Chapter 13

Chris had made a decision which he knew might lead to losing the job he hadn't even started yet. Last evening, when he had had supper with Dr. Quinn at Grace's Café, he had first noticed the odd looks the doctor had earned and then witnessed the whispering after she had left with Hannah. The saloon keeper had told everyone who wanted to listen that his plan to sue Michaela still stood and a group of women had discussed the situation of "the poor girl".

Now, however, the teacher was sitting on a chair next to Dr. Quinn in front of the new school, facing the audience opposite him. The reverend was saying the blessings right now and when the clergyman thanked Dr. Quinn for the great gift at the end of his speech, sending a smile in her direction, Michaela made a movement for the very first time since the ceremony had begun; she took in a shaken breath only the teacher could hear.

After the reverend had given him the floor, Mr. James stood tall in front of the crowd. "I'm thankful that this town gave me the opportunity to be the teacher in this beautiful building right behind me. I promise that I will do my very best to teach the children of this territory their numbers and letters, and I assure you that I won't only show them how to read and write the words and figures but also how to use them. Being careful with words can prove to be essential for the reputation of a person. To explain what I mean, I'll take one sentence from the yesterday's Gazette; I'm sure almost everybody here had read it."

Pausing for a moment, he noticed that he had everyone's attention now. A stunned silence had fallen upon the place but Chris knew that he was doing the right thing. Even if he hadn't talked to the reverend and Mrs. Cooper last night to learn about the events from half a year ago and the epidemic last month, he would have been sure that Dr. Quinn didn't deserve all the accusations that had been made in the newspaper, and someone had to say this out loud. He didn't want to live in a town that was ruled by gossip and of course no child should grow up in such surroundings.

So he continued, raising his voice slightly in order to be louder than the murmur that had set in by now. "Let's for example take the tiny words "had to". When you say, a man "had to" die then this sounds as if someone wanted him to perish and made him to do so. In the article it is implied that this "someone" was Dr. Quinn. Well, I'm sure that the people who were there remember that the doctor fought together with Reverend Johnson and Mrs. Cooper to save Mr. Lewis' life for two days. That means using the words "had to" in this sentence I mentioned was wrong."

Again, Chris stopped momentarily. Some people had averted their eyes by now, others were just sitting in silence, but he had gained encouraging looks from a few women. Taking a deep breath, he eventually added, "I'm also convinced that you all know that if I analyzed the article further, I could find even more examples of words that are used incorrectly which distort the facts this way. I'm sure you also agree that Dr. Quinn deserves words full of warmth and gratitude for giving each child in this town the chance to learn without their parents having to pay for anything the pupils will need." Chris was smiling when he spoke the last words. "So, if you'll still want me to, I'll teach the children of this town how to use their words carefully. I thank you."

A deep silence lay over the place after the teacher had finished his speech, but as Charlotte started to clap her hands, more people followed her example until a roar of applause was heard.

Hannah had made herself comfortable on her mother's hip. The little girl had felt uneasy for quite some time now but since her father had left, she felt really bad. Although her ma tried to cheer her up whenever she could, the little girl had sensed that her ma was worried about something and yesterday, it had become even worse. Normally, people greeted them out on the street, but they hadn't done that anymore. When they had come to town this morning, people had acted even stranger. They looked at her as if they felt sorry for her but they ignored her ma. Of course, Colleen, Brian, their ma and Uncle Chris had been nice as always but her grandpa hadn't come to them though… However, Uncle Chris had talked in front of all the people and now almost everything seemed to be back to normal. People came up and wanted to shake her ma's hand but although her ma smiled, Hannah could tell that she still didn't feel well at all. She wished her pa was here to cheer her ma up. Why did he have to be away all the time? Lately he hadn't even tucked her in…she missed her bedtime story… Where was he? All the little girl wanted was for the three of them to be happy together again. Sighing, she leant her head against her ma's chest.

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The three men had made a big bag over the last four days. The changing but steady rhythm of tracking, riding and resting had calmed Sully's nerves and in the meantime, he had lost track of time completely. He couldn't even tell if it was the fourth or the fifth night that he had sat with his brother by the fire. Their third companion, Proud Stag, was already sleeping.

Cloud Dancing watched his brother who sat opposite him, enveloping a tea cup with his hands. Soon after his initial eagerness to be out in the woods again, his friend had become withdrawn, a behaviour the medicine man knew did not bode well, and it began to worry him. So he decided it was time to talk and without any advance warning he said, "Dr. Mike is a very special woman."

Startled out of his thoughts by the sudden sound of Cloud Dancing's voice, Sully's eyes flew to his brother. "Course she is."

When he bowed his head again, the medicine man had to strain to understand the next words.

"And I ain't deserving her."

The Indian nodded. "If you feel this way, then you are right."

Sully was puzzled and slightly taken aback; wasn't his friend supposed to say something encouraging? Deciding to put aside his surprise, he tried to explain further, "I have no money…no education…She's a doctor, Cloud Dancing! I can't expect her to wanna be with me."

The young man exhaled a long breath and let his shoulders slump down. Silence settled in between them when Sully wouldn't start speaking again. After a long while the Cheyenne spoke as if there hadn't been a pause. "What do you think she deserves, my friend?"

Sully didn't hesitate. "She deserves to be happy."

The medicine man agreed. "Every human being deserves that." Seeing that his brother still wasn't able to see what was important, he decided to help him along. "So you think Dr. Mike needs money from you and for you to prove that you went to school to be happy?"

"Course not!" Sully exclaimed, "It sounds ridiculous when you say it this way!"

Cloud Dancing just raised his eyebrows. Searching for the right words, the younger man added, "I really don't know what's wrong with me. I know that she wants to be with me, I can see it in her eyes. When we look at each other, it is as if something is pulling us together, I've never felt this way before. I just…" he trailed off when he suddenly recognized that his fear of losing Michaela had made him push her away. This way he could leave by himself and didn't have to endure the hurt of being left by her. The only time he hadn't such feelings had been when they had worked at the new school together. He had felt equal to her then and she had been so proud of his work and even recommended him in Wells… But the school would always remind him that this had been the first time she had trusted him without any doubt. The schoolhouse…

Even in the dark, Cloud Dancing saw that his friend's face suddenly lost all color. Concerned, he bent towards him and laid his hand on his arm when he asked, "What's wrong my friend, you don't look…"

The medicine man was startled when his brother suddenly jumped up and began to pace agitatedly. Running his hands through his hair, Sully choked out the words, "I've ruined it, Cloud Dancing. I can't expect her to forgive me this time."

Trying to understand the younger man's outburst, the Indian said, "What do you mean with…"

Sully cut him off. "She had asked me to stand beside her at the ceremony and I forgot about it! That's why she didn't come out of that teepee when we left; of course there had been a patient but it hadn't been an emergency. She just couldn't look me in the eyes because she knew I would have seen her disappointment! She always tries so hard to be strong…she shouldn't feel that way around me!"

Sully slumped down next to the fire again. Burying his face in his hands he reiterated, "I've ruined it, Cloud Dancing! She'd been so proud of our work and wanted me to be there!"

In an attempt to calm down his friend the Indian reassured him, "Dr. Mike is a reasonable woman, she understood that you had to come to help me when I asked you."

"Course she did, she always does. She never thinks of herself. The problem is that she knows that I forgot it! How could I be so selfish, I've been so wrapped up in thinking that I don't deserve her that I proved it to be true again!"

Cloud Dancing had enough. "You should stop thinking that way, my friend, or you will prove your fear to be truth. You should think how to make it up to her and learn from your mistakes instead."

"But…"

"Don't you know by now that Dr. Mike needs you as much as you need her? So you have made a mistake, but no good can come from such guilt. Be the man you want her to trust and face the challenge, Sully!"

Finally, the first tentative smile since they were out in the woods appeared on Sully's face.

"You're right, Cloud Dancing. As soon as we are back, I'm gonna talk to her." Suddenly, he couldn't get home soon enough. "We start back with sun up, right?"

Cloud Dancing smiled; his friend was back.

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On Tuesday, Michaela had made up her mind. Sully hadn't even been away for a whole week but the chores had already taken their toll on her. She could handle the clinic, take care of her daughter, cook, wash the laundry and keep the house clean; she had done that before. Now, however, there were all the things added that Matthew had done or Sully when he was at home. Since she obviously couldn't count on Sully being there, she had to look out for another solution. For now, Robert E. had agreed to tend to the animals until Sully's return and had taken them into town. The wood for the hearth would still last for a few days but the stables were in a bad shape already. She hated to admit that she couldn't manage the homestead all by herself, but it was a fact and so she had decided it would be better to move back into the clinic.

Deep down Michaela knew though that she was using an excuse. It was as if Mrs. Jennings' article had catapulted her out of a dream world. As soon as she had read the newspaper, she had known that it weren't the ridiculous accusations regarding David's death or the epidemic she had to fear, Mr. James speech had helped a lot in those regards, but the town's attention was directed at her personal life now. The last thing she wanted was for Hannah to suffer from the gossip and the odd looks she already received. Her little girl had been far too quiet over the last few days and flatly refused to leave her side, a behaviour that worried Michaela immensely. She knew she had to act soon.

When mother and daughter left the homestead on Wednesday morning, the first crate with books and some other things was already packed. If Michaela had her way, Sully would live at the homestead and Hannah could be where she wanted to be during the day as well as at night.

When Sully arrived at his house that morning, no one answered his calls. He dismounted his horse nevertheless, still hoping that Michaela just hadn't heard him. However, by the time he entered the yard, a strong feeling of foreboding had taken possession of him. He seemed to be proved right when he eventually pushed the door open and his eyes fell immediately on the packed crate. Fear gripped his heart and squeezed it. Michaela was leaving him! He couldn't let this happen.

When he rode up in front of the clinic, he couldn't even tell how he had gotten there. All his thoughts were fixed on the task convincing the woman he loved more than life itself to stay with him and promising her that he would never fail her again.

Hank, sitting in his usual pose on a chair on the saloon porch, was pleased that there would be a distraction very soon. "It's about time that ya came, Sully. If ya don't pay attention, the teacher might take your place; he's already saved Michaela's honor in public."

Sully knew that the barkeeper just wanted to provoke him. "I got no time for your games, Hank." He hopped down, tethered his horse on the post and turned to step up to the clinic porch. Hank, however, was far away from being done with him. "She ain't there, has an emergency out of town but I can keep ya entertained." He reached in his pocket to fish for the copy of the Gazette.

As Sully replied, "I ain't interested in your girls, you gotta know that by now." Hank smirked. "Don't ya worry, I got a piece of culture here. The town's got a newspaper now." With that he held out the sheet for Sully who stepped towards the saloon owner skeptically. The expression of smug satisfaction on the other man's face made him feel increasingly suspicious.

Hank didn't get disappointed as he watched the mountain man read the article. The color of his face changed from a whiter shade of pale into one of deep red. When Sully suddenly ran in the direction of the mercantile, the barkeeper pushed his chair away and followed him.

Disregarding any other person in the store, Sully stormed towards the red-haired woman who sat behind her desk. His voice was dangerously low when he started but his volume rose with every word he spoke until he was yelling at Dorothy, who had paled seeing the ire in the young man's face. "You claim to care for my daughter but make every breath her mother takes miserable. And don't come to me with this "our family" stuff again, because you are not my family, do you understand me! I don't want you near my daughter. And if you ever, you hear me, ever start such a smear campaign against Michaela again, I'll make sure that you can never write another word!" Without waiting for Dorothy's reply, Sully turned to leave the mercantile. Passing Loren on his way out, he just hissed at him, "And you let this happen, how can you ever look in Hannah's eyes again?"

As he stepped out of the store, Sully saw Michaela arriving in the wagon at the clinic. Even over the distance, he sensed how she froze on her seat when she saw him. Watching her hasty movements when she eventually tried to climb down and her long skirt got caught in the process, he knew that he had to get to her immediately. He didn't look left or right when he pushed his way through the gaping crowd that had formed to witness his outburst at Dorothy; his only concern was directed at the fragile figure that had disappeared into the clinic.

With quick strides, Sully reached the door right after Michaela had entered the room. He didn't give her the chance to hide herself behind her desk and be the doctor, but pulled her immediately in his arms while he pushed the door close with his foot. Holding her tight, his voice cracked as he told her, "I'm so sorry, Michaela. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you."

Finding herself in the safe haven of Sully's embrace, Michaela lost her composure. She couldn't control the trembling of her body and try as she might, she wasn't able to speak. So she just buried her face in his chest, inhaling the smell of the woods he was still carrying with him. She closed her eyes and started to relax hearing the soothing sounds Sully made near her ear. She felt his hand stroking her hair and when he whispered, "We gotta talk, Michaela," she just nodded and tried to hold on to the promise he made, "It's gonna be alright, you'll see, it's all gonna be alright."