Part VIII: Of Chinese Dumplings and Inexperienced Kissers
Chapter i: Of Charred Salmon, Bicycles, and Stomach Problems
Somehow, within the week following the laundry room incident, Pirika became unable to leave a twenty-foot radius of your body. And she was just as chatty as Ren had said; and maybe even more so. Even through the smoke alarm (caused to set off by a grease fire Horohoro had unsuspectingly caused while trying to help you fry some salmon) she still yapped on and on about this and that. That is, until Horo (driven to near insanity by the combination of her voice and beeping smoke alarm) had shooed her away using a potholder.
Horohoro grinned apologetically as you doused the still-flaming pan with baking soda. After the fire was successfully put out, Horo stood on the table and fanned the smoke alarm with the same potholder he had chased Pirika away with, thus ending the demonic beeping. You tiredly ran a hand through your hair and leaned against the counter as you watched the Ainu sit down at the kitchen table.
"From now on, Horohoro-san," you sighed. "Please don't try to help me with dinner." Horo huffed and crossed his arms, mocking anger.
"Why not?" he pouted, sticking out his lower lip and trying to look sad.
"Because you'll screw it up," Ren grumbled as he leaned against the doorframe. Apparently, he had just finished training for the day, as he was missing his shirt and covered in a thin sheet of sweat, some of his bangs sticking to his forehead. You scowled as a drop of sweat made it way down his jaw line and onto the tiled floor. You had just washed that floor! Now Ren was making puddles on it!
"Eww, Ren! You're all sweaty!" Horo moaned. Apparently, he had seen the offending droplet as well, and was determined to take your side on that particular topic. Ren smirked.
"So what if I am?" he said smugly. With that, he shook his head violently, showering the pair of you with tiny drops of perspiration.
"Ren!" you whined, taking refuge behind an empty frying pan. "Don't do that! I'm trying to make dinner! And I just washed the floor! Go outside if you're going to shake like a dog!" Ren stopped abruptly; he hadn't meant for his little rainstorm to hit you as well. He blushed fervently and slid silently out of the room.
"The nerve of that guy! I can't believe he did something that unclean while you were making dinner!" Horo declared loudly, a hint of a smile tickling his face. You had actually taken his side for once, so he was more jovial than usual as he watched you mop up the tiny puddles on the floor. You rolled your eyes.
"Right; and I suppose you dancing on the countertops in nothing but your underwear is much more sanitary," you huffed as you remembered the incident from a few nights ago.
"Well, I was happy!" Horo complained loudly. "And Ren just did that to piss me off! He's like that, you know!"
"No I'm not," Ren's voice drifted in from the bathroom as he turned on the shower. Horo's eyes widened.
"How could he hear that!" Horo half-hissed, half-yelled. Without even turning the water off, Ren poked his head in the kitchen.
"Because you're louder than a rock concert in a preschool room," he said in the same smart-assed way he always would to Horohoro. The bluenette scowled, but then stalked out of the room, clearly not being able to think of a comeback. Ren smirked, but you gave him a sharp glare for losing you your "helper," as Horo had called it. Now he and Ren would be at each others' throats for the rest of the evening. Ren, sensing your glare, then inched out of the kitchen to resume his shower.
You turned to face your ruins of the salmon that Horohoro had caught on fire. They were burned onto the iron skillet, and you knew that even though this was Horo's fault, you would be the one cleaning it up in the end. You were still the maid, after all. But most of the residents in the Asakura household thought of you as more of a friend who just happened to be forced to wear a slutty maid's outfit for some unknown reason.
Taking the still-hot pan by the handle, you carried it over to the sink and promptly began to run cold water on it. After about thirty seconds or so, you heard a very started-sounding squawk from the bathroom. You shook your head as you realized that this house didn't have an electric water heater, therefore, you couldn't run two faucets at the same time without the water temperature being messed up. After a quick "Sorry, Ren!" you (using as little water as possible) began to wash the burned-on fish off the skillet.
Surprisingly enough, you managed to get all the fish off the pan. But not after about half an hour of scrubbing. And only just as you were rinsing off the iron skillet did Ren finally emerge from the shower, sporting only an annoyingly short towel and holding the clothes he had previously been wearing.
"What were you doing in there, Ren?" you asked, a hint of a giggle in your voice. "You took so long taking a shower, I thought you must've drowned." Ren turned bright red.
"Yeah, well… What do you know?" he snapped. Then he shoved the garments into your hands. "These need to be washed," he stated simply, then walked off.
"Okay…" you said softly. This was more of a comment to yourself than Ren.
"Katsumi," you heard a stern voice say. You turned around to see Anna, standing in her usual arms-crossed pose. "Weren't you making my dinner a while ago?" she demanded, her stomach giving a slight rumble. You smiled nervously.
"Yes, I was, Anna-san. But Horohoro-san caught the salmon on fire, and I'm afraid I've nothing else to make." Somehow, you knew that this wouldn't end up well.
"Well, you're just going to have to go get more," Anna said. You "irk"-ed.
"But Anna-san!" you said. "It's getting dark! I can't walk all the way to the market by myself when it's getting dark! I don't know what kind of crazy people are lurking in bushes and alleys just waiting to--!" Anna reached her hand out of the doorway, pulling a still-wet but clothed Ren in by the ear.
"That's what you've got Ren for," she said tiredly. Ren jerked his head out of Anna's iron grip.
"For what?" he demanded.
"You're taking Katsumi to the market," Anna said, clarifying the situation. Ren scowled.
"No I'm not," he protested.
(Go ahead in time about five minutes…)
Standing on the back pegs of the bike Ren was pedaling, you could see the red, throbbing handprint on the side of the spiked boy's face as you gripped his shoulders firmly, a basket hanging from your right wrist. Surprisingly, Anna had let you change out of the satin maid's dress before you left the house; and for that, you were thankful. If you had been wearing the dress, other pedestrians would be able to see all the way up your legs when the bike was moving, which was pretty much the whole time you were out.
It was a nice evening; the sky was a melting pot of warm colors, and it was still generally warm out, considering that it was early September. Little stars were making themselves noticeable in the swirling colors of the sky, and crickets were chirping like there was no end. Sighing contently, you loosened your grip on Ren's shoulders slightly. When you tried to sneak a peek at the attempted emotionless face of the boy in front of you, you saw a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks.
Soon enough, though, you began to just let your mind drift to some random thought about nothing, but that was abruptly cut short by Ren stopping suddenly in front of the market.
"Here we are," you heard him say (seeing as you were still behind him). You hopped swiftly off the bike and toddled off into the outdoor market, seeing as after Ren put the bike somewhere, he could find you in about ten seconds.
After almost forgetting what you had gone to the market to get, you began to browse through the various foods until you and Ren met up again. Somehow, he had managed to pile an almost obscene amount of peaches in his arms, and he gratefully set them into the basket hanging from your wrist.
"What're these for?" you asked, trying to figure out what anyone would need that many peaches for.
"For eating," he replied simply, edging off to a refrigerator full of milk, which set in a building missing most of the front.
"No one can eat that many peaches before they spoil," you remarked. He looked thoughtful.
"Then you can cook something with them," he said, opening the first door of the refrigerator and pulling out a few glass bottles of milk. They clinked against each other dangerously, threatening to break and spill all over Ren.
Edging nervously into the three-sided building, you eyed the display of meat. The flesh of different animals was set up in a glass counter on a mountain of ice, little sprigs of random herbs stuck here and there into the display. Ren silently placed the milk into the basket, much like a small child sneaking candy into his mother's shopping cart would. Before you could complain about how heavy the basket was getting, you saw Ren's eyes light up ((Think the background picture of Ren in episode 52 when Team Ren assembles the three oversoul-things…)) when he saw a pile of odd-looking meat with a tiny "35 percent off!" sign stuck into it, laying temptingly in the corner of the display.
"We need some of that," he commanded the man behind the counter, jabbing his finger at the meat behind the glass. The man nodded, that sly "you-picked-the-right-thing" vendor's smile upon his face as he wrapped the meat up in some white paper. You cringed, knowing how much all this extra food would cost and knowing that most of it would be coming out of your meager salary. And besides, this meat Ren was purchasing for you wasn't even fish, let alone salmon.
Surprisingly enough, Ren paid for the food, including the odd meat ("Wow! That was considerate, Ren!"), and the two of you were on your way back to the house. By now, though, it was almost completely dark. The stars were showing off their sparkle as best they could, but they were often drowned out by the annoyingly bright streetlights. Ren scowled at them whenever the pair of you entered the circle of light beneath them, and you could feel the muscles in his shoulders tense ever so slightly underneath your hands.
When you finally reached the Asakura residence, Anna seemed to be annoyed that the pair of you had taken so long, and practically kicked you into the kitchen to restart making dinner. After asking Ren what exactly to do with the new meat, you were informed to make it into Chinese-style dumplings. What a pain in the ass that was! They took forever to make, and in the end, they were tiny. So you had to make a ton of them. You silently vowed never to make them again, as Anna was furious with you for taking so long.
After taking forever to make, though, the odd dumplings were a hit. You watched a little angrily from the tableside as your hour and a half of hard work was consumed in about ten minutes. Yet no one seemed to know what they were eating, so it was too risky to ask if they liked it or if they were just starved to death at the end of the day. After dinner, as you were picking up plates, you figured it was safe to ask if they liked what you had cooked.
"So, what did you guys think of the dumplings I made?" you asked, narrowly missing a teacup with the plate you were maneuvering to the pile in your arms. A chorused reply of "Oh, it was great!" and the like echoed around the table.
"I've never tasted anything like it, Katsumi," Yoh said thoughtfully after taking a sip of tea. "What was in it?" You "irk"-ed, not knowing what to say, then laughed nervously.
"Umm, I don't really know," you laughed. "Ren was the one who picked it, not me." Silently, all eyes shot to a slightly food-intoxicated Ren. Silence.
"Well, what was it, Ren?" Yoh asked, clearly sensing that the Chinese boy had been nodding off a little when the question was asked. Quickly snapping awake, he replied:
"We have civet all the time back home. I don't see why you guys think it's such a great thing."
You sat out on the front lawn, staring at the stars and trying to rid yourself of all the ill-looking faces that had stared your way when the main course of the meal had been revealed. It wasn't like it was your fault that they had all eaten civet. They could have at least asked what it was before they shoveled it down their throats. But you were a bit glad afterwards that you hadn't eaten any dinner; you were probably the only one (besides Ren, of course) who wouldn't be having a date with the Pepto-Bismol bottle tonight. You laughed lightly at your half-formed thought, then rolled over onto your side, the light autumn breeze blowing up your re-donned maid's dress and making you shiver a little.
From your spot on the lawn, you could hear some of what was going on in most of the bedrooms through the open windows; voices talking and such. Lyserg (who's room was the closest to your stargazing location) emitted a long, miserable moan, and you saw Morphine's slight pink glow floating around the room, trying to communicate without speaking. Other than that, though, things going on in the other rooms were audible, but not distinguishable. You heard muffled voices coming from the other side of the house. Deciding it was getting late, you got up off the grass and went to bed.
End Chapter i.
Chapter ii: Of Giggling Boys and Helpful Books
Yoh sighed, leaning back against the trunk of the tree in his backyard, Manta lolling not to far away in the grass. The moonlight illuminated their faces just enough so that their expressions could be vaguely made out. Manta, using his large book as a makeshift pillow, rolled over onto his stomach to face Yoh.
"Why do you keep sighing like that, Yoh-kun?" Manta asked. It had been the fifth time in three minutes that Yoh had heaved a sigh, and since Manta was Yoh's best friend, he figured that he should know about whatever was going on in Yoh's head. Yoh sighed again. It was really starting to bother Manta, but he would never admit it.
"Manta, if I ask you something, will you promise not to laugh?" Yoh asked seriously. Manta cocked his head to one side.
"Of course," the tiny blonde answered. "Isn't that what best friends do?" Yoh smiled, realizing that they had been talking in questions the whole time.
"Alright then," Yoh said, breaking the pattern. Manta tried to make eye contact, but the taller boy looked away. "This is just a hypothetical question, by the way," he added guiltily before the question was asked. "If I wanted to kiss a girl, how would I go about doing it?" Manta smiled lightly. He couldn't imagine Yoh kissing a girl. Then again, he couldn't imagine Yoh kissing anyone.
"Why?" Manta asked. "Are you finally going to give in and kiss Anna goodnight?" he joked, the tiny sadistic side of him shining through. Yoh scowled.
"No, I was just wondering how I would do it if I wanted to." Yoh didn't even want to think about kissing Anna, but a certain insufficiently-paid employee frolicked through his mind, the wind blowing up her maid's dress in a Marilyn Monroe-ish fashion.
"I'll check my book," Manta said. This was his answer to any and every problem. After searching for a few minutes, he held the book open so Yoh could see the page. It was labeled 'How To Give A Perfect Kiss.' Yoh laughed out loud when he saw this. This book really had everything in it!
"Read it to me," Yoh said, blushing a little. Manta nodded.
"Run your tongue over your lips before you kiss. Having slightly moist lips makes it easier to move your lips over your partner's and gives you both a more pleasant experience."
Yoh giggled madly.
"Stand close to your partner. As the two of you move closer together, tilt your head slightly. If you can see which way your partner's head is tilting, tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction."
Yoh, still giggling, tipped over onto his back. Even though he found this funny, he was trying to soak it up like a sponge.
"Just before your lips meet, close your eyes. Some people prefer to leave their eyes open during the kiss. But until you know what your partner prefers, it's best to close your eyes."
Yoh made a mental note to "lose" this book for Manta later.
"Open your mouth slightly and place your lips over your partner's lips. Do not hold your breath! Breathe through your nose. As your lips meet, press them gently over your partner's. You may wish to move your lips in a slow, circular motion or just leave them still over your partner's."
Yes, he would definitely "lose" this book. And it wouldn't be found until well after next Easter.
"Yoh-kun?" Manta asked. "Should I go on to French kissing, or stop?"
"Go on, go on!" Yoh urged, trying not to sound desperate.
"Okay, then… Open your lips over your partner's slightly more than you would during a regular kiss. This makes it easier to place your tongue in your partner's mouth."
"Uh-huh…" Yoh gulped, trying to keep the evil images of himself and a very sexy-looking Katsumi Frenching on a deserted beach out of his mind.
"Place the tip of your tongue on the tip of your partner's tongue. Don't force your tongue too far into their mouth. If you wish, you can play with their tongue by circling theirs with your own. Have fun with it. Explore."
Yoh nodded. "Is that it?" he asked.
"Yup," Manta responded. After a minute of silence, Manta spoke again. "I get the impression that you were thinking about Katsumi, weren't you?" Yoh blushed, then began pulling at the grass, not wanting to answer.
"Uh."
"You were. I know you better than you think, Yoh."
Somewhere off in the wilderness of rural Japan, Hao and Opacho sat in front of a campfire. The pair's eyes were glued to the campfire, watching the magic images of Yoh and Manta's current learning activities in the flames. All the while, Hao and his androgynous little sidekick were laughing their heads off at Yoh's desperateness. Hao grinned at the fire.
"Gee, Otôto," he said to the silent moving pictures in the flames. "I never knew you were that desperate for the girl. Now I want her even more than before."
End Chapter ii.
End Part VIII.