After several long comforting moments in Sully's embrace, Michaela had composed herself enough to speak again and told him quietly, "I had to make a decision, Sully."
With that, she carefully pulled herself out of his arms. As she took a deep breath to tell him about her moving plans, Sully, however,pre-empted her. "Let me first, please."
Michaela nodded, took another step away from him and didn't dare to meet his eyes. Would he tell her now what it was that had bothered him so much before he left? Had he made a decision out in the woods as well?
Sully was desperately searching for the right words. It seemed as if the ability to find them had left him at this very moment. Seeing her taking another step away from him, he looked helplessly down at her. Why was it so difficult just to say what he felt?
As the silence between them lasted, Michaela began to fear the worst: living his earlier life for the last week had shown Sully that he wanted it back; he would leave. Feeling tears rising, Michaela started to turn so she could sit down behind her desk. There was safe territory, there she…
Before she could finish her thought, she felt herself being pulled back into Sully's arms. "Please, stay here with me." she heard him whisper near her ear, "I'm so sorry… I just…I don't know how to tell you… When I sat with Cloud Dancing by the fire, everything seemed to be so easy…" His voice trailed off again.
Hearing his last words, Michaela was convinced that she was right. She should have been prepared…since she had told him she would buy this building and stay in Colorado Springs, he had acted strangely. Maybe he felt too much pressure to take their relationship further; if she could allay his fears… Eventually, she brought herself to tell him, "Sully, if you want to end it, I understand but you have to believe me that I would never…"
She was startled when he suddenly gripped her upper arms and held her away so he could look into her eyes. His tone was hoarse as he spoke, "End it? God, Michaela, don't you know by now that I could never let you go?" Pulling her close again he cupped her head against his chest and tried to put his fears into words. "I just…I can't believe that you really want to be with me, I mean you are a doctor and you have all that money…I…I just don't know how I can give you what you deserve…" Now, that he had finally said it, he closed his eyes and anxiously waited for her reply.
"Oh Sully," Michaela breathed a sigh of relief, although it was one of disappointment as well. "If this was all about the money then you have worried for nothing. If I was looking for a man with money, assuming I've been looking for a husband at all…" She froze for a moment, this was not the word she had wanted to say, so she hastily amended, "If I was looking for a life a woman should lead in the common sense, I would have stayed in Boston. I would only have had to attend the balls and social events and wait until a man had taken notice of me and then made me his wife." She bent back because she wanted him to look at her. "You know that this is not what I want, don't you?"
Sully saw a tear rolling down her cheek and tenderly brushed it away with his thumb. "Yeah, I think I know that. It's just…" Again he searched for the right words, "It's just, you seem to have all the things you need and there is nothing left for me that I can give you… and a man should…"
Michaela stopped him again. "Sully, you didn't listen. I don't want to be with you because I want you to buy me things."
She paused for a moment; if she told him why she needed him so much, she would show him a part of her that she would never be able to hide from him again. But if she wanted their relationship to work, there wasn't really a choice. Still in his arms, she took a deep breath, averted her eyes and began absent-mindedly to finger his beads as she gave him another piece of her soul. "Sully, you are the first person besides Father that I feel safe enough with to just be Michaela, not the woman I need to be for all the others when I want to survive in this world as a doctor. You give me the feeling that I can allow myself to be tired or sad or…" Michaela knew she had to admit it if she wanted him to see what he meant to her. Taking in a shaking breath, she forced herself to continue, "I can let my guard down when I'm with you because I know you would never turn my weaknesses against me, at least not intentionally. That's worth far more than anything you can buy for money, Sully. Knowing I can hope that you'll be there for me when you are around, is more than I've ever been dreaming about."
While she was speaking, her voice became lower and lower and Sully had to strain to understand her at all. However, he had heard every word and his heart pounded the louder as her words grew quieter. Tightening his embrace, Sully let out a long breath. This woman was incredible; he had already hurt her in so many ways and yet, she still trusted him. At this moment, he silently vowed to himself to do everything in his power to never let her down again.
Suddenly, her last words reverberated in his head. When you are around…What was she thinking? As it dawned on him, he carefully loosened their contact and gently lifted her chin with the fingertips of his right hand. Seeing fear lingering in Michaela's unique eyes, Sully laid all his love for her in his tone. "I love you, Michaela, and all I want is for us to be together. I ain't always gonna be able to be with you but I ain't wanting my old life with the Cheyenne back."
Noticing a glimmer of hope creeping into her look, Sully dared a tentative smile. "Does that mean everything is back to normal?"
Obviously, this had been the wrong question because her facial expression changed into a concerned one again. Seeing her struggling for words, he anxiously asked, "What is it?"
Michaela knew he wouldn't like it, but she had to do it nevertheless. "I have to move back into the clinic and we should think about…"
Sully cut her off. "I can't see why you have to, Michaela, I thought we'd just set things straight again…"
Sensing that he was beginning to get annoyed, she took his left hand in hers. As she looked down on their united hands, she started to explain, "Actually, there are two reasons, Sully. First of all, I realized that I can't manage the homestead and the necessary chores that come along with it all by myself."
Seeing that Sully opened his mouth to interject, she hastily added, "Since Matthew can't help anymore and I'm not sure when you are able to be there…"
Sully stopped her by laying the fingertips of his free hand over her mouth. He knew that it had been his fault; he hadn't given any thought to her situation when he had left and a new wave of guilt made his voice crack as he assured, "I ain't gonna forget to take care of things like I did this time, Michaela. I promise you won't have to worry about the animals and all those other things again."
Seeing her hesitation to carry on with her reasons, Sully knew that her next argument wouldn't be as easily refuted as the first one. Michaela let go of him and turned to take a few steps away. This time he let her go, if she felt better this way, it was alright with him.
Clasping her hands in front of her, Michaela started to fidget with her fingers as her nervousness grew. Clearing her throat, she eventually brought herself to tell him what it really was that weighed so heavily on her, "I'm sure you've read that article."
When she saw that he wanted to chime in, she lifted a hand to stop him. "I know that most of the accusations are ridiculous and thanks to Mr. James, I'm sure that most of the town people see it the same way. But there is one point, I didn't pay enough attention to so far. It's not right that I live in your house while you have no place to stay. When I moved in, it was to give Hannah a safe place she could call home and she has that now. However, since you are back and Hannah feels comfortable with you, I should give you your house back. And people are right when they say…"
At this point Sully had enough. Not only did it bother him that he didn't know what the teacher had done, he also couldn't let her go on with that flimsy explanation. So he cut her short and demanded, "You should say what it really is that makes you want to move out."
As if he hadn't interfered, Michaela finished her sentence, "…that the situation isn't proper, after all, I am an unmarried woman…" Her embarrassment grew and she stopped abruptly.
Sully tried to understand her, "It didn't bother you before, why now?"
She still avoided to meet his gaze. "Since the article, people are looking at me through different eyes, even Hannah has noticed it… I don't want her to suffer because of me."
"And you really believe that if you move out she ain't gonna suffer? You are her mother, how can you leave her?"
Hearing the anger in his voice, her own tone rose as well. "Of course I won't leave her! We just have to think about the right arrangement to make it work. We can keep things the same way they are now, only I will be the one who leaves the homestead in the evenings and at nights when you are not home, she can have a cot here as well."
Sully knew he had to make Michaela see that she was acting irrationally. "If you were honest with yourself, you would admit that you are doing this for you, not for Hannah!"
As Michaela opened her mouth to protest, a soft knock on the door was heard. Shooting Sully an angry look that told him that they weren't finished with their conversation by any means, Michaela called, "Come in!"
Chris and Hannah had taken a walk through the meadow together and as they entered the examination room, they brought a gust of fresh air with them. Relieved that there wasn't a new patient but her daughter and the teacher instead, Michaela's face broke into a wide smile. "Hello sweetheart, did you have a nice time with Mr. James?"
The little girl was surprised to see her pa standing there and didn't quite know what to do. Of course, she wanted to run into her ma's arms but she hadn't seen her pa for a while; maybe she should give him a hug first…but he looked as if he was angry and the almost black beard on his face didn't make things any better. That's why she kept standing next to her big friend, still holding his hand.
Chris, however, sensed the child's uneasiness as the grip of her tiny hand on his own tightened. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he turned towards Michaela. "Maybe your daughter got a little confused when you called me Mr. James. Since I'm her Uncle Kiss now, it might be easier for her if you call me Chris as you did when I first arrived." He couldn't suppress a grin using his new nickname.
Still smiling, Michaela stepped closer to them and bent down to pick up her daughter while she responded, "I'll do that, but only if you call me Michaela or at least Dr. Mike."
Chris had seen how Sully slightly flinched when the doctor suggested that he could use her first name when he addressed her and he immediately decided to never use it. He knew how he would feel if any other man would call his fiancée Mandy instead of Amanda.
In the meantime, Michaela had carried Hannah to her father and after giving her a peck on the rosy cheek, she told the little girl, "Look who's back, sweetheart. Don't you want to give your pa a hug?" She raised her eyebrows expectantly when she gazed in her daughter's eyes. Hannah put her index finger in her mouth and nodded shyly.
Sully was feeling like an outsider. Was it really just because of the week he hadn't been there? Although, if he was honest, he seemed to have missed a lot when he was out in the woods. So he decided to let his worries go for now, took his daughter out of Michaela's arms and put her on the floor. Crouching down next to her, he told the little girl, "When I sat by the fire at night, I've thought a lot about you and I remembered that you told me your wolf is feeling lonely. So I've made him a wife." While he was talking, he fished in his pocket and eventually produced a carved wolf out of it. Immediately, the little girl forgot all her reservations and threw her arms around her pa's neck, the wooden figure secured in her small fist. "Thank, Pa!" she exclaimed and her world seemed to be alright again, at least for now.
Knowing his daughter was on his side, Sully decided to use that fact to his the advantage and returned the conversation to the former subject of his and Michaela's discussion. Lifting Hannah with him while he was straightening, he whispered to her, "I'm gonna need your help, sweet girl."
When his daughter eagerly nodded, he explained in a normal tone, "I just had a discussion with your ma and she is being kind of stubborn."
He grinned at Hannah as Michaela indignantly exclaimed, "Sully!" and continued as if he hadn't heard her, "Your ma thinks it's better for you if she moves back into the clinic but I would say that ain't right, she should stay with you at the homestead. What do you think?"
The little girl was confused; now that her pa was finally back, her ma thought she had to leave? Of course she didn't want that! So she told her ma with all powers of persuation she could muster, "Leave not good!" and shook her head vehemently.
Sully's satisfaction was written on his face. "You see Michaela, you wouldn't do Hannah a favor if you moved out of the homestead."
Chris had watched the scene with interest and thought he could help a little as well. "Dr. Mike, if you were to do that because of the article, it would give people the wrong impression; they would think Mrs. Jennings had been right and that there actually is something improper going on out there. I, however, am convinced that if you don't change your habits, the gossip will dissipate on its own accord."
Seeing that Michaela was beginning to waver, Sully added, "That's exactly what I've been saying, thanks, Mr. James."
"It's just Chris, Mr. Sully."
"Alright, and it's just Sully, Chris."
…………………………………………………………………………………………….
After a busy afternoon and evening of cleaning the stables, getting the animals back in the barn and unpacking the crates, Hannah was sleeping and Michaela and Sully were sitting on the top porch step. Although Michaela had given in, she still didn't feel right about it and, of course, Sully knew it. However, he was tired now and knew he should leave, but he didn't want to part from her in disagreement. Sliding closer, he put an arm around her shoulder. Feeling her resistance he said softly, "Please Michaela, can't we postpone our discussion until tomorrow? I really need to get some sleep, but I won't leave as long as you are angry with me."
Instantly, Michaela felt guilty. Sully had come to her directly from the hunt and since their conversation, he had worked without taking a break. So she relaxed in his embrace and laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Sully. My life is such a mess at the moment, everything seemed to happen at the same time and I'm a little overwhelmed. I want to do things the right way; if people don't trust me, I can't be their doctor." She grew silent for a moment and then quietly added, "… but that's all I am, a doctor."
Sully knew that she was far more than "just" a doctor but as he had said, he didn't want to argue right now. So he pulled her closer and with his other hand he turned her head so he could look into her eyes. Seeing the doubt there, he tried to reassure her, "It's gonna be alright, Michaela, I promise."
Michaela had to smile, despite herself, "And you always keep your promises, right?"
"Right." he said softly and seeing the love returning into her eyes, he ended their talk and finally gave in to his desire and lovingly pressed his lips against hers.