I casually walked up the outer wall of the exam arena, right where I knew the contestant box would be. I was pretty excited for this whole thing, even though I would have to hurt Gaara. But it still had to happen, both because Naruto needed to Therapy-no-jutsu the fuck outta him and because it would be an insult to the Suna jinchuuriki if I held back at all. As I crested over the top, I simply continued and walked off the overhang to the underside of it, then on to the ceiling. Only Gaara noticed me, and I gave him a wave. He looked at me quizzically again, but then returned his gaze to his sister's match. I stood on the ceiling above Naruto and Kankuro...and they still didn't notice me. Guess I had to announce my presence.

"So, am I late?"

Both genin whirled around, then looked up to see me standing there. Naruto gave a frustrated shout, pointing an accusing finger at me.

"YEAH YOU ARE LATE, BASTARD!!!! YOU'RE LUCKY THEY DIDN'T DISQUALIFY YOU AND CHOSE TO POSTPAN YOUR MATCH INSTEAD!!!"

Kankuro gave Naruto an incredulous look, probably wondering how the hell he graduated from the academy.

"It's...it's postpone...not pan..." poor Kankuro was ignored, though.

"Sorry, but there was an old lady who needed help with her groceries, and I couldn't just leave her stranded..." I said.

Naruto's reaction was priceless. He gave a wail of despair, clutching at his head. "NOOOOO!!! KAKASHI-SENSEI INFECTED YOU WITH HIS LATENESS AND LAME EXCUSES!!!!"

Wow, I could see why Kakashi intentionally gave bullshit excuses all the time. It was hilarious. I would have to do this more often. Come to think of it...I should visit the memorial stone myself on occasion. Pay respects to Shisui and all that. Speaking of...I should see if I can get Hinata to help me...or maybe Neji if he pulls the tree out of his ass. I knew for a fact that Danzō had Shisui's eye under his eyepatch, and that the byakugan could see it. Once Tsunade was in office I would have to get that rolling. I didn't want to have to deal with Danzō if I didn't have to.

Oh my God I'll get to see Itachi and Kisame if I play my cards right!!! Maybe Kisame will let me give Samehada a snack. Should I bring him some shrimp tempura? I know he likes shellfish...or would that be creepy? Eh, if anything the shark man would just chalk it up to Uchihas being weird. When I felt sand around my ankle, I was pulled from my thoughts. Before I could do anything, I was yanked off the ceiling and into the arena, landing across from Gaara. On my face. I stood up, brushing the dust from my front.

"Sorry, I got lost in thought..."

"...what could you possibly have been so deep in thought about?" Genma asked.

"I was debating on whether or not I should bring a shark his favorite food is all."

"...right, forget I asked. Anyways...competitors ready? BEGIN!!!" Genma leapt back, to the point where he was standing on the wall. Not that I blamed the guy.

I looked to Gaara, and grinned, giving him a thumbs up. "Let's both do our best!!! I would prefer not to die, so if I surrender I ask very nicely that you don't Sand Coffin me!!"

Gaara was silent, except for the sand swirling around his feet in an agitated manner. Without warning, a tendril shot out at me, but I easily dodged it. While doing so, I used chakra strings to undo my leg weights, and they fell to the ground with a large puff of dirt sent up as they left large dents in the earth. Freed of the burden, I was much faster, and I was able to get a few hits in on Gaara. Granted he was wearing his sand armor, but I still got past the shield so it counts. At least this time it wasn't a shock to him that I move like Lee, as he already knew I trained with him.

After a few minutes of me fruitlessly knocking him around, he finally encased himself in his sand sphere to begin his transformation. I knew what I needed to do. I walked casually up to the sphere, but made sure to stay far enough away that it wouldn't try to stab me.

"...I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, Gaara." I said.

I leapt back, and began charging up a Chidori. It didn't take me long to build it up, only about ten seconds...which was a third of what it took canon Sasuke. Hah, I'm better!!! Suck it!!!

Once the ball of chirping lightning was fully formed in my hand, I rushed forwards, proceeding to coat my body in a thin layer of the lightning as well in a primitive version of the Chidori Stream. This way the sand wouldn't be able to stab me at least, as it would be broken apart upon impact with the lightning. My fist went straight through the sphere, and I felt the impact as I hit Gaara in the shoulder. I pulled my arm out immediately, before the redhead could process what just happened, and leapt back. Any second now the invasion would start, and I would have to give chase to the sand siblings. I looked up into the stands to see that the spectators had already fallen victim to the genjutsu, and that the Kage box was filled with smoke.

The sand around Gaara collapsed as he screamed, and once it had all fallen away he looked like he was about to collapse...until his siblings came and grabbed him, fleeing out of the arena and into the nearby forest. Unlike regular Sasuke though, I wasn't going to just rush off by myself. I looked to where Kakashi, Naruto, and Gai were, and saw that Kakashi was fighting a Sound shinobi. Perfect...I could use this to practice a new move! I leapt up, and moving quickly, I gave a roundhouse kick to the enemy while yelling.

"DYYYNAMIC EEEEENTRYYYYY!!!!!!"

Kakashi looked like he wanted to stab himself once I turned to face him, but he only sighed instead. I grabbed Sakura, dragging her to Naruto and Shikamaru, and sat down. I stared at the sleeping genius, and a wicked grin formed on my face.

"Shikamaru...you're going to wake up, and come with me, Naruto, and Sakura to fight Gaara and his siblings. If you don't, I'll tell your mother that you abandoned your comrades in favor of taking a nap."

The boy immediately sat up, terror in his eyes. "Im up! I'm up! Man, this is too troublesome...but my mom is worse...I hate you, Sasuke, you know that?"

I grinned. "I know!!! HEY, KAKASHI-SENSEI!!! CAN YOU SUMMON A TRACKER DOGGY? IT WOULD BE USEFUL FOR TRACKING DOWN GAARA, AND I HAVE HIS BLOOD ON MY FIST SO WHOEVER YOU SUMMON WILL HAVE A SCENT TO FOCUS ON!!!! ALSO, SHINO, I KNOW YOU'RE THERE COME ON JUST COME WITH US!!!"

Kakashi sighed once more, but complied, coming over to us and summoning Pakkun. The grouchy pug looked at us, then to Kalashi with a questioning look. The jonin gestured to us, and Shino alighted next to me. Kakashi gave Pakkun his orders.

"You're gonna help them track down an enemy...he has the blood for a scent to track. Now...go!!!!"

At that moment, Gai managed to bust a hole in the wall, which we jumped through. I sent a thumbs up at my secondary sensei as we left, and received one in return. We then zipped off through the trees in pursuit of the sand siblings. When it came time to leave Shikamaru behind, I made sure to toss him a soldier pill to help replenish his chakra. We left Shino next, and I gave him a word of warning about the poison gas in Kankuro's puppet.

Before I knew it, I had reached Temari and Gaara along with Sakura and Naruto. I knew that Naruto HAD to Therapy-no-jutsu Gaara here. I had to somehow make that happen, even though I was nowhere near as affected by the curse seal as canon Sasuke was. I just...didn't hate hardly anything, and I had a strong will. So what could I do? I knew that originally, Sakura had tried to protect a Sasuke downed by the curse mark, which resulted in her being pinned to the tree...but that obviously wasn't gonna happen this time. What could I possibly do to get the same end result...?

While lost in thought, I wasn't paying any attention to my surroundings, too distracted by all the noise rattling around my skull. Which resulted in me getting hit in the face by a blast of sand, and knocked off the tree branch. I landed on one below, the wind effectively knocked out of me as I vaguely noticed Sakura standing in front of me and a partially transformed Gaara flying towards us...just for Sakura to get knocked into the tree and pinned. Well...that made my job a fuck of a lot easier, huh? Naruto was suddenly crouched next to me, looking worried and pissed at the same time. I gave him a weak thumbs up before pretending to pass out. It wasn't long before I heard Naruto and Gaara truly fighting, and once I felt the surge of chakra indicating that Gamabunta had been summoned, I got up, knowing that Naruto couldn't see me now. I watched the fight passively, and watched as Temari cautiously approached me. I just grinned beneath my mask and patted the spot next to me.

"Come on! I won't bite! Or stab, or kick, or punch or anything similar!"

She wasn't convinced. Rude. "...why did you pretend to pass out?"

"...because while I failed to get through to Gaara, I know that Naruto can. Their bond is much closer than they realize...after all, they're both jinchuuriki. I knew that Naruto wouldn't do what I needed him to though if he knew I was still conscious. This way, neither of them will die, and Gaara will come out the other side better than before. He was already improving, at least where I'm involved...didn't you notice how he didn't kill me, despite getting a direct hit?"

Temari's eyes widened in realization. "You're...you're right...with how much time you've spent with him...you should have died a while ago...what makes you think that blond knucklehead can change GAARA though?"

I shrugged. "He changed Zabuza Momochi, missing nin of Kiri, right before his death. In fact, if not for Naruto, Zabuza most likely would have abandoned us in favor of living...but instead, he fought with us, both for himself and his disciple...who he constantly referred to as just a tool to be used. It was plain that he actually loved the kid, though. Naruto was the one who broke him out of that ridiculously intense denial. If he can change a notorious missing nin, who killed over 100 trained students before even entering the academy himself...he'll be able to connect to Gaara."

Temari was quiet, probably not knowing what to make of my story. Without warning, there was another surge of chakra, and Gamabunta was replaced with a transformation of the kyuubi. It was almost time for the show to close, huh? Good. I couldn't see Naruto himself from down here, but I saw the sand holding up Sakura begin to crumble, and I walked over to wait underneath her.

In a little less than a minute, she fell, and I caught her falling form before jumping down to lay her in the dirt. Pakkun jumped out, sitting beside her and nodding to me. With a grin and a thumbs up, I rushed over to where I knew Naruto and Gaara had fallen. I stayed in the treeline as I watched Naruto finish his speech before I casually waltzed out. The two jinchuuriki stared at me, and I gave a friendly wave to them both.

"Hiya guys! Have a good fight? It was crazy to watch. You're lucky no one else from our village was around to see that joint transformation into the kyuubi you and the big toad pulled off, otherwise whooooooo boy, the village would have freaked out even more than they already were! I don't care though, because I'm awesome like that. You can pass out now, I can tell you're basically out of chakra."

He had passed out before I even finished speaking. Rude, but understandable.

"...why? I...don't understand..."

I turned to Gaara, who was still laying face up in the dirt.

"...because I care about you. You don't deserve all the shit that happened to you just because you have Shukaku in you. You may have hurt my senpai really bad, but I know he'll recover, and I bet you guys could even be good friends, too! Lee-senpai is cool like that. So why should I be mad at you for that? Seems like a waste of time. I would much rather be friends...hey, next time we see each other, I should teach you more card games! Like poker! You would be reaaaally good at that one. Anyways, your brother has finally caught up, and him and your sister are waiting for you, so you guys should probably head out back to Suna now. I'll see you later, Gaara!"

Gaara was stunned speechless, and didn't even say a word before Temari and Kankuro had swept him up and fled, shooting me a thankful glance. I waved them off with a grin, then turned and hoisted Naruto up on my shoulder before heading back towards Sakura and laying the blond next to her, with me sitting between them. Damn...I really should have learned that shadow clone jutsu...I could have carried them back easy! I keep forgetting to copy it with my sharingan! Oh well. Soon enough though, a Konoha jonin showed up, and looked positively relieved at the fact that all three of us were alive and in stable condition. We were all brought back, and I was forcefully admitted into the hospital, much to my annoyance. Like damn, I barely did anything, I was fine!!! I was mostly there to minimize casualties.

I was pouting in my bed when Ibiki showed up, and there was only one reason he could be there.

"Whaddup, Morino-san?" I greeted.

He sneered at me, and pulled up a chair. "Care to tell me why your two teammates were beat to shit and you barely have a lump on your head?"

I snorted in repressed laughter. "Wow, getting right into the interrogation, huh? If you must know, early on in the fight I wound up hitting my head and I was dazed for about a minute. In the time I couldn't really do anything, Sakura had somehow gotten pinned to a tree by a giant sand claw hand thing and Naruto was working with a giant fucking frog to beat up Shukaku so at that point I really couldn't do shit even if I tried."

Ibiki's eyes widened minutely when I mentioned Shukaku. "Shukaku...? How would you know...?"

I gave him a deadpan look to rival Kakashi's. "Dude. Giant, overly aggressive tanuki made of sand? Who else could it POSSIBLY be? It was the only thing that made sense...especially since Naruto and the toad did a joint henge into the damn kyuubi and Shukaku only got even ANGRIER at that!"

Ibiki looked contemplative for a moment. "...you're sharper than you seem, huh?"

I grinned beneath my mask. I was not sharper than I seemed, I just had future knowledge and a talent for pulling excuses out of my ass. "Isn't that the point? I mean, come on, you gotta admit, if you met me on the battlefield and I was like this, you wouldn't take me seriously, would you?"

Ibiki barked out a laugh. "I also heard you get very creative with your threats...using chakra strings to force someone to hit themselves? Slapping them repeatedly with a fish, of all things? Hah! I even heard about your threat on you C turned A ranked mission, threatening the senbon user to stab each of his toes through with his own preferred weapon? You got guts, kid...I wouldn't mind putting that creative mind of yours to work in TI someday..."

I gave him a grin and a thumbs up, happy that the head of TORTURE AND INTERROGATION approved of my very specific threats. Let me know that I was doing it right. After a few other questions, he left, and I was alone again. Huh...I wondered when they would tell me the third had died? Not that I really cared for the guy much anyways...I mean, he did sit idly by as Danzō actively sabotaged a peaceful solution to the coup my clan was planning, thus resulting in the massacre. Then, the old fart didn't even bother punishing Danzō! It made me wonder...just how much of Danzō's horrors was he willfully ignorant of?

The thought...it was infuriating, so I stuffed it into the very back of my mind to ignore it.

A/N: Hey guys! I know, it took friggin forever to get this done, AND it's shorter than usual! But the next chapter should be much easier than this one.As compensation for this shit show, have an omake.

Temari and Kankuro were terrified. Their stomachs were in knots, and Kankuro was sure that if his stomach weren't already empty that he would have thrown up. They knew that Gaara was trying to turn over a new leaf (hah, pun) after the invasion...but years of learned fear can't be shrugged off overnight, neither can years of bloodlust. Still...there was marked progress.

They had been summoned by Gaara for untold reasons, and couldn't help but be paranoid that they had somehow done something to anger the jinchuuriki and bring punishment upon themselves. As the pair reached the doors for the room they had been summoned to, Temari rose a shaky hand to knock on the door, hearing a soft 'come in' from the other side. The wind mistress took a deep, shaky breath before gripping the handle and pushing the door open. What they saw...was not something they would have expected.

Gaara, sat alone on the floor, was idly shuffling a deck of cards. He looked up, and gestured for them both to sit. The two siblings sat right next to each other, but that didn't last long as they were gently picked up by sand and shifted so the three of them sat equidistant to each other. Kankuro was trembling, and Temari was tense and sweating lightly. They...hadn't ever been touched by the sand in a non harmful manner before, so it was confusing. During their confused pondering, Gaara had dealt out the cards, placing the deck in the middle and picking up his own hand.

"...I trust you are both familiar with the game go fish?" He said.

The pair nodded numbly, and Gaara gave a nod in acknowledgement. "Good. Then...Kankuro"

Kankuro let out a squeak...a very, very manly squeak. "Y-yes?"

"Do you have any threes?"

Kankuro shakily picked up his hand, looking for threes, and seeing none, shook his head. Gaara simply reached to take a card from the deck before gesturing for Temari to go next. Temari was much braver than Kankuro, though.

"O-okay, Gaara...d-do you have any...any tens?"

Gaara looked in his hand. "No."

When Temari made no move to draw, a thick aura of killing intent, though very mild for Gaara, permeated the room as he glared at her.

"Go. Fish."

Just like with Sasuke, Gaara won every round they played.