It took them a few hours to remember to tell me that the Hokage had died. I played shocked and sad, but inside I had already known this would happen, and I wasn't saddened by his death in the least. He was a complete pushover at best, and willfully ignorant at worst...or was it the other way around? Either way...his death was not one I would be mourning. I still showed up to the funeral, but more to pay respects to the other fallen shinobi than the fallen hokage. I didn't have to fake sadness at the service, at least not entirely, but I continued to be withdrawn. It was the next day I was truly excited for. After the funeral, I went home and immediately began preparing fried shrimp onigiri and kani salad for my inevitable encounter with Kisame...and Itachi too, I guess. Kisame was more important.

Once they were all done and in a bento box, I set it in the refrigerator and went to bed. Sometime tomorrow Jiraiya would be taking Naruto on the search for Tsunade, and they would be taking me too dammit.

As I slowly awoke, I looked over to my clock with a yawn. I had stayed up late last night getting everything I needed ready...mostly the bento for Kisame. As soon as the time registered in my head I cursed and flew out of bed and rapidly got dressed. It was fucking 3 IN THE AFTERNOON HOW HAD I SLEPT THIS LONG!? Naruto and Jiraiya were long gone by now, so now I had to see if Kakashi had had his ass kicked by Itachi yet. Forgoing grabbing my supplies just yet, I flew over the rooftops to Kakashi's apartment. Instead of trying the window, though, I just went the normal person way...the front door. I would have dynamic entry-d through the window, but knowing Kakashi he had it excessively booby trapped. Hehe...booby.

In a scene eerily reminiscent of canon, I burst into Kakashi's apartment to find him unconscious on his bed, surrounded by other jonin. Only a few moments passed in awkward and startled silence before Aoba burst in after me, asking if it was true that Itachi had returned. My face was carefully blank as I all but teleported out of the room, flying across the rooftops to pick up my extra weapons pack and the bento for Kisame, which I temporarily put into a spare storage scroll. I didn't want all my hard work to be ruined by some accident or something. After that, I was zooming across the rooftops once more, breezing through the gates. No one was able to stop me, and I knew that it would be some time before Gai-sensei showed up. I had plenty of time. I knew what town it was in, and roughly which hotel as well. This would be a piece of cake.

I hated this. It was taking so. Fucking. LONG. I had made the same mistake as Sasuke did in canon with the first hotel, so then I was rushing through the town to the only other hotel, and only now was I finally heading up the stairs that would lead me to Kisame. And Itachi, I guessed. I was woefully unprepared when I turned a corner to see the pair I was looking for. The taller of the two turned slightly to look at me, and to give my identity I activated my sharingan. Before the shark man could say anything, though, I was the one who talked.

I fanned myself with my hand. "Woooooo, DADDY shark! Hiya! I'm Sasuke Uchihaha, the younger brother of the angsty broody teenager next to you. OH I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING HANG ON!!!"

The shark man was stunned speechless as I rifled through the contents of my hip pouch before I found the storage scroll. I opened it, activating the seal so the bento popped out. I picked it up, practically skipping over and holding it out to the tall swordsman.

"Here ya go! A bento! I made fried shrimp onigiri and kani salad. I hope you like it! OH SHIT I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT SAMEHADA-CHAN!!! Would your sword like a snack of my chakra? As long as she doesn't try to like, eat me or stab me through the hand or totally drain me she can take whatever. It's not fair if you get something to eat and she doesn't."

Kisame just stared at me for a few long moments, only blinking once before looking back at Itachi. "...What did you DO to him to make him like this?"

Itachi was silent, so I took it upon myself to enlighten the honesty-loving land shark. "Oh, the night he murdered our entire clan, I walked in to see him standing over the corpses of our parents, then he proceeded to put me in a genjutsu where I was forced to watch him slaughter everyone over and over and over again for what felt like days, then proceeded to tell me that he wasn't gonna kill me because I wasn't worth bothering with killing."

Kisame looked to Itachi again. "...Itachi-san, that's fucked up, and I'm from Kiri...from the days of the bloody mist...where my specialty was carrying out assassinations on allies and comrades."

"...foolish otouto...you're still too weak...you-" Itachi started.

I blew a loud raspberry, interrupting him. "Aw shut up, I'm not here for you. Hating you is waaay too much work...it's not worth my time or energy."

Before I could do anything else, I was suddenly pinned to the wall by my throat, Itachi right in my face with his sharingan spinning into the mangekyō.

"Then let me remind you..."

Suddenly, I was in the world of the tsukuyomi. Well...not how I planned on telling him, but this would work. I grinned beneath my mask within the genjutsu, whirling around to see Itachi. I gave a cheerful wave.

"Hiya! Sorry for how I was acting before, I didn't want your partner to hate you, and considering that you've been lying to him ever since you met I'm preeeetty sure he would hate you. Anyways! Now that-"

Suddenly we were in the tsukuyomi version of the night of the massacre, and I watched him kill our parents. I gave him an exhausted, deadpan look that would have made Kakashi proud.

"Okay, nii-san, can you at least wait for me to finish talking? Fuckin rude ass bitch. Anyways, now that I can talk freely without Kisame hearing anything, I can tell you that I know the truth behind the massacre."

Everything froze, and the scene dissolved away until we were basically just standing in a void...but I could feel Itachi's worry and RAGE at this information. I didn't give him the chance to speak, though.

"Nii-san...no one told me. I'm not as stupid as you think I am. Sure, it took me a while to piece it together, but I eventually figured out the whole chain of events that led to that night. I figured out that Dad and the elders were pissed about the clan being treated like fucking garbage, and were planning some sort of takeover. I figured out that he used your promotion to ANBU captain to try and get you to be a spy for the clan. I got stuck for a bit after that, as the Third was too soft to straight up order you to murder your whole family, but who else had enough power for that? The answer to that question came when I learned more about the other elder council members...especially Danzō and his weird hatred towards the Uchiha clan. Need I go on?"

Itachi seemed to deflate more and more as I spoke. He looked ready to shatter by the time I had finished speaking...which was strange, given that his posture and expression had barely changed at all.

"...Then what will you do now, otouto? Raze the village to the ground? Abandon Konoha and your comrades? Perhaps pick up where father left off...?"

I snorted in amusement. "Naaah, I'm gonna slowly work my way up to making sure Danzō gets what he deserves! He will die, and he will die disgraced and suffering. After the true events of the massacre come to light, along with all the other fucked up shit he has no doubt done, I'll be totally pardoned. It'll all be okay! I hope you'll still be alive to see it...and...well...not just alive, but with two functioning eyes, too. I know the mangekyo slowly causes you to go blind the more you use it. Either way! After you stop actively utilizing this jutsu, I'll basically be unconscious until Naruto and Jiraiya bring Tsunade-hime back, right?"

Itachi smirked, the upturn of his lips almost imperceptible...and he stepped forwards, raising one arm and using his index and middle fingers to poke me in the forehead, the same way he did to little Sasuke.

"I hope I can see it as well...foolish otouto."

Everything then went black.

When I awoke, it was to hear Gai-sensei talking right by my ear. Wow...I was knocked out for a little while, huh? It took me a moment to register that he was carrying me piggyback, and I lifted my head to look sleepily at Jiraiya. Once I heard them mention taking me back to the village, I snapped to full alertness. I kicked out, releasing Gai-sensei's hold on me, and landed slightly shakily on my feet.

"HOLD UP, I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THE VILLAGE! I PROMISED LEE-SENPAI THAT I WOULD BRING TSUNADE-HIME BACK FOR HIM, AND NOW I HAVE TO BRING HER FOR KAKASHI-SENSEI'S SORRY ASS, TOO!!!! I'M STAYING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!" I yelled.

Everyone stood silent for a moment before Naruto spoke up. "...Kakashi-sensei?"

I nodded, looking to him. "Yeah, Itachi hit him with the same genjutsu he used on me. He must have underestimated my capabilities though, since I'm awake already."

Go me, smooth lie. Before Jiraiya could question it, Gai-sensei was sobbing and trapping me in a bone crushing hug. I returned the hug with equal fervor, and Jiraiya's suspicions were easily averted.

"OH SASUKE, YOU HAVE SHOWN SUCH YOUTH AND DETERMINATION IN FULFILLING YOUR PROMISE!!! EVEN AFTER ENCOUNTERING THE ONE WHO KILLED YOUR FAMILY, YOU STILL PUSH ON!!! TRULY ADMIRABLE!!!! I SHALL DO 500 LAPS AROUND THE VILLAGE IN TRIBUTE TO YOU!!!!"

"Why wait until you get back to the village? I bet you could get all the way back just on your hands, Gai-sensei!!!!"

"A SPLENDID IDEA, YOUNG SASUKE!!! I SHALL GO NOW!!!"

Before anyone could even attempt to stop him, he had flipped over and zoomed away on his hands. I stood with my hands on my hips for a few moments before turning back to Jiraiya and Naruto, who looked fairly perturbed by the previous scene.

"So that's that! You guys are stuck with me, no matter what! Now, we should go before the hotel staff come try to make us pay for damages!" I said proudly.

Jiraiya smirked. "Y'know, you took the words right outta my mouth, brat."

With a grin, I nodded my head, and we all fled.

It had been weeks since we started searching for Tsunade, weeks since Naruto had started learning the rasengan. I was bored out of my mind, and I had Naruto teach me how to make shadow clones just so I could cover more ground in the search. We had just arrived in Tanzaku town a half hour ago, and I was growing more and more impatient. But at the very least it was getting close to dinnertime, and while Jiraiya and Naruto investigated the ruined castle, I had set off to look through various gambling dens with no luck. We had all agreed to meet at a specific bar later, so it wasn't hard for me to piece together that they would find Tsunade there.

I wound up being the first one at the bar, and immediately spotted Tsunade's blond pigtails in a booth. I bounded over, sliding in across from them with a grin under my mask. The two women looked at me strangely, and I gave a casual wave.

"Hello there, Tsunade-hime! I'm here to at the very least get you back to Konoha to heal my senpai and sensei! One of my friends crippled my senpai, and my brother put Kakashi-sensei into a genjutsu coma. Oh, and pretty soon Jiraiya and Naruto are gonna show up to ask you to be hokage, but I don't care about that!" I said.

Tsunade sighed, and took a long swig of sake right from the bottle. "What the hell are you on about, kid? Scram."

I pouted a bit. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha, and literally all I want you to do is heal my precious people...Therapy-no-jutsu has never really been my strong suit though, so I'll let Naruto handle that bit."

At the name 'Uchiha', she paused. "...Uchiha? So...that means Itachi is your brother..."

I grinned and nodded. "Yup! But it's okay, I'm over him killing our entire clan."

Tsunade spat out the drink she had just taken. "What do you mean you're OVER IT? The massacre of your family isn't something you just GET OVER!"

I gave her an uncharacteristically serious look. "...because I now know that it wasn't his fault, that he never wanted to do it, and I'm going to rectify that if it's the last thing I do. He doesn't deserve to be villainized...the one who made him do it does, though."

She gave me a steely, calculating glare. "And I don't suppose you'll tell me anything else about this?"

"Nope. The rest of this information is for the next hokage only!"

She snarled, but before she could say anything I saw Jiraiya and Naruto enter and jumped up to flag them down. They soon joined me in the booth, and I sat with a smile under my mask. At least...until I ordered takoyaki and it arrived at the table. Then I pulled it down and happily ate. Everyone but Naruto seemed mildly confused when I pulled it down without hesitation, but quickly got over themselves. I tried a couple times to snag some sake, simply out of curiosity, but was foiled each time by either Jiraiya or Shizune...one time by Tonton. I pouted each time. Eventually, Tsunade snorted at my efforts.

"What are you trying to drink for, kid? Aren't you a bit young?"

I scoffed, crossing my arms. "Hey, my brother slaughtered our entire clan, and when I found him standing over the corpses of our parents he proceeded to put me in a genjutsu that forced me to watch him slaughter everyone over and over again for what felt like days within the genjutsu, and then proceeded to tell me I was too pathetic to waste time killing. Oh, and I saw him again a few weeks ago, and apparently him and his partner the Daddy Shark are after the asshole fox locked up inside my best friend...and I never even got the chance to know if the shark liked my bento I made!!! Instead, I was just tossed in ANOTHER genjutsu of slaughter by my brother, featuriiiiing...our parents! So yeah I feel like I deserve a drink...especially since the shark, you know, the one from the days of the bloody fucking mist village, even told Itachi that he was unbelievably harsh on me that night. So if the shark who was good enough to be one of the seven swordsmen was put off by what Itachi did to me, you KNOW it's bad."

Everyone was silent for a few moments, then Tsunade spoke up. "...shit, kid, sounds like you had a rough day. Believe me, I'd love to give you a drink, but I don't wanna deal with Shizune nagging me for it."

Naruto just seemed confused, but went back to munching on his fish nonetheless. Tsunade gave a hefty sigh, but turned back to Jiraiya, pulling out a deck of cards

"So...what have you been lookin for me for, anyhow?"

Jiraiya took the deck, shuffling it a couple times before placing it back down in front of his former teammate. "I'll cut right to the chase...in all its wisdom, the village council has chosen to name you as the fifth hokage."

Tsunade paused for a moment, and Naruto quickly began choking on his fish. I gave a laugh and whacked him on the back to dislodge it. I quickly went back to listening to the conversation, just in time to hear Jiraiya ask if she had heard about the third hokage. Tsunade calmly picked up her cards.

"...it was Orochimaru's doing, right? I heard about it...in fact, he told me himself." She said.

Naruto began to go on his confused tirade about who the fuck Orochimaru was. I tuned the conversation out, at least until Naruto jumped up on the table to yell at Tsunade over disrespecting the hokage position. I took that opportunity to look to Jiraiya.

"So, while Naruto is busy trying to fight Tsunade, I'm gonna go back to the hotel room and turn in for the night. Not like I have anything better to do."

Jiraiya chuckled. "Sure kid, you go on ahead. We'll catch up."

With a nod, I stood up, but before I left, I placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "I believe in you and your Therapy-no-jutsu, Naruto. I know you can do it."

Before he got a chance to respond, I had already walked out. I was about halfway into my casual nighttime stroll when I heard a sharp caw from overhead, and I looked up to see a crow come gliding down towards me. I held out an arm, and it landed, dropping a small scroll into my hand. I opened it to find a small handwritten letter...from Itachi. I smiled, and read it over, sharingan on to memorize every word.

Dear Otouto,I apologize for deceiving you all these years, but it was the only way to make sure you survived. I am glad that you have not decided to take vengeance on the village, but on Danzō Shimura instead. Make no mistake, that man is a formidable opponent, whether in battle or politics. Do not move lightly against him, for if you do...I am afraid that even I would be unable to help you. So he should not even gain the slightest suspicion of you moving against him before his head is already separated from his shoulders. Even so...do your best to find those who would assist you in this endeavor. I know Jiraiya-sama has never been fond of him, and Tsunade-hime despises him, so I'd you can get aid from either one, please do so.Please...stay as safe as you can, foolish otouto.AnikiP.S.: you have made quite the impression on my partner. He does not quite know how to feel about you yet, but he knows he enjoyed the bento you made. Despite his...bloodthirsty attitude, he is a genuinely good man who wishes to change the world for the better. He is simply on the wrong path to do so...like I was in putting you through the tsukuyomi.

Tears in my eyes, I looked up to the bird perched on my arm.

"Will you wait for me to write a response? Or would you rather take a verbal one?"

The crow paused, tilting it's head before it let out a caw and nipped the paper of the scroll. I laughed, taking that as an indication to write a response, and continued to the hotel room. No one seemed to notice me, so I had to assume the bird was using a genjutsu to hide us. No wonder crows are Itachi's summons...both had amazing genjutsu abilities.

I wrote Itachi a response, thanking him for the apology and reassuring him that he didn't have to worry about me being stupid. Then I told him that I had just met Tsunade along with Jiraiya, and I would be doing my best to get one or both of them on my side, especially Tsunade since she was the next hokage. I also made sure to mention that I was very glad Kisame liked the bento I made for him, and that I hoped to see the both of them again. I also asked if he could tell Kisame the truth about his circumstances in leaving the village, because he could be a good friend for Itachi if Itachi truly respected him like this, calling him a good man.

Once my response was done, I handed it to the crow and the bird hopped out the window before flying away into the night. This...had gone even better than I had thought. Now I just had to wait for Naruto to Therapy-no-jutsu Tsunade so we could return to the village...so I could truly get the ball rolling on my plans.

Danzō was going DOWN.

Over half the week had passed with Naruto training to master the rasengan, with me basically being left to my own devices. Practicing taijutsu all by myself got boring quick, and even though I found a branch and carved it into a wooden sword using a kunai, I was suddenly struck with the realization that I couldn't learn how to use a sword to impress Kisame without anyone teaching me. I was ridiculously bored. I had been expressly forbidden by Jiraiya to try learning the rasengan, and even if I had WANTED to learn that move I knew better than to piss him off. He would send me home if I did! Probably by having a toad knock me out, swallow me, then barf me up in Konoha!

However, after wracking my brains for a few hours, I came up with something. I could get a headstart on developing Sasuke's original chidori variants! I already had the first step done, which was coming up with what I wanted to make. The second part was figuring out how to make it work. Maybe I could create a few of my own, too? Like infusing my punches and kicks with chidori lightning! That would be fucking sick, punching and kicking people while also electrocuting them. Yeah, I would probably work on the ones canon Sasuke made up before I made any of my own, though.

I stood up from my spot sitting in the dirt with new fiery determination...only to deflate as I realized I had no earthly idea on how to start figuring it out. I then let myself flop over backwards to lay down in defeat to the great enemy called Boredom. That's right...Sasuke only managed his chidori variants during his stay with Orochimaru. God dammit. At this point the sun had set, and I remembered that Tsunade was probably sitting up high getting all broody about her brother and boyfriend. Maybe I could talk to her...seemed less boring than sitting here. I just wanted the week to be over already so I could see Orochimaru and tell him off for the curse seal. That and punch Kabuto. Man, that would be SO therapeutic!

After about twenty minutes of searching, I found the woman in question and jumped up to join her. She gave me an odd look, but didn't speak up. Guess I would have to, then.

"Hey your old teammate sure is a jerk...I'm rather mad at him." I said.

She barked out a humorless laugh. "Jiraiya might be a degenerate pervert, but I wouldn't call him a jerk...what did he do that got you so mad? Is it because he won't teach you the jutsu Naruto is learning?"

I shook my head. "No, I actually don't mind that at all. I have my own jutsu to work on, anyways. Naruto can have his fancy chakra ball."

Tsunade looked curious. "Oh? Then what did that old toad do, huh?"

I smiled, and looked at her as I pulled down my mask. "You've got the wrong old teammate there, Tsunade-hime. It's the danger noodle man that pissed me off."

She looked critical and serious up until I called Orochimaru a danger noodle man. She snorted despite trying to hold it in, but immediately went back to being serious...even more so as I pulled down the mask enough to reveal the curse mark.

"I guess you didn't get the chance to hear this, but he goes around biting young boys now, apparently. Y'know, along with manipulating allies into attacking us and killing former teachers of his, and recruiting kids whose self esteem is so shattered they worship his ass."

Tsunade gave a heavy sigh. "Bastard just keeps getting worse and worse, huh?"

I shrugged. "I mean I don't know all the shit he's done so I can neither confirm nor refute it."

The slug queen snorted. "Fair enough...either way, shouldn't you be in bed, brat?"

I grinned, pulling my mask back up. "Yeah probably, I just wanted to chat. The one you should really worry about is Naruto...he hasn't slept in the hotel room ever since you two made that bet. Anyways, I'm gonna get going now. Bye, Tsunade-hime!"

Before she could say anything I had dashed off back to the hotel room. I guessed I would resume my fight with boredom tomorrow...how troublesome.

When Shizune brought Naruto back to the hotel unconscious one night, I knew that it was going to be the next morning that Tsunade met with Orochimaru. I made sure to continue pretending to be asleep, as I didn't want to get knocked out like Shizune would be. Sure enough, it didn't take too terribly long for events to unfold almost the same as canon.

As soon as the sun rose, I jumped out of bed and out the window, having kept all my gear on my body as I slept. I knew I would need at least a bit of time to find the two sannin as I couldn't quite remember where they first met up. A loud crashing sound alerted me, and I immediately changed direction towards it...only to find that I was just slightly too late, as I watched as Shizune picked up Tsunade's discarded jacket before following everyone else. I followed a slight distance behind, and arrived in the clearing moments after they did. Jiraiya looked at me, surprised I was there.

"Brat, this isn't somewhere a kid like you should be! Get out of here!" He commanded.

I stuck my tongue out at him...or at least I tried, licking my mask instead. "Yeah well I don't give a fuck, flying or otherwise! AND YOU!" I whirled, pointing at Kabuto "You're a smug jackass and nobody loves you, I wish I had added chili and itching powders to the prank smoke bomb I threw at you before the first phase of the chuunin exams."

Kabuto looked a bit startled and confused by my declaration, but otherwise remained silent. Which I took as confirmation that he agreed with me, so I moved on to the next person. I pointed at Orochimaru next, snarling.

"AND I AM STILL MAD ABOUT THAT STUPID CURSE HICKEY!!!!!"

A/N: heyoooo! Sorry this took me so long. Not only is it gonna be a bit harder to think of exactly what I want to happen from now on, I've also been bumped to full time hours at work, so that cuts down the time i have to wrote this by...uh...a lot, don't make me do math. I can't tell you how many times I have gone through and edited this, changed a scene, or deleted a scene. Hell, at one point I scrapped like a third of this chapter! As a bribe to continue loving me, have an omake...though this one is less humorous than the last one and you will be forced to draw your own conclusions about what EXACTLY happened. The only thing I will tell you for certain is that no, he isn't killed and no, his cover isn't blown. Who, you ask? Well, look below and READ, PEONS.Just kidding I love all of you and cannot thank you enough for your support.One last thing: can someone in the reviews section tell me what the FUCK this NaNoWriMo thing is!? I keep seeing it in so many fanfics in the authors notes but I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS HELP

OMAKE

Itachi read the response letter from Sasuke and grinned, crying at the same time in the absolute joy and pride he felt for his little brother turning out so well despite his hardships.

On the inside, obviously.

He quickly burned the letter after reading it with his sharingan, imprinting it forever in his mind for perfect recollection. He thought about that last part of the letter, and decided that he could indeed tell Kisame about why exactly he murdered his clan. After all, Kisame did very similar things on orders...slaughtering comrades. The only reason he wasn't forced to be branded a rogue was because it was in the middle of a war, so the demise of his comrades could be blamed on enemies.

It took a few days for him to steel himself for the conversation, making sure to conserve his strength in case he needed it to escape if Kisame reacted unfavorably. However...when they made camp one night, Itachi sat down across the fire from the shark like man, anxiety pooling in his gut, despite him not showing it at all.

"Kisame..." said man looked up at him, attentive and curious "...we have been together for some time, yes?"

The shark man nodded, and smirked. "Wow Itachi, I think this is the most I've ever heard you speak without the other person speaking first." He joked.

The shark man sobered at the miserable expression the Uchiha gave him, though. At least, miserable by Uchiha standards. Which means he looked only vaguely unhappy to those who didn't know him well.

"...what is it, Itachi? You aren't usually like this..."

Itachi steeled himself before speaking. "Kisame...I trust you enough to give you this information. So far, only Madara knows about this, and no one else can know. Can I trust you enough to keep this secret from everyone else?"

The shark looked a bit wary, but seeing and smelling the miserable regret Itachi was emitting made him nod his head anyways. The stoic Uchiha continued on.

"...I never wanted to massacre my clan, my family...I was forced to, under orders..."

Itachi continued with his tale, leaving out that he was still loyal to the village of course. Throughout the tale, the shark was attentive and seemed to share his pain to some degree. As he talked, he felt a weight he didn't know he held being lifted from his shoulders.

Maybe...his otouto was more perceptive than himself in matters like this one.