to object she gently pushed on his shoulders until he finally lay on his back. Sully instantly covered his eyes with his forearm and groaned again.
A soft knock came from the door and then Colleen's head poked into the room. "Dr. Mike? Can I help?"
Michaela smiled at the girl's eagerness. "Yes, you can. I need hot water for the bath tube and boiled water for the tea I have to prepare." When Colleen turned to leave, Michaela added, "Oh, how is Hannah?" The answer astonished her. "Miss Dorothy took her."
Michaela contemplated what to do. "Since I want her to sit with me at her father' side later, it would be nice if you go and bring her back. Could you do that for me?"
Colleen hadn't liked how Miss Dorothy just came and acted as if Hannah belonged to her, so there was nothing she'd rather do. "Sure, Dr. Mike."
After Charlotte's daughter left, Michaela began to straighten. Sensing that she was about to leave, Sully grasped for her arm. "Please, don't."
Gently taking his hand away, the doctor assured, "I'll be right back. I just have to gather some things."
When she returned, Sully sat propped up against the headboard. Opening his eyes, he searched for her gaze. "Michaela, I'm so sorry."
She knew that this wasn't the time for discussing problems. "We will talk later, Sully. First I want you to feel better."
"I won't until we talked." The growing tension when he waited for her reaction made the pain behind his forehead increasing again. Finally he couldn't take it any longer and patted the edge of the bed. "Sit with me, please."
Still remaining motionless in the middle of the room, Michaela's inner conflict was clearly written on her face. As the doctor she knew that the closeness could be comforting for the patient, but as the woman she was not sure if she was able to handle it. Sighing, she eventually gave in.
As soon as she sat next to him, Sully bent towards her and enveloped her into a tight embrace.
Burying his face into her hair he whispered, "Can you forgive me?"
Michaela let her eyelids drop. Feeling their bodies so close together made it difficult for her to think reasonable. She knew that his outburst at the graveyard had two sides. On the one hand the renewed memory of his terrible loss just two years ago had caused a relapse into the melancholia again, but on the other hand that meant he wasn't really over his wife's death. Without that, any relationship likely condemned to fail. As much as she cared for him, she couldn't do that to herself, going through this and not knowing if he ever would be ready. She just didn't know how to explain that to him without giving him more emotional pain right now.
Sensing her hesitation, Sully felt fear engulfing him. Loosening their embrace he bent back and framed her face in his palms. When he gazed at her, the color of his eyes had turned into a dark grey.
Choking up he implored, "You must believe me, Michaela. I didn't mean to yell at you the way I did. I don't know what had gotten into me, I just…" His voice trailed off.
Seeing his pain, Michaela almost couldn't bear it. "I know what you want to tell me, Sully. And I know that it was a painful situation for you. But when we are under emotional stress and don't control our speech, we often say what we really think." She paused for a moment and momentarily closed her eyes so she could avoid his pleading gaze. Taking a deep breath, she braced herself for what she thought had to be said now.
Sully knew what she was thinking. He made it out in her eyes which were now looking back at him again. He couldn't let it happen. He had to be honest. Taking her hand in his and pressing it against his cheek he admitted in a wavering voice, "I felt guilty because I love you so much."
With that he had unarmed her. What should she do now? Suddenly aware of his stubbles under her palm, all the sensations which rushed through her body when she was close to him came back to her full force. The rising heat made her blush and when Sully noticed that, he sighed in relief. His headache was gone for this moment at which he could hope. He lifted her hand from his cheek a few inches and turned his head to kiss her palm.
Michaela knew that all their problems were still there, but feeling his soft, warm lips on her sensitive skin she just whispered, "Oh Sully!"